PseudoScientific Dating Study

[BitterAsianMale]

I must admit that I am a bit of a BAM. That is a "Bitter Asian Male." I am a divorced Asian (Chinese) Male. I have only been divorced for a little over a couple years so I am just back into the dating scene, and I must admit that it is sometimes quite frustrating even for myself.

 

I consider myself very upbeat, confident, successful, in great physical shape, with no mental, physical deficiencies. I do not do drugs, gamble, smoke or do anything that I believe to be destructive to my mind or body. I exercise daily, and my body is in great shape. I am only 5'9" which I also believe is a bit of a negative since most women list desired height above 5'10" to 5'11" range. I am a true gentleman, and have always been that way.

 

I have always had the mindset to turn a negative situation into a positive, and that is how I came from a very modest upbringing to complete two doctorates including a medical degree, start my own company, and financially become very very comfortable.

 

When I was married, my ex-wife wanted to move, and we ended up in Texas. Now that I am back into the dating scene, I find that I have a very difficult time finding someone that I find attractive to date. When I say attractive, I do not mean a super-model type, but someone who takes care of their mind a body similarly to myself.

 

The reason is that the great majority of women in this country simply have no interest in dating a Chinese man. To document this I did a simple little pseudoscientific study on Yahoo Personals where I did a search for matches with my desired characteristics (Asian race was listed as a desired characteristic, but I did not exclude any other race or characteristic) and then looked at the ethnicity preferences of the first 100 matches. It was no surprise that most Caucasians do not want to date Asians.

 

Out of the first 100 matches, approximately 75% were Caucasians and out of about 75 Caucasians 2 listed Asian under an acceptable ethnicity. There were two profiles for Hispanic women that also listed Asian as an acceptable race. What is most frustating however is that there were 14 matches for Asian women, and only 5 of them listed their own race as an acceptable dating partner. Bottom line is that out of 100 matches for me, over 90% excluded me as an acceptable dating partner based simply on my race.

 

Thus my Asian face makes me very undesirable in this culture. Perhaps if I wore a sign around my neck listing my income, this may generate more interest, but this is not the type of woman that I am interested in.

 

I am sorry for sounding off, but I just felt I had to vent. Indeed as I mentioned, I do have a tendency to turn negatives into positives, so I actually use my frustration to fuel my workouts, and at least continue to improve my body even more.

[TheSilentType]

I know your bitter and upset about other people's preferences...but I'm also getting tired of hearing these kinds of things. I mean, I remember seeing a very similar type of complaint before from an Asian male how so many people don't want to date Asian males. Basically what everyone told him was that he had an absurd belief, and that he was making his ethnicity the scapegoat for his dating failures.

 

In my personal experience, I think there are still many Asian women attracted to Asian males. Heck, in my area I see so many young Asian couples that I wonder if Asian girls would even care to date someone

non-Asian. I don't think the Asian males are complaining here of getting any dates...especially with pretty Asian girls.

 

IMO, you shouldn't view people's preference to not date Asian as necessarily indicative that they are not attracted to Asian people.

 

Maybe they are, but there could be other reasons. For example, it has been my observation (after years of being around Asian kids and going to a school that had a significant Asian population) that Asian people are a very ethnocentric group. I would see groups of Asian kids, and a good 95%, if not all, of the people in their group are their Asian subtype. And even though many of these kids are American, they still identify strongly with their ethnicities and often spend a good majority of time speaking about cultural and social topics particular to their ethnicity. Most people who are non-Asian cannot relate.

 

I'm not saying their is anything wrong with having pride in who you are. But I can see how it is a definite turnoff to some people to get involved with people like that. You feel like a real outsider when you're involved in that type of situation.

 

It has been my experience that while the Asian kids often treated me politely, they never really cared much to welcome me into their groups. This was not my case with other groups of people, especially the Caucasian ones. I felt a real sense of comraderie with white kids, and I found them to be inclusive and outgoing. It is why to this day I like American people (and girls), because apart from some of them being beautiful many of them are friendly and inclusive and I don't feel like an outsider when I'm with them.

