Bf's brothers girlfriend calling my bf.

[Walk]

My bf's brother's girlfriend.. We'll call her Tammy, has started calling my bf just to "chat". She just started this the last 2-3 days. Before this, when my bf called his brother she would always answer and would talk for 10 minutes or so before putting the brother on the phone.

 

(the brother and tammy have dated for 8 months. In financially destitute times right now. They live together.)

(Recap: bf and I live together. dated for 2.5 years. I've known the brother for about 12 years-as acquaintances only.)

 

I'm not concerned that my bf's going to cheat, or even interested in Tammy. But it just seems.. I don't know.. wrong. To me, you don't call up someone elses bf just to chit chat. Possibly if they'd been friends earlier, or had something in common.. But that's not the case. She doesnt' call to talk about her relationship with the brother.. doesnt' call about family things. She calls to talk about her medical problems, the latest gizmo she found in the dumpster of her apartment, the vodka she drank... on and on and on... 15-20 minute conversations.

 

My bf makes faces and stuff while she's talking.. the kind that scream "Save me", or "WTF?" And the only reason he answers the phone is because his brother calls him often (every day, every other day), and because of his brothers medical condition and financial situation, my bf's concerned that his brother will be calling for help. (diabetic, needs insulin)

 

The last phone call (bf missed brothers call, and called back not knowing she had been the one to call) My bf was sitting right next to me, and I could hear a majority of her side of the conversation as well as his. He asks to talk to the brother, and after about 15 minutes of her talking about how she loves men in uniform and her thoughts on sex.. I hear her say "tell *Walk* I said hi, and for her not to feel jealous. We're not hiding anything." and then something about how I shouldn't feel left out, or something. I didn't really understand that part.. Oh, and then she said how she wants to spend more time with me, and get to know me better.

 

I guess, my big concern is that this woman will develop a crush on my bf, and that it will hurt my bf's relationship with his brother. I don't really feel like its my place to say anything to the woman.. but at the same time... my bf is far too nice to say curtail her calling or talking.

 

My question is.. Is it possible for some women to think it is normal and expected of them to keep in close contact with her SO's family? And to therefore believe that calling her bf's brother is normal? (she's a talker too.. guess she racks up the phone bill at her house)

 

Would anyone else find this odd? I'm kind of skewed on how I deal with people, so I'm probably out of touch with how "normal" people relate to their SO's family.

 

Is she just a super friendly person... or should I step in so that this doesnt' cause some problems between my bf and his brother?

 

Just to reiterate again.. I'm not too concerned about him cheating on me with her. Just wondering if she's trying like hell to feel accepted into the family? Or maybe she feels threatened by me for some reason? Or if she likes my bf in more than a brotherly kind of way? I get kind of a strange vibe off her, I guess that what started me wondering.

[a4a]

She calls to talk about her medical problems, the latest gizmo she found in the dumpster of her apartment, the vodka she drank... on and on and on... 15-20 minute conversations.

 

He asks to talk to the brother, and after about 15 minutes of her talking about how she loves men in uniform and her thoughts on sex.. I hear her say "tell *Walk* I said hi, and for her not to feel jealous. We're not hiding anything." and then something about how I shouldn't feel left out, or something. I didn't really understand that part.. Oh, and then she said how she wants to spend more time with me, and get to know me better.

 

 

 

She has issues and needs a life.

 

Sounds like a kitchen chicken. Sounds like she has issues with you and might be taking stabs at you through your bf.

 

I am guessing she is aware that you know what she says to your bf right?

 

Passive Aggressive stabs at you. She certainly lacks class and manners and seems to need to attempt to get your bf's attention. I cannot imagine why your bf would not be attracted to her :lmao:

 

Your bf could put a stop to this by saying " Ya know..... I think you are a nice person but I just don't feel comfortable when you say certain things to me"....... for that matter he could talk to his brother about it.

 

It is so wrong to make comments of a sexual nature or with sexual undertones to another family member. Is the brother aware of how she speaks to your bf?

 

and sure they can call and chat about many subject as long as the person they are talking to is actually interested in the subject...her sexy talk is way out of line.

[SoleMate]

It's time for your bf to learn how to say, "Gosh, look at the time, I've got to go! See ya!"

[blind_otter]

Your bf could put a stop to this by saying " Ya know..... I think you are a nice person but I just don't feel comfortable when you say certain things to me"....... for that matter he could talk to his brother about it.

 

It is so wrong to make comments of a sexual nature or with sexual undertones to another family member. Is the brother aware of how she speaks to your bf?

 

and sure they can call and chat about many subject as long as the person they are talking to is actually interested in the subject...her sexy talk is way out of line.

 

Word, I agree. I don't call any of my brothers-in-law to chat about anything. We're friendly when we see each other (well one of them is, the other one is a choad), and that's the extent of our socializing. I talk on the phone with them when I call my sisters and one of the guys answers. We talk for less than 5 minutes.

