The Dreaded "Friend" Card

[BatteredByLove]

I've posted on here before, and long story short, girl breaks up with guy, guy wants girl back, guy is clingy and needy, after a while guy gets it and starts to be normal about everything, things lasted like this for about 2 montsh after the relationship ended, but during that time guy did stupid stuff and called girl a whore, *yes very very very idiotic of me*(very long story to accompany it), it deals with BOTH of us being immature, we really are. Well girl calls guy "perfect" for her, so guy was like ?!?!?!? If I'm perfect for her why in the world aren't we together?

 

Okay lol, enough of the girl guy thing, well anyway, yea, so I blew after 3 months and jsut told her I hated her for being stubborn and all that, well we then went NC, then started talking after about a month of NC, then went back to NC, she initiated it AGAIN, well school started and she wanted to be "friends". She's currently dating someone right now and she WANTS me to actually be cool with him, since if I'm to be her friend, she wants him to know me, and I him. I admit, the guy is nice, but what the, this guy is dating my first love, how can I even TRY to be friends with him? Well anyway, I told her since I care about her a lot and that she seems happy in her relationship right now, we couldn't be friends since her current bf is feeling uncomfortable with her around me. I however also do admit, I still care very deeply for her, but I'm not trying to get her back, I just want to be there for her when she needs me.

 

She's very immature and stubborn and I wonder what it is I love about this girl? You guys ever have that feeling? Where you know it's not worth it but somehow deep down, you know that you love them? She's like 90% bad and the 10% good makes up for it? When I'm with her I don't realize any of her flaws, her 90/10 ratio comes with the package. We were both very immature in the relationship, I guess I just need to vent. With her pratically saying if i "cared" about her, I'd be friends, or at least be cool with her ex... God, how could someone even THINK that, heh, this is more like a letter to myself to read I guess lol.

 

Well if anyone happens to get to the end, some insight is good, I think I know what I should do... I just don't want to accept reality and just drop her out of my life... she was my first love.

 

-BBL

[loveinlife]

I would say if you are completely over her its okay to be friends. My ex and I are still friendly to each other eventhough she has a new bf. I don't want to make her uneasy and unhappy when she is around me. Yeah, I agree first love is really hard to get over. My ex is similar to yours. For some reason I thought she was perfect, eventhough she had so many flaws like stubborness, anger, and a stuck up attitude.

 

For me to see her with a different guy would still be kinda hard bc of so many things we used to share together. If I saw her with another man, my memories would take over my judgement bc I would think that my ex's new bf used to be just like me. Also, I would think why the hell is he better than me.(Ego trip)

 

If you feel unsure about getting yourself hurt or making things awkward, I would suggest not to meet her new bf. I can't do it, it is like sticking a needle on myself when I know it'll hurt. But if you don't have feelings, its okay to do so. I am speaking of logic, but have not experienced meeting my ex's new bf before.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I admit, the guy is nice, but what the, this guy is dating my first love, how can I even TRY to be friends with him?

 

If you don't want to be friends with him then don't. Tell her you don't want to.

 

Ariadne

[BatteredByLove]

LoveInLife, heh, I am not completely over her, even though I am a lot better than I was right after we broke up. You are so totally right with the ego trip, I keep on thinking that he's just like me, and why the hell is he better than me. Also, her current bf is uncomfortable with me being around her, and she WANTS me to get to know him and want him to get to know me... because he's feeling uncomfortable... so I told her that I couldn't be friends with him and since I couldn't be friends with him and him being uncomfortable with me being around her, I told her that she and I shouldn't be friends either.

 

Ariade, I have told her this but then she has told me that If I cared about her... I'd try to get to know him... and let him get to know me... since he's "uncomfortable" with me being around her, and her, I... First love sure is a b***h.

 

-BBL

[Yamaha]

Tell her you won't be friends with her b/f. If she can't handle that then she doesn't care about you.

[Ariadne]

Ah,

 

She has told me that If I cared about her... I'd try to get to know him... and let him get to know me... since he's "uncomfortable" with me being around her

 

Well, you can tell her she can think what she wants, but you don't want to. But if you want to later you'll let her know.

 

What she does after that is up to her.

 

Ariadne

[BatteredByLove]

Tell her you won't be friends with her b/f. If she can't handle that then she doesn't care about you.

