Indie_Sunflower Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 Alright. I'm pretty sure a lot of people here will think that it won't go far, but, in my mind I really believe we have something. I am also sorry if it's going to be long. Sorry. lol I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I love him very much and miss him tremendously. I met him my freshman year in high school and his junior year (of course). Now he's graduated and gone. He lives about an hour away and my mom is never willing to drive me up there. I haven't gotten my permit. He would have started driving a while back, but he was hospitalized because colitis. So, he doesn't have his license. Now that he doesn't go to school with me, I miss him a lot. Browsing through the forum, I think I've developed co-dependency. This week and last week, on a few days. I wake up crying a lot. Just because I miss him, school isn't the same and over my confusion . Explaining now... Over the summer, I questioned if I really love him. I couldn't tell the difference between what my head was telling me or my heart was telling me. Only because I barely saw him, it was extremely difficult for me. I went to a trip with my cousins and my cousins' cousin (so we aren't so related.) to Orlando. I've had a crush on him since I was 7. But, before I met my boyfriend. Now, I don't. During the trip, though, I couldn't help but think about him (cousins' cousin). When he would go off, I would always wonder where he went off too. And I don't like him. So, I confused myself and upset myself extremely. the whole mind and heart thing came up and made me really sad. So, I had a good time, but I couldn'thelp but think about my boyfriend's feelings. I love my boyfriend so much, I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I might like my cousins' cousin. My boyfriend is truly my best friend, I tell him EVERYTHING without holding back because he never judges me. I makes me feel extremely bad, writing it down here because I don't want to hear anyone say I don't love my boyfriend. When I do A LOT. Nothing ever happened between my cousins' cousin during the trip. He was a very flirty on the trip and made me think he liked me. I didn't like that at all. I was very bothered and annoyed. He knows my boyfriend, so, I pretty uch saw a jerk right there. He also picked flowers from plants and gave them to me and it freaked me out. I don't want him to like me. I see him now a lot like a big brother or cousin than someone I like. And I know that if something was ever to come between us, it wouldn't work out. We bicker a lot and we insult each other like we are siblings. And he gets me really mad most of the time, to the point where I don't want to talk to him anymore. Then, after a while in our trip, I stopped worry about him. He would disappear and I wouldn't really care. Now, he's face would glide in and out my mind and it bothers me. It makes me feeling like I'm cheating on my boyfriend and it confuses me a lot. Does this sound like I really like or love this kid more than my boyfriend? My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He was there in the morning to keep me company at school, walk me to classes and pick me up from classes. I figured I got used to it and now that he's gone, I miss it like crazy and him too. My mom likes him enough and my dad...is being a dad. He got used to him, but he really hasn't gotten to know him. But, my dad doesn't get to know anyone. My brother loves him, he tells me that he hopes he becomes his brother-in-law. I've told everything to my boyfriend about myself; Things people don't know at all, my thoughts, ideas, looks on life and my body. Just aobut everything. We talk everyday on the phone, watch tv on the phone (like on "When Harry Met Sally") and stay up on the phone. We joke about everything and he's almost the only person who tolerates me sense of humor. We sometimes finish each others sentence, pick habits from one another and understand each other when we have trouble explaining it. It makes me really happy, but at the same time sad because I don't see him as much. Almost to the point where I don't want to talk to him through phone, I want him in front of me talking to me. I love everything about him. Nothing to hate about this kid. When I would get mad at him, I can never stay mad at him for too long. I just know, I love this kid. but, something in me doesn't want to agree or something. Can anyone tell me the difference between what your head says and what your heart says? Also, I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had someone else come between a relationship and have the same thing happen to them.
LittleWingedOne Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 I don't want to hear anyone say I don't love my boyfriend. When I do A LOT. well, reading that right there makes me think you may be confused about your feelings. Nobody even replied yet, and you're getting defensive. But anyway, Ive had someone come between an ex and I. I was with this boy Mattie for over a year and through a series of strange and mysterious events, I ended up meeting this boy in New Orleans, who drove me crazy and we fell in love so quick. but there was the 1400 miles away thing. so i figured id go home and forget about this boy and be happy with mattie. It didnt work though. You will know what to do when you're with your boyfriend. Its a gut feeling. Mattie was my best friend too, and because I ended it when i knew I should, we remained good friends. when i got back from new orleans, things werent the same. Im with the new orleans boy now, and things feel so much better for me. i feel free and alive. I still love mattie, but i know it was in a friendly way. You may realize this too, or just the opposite. Plus, you're young. there is a very large chance that you will have many many more guys come in and out of your life.
Indie_Sunflower Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 Yeah...I kind of saw that. I solved it myself a bit. The whole situation, that is. Everytime I really thought about us [boyfriend and I] no long together, it doesn't feel right. I remember we had a small little break on our first six months because I reacted to something impulsive. e had a lack of communication. I didn't like some things he did and never told him and vice-versa. It was a bad move, but, I would try to move on and instead I would feel extremely horrible about what I did. I know most people after a break up are like "YEAH, I"M SINGLE!!" and forget about their ex little by little. I did that, but, I felt guilty and like I just did the worst thing in my whole entire life. I made my little brother call him to check up on him to see how he was everyday after that. Two days later, we spoke on the phone again and we got back together. Now everything is soo perfect. Then, he was hospitalized. With the risk of death, you know. I could have blewoff the whole thing and not visit him everyday and break up with him because he was sick. Some girlfriends can't handle the stress of her boyfriend in the hospital with his life on the line. But, i stayed with him. I made sure he was okay and I tried to help him feel better. Which makes me believe I truly do love him. At first, I thought, "Yea, he's my best friend. Maybe all the feeling I have are just friendly." They aren't. he makes me soo happy when I'm around him. I like to be around everyone me [friends and fmaily], but, I really think I need just him to be happy. I don't need anything else or anyone else to be around to make me smile. I don't need him to buy me stuff to make me happy. As long as he's around me, I'm like beyond happy. I love the way he talks, I love the way he looks, I love the way he thinks, I love the way he's the only person who can give me advice (I usually give people advice) and I just love everything about him. My cousins' cousin, is really nothing to me. I had a crush on him since I was like 7 before I met my boyfriend and he never paid attention to me or wanted to pay attention to me. So, as I grew up I forgot about him. Especially ever since I met my boyfriend. I realized I saw him [cousins' cousin] at our New Years party and before and after that, I didn't have a issue like now. I'm guessing it was because of the way he was acting around me, all flirty. I know I am young, but, I'm not looking forward to break up for some reason with my boyfriend meeting new guys. If it happens, I guess, I'll have a hard time getting over it and starting over. But, I really think I've found that person for me. My boyfriend truly understands me and cares about me more than anyone in the world. I'm trying to teach myself to enjoy life now and not worry about the future.
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