 

So try not to feel like a victim because your Asian. There are many reasons why people may not want to date Asian. Some of it may just boil down to plain preference, and some of it may stem from a person's experiences and observations of Asian people. C'est la vie.

[pinkFirm]

Sorry to hear that, but i believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone. And you're special soul mate will come to you when you least expect it.

 

I dont think that nationality matters, its who you come across with. And what i have observed is that Asian people are known for the most intelligent, so you dont have to wear that income label around your neck.

[superconductor]

...i believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone. And you're special soul mate will come to you when you least expect it.

Utter hogwash. Complete flapdoodle. It's wrong too.

 

The universe owes nothing to anyone.

 

To think or expect otherwise is delusional.

[pinkFirm]

Utter hogwash. Complete flapdoodle. It's wrong too.

 

The universe owes nothing to anyone.

 

To think or expect otherwise is delusional.

 

We are not scientific speaking here... We are not talking about the universe. We are talking about human beings. Ofcourse the universe doesnt owe nothing to anyone, so we dont give anything to the universe.

 

Every educated person has a path and a soul mate beacuse every person has a heart that can show and give love, therefore, the same will be returned. No one wants to be miserable and lonely, so everyone seeks out for love and comfort in this beautiful breath-taking environment.

 

If you dont think, therefore, you will never expect. There is a common phrase "Think Positive." And you shall accomplish goals, love, and beyond.

[blind_otter]

If you dont think, therefore, you will never expect. There is a common phrase "Think Positive." And you shall accomplish goals, love, and beyond.

 

This is good advice, actually. In the past I wouldn't have thought so and would have laughed derisively, but it's true.

 

People tend to brush this kind of thing off, though, sad to say. Sometimes the most sage advice is the most brief.

 

OP, if you are bitter, then I highly doubt you will find what you are seeking. You tend to get back what you give out. karma and all that. What you look for, in the world around you, is most certainly what you will find. It is very rare indeed for anyone to have their bitterness discredited, until they themselves learn to let go of that bitterness.

[BitterAsianMale]

" I would see groups of Asian kids, and a good 95%, if not all, of the people in their group are their Asian subtype. And even though many of these kids are American, they still identify strongly with their ethnicities and often spend a good majority of time speaking about cultural and social topics particular to their ethnicity. Most people who are non-Asian cannot relate."

 

How can you explain that on the order of 50% of ASIAN woman on Yahoo, do not even consider ASIAN men to be acceptable. Do a search yourself, I am not making this up, I am not delusional. I do agree that someone who is not an Asian male cannot understand how it is to be rejected by the majority race, and even their own race to a very significant extent.

 

As I stated, I am a person who likes to turn negatives into positives, which I have done my entire life. It is still frustrating though when all my efforts in obtaining educational, financial, physical well-being are overlooked by the majority of the population. I am an American born Chinese by the way, and thus am just as culturally American as anyone else.

[stoopid_guy]

How can you explain that on the order of 50% of ASIAN woman on Yahoo, do not even consider ASIAN men to be acceptable. Do a search yourself, I am not making this up, I am not delusional. I do agree that someone who is not an Asian male cannot understand how it is to be rejected by the majority race, and even their own race to a very significant extent.

I'd guess a very small percentage of the single ladies in your area (Asian or otherwise) are on Yahoo, or any of the other single's sites for that matter. Why would you assume they're representative of the general population? Maybe Yahoo just attracts oddballs?

 

And don't worry so much about why a woman would reject you, there's a gazilion reasons they might (too short, too tall, too silly, too serious, too stable, too skinny, too fat, too distant, too needy, too.....) Think instead about why they might like you.

[pinkFirm]

In the past I wouldn't have thought so and would have laughed derisively, but it's true.

 

People tend to brush this kind of thing off, though, sad to say. Sometimes the most sage advice is the most brief.