 

She does seem a little classless.

[Adunaphel]

My question is.. Is it possible for some women to think it is normal and expected of them to keep in close contact with her SO's family? And to therefore believe that calling her bf's brother is normal? (she's a talker too.. guess she racks up the phone bill at her house)

 

I guess some women would think it's normal, but no one in her right mind would think it is expected, at least when the phone calls are unsolicited.

 

As you said, it would be different if they had known each other for a long time.

It would also be different if she got along very well and developed a strong bond with *both* you and your bf.

 

Would anyone else find this odd? I'm kind of skewed on how I deal with people, so I'm probably out of touch with how "normal" people relate to their SO's family.

 

I expecially find it odd how some 'talkers' do not even realize whether their chit-chatter is welcome or not. Some people are absolutely unable to read the little (and not so little) signs that reveal how much they are boring or annoying the person they are talking with.

 

Is she just a super friendly person... or should I step in so that this doesnt' cause some problems between my bf and his brother?

 

My guess is that she is just a big pain in the ass. Her intentions are probably innocuous - I don't think she is after your boyfriend, or that she'll develop a crush on him (I don't think she will have the time to anyway).

 

You said she has been doing this in the last days only...are you aware of any problems she might be having with your bf's brother?

Perhaps she is worried he is going to dump her and is trying to get into your simpaties (and failing badly the attempt? ).

 

Just to reiterate again.. I'm not too concerned about him cheating on me with her. Just wondering if she's trying like hell to feel accepted into the family?

 

I think she could be. Or perhaps she spends hours on the phone with anyone that will bear with her because she is a talker and/or feels alone?

 

Or maybe she feels threatened by me for some reason?

 

I think that if she feels threatened by you, she'd act more sneakier.

 

Or if she likes my bf in more than a brotherly kind of way?

 

It doesn't sound like she does. Not yet, anyway.

 

Her 'sexual' comments are way out of line, though.

 

It would be useful to know if it is normal for her to make this kind of comments to all men she knows - it could be that, being generally a boring person, making comments of a sexual content has always been for her the easiest way to retain the attention of guys. (she senses that your bf is not really interested on being on the phone any longer, she resorts to silly/flirty subjects because they usually allow her to prolong conversations with members of the opposite sex). Just a guess.

 

She could also be one of those ladies who get inappropriate/flirtatious with all guys that they know.

 

I agree with Blind Otter that she seems classless. If not plain stupid.

 

I get kind of a strange vibe off her, I guess that what started me wondering.

 

Vibes are always worth listening to.

Anyway, no matter what her intentions are, I'd be bothered too if I were in your situation.

 

Perhaps next time she calls your bf he could tell her something like "you have been calling a lot just to talk, lately. What's up?"

He could add that he does not really like to chit-chat on the phone, but if she is having any problems you and him would be glad to help.

Or anything that gives a "if you have anything important to tell us, you are welcome to call us, but we have no time to waste in silly meaningless conversations" message.

[norajane]

Maybe your bf's brother can get a cell phone? Then your bf wouldn't have to call the house, nor would he have to answer calls from the house...

 

That's avoiding the problem, but if your bf doesn't want to say anything to her, then it could be enough to get the girl off his back.

[RecordProducer]

When women are not satisfied with their partners, they often turn to their partner's brother as someone who can protect them in many ways. First, the brother has a part of her partner - the man she loves. Secondly, by keeping a close relationship with the brother, she is tightening up the ties with her partner. Thirdly, she wants to show her BF "Here, I get along well with your brother!" And finally, if anything goes wrong, the brother will be there to help her and be on her side.

 

It has nothing to do with a crush or anything. She has problems with her BF. You don't know everything that's going on between them, they won't tell you. My husband has a twin brother who lives next door, they are very, very close, but they never talk about their wives (nothing bad, that is).

 

If I were you, I wouldn't pay attention to it. She is just a PITA for you, nothing else. She has a problem, not you or your BF.

[norajane]

A PITA? What's that?

[RecordProducer]

A PITA? What's that?

PITA = pain in the ass

[Walk]

Well... I agree she has serious mental issues.

 

My bf was going out with his friend and his brother yesterday and had invited me along. He suggested we could take "Tammy" since she'd made comments about wanting to get to know me better. So I called her and invited her along yesterday.

 

It was fine for about an hour. No problems. But then the girl started getting pissy at everything. It was really weird. I was getting so uncomfortable around her. I'm not even sure how to describe it. One second she's cracking jokes, and we're all laughing, then two seconds later she's turning her back to the conversation. Then the next second she's back in the conversation and we're laughing having a good time.. next second she's pissy and wants to go home. Then back to laughing, pissy, laughing, pissy.. 3 hours of this...

 

The word psycho kept coming to mind.

 

I don't know if this makes a difference, but she's on 2 different antidepressants, and 2 medications for anxiety attacks.