 

I have told her that... but she tells me that she wants me to know him... and it seems as if she still cares about me a lot... or so I think. She is really immature.

 

Ah,

 

She has told me that If I cared about her... I'd try to get to know him... and let him get to know me... since he's "uncomfortable" with me being around her

 

Well, you can tell her she can think what she wants, but you don't want to. But if you want to later you'll let her know.

 

What she does after that is up to her.

 

Ariadne

 

Yep Ariadne... I picked a crazy girl to fall in love with lol.

[In Sync]

BatteredByLove,

 

uh, why do you need to be entwined in such drama..I mean life is really simple and easy and sometimes we create more soap opera nonsense than necessary. If you feel uncomfortable hanging with this gf and her new bf..why do it? Why make yourself feel like a leftover? Or a third wheel. You need this? To put up with this is actually telling your subconcious that you don't have enough going on to go out and meet new girls who wanna be with you..So to stay the third wheel (hee hee aka "friend") and feel resentful down the line is silly. Meet other girls. Make it your mission to find someone who wants to be with you. I understand you love are her but it's done (to be honest I think you are comfortable with what you know, That's always the easier route to take than venturing out to start over with someone new)...but she's with someone else. What if there is some really hot babe out there. eevry second you are spending on this dead end situation takes you away from finding that new hottie..

[BatteredByLove]

BatteredByLove,

 

uh, why do you need to be entwined in such drama..I mean life is really simple and easy and sometimes we create more soap opera nonsense than necessary. If you feel uncomfortable hanging with this gf and her new bf..why do it? Why make yourself feel like a leftover? Or a third wheel. You need this? To put up with this is actually telling your subconcious that you don't have enough going on to go out and meet new girls who wanna be with you..So to stay the third wheel (hee hee aka "friend") and feel resentful down the line is silly. Meet other girls. Make it your mission to find someone who wants to be with you. I understand you love are her but it's done (to be honest I think you are comfortable with what you know, That's always the easier route to take than venturing out to start over with someone new)...but she's with someone else. What if there is some really hot babe out there. eevry second you are spending on this dead end situation takes you away from finding that new hottie..

 

Wow In Sync.... you totally blew my mind away. I feel uncomfortable hanging around her but I'm still in love with her. You know where you care about them and want the best? I guess I just wanted to post this so I can read it, because taht's when I'm thinking straight lol. In Sync.. I'mma read your reply 500x a day lol.

 

You are right, I am comfortable with what I know... I jsut really can't... grab onto that realtiy. Now I'm about to hit the mall, pick up a hottie or so, because god... these past few weeks... I havne't found any girl attractive... scary lol.

 

-BBL

[In Sync]

BatteredByLove,

You know where people make there biggest mistake, letting their feeligs dictate their lives. Sure you love this girl. That's wonderful. But don't let that fact dictate you getting off your butt and making an effort to meet the cutest hottest babe in that mall! That is your mission if you choose to take it! Letting your feelings dictate your actions will stop you from going after the best in life.

Your love for her does not mean you must suffer for her. That you must put up with a situation you don't like because you love her. That is a position of someone that looks like a sucker and maybe that will win you a nice guy award. Forget that. Here's a plan. Find the hottest girl you can charm the thongs off of...and then suggest to your ex that you four go on a double date. Let's see how your ex handles that one. Let's see how far that theory goes about everybody just being friends....

[BatteredByLove]

BatteredByLove,

You know where people make there biggest mistake, letting their feeligs dictate their lives. Sure you love this girl. That's wonderful. But don't let that fact dictate you getting off your butt and making an effort to meet the cutest hottest babe in that mall! That is your mission if you choose to take it! Letting your feelings dictate your actions will stop you from going after the best in life.

Your love for her does not mean you must suffer for her. That you must put up with a situation you don't like because you love her. That is a position of someone that looks like a sucker and maybe that will win you a nice guy award. Forget that. Here's a plan. Find the hottest girl you can charm the thongs off of...and then suggest to your ex that you four go on a double date. Let's see how your ex handles that one. Let's see how far that theory goes about everybody just being friends....

 

Wow... In Sync . You know, the other day I got into my car and drove for about 3 hours... It sure felt gooooood, of course with gas money being a bit high, it put a nice little hole in my wallet lol. Yea... I might win the "nice guy" award one day, I guess I'm a pushover, well I'm not a pushover, and everyone knows that, but to this girl, I'm one "whipped" puppy.

