Guest Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 My boyfriend and I of five years broke up to weeks ago, because he caught me in a lie. Now i did not cheat and the lie had nothing to do with another man but i did lie to his face. He was very upset and said he could not beleive i lied right to his face. It was honestly the first time i was untruthfull to him and i was hurt by doing it as well. But any way we talked a bit after the breakup but still have not seen each other in 2 WEEKS. He told me we could never get back together. I asked for him back and he said not a chance. Soi decided to attempt to move on. I started no cotact. It went for four days. I was upset andit was hard because i missed him and wanted to un do what I had done wrong. Butr i felt like his mind was made up. Then yesterday after 4 days of no contact he calls. We talked for an hour like nothig happend ever. He said he had just missed 3 days of work because he was ill and how much he missed me. He sadi he wish i never did what i did because we would be together now if i had not. He was upset cause he sees his roomate hanging out with his gf all day and he now is lonley and misses me. Our conversation mainly stayed away from our relationship however, and was quite plesent. We joked and i had fun. After i sent him a text asking if i could take him to dinner or a movie. He called later and said he ws just going to stay in, that he would have but tonight he wanted to stay home ? then he said he does want to see me and we will hang out some other time that he would call me. So what does this mean do i have a chance at his forgivness and getting him back ? or did he call because he was lonley ? do i contnue to move on or wait ?????
lostmike Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Okay, so you really hurt this guy and you say yourself. How much do you love this guy? 5 years is plenty long enough for you to know or not. Would it have hurt you if he lied to your face? A lie is a lie still, this is true, but how big of a lie was it? As far as he's concerned, it doesn't matter b/c you broke his trust. It is really hard to earn trust back...harder than earning it in the first place. Learn a lesson if you truly love this guy and do not be untruthful. Don't put yourself in situations that will put you in a position where you might have to lie. IF you love this guy, just wait around a bit and be there the way you have been. Say I'm sorry once and mean it! Don't do it again. He sounds like he will come around, but is really hurt right now. Just give him a little bit of time (probably only a few days with minimal contact). You'll be alright, just don't lie. Take care and good luck, Mike
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 I think the lie was a deeper issue : Possibly an exit * out * . I mean if you love someone and they lied to you ( once ) and it was not a serious infraction such as cheating or drug use but rather you spent too much at the store or you fiddled around too long and got caught up in the lie then some things are forgivable. This tells you alot about him. How easily does he trust ? How easily does he forgive ? Why is he letting this lie END everything. ? There is almost ALWAYS more than what you know going on. Can you elaborate on the lie ? Or is that too painful ? Can this lie be forgiven ? I would like to know how unforgivable it was for him...If you feel comfortable sharing otherwise pardon me for being nosey Just trying to honestly help.
Guest Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Can this lie be forgiven ? I would like to know how unforgivable it was for him...If you feel comfortable sharing otherwise pardon me for being nosey Just trying to honestly help. well its just embarissing. I have trust issues actually. That arer linked to my past. And he caught me checking his voicemails. Then i lied to him and told him i did not. I LOVE him so much. I know I have a problem. I just wish hecould forgive me. And I want to know what him calling me symbolizes. Will he be able to forgive me. I really though he would never call so i was blown out of the water when he did. But then hewould not hang out with me so i gotconfused. He said we could hang out another time and that he did want to see me. I miss him so much im so embarassed and ashamed of what i did. I spent 5 years with him my love is so strong. What do i do and what does this call mean. He didnot call the next day but he did say we would hang out he wanted to see me and he would call again. I just dont know if i attempt to call or if i just wait in hopes. I dont want to move on
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 It sounds like * he * is in control of this relationship and likely * has * been all along. He is in control now deciding whether to talk to you or not. Whether to see you or not. One is always a bit more stronger mentally and emotionally than the other often times . Do you suffer from low self esteem ? Do you feel you needed to check his messages because you were worried. ? Dis-trust will kill a relationship everytime... I have always been the trusting one and mostly the *dumper* of insecure men and relationships. It sounds like he may not forgive you and could possibly be tired of any insecurities you have brought to the table...
Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Do you suffer from low self esteem ? Do you feel you needed to check his messages because you were worried. ? I do have low self esteem, and he knows that. We had broken up a bit before and he slept with another girl. I was upset about it and it led to the voicemail thing. But right after i lied to him he said we would never talk again he was so mad he would not even touch me. Then 4 days of N.C and he calls and we talk plesently for an hour... i just want to see from outside oppinion if i have any hope of him forgiving me and us working this out. I feel that him calling me was a sign. He said we would hang out, just not that night. I need outside advice on whats going through his head when he called
Mary3 Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 He is quite aware you are insecure. A sure male turn off. His telling you vaguely that he will see you on his own terms just means he is about done with your relationship. I would you to take this opportunity to get some counseling and self help to get yourself to the point of loving yourself first and taking care of YOU. If you go back to him or enter another without healing yourself then you will repeat this in an endless cycle. Help YOU first. Just be his friend or NC for now,. Work on YOU.
Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Help YOU first. Just be his friend or NC for now,. Work on YOU. i guess your right, i just hope i can heal me and still have him, we spent 5 years together and i love him so much, i dont want to let my insecurites ruin this, im only 20 so we are young, i think that has alot to do with it, but its so hard to move on from some one you have spent 1/4th of your life with and he makes it look so easy , by just calluing to say hi an dthne moving on and not calling for days and not wanting to see me when i invite him out im so lost so hurt and i cant beleive i did this to myself
Mary3 Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Help YOU first. Just be his friend or NC for now,. Work on YOU. i guess your right, i just hope i can heal me and still have him, we spent 5 years together and i love him so much, i dont want to let my insecurites ruin this, im only 20 so we are young, i think that has alot to do with it, but its so hard to move on from some one you have spent 1/4th of your life with and he makes it look so easy , by just calluing to say hi an dthne moving on and not calling for days and not wanting to see me when i invite him out im so lost so hurt and i cant beleive i did this to myself I am very sorry you are hurting. Its a long process to heal yourself and to love yourself first Take this one day at a time. The NC is for your healing . Not to get him back. You might want to be prepared that its really over. ..or he may decide to take you back but not under your present condition. Get help first
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