 

Anyway, my bf and I get home, have dinner, and my phone rings. It's her... I'm an ass and didn't answer it, so she called my bf's phone. He answers (lied and said I wasn't available) and she talks to him for a few minutes and then hangs up. I asked what she called for, and he said he wasn't sure.. something about the show Cops coming on in 11 minutes. (Her sexual fantasy convo with the bf had been about men in uniform, specifically cops)

[a4a]

Walk get yourself a 10 foot pole and keep her on the other end of it opposite of you.

 

No need to get involved or share time with her. You will never get those hours and minutes of your life back.

 

Does your bf see her "issues"?

 

If so perhaps you need to form a plan to ease her out of your life.

 

But always blame yourself.....

 

"I am having a tough time right now so I know I am not a suitable friend for you, I am trying to spend some time alone to work out my issues and I do not want to ever offend you. So please understand that it is my fault I cannot talk for awhile"........... or some crap along that line. Switch her radar to a new target

[Walk]

"I am having a tough time right now so I know I am not a suitable friend for you, I am trying to spend some time alone to work out my issues and I do not want to ever offend you. So please understand that it is my fault I cannot talk for awhile"........... or some crap along that line. Switch her radar to a new target

I think that's a damn good plan. I don't want to be her "life line" or something. I have enough people in my life that cause me problems, I don't need a brothers woman adding to it.

 

Plus.. I really don't see her and the brothers relationship lasting too long. She's the type of woman that give all other women a terrible name. You know.. the never work, demand your SO pay for everything, berrates and insults SO in front of others, and condems the poor man for every single thing he enjoys... I hate what she represents to me. The 'always need a man' in her life, refuses to improve herself because its "too hard", and blames all her problems on everyone else..

 

[a4a]

Plus.. I really don't see her and the brothers relationship lasting too long. She's the type of woman that give all other women a terrible name. You know.. the never work, demand your SO pay for everything, berrates and insults SO in front of others, and condems the poor man for every single thing he enjoys... I hate what she represents to me. The 'always need a man' in her life, refuses to improve herself because its "too hard", and blames all her problems on everyone else..

 

 

oh so she is just like me huh? :lmao: :lmao:

[a4a]

Walk sometimes the best way to shed a persons attention is to act more F-ed up then they are and at the same time boost their ego.... then disappear into the night when they stop being so focused on you.

 

Run to safety the first chance you get. I cannot imagine she will improve at any time soon.

[Great Gazoo]

 

Anyway, my bf and I get home, have dinner, and my phone rings. It's her... I'm an ass and didn't answer it, so she called my bf's phone. He answers (lied and said I wasn't available) and she talks to him for a few minutes and then hangs up.

 

 

I think you know why she calls your BF because everyone else wont answer the damn phone. Its sad in some ways, sounds like she needs a friend and someone to talk to and with all those pills and problems the 2 of them have but yeah I understand why you would stay the hell away.

[Walk]

oh so she is just like me huh? :lmao: :lmao:

 

Oh sure..

 

If she had even a pink finger of your work ethic maybe I'd have some respect for her.... But alas... her idea of work is sunning her self by the pool.

[Walk]

I think you know why she calls your BF because everyone else wont answer the damn phone. Its sad in some ways, sounds like she needs a friend and someone to talk to and with all those pills and problems the 2 of them have but yeah I understand why you would stay the hell away.

 

The brother says she's on the phone 2-3 hours a day talking to her family and friends. She's really close friends with her ex's family and goes and see's them regularly. She has lots of family and friends around and she spends a majority of her day talking to them on the phone. Kind of hard to have $200-300 phone bills (landline) if no one's answering....

 

That's why I don't understand why the long convo's with my bf. She has several people she can call and talk to.

 

Also.. yesterday when we were out. She was saying that she calls and talks to my bf's family. So that made me feel like she wasn't singling out my bf for attention. Seems as though she's been calling the aunts and uncles regularly for a couple weeks now. (mother and father are dead)

 

Maybe if I'm lucky the girl will have decided I'm not someone she likes and she'll leave me alone. (that's terrible of me...) But, I really don't have room in my life for another person who needs attention. I've got my hands full now.

[RecordProducer]

Then the next second she's back in the conversation and we're laughing having a good time.. next second she's pissy and wants to go home. Then back to laughing, pissy, laughing, pissy.. 3 hours of this...

 

The word psycho kept coming to mind.

I don't know if this makes a difference, but she's on 2 different antidepressants, and 2 medications for anxiety attacks.

She sounds like she is bipolar or has MPD (multiple-personality-disorder). Could be both even. Nowadays they give you strong psycho meds for feeling sad cuz your husband dumped you, but her behavior does sound abnormal.

 

You have all the right to stay away from her as long as you are polite and civil. Nobody can force you to accept anyone in your life and waste our precious time and energy on them.