 

I never thought about it like that In Sync, letting my feelings dictate my life. Sadly, it has, these past few months I've been depressed, having my ups and downs, then felt better, but with school starting and seeing her again, I went back to being mildly crazy. Lol, I told myself that I wouldn't let this girl ruin my life... so far... it has lol. Most of my friends are probably annoyed with me talking about her all the time lol.

 

I also realized that I needed to get out... see some cute girls at the mall . So today I hit the mall, saw a LOT of cute girls, but sadly, no number . I, however, was stared at 3x, so I'm planning to hit it again Labor Day Weekend, yay!!! This time i'm DEFINITELY going to get a #, lol.

 

Thanks for giving me some great insight In Sync, I've read all your other posts... awe struct, you should be a moderator on this board .

 

-BBL

[Yamaha]

Find the hottest girl you can charm the thongs off of...and then suggest to your ex that you four go on a double date. Let's see how your ex handles that one. Let's see how far that theory goes about everybody just being friends....

 

Interesting to see how she would react to this plan. If you feel the need to test her "friendship" then you might just try it.

[In Sync]

Wow... In Sync . You know, the other day I got into my car and drove for about 3 hours... It sure felt gooooood, of course with gas money being a bit high, it put a nice little hole in my wallet lol. Yea... I might win the "nice guy" award one day, I guess I'm a pushover, well I'm not a pushover, and everyone knows that, but to this girl, I'm one "whipped" puppy.

 

I never thought about it like that In Sync, letting my feelings dictate my life. Sadly, it has, these past few months I've been depressed, having my ups and downs, then felt better, but with school starting and seeing her again, I went back to being mildly crazy. Lol, I told myself that I wouldn't let this girl ruin my life... so far... it has lol. Most of my friends are probably annoyed with me talking about her all the time lol.

 

I also realized that I needed to get out... see some cute girls at the mall . So today I hit the mall, saw a LOT of cute girls, but sadly, no number . I, however, was stared at 3x, so I'm planning to hit it again Labor Day Weekend, yay!!! This time i'm DEFINITELY going to get a #, lol.

 

Thanks for giving me some great insight In Sync, I've read all your other posts... awe struct, you should be a moderator on this board .

 

-BBL

 

 

And I say you're welcome....I do hope that my insight reverses your feelings of powerlessness which often leads to feeling depressed and accepting the faith that cards have dealt you. All of us will lose at something paricularly at love and a big love at that. But your heart is not made of stone. It's meant to hurt but not carry that hurt and do stupid things that cause you more hurt on top of it. My words are to suggest to you that you can make a difference in how you go about getting better. Which does not require you to stop loving our friend or go about being hateful or angry...You make a difference by adopting the attitude that life has alot out there for you. Maybe you didn't get a number this first go around but you will get #'s (the world is full of hottiess looking to have fun and a good time...so why keep hankering after a lost relationship?) Don't think suffering and going crazy for a girl is a badge of honour. It's not. It's a time waster. THE MOST SUCESSFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD DO NOT DWELL ON THEIR LOSES. And that means they have worked on building up their confidence level. Confidence is a sex magnic.

P.S. You need to maintain this new found confidence positive outlook...be aware of anybody who tries to lead you down the path of the past and woe is me attitude. You are not prisoner to who you were or who you dated. That is the seed of thought you should carry inside you.

[BatteredByLove]

THE MOST SUCESSFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD DO NOT DWELL ON THEIR LOSES. And that means they have worked on building up their confidence level. Confidence is a sex magnic.

P.S. You need to maintain this new found confidence positive outlook...be aware of anybody who tries to lead you down the path of the past and woe is me attitude. You are not prisoner to who you were or who you dated. That is the seed of thought you should carry inside you.

 

 

Hehehe, I've mainted this newfound confidence positive outlook... it has worked In Sync... lol. My ex seems like she's coming back... but, she's currently dating someone right now and I won't mess it up for them, although, a bunch of my friends(chicks), says that he looks very weird, *yay* lol. But my ex is still immature, and like you said In Sync... lotsa cuties out there, just gotta find them.

 

Thanks for helping me through this rough time, thanks a lot.

 

-BBL

[BatteredByLove]

Interesting to see how she would react to this plan. If you feel the need to test her "friendship" then you might just try it.

 

Lol, true that, "friendship", now all I need is... a girl lol.