rhys_01 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 I can't believe I'm here about to write this but I need to get this out of my head somewhere and some ideas/help rom strangers who dont know me or my girlfriend might help. I've been with my girlfriend for over two years, we met working in Thailand and fell in love pretty quickly. She is Korean and I'm British, there's never been any problems with communication as her English is perfect. Anyway I moved to Korea last year to be with her and its been the best year of my life. I was sure I had finally met the one. We have been discussing marriage and buying a house back in the UK and despite the odd argument - which we always sorted out pretty quickly everything seemed ok. At the start of this month we went on a diving holiday to the Philippines, it was amazing, just like our relationship from day one, we spent every moment together and I couldn't have been happier. I came back to Seoul while she went to spend a few weeks with her recently married friends back in Thailand, she would be there for two weeks to catch up with friends etc... Im not a controlling or jealous person so I didn't have any worries about this. Every night she was on the phone to me - telling me she loved me and missed me and couldn't wait to see me. Then Thursday night she calls and tells me it isnt going to work - she doesnt see a future together and that she doesnt think we can carry on. Her family have always been deeply against our relationship and its been hard sometimes when discussing the future because we're both from different countries and we've had to compromise a bit in order to work out a future for us both. However I have always been willing to support whatever she wants to do - even if it meant being apart for a length of time in order for her to reach her personal goals. I cant believe this is happening and am a bit lost as what to do next? I don't want to call her and bug her, im guessing she needs space but I miss her voice so much - we've been apart in the past but not one day has gone by in our whole relationship where we haven't talked at least once a day. Im wondering what my future holds now and if there's a chance for us. She's a really stubborn girl and when she makes up her mind she rarely changes it - I'm frightened this is the end - and after all this time for it to end over the phone - its ripping my world apart!!! and now she's told me she's going to stay in Thailand for another month because she doesnt want to see me as it may change her mind!? help please!
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 I think its over. What caused her to see her friends in Korea ? Was this a long planned trip or made more recently. ? It could have been her exit * out *. She may have met someone there . You might want to face that as a real possibility .
Author rhys_01 Posted August 27, 2006 Author Posted August 27, 2006 she just called me up - I must admit I was thinking there might be someone else it all added up. But she called and said she still loved me, there was no one else and she really wanted to be with me. But because she doesnt think we have a future or a way to stay together and still achieve all our pesonel goals if we stay together she thinks its best to leave it now. She said she knows if she sees me she'll want to get together with me and is trying to stay away until she feels she will be able to see me as a friend. Even if there is a chance I feel it may be the right thing to respect her wishes, I don't want to ruin her life and end up having a girlfriend who resents me. I guess its just going to take some time to get over this....
Tormented Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Rhys...I completely understand the pain you're going through right now. Don't know if you read my post, but it just happened to me a few days ago as well. Like your girlfriend, my boyfriend and I spent every available moment together. Not a day passed without talking to each other, seeing each other. Yes, we had our ups and downs but never anything we couldn't work out. He told me he wanted to spend his life with me, that he loved me deeply, that he couldn't stand to be away from me when we spent time apart, wanted me to move in with him...the whole nine yards. He spent the night with me Wednesday night, then turned around and moved an ex-girlfriend in on Friday...a woman who treated him horribly that he swore he'd never have anything to do with again. So yes, I do understand the pain you're in, the confusion you're feeling. It's like one day you're completely happy, believing that your life will be spent with somebody you deeply love, your soul mate, per se...and then overnight....poof! It's gone. No warning, no signs of trouble ahead...nothing. Leaving you in complete shock and wondering what it is you did to cause this. Truth is, we didn't do anything wrong. The problem lies within them, but knowing that doesn't help with the pain, does it? I really wish I had the answer for you but right now I'm in the same boat you are and I'm ill-equipped to give advice. So, all I can do is offer you my support and sympathy for what you're going through. I know we'll make it through this, just doesn't feel that way right now, does it? ~Tormented~
sad-in-seattle Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 That is a really tough situation. Do you think her family influenced her at all on this decision? I'm actually half white/half korean. My dad being American and my mom is from Seoul. I know how crazy Korean people can be about marrying another Korean! It seems like you really love her. I don't know what you can do in a situation like this when she is in another country, broke up with you on the phone, and is planning to stay there until she gets over you. That is really harsh. Do you think it was her plan this whole time to go to Thailand? Or do you think it was some decision she made while she was over there? You also mentioned that you cannot obtain personal goals being together? What does that mean?
sad-in-seattle Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 He spent the night with me Wednesday night, then turned around and moved an ex-girlfriend in on Friday...a woman who treated him horribly that he swore he'd never have anything to do with again. One of my worst fears! I feel for you =/
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 The secret is to never 100% fully believe when someone professes that they will love you * forever *. That forever could likely end tomorrow and you are left devastated. Always keep a piece of your heart protected for yourself.
Author rhys_01 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Thanks for your comments and support, I know other people have been there and are there right now too, its such a kick in the guts! On her decision to go to Thailand it wasnt really a big deal at the time, I've been over there recently to see some friends - its the place we met, and coming from two different countries we've spent time apart before. I guess the biggest problem she sees is that if we live in the UK her job opportunities will be limited and the same for me if I stay in Seoul. I think she's taken time out to look seriously at her future (she just finished a masters degree over here). Also I think her family have put a lot of pressure on her - they are in the upper social strata over here and the stigma they feel is attached to being with a foriegner is huge. They have threatened to cut off all contact if she marries someone who will make them 'lose face.' I guess I'm going to have to respect her decision - I have no anger towards her and still love her deeply, I want to keep her in my life and that may take time - but Im going to try my best to stay strong. Thanks for your help.
sad-in-seattle Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 It's like Romeo and Juliet. It makes me so sad. =/ God Korean peple are so stubborn! You should just give me her parents number and I'll have my mom tell them off in Korean. Hehe j/k. Anyways, Is it possible for you to go to Thailand to talk to her face to face? Also there are no job opportunities in Seoul or the UK for either of you?
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