 

 

You know in the past i would of done the same thing, but the key to success is to "Think Positive." I have being doing so and have seen great results!

 

It doesnt matter from what nationality you are from- its what you think about yourself. There is nothing wrong with Asian people and i have seen happy Asian couples that partner with different nationals. You just have to keep looking to find your mate and she will be there.

 

Those internet search finders for dating, serious relationships, etc. 90% of the time people do not find what they are looking for. I'd recommend myspace.com -- you can reconnect with long lost friends from all over the world and meet new people around your area.

 

AND THANKS blind_otter FOR BEING ON THE SAME PAGE.

[whichwayisup]

Move to Canada...

[alphamale]

Thus my Asian face makes me very undesirable in this culture.

Yes, this is true but only for oriental males. Attractive oriental females seem to be in high demand in the U.S.

[insomnie]

You know, if I were an asian male in this country, I'd be a BAM, too. People are going to tell you this isn't true, but I think that for many girls, especially caucasian girls and especially in a conservative place like Texas, where I happen to live, simply being asian DOES put you into the non-datable pile. (I am thinking of all the blonde sorostitutes - no offense to anyone - at my school and how they don't even associate with asian people.) Whether we like it or admit to it or not, ethnicity does come into play for a lot of people in regards to finding a partner, and for whatever reason asian is undesirable to a lot of people. I don't think it's an attraction factor and I definitely don't buy the common ground/ ethnocentricity thing - if you don't find any common ground with an entire RACE of people it is only because you weren't trying - asian people vary in their interests and personalities as muc as white people do. Rather, I think this elimination of asians in the dating scene has to do with some kind of stigma of dating outside the race in caucasian circles, and the idea that white guys are more of a prize (indicating that you are more assimilated into american society, or something) for the asian girls.

 

But you know, you don't want to be with those kinds of people anyway. Yes, many people ARE these kinds of people...but you sound like a nice, thoughtful, hardworking, responsible guy, the kind of guy that in the greater scheme of things every girl wants to end up with. Think of it this way: your race is an asset, because you can use it to screen the girls you don't want to be with from the ones you do. Because you don't want to be with a girl who would eliminate someone based on such shallow criteria - no matter what your ethnicity.

[alphamale]

Rather, I think this elimination of asians in the dating scene has to do with some kind of stigma of dating outside the race in caucasian circles, and the idea that white guys are more of a prize

Actually it has more to do with not wanting kids who are shorter than avg and with slit eyes and different looking faces.

[genegri]

Actually it has more to do with not wanting kids who are shorter than avg and with slit eyes and different looking faces.

 

Actually, almost all mixed oriental Asian/European kids look more European than Oriental; many of them look entirely European. And the funny thing is: the older the child gets, the more European (s)he looks. Seems like European features show up more after puberty.

 

Slit eye lids are from a recessive gene. Only half oriental Asians have slit eyes. The other half have large eyes like others. An Asian/European mixed child is garanteed to have large eyes.

 

Usually northeastern Asians (Northern Chinese, Koreans and Japanese) are more likely to have small eyes and they are also taller and have paler skin. Southeast Asians have large eyes, and are shorter and have darker skin. Of course, this is a gross generalization.

 

I don't think Asian Indian guys are the same as Oriental Asian guys, and probably have less problems dating outside their race. Asian women, south or east, have no problems dating anyone.

[blind_otter]

Actually, almost all mixed oriental Asian/European kids look more European than Oriental; many of them look entirely European. And the funny thing is: the older the child gets, the more European (s)he looks. Seems like European features show up more after puberty.

 

I'm half asian. But in my profile picture i look pretty asian for some reason. Normally people just don't know.

 

Anyways when I was in college I hung out with kids in the asian student association, only marginally since I'm a half breed, but still. The only difference between the asian guys who got dates (with white OR asian chicks) was the aura that they projected.

