Guest Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 I was seeing a guy over a 6 week period that ended just over a week ago. He had just come out of a very emotionally destructive relationship when we met and he became very intense with me very quickly. He had dated his ex, on and off for about 16months and she had done some crazy things like: - When she found out that he had moved on with me, she went to his flat and ripped the cupboard doors off the hinges and put a stain liquid over his clothes. She cut the head off his teddy bear that his brother had given to him years ago and threw the stuffing of the bear everywhere. - When he tried breaking up with her last Nov, she slashed her wrists and locked him inside their flat so he couldnt leave. - She moved to the other side of the world to be with him forever but it only last 3 weeks, she did a few terrible things whilst she was there like verbally abused him in front of his friends and throw knives around his mothers kitchen. - She has sent abusive emails to his mother after she left him in his country. - She tapped into his email account and sent awful emails to all the females in his directory. His family absolutely despise her and last time they got back together, his parents deleted him from 'the will' but he doesnt know that. A relative of his just told me today. We had such a happy 6 weeks together and we didnt fight or argue. He told me he thought I was 'the one'. His ex kept contacting him and I hated it. He told me that he had told her that he had moved on and was very happy....and then the day after his birthday, everything changed and I couldnt understand why? Anyway he has broken up with me to get back with her......I find it completely bizarre! Why on earth would someone want to return to a psycho? A psycho will always be a psycho....dont you think?
Outcast Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Same reason that some women will return to their abusers many times before leaving for good, I'm guessing. Abusers manage to manipulate their victims' feelings to the point that the victims feel that they are responsible for the problems in the relationship. First you have to know that many of the same brain mechanisms activated by addiction are activated when people fall in love. This has a lot of scientists equating love with addiction. Secondly, what we all know (and has been replicated by science) is that people will go through hell when they are addicted. The most seriously afflicted alcoholics will live in the ditch and give up everything they have to get booze. And so, it seems, the people most seriously afflicted with addiction to loving someone will be the ones who will return to that person to get their 'fix' no matter what the person does to them. Rats in experiments endured electrical shocks to get to cocaine once they had become addicted. And, as for all other really serious addictions, six weeks is not long enough to break free.
B-3128 Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Sounds like my ex... wrist slitting nutcase. I was addicted. Fighting the addiction at the moment. See my Nasty Story post for more detail. I feel sorry for the guy because it will only get worse for him.... B
lindya Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Anyway he has broken up with me to get back with her......I find it completely bizarre! Why on earth would someone want to return to a psycho? A psycho will always be a psycho....dont you think? I think a lot of people go through a stage of finding chaotic people attractive, especially when they're having difficulty trying to identify that hazy boundary between passionate and worryingly dysfunctional. Also, as Outcast said, people sometimes get addicted to roller-coaster situations. You can't really love someone out of an addiction - and if the addiction happens to be to another woman, you really don't want to start trying to. He might well be happier with you, but unfortunately it doesn't sound as though happiness is his main priority right now.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 I think a lot of people go through a stage of finding chaotic people attractive Yes, chaotic, narcissistic, border-line personalities can be extremely attractive. I don't know why, maybe it's because you know they are incapable of love.
Woggle Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Some people are just addicted to drama and don't know how to deal with a happy and healthy relationship. Women do this as well so it's not just a gender thing.
prrthd1 Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 I'm starting to wonder about all this, too. I was dating a guy I've known for about 5 or 6 yrs (he's a friend of the family), but he just divorced in October and we started talking around the end of March. We dated from the end of April to the end of June, when he suddenly said he needed to slow down and think. He soon started dating a 19 yr old that he met before we started talking. They never dated or anything before, but she made it clear that she wanted him and even asked him to stop dating me and egged my car at his house one night. He went through a 6 yr marriage with a major drama queen that was completely untrusting and just down right evil from what he said. Our relationship seemed too good to be true, with no fights, disagreements or anything like. He even ran into my aunt after we started dating and said to her "Ever since I got divorced my dad has said I need to find someone like my mom, who likes to cook and clean and do laundry and just take care of me - I've never had that. I know your niece is that kind of girl." THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM! He dumped me for an immature girl who would stop at nothing to get him, even when he told her he was happy with me. I just think some men are used to putting up with drama and crap and happy relationships scare them. Now, when anyone asks him what happened to us, he just says "it just didn't work out." I've yet to figure out what wasn't working.
Tony T Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Relationships with nice, "normal" women are scary to some men who are phobic about committment. To others, there is something exciting about living on the edge in a drama-filled relationship. There are a LOT of Peter Pans out there who will never grow into the kind of maturity required to be happy in a sane, healthy relationship. I feel sorry for "normal" people. The are far outnumbered. haha!
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