Successful, but alone... How to meet women?

[JackEverett25]

Yes, the question that has plagued men for ages! lol

 

In all seriousness though, here is my situation: I am 25, have a very high paying job, work for a very large, international company and am going to grad school at night. I consider myself a good looking guy, smart and I know what I want out of life...I also have a pretty good idea of what I want in a woman as well.

 

The thing is, though I'm not really that shy per se (I am very social in my professional life, I couldn't have the job if I wasn't), I am in fact very introverted in my personal life. I prefer to hang out in small groups than going out in the company of a bunch of people I don't know, like go to parties or bars and the like.

 

I realized something the other day...I've been working hard to making something of myself for so long, I've forgotten how to have fun! Outside of people I know at work and school that is. What really makes things hard is that I am the youngest guy at the office, and out of about a hundred people, the only one who has never been married or has kids.

 

I moved to my present location about a year ago, away from everyone I knew, so it's been very hard meeting new people, and getting 'accepted' into other's groups. There are a lot of colleges around where I live, so many social circles have been developed over many years. At my last job, I tried hanging out with people I knew around my age, but I found it was very hard to become 'accepted'...what has been really frustrating is that I've met so many people here that say they moved here on their own, but time and time again, it turns out they knew people here already so they instantly had people to hang out with.

 

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is because I'm really sick of being alone. I was seeing someone I was seeing back where I used to live, but it just wasn't working out. I haven't had a 'serious' relationship with someone in about 5 years...that girl cheated on me, which caused me to spiral downwards...the only thing that got me through it was by concentrating on work and school, and I ended up doing incredibly well in both because of it.

 

The thing is, I've forgotten how to date, how to flirt, and on many levels, how to have fun! I can definitely be fun and crazy once I open up to someone, but with the pressures of things nowadays, especially where I live, I find a lot of people will write you off if you're not in the clique, or not incredibly outgoing...though I have a very quiet confidence, I am not the most outgoing of people, but I do love talking to everyone that I meet and appears genuinely nice.

 

Can anyone relate, or give advice on how to meet people when you don't know anyone? I'd join a club or something, but I can't seem to find any around here, and it would probably make me feel incredibly uncomfortable to do at first.

[sad-in-seattle]

Is it hard to make friends at work? Are the people there not your age? Do you play any sports? I know I play tennis and I joined at a club for lessons and met a bunch of people in that... I would say stay away form the "college" crowd because it doesn't seem to be what your looking for. Well with saying that.. do you just want to have fun or are you looking for a relationship?

[JackEverett25]

Hi, and thanks for responding.

 

I don't play sports as much as I used to, but I do love to play racquetball...maybe I'll look into taking some lessons somewhere.

 

And no, it's not hard to make friends with people at work, it's just most are at least 10 years older, and have families. Everyone kind of looks at me as the young business guy in the office which I have a lot of fun with. It's not that I'm not friends with any of them, it's just with such differences in lives, it's been hard finding people to do things with when they are often busy, or tied down with their families.

 

Deep down, I really want a serious relationship again...it's been so long, and after a lot of soul searching, I know it is the piece of my life that I knew was missing but couldn't put my finger on it for so long.

 

However, I know through experience that you need to have fun with someone first to see how things go, so that is what I'm trying to do...I want to find someone that can bring that side of me out again...but someone who would look beyond the fact I don't have a ton of friends and am very busy with my professional life.

 

I know it's much easier to find people, the more people you know...it's just mustering the courage to do this again that is difficult for me.

[pinkFirm]

If you are having trouble meeting people around your area, i would suggest you turn to myspace.com

 

Just open an account and its free! You'll meet many friends that you didnt even know you had around your area or even out of area. Many college grads are seeking for serious relationships or just friends. People post pictures, so hehe if you dont like the persons outlook dont add them. lol.

[Roo]

What are you interested in besides your work, what kind of activites would you like to do with a potential date?

[Sand&Water]

JackEverett25,

 

Welcome to LoveShack! Hope you find this place useful. Now, on a more serious note. . .

 

The thing is, I've forgotten how to date, how to flirt, and on many levels, how to have fun! I can definitely be fun and crazy once I open up to someone, but with the pressures of things nowadays, especially where I live, I find a lot of people will write you off if you're not in the clique, or not incredibly outgoing...though I have a very quiet confidence, I am not the most outgoing of people, but I do love talking to everyone that I meet and appears genuinely nice.

 

That is what makes you unique. You have to keep in mind that no matter what you do or where you go, the way you express yourself is the most important aspect of building life-long relationships (Platonic/romantic).

 

With that said, the next thing (in my opinion) for you to focus on is getting yourself "out there" - in the dating world. Start from talking to people at hotels, grocery stores, national parks, gas stations, and even pedesterian intersections. From my experience, those are the best places to meet nice adorable people - and a few weird ones at that, too.

 

However, to be quite blunt here, your best bet to meet single women is through friends, friends' friends, or relatives. See which one works for you - but you will have to expand. Don't expect, gorgeous women, to fall right into your lap at the base of your house while sitting at home drinking coffee. Oh and it is not wise, to go around telling people (strangers) you make six figures - you'll attract gold-diggers . Unless, you like them diggers and the drama.

[rina_r]

Is it hard to make friends at work? Are the people there not your age? Do you play any sports? I know I play tennis and I joined at a club for lessons and met a bunch of people in that...