 

The guys who couldn't get dates were just the same as white guys who couldn't get dates. Insecure, unhappy with themselves, anxious, overly analytical guys who cared too much about how they measured up in comparison with other men.

[grateful]

Hey BAM,

 

Unfortunately your pseudo-scientific study is in line with the empirical evidence. If you check the census, you'll see that Asian American men are far, far less likely to marry out of their own racial category than Asian American women. It is the same case for African American women (the disparity is to a lesser extent) in regards to African American men, who are more likely to marry outside of their race.

 

I wish I could just say that you just never know and the heart wants what the heart wants but I see these as patterns that indicate a cultural bias. Asian American men are stereotyped to be "less manly" than men of other races.

 

That being said, the best advice has already been said - think positive. You alone can't change this cultural bias but the reality of the situation is that it is something you'll have to work against - so you'll have to work harder.

 

Dismantling this bias will take some work, as will the dismantling of all the different types of racisms in our country.

 

I'm happy to say I've done my part

I'm Latina and I've dated Asian American men (as I've said before, I've dated the rainbow). All you single girls on LS get cracking - - start dating the rainbow. It's a very easy and fun way to start working towards an anti-racist U.S.

[alphamale]

I don't think Asian Indian guys are the same as Oriental Asian guys, and probably have less problems dating outside their race.

Thats because Asian Indians are genetically caucasoid. Orientals are genetically mongoloid.

[ritamae]

1. - I am betting you put down on your profile that you wanted a skinny girl to date. How different is this than someone being picky about the ethnicity of someone?

 

2. - This may be brutally honest, but there is an association of Asian men being very controlling and also the 'Asian gangs' make women fear Asian men. Perhaps you working out and looking even stronger is hurting you. It can be scary to some women. Especially if they have the Asian man association of violence.

[Aloros]

That's weird. I know plenty of couples where the man is asian and the woman is another race. Half of my friends are half-asian, and the vast majority of them have an asian father and a white mother. Weird. Maybe it's just dependent on what part of the world/country you're from.

[lonelybird]

I am an asian girl, and dated both western guys and asian guys. I found that the thinking of some asian guys are quite depressing sometimes, lack of free spirit. They are good guys, but I just don't think they are attractive. Nowadays asian guys pay more and more attention to their body, go to gym, but majority of them still are thin, make me feel less safe.

There was an English teacher from western country, he is a "banana" means his race is Asian, but he grew up in western country. He has strong body, funy, confident, easy to talk with, many of pretty asian girls hit on him. So I guess I agree with the above poster said: it is how you conduct yourself, your aura, your confidence

[alphamale]

There was an English teacher from western country, he is a "banana" means his race is Asian, but he grew up in western country.

...so he's yellow on the outside and white on the inside? Is that correct?

[lonelybird]

...so he's yellow on the outside and white on the inside? Is that correct?

You are right. He is a hot teacher!

[britchick]

As you can see I'm from the UK, I was surprised to see comments on Asian gangs and violence, that is not the reputation Asian men have over here. I have dated a few Asian men (I'm british white), way back before I was in my current relationship and was happy dating them, they were much the same as other men, some good some bad. There was only one who I split with due to religious reasons, and his family were Catholic and wouldn't accept him dating someone who was not.

BAM, I would say, you sound like a good and responsible person, try not to get too bitter because that will get in the way of you meeting someone. I wouldn't say that you are incorrect in thinking a lot of women would prefer not to date Asian men, there is a lot of stereotypical thinking out there. Perhaps instead of going straight into to dating websites etc, you could try getting involved in groups with the aim of just meeting new people. For instance, my sister recently took up sculpture as an evening class, not the sort of thing she would usually do, and she met alot of new people, those people introduced her to their friends, this has resulted in quite a few dates. The reason I suggest this is that we can all get stuck, seeing the same people at work or the gym etc. day in day out and not meet anyone new. Sometimes it's worth stepping outside your comfort zone and experiencing new things. You might meet someone whose path you would never have crossed otherwise. Good luck.