 

Heh,it is easier said than done. It also depends on where you live. I play tennis, joined local amature team - only retirees & housewifes. In college - everyone is married or much older, at work - never date at work, can mess up your career.

 

But...life figured it all out for me.

[swirly27]

This is definitely a harder age group to move to a new town too - not in school anymore where you'll be thrown into social activity with other people looking for the same thing as you, but as you mentioned, at your work, most of the people are older and have families.

 

It must be hard, and not sure if you live now in a smaller town, but definitely go out and join some things. Maybe join a gym, get into racquetball as you mentioned, look some social groups up online, maybe even try online dating or a dating service nearby.

 

One thing I just learned the hard way though is dating a friend of a friend....can be BAD NEWS, so its not always a safe bet. Have you made any friends at all since you have moved to this newer area? I used to move every summer when I was younger and in college because of divorced parents and it was hard because where my dad lived is not where I grew up....so I hardly would have a social life in the beginning of the summer....but then with working at a new job and usually joining the local YMCA, I always made friends and by the end of the summer, I had a new group of friends. So, you've been there about a year - do you have some friends, even with going to grad school?

[brickaney]

Yeah and keep in mind a few things when having conversations with women:

-Be confidence, even unattractive, confident men are easy and fun to talk to.

-Don't brag. You seem to be blessed w/ money, looks etc. Don't derive confidence, or display confidence from those materialistic things. Women don't want to hear you brag about yourself.

-Make a women feel special. Starting a conversation off with a compliment can become awkward so avoid that arena unless you know how to slide into a conversation. The best way to make a woman feel confident is to ask her about herself. Take the time to listen and go off on tangents with her if you find something you guys have in common or could talk about. If there's ever an awkard silence keep the conversation going by asking another question, like: Where'd you go to school? Where were you born? Do you like your job? What are your hobbies?

-Remember that women need to converse in order to develop a relationship. Don't try to put any moves on her because she'll think you're trying to rush things and that you aren't looking for a relationship< because you are.

-Have fun because if you aren't in a place you feel confortable in (bar, crowded club, etc.) then your uncomfortable air about you will be evident and it will be too difficult to stay focussed. As others said, friends, friends of friends, and relatives are the best people to find dates from. Plus they know you and you're less likely to date a girl that isn't compatible with you.

[Guest]

I am actually right there with you Jack. I found myself in very much the same situation as you after I graduated college. Successful career, godd physical shape and by no means un-attractive but, I couldn't seem to get a date or break into a new circle of friends. One thing that worked for me was attending networking events, socials held by the church I attend and I talked to EVERYONE!!! If someone bent over to tie their shoe at a cross walk where I was waiting to cross, I would greet them with a smile and try to start a conversation. It may seem fruitless but, remember, you are affectivly trying to teach yourself how to generate conversation and create a relationship out of thin air.

 

If you are a great business man go to networking events. To get a listing of events look in your local business journal or ask around the offfice. Whenever I go to these events I typically walk away with an average of 7-10 contacts from 2 hours of schmoozing. From these contacts I usually have a business lunch with atleast half. After awhile, you will have trouble getting a lunch to yourself you will have so many people to keep up with. If you are a nice guy, whic you seem to be, they will introduce you to some of their friends, which could result in a date with the girl of your dreams.

 

God speed man, let me know if you are in Virginia!

[fishtaco]

I'm going to skip the whole spiel about work out and look nice, since I assume you have that down, unlike some of the "nice guys" that run around in 80's clothing and wonder why their nice & sweet personality can't help them score.

 

Some of the previous posts have good advice already, I'm just going to type whatever comes to mind, some of which will be repeats of what others have said.

 

- Get a hobby, ones that require team work or interacting with others. Preferably one with a lot of women. For example, volleyball is probably better than submission fighting. Social dancing (salsa, swing..etc) you will meet A LOT of women. Especially salsa, that's sort of a more "sexy" type dance. But like anything else, don't expect to walk in and walk out with a girl 5 minutes later. It takes time. Get to know the people and their friends. Even with high female percentage hobbies like salsa dancing, you'll most likely meet a lot of women unsuitable for dating. Like social dancing you'll probably meet a lot of older (45, 50+) women and their husbands (but they have daughters ).

 

- Put yourself into social situations. I have been to parties where I only know one or two people out of like 20 or more (last halloween I went to a party of 60+, I only knew 1 friend and 3 aquaintences there, I was on my own most of the time). Then I'm forced to socialize with complete strangers. Sometimes I'll do well, sometimes I'll suck. But it's practice.

 

Those two things will allow you to increase your social circle. You keep meeting new people. Meet everyone, guys or girls. Maybe you'll hook up with a guy's sister's coworker's friend from college at a BBQ. You never know. But it does take a lot of work building the social network and going to events, so the fact that you're going to school at the same time will make things a bit more difficult time-wise.

 

Do not be desperate. Expect the first batch of possibilities to not work out. If you keep meeting new people, then you don't need to be afriad of things not working out with this one woman you met last week. Because you'll meet like 5 more in the next couple of months.

 

Online dating takes just as much work as searching in real life, and requires a different set of skills. It's not better, it's not worse, it's just different. If you spend the time and effort, it could be an additional avenue to meet people. But your resource is limited, depends on how muct time and effort you want to spend doing this.

 

You can try those speed dating things. I don't have experience so I can't tell you. But I'm interested in checking it out one of these days.

 

Oh and don't be afriad to ask your friends to set you up.