missdeathwish Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 I already posted this on Second Chances, but maybe it'll go better here. Here's the basic timeline: 1- Met guy about a year ago. Were friendly, but since I lived over 1500 miles away, never really saw one another except when I was back in town visiting family. Nothing serious. 2- Guy starts flirting via email. Next time I see him, lightbulb goes on "Oh, I like this guy." 3- I have sex with this guy. I fall for this guy. 4- I kind of freak out about moving too fast and stop having sex with guy. I don't mention my decision or anything (probably should have, but never mind). Somewhere in here, he stops emailing as much. 5- We continue to have fun and hang out, so I figure he wasn't just after the sex. We semi-discuss dating once I move back into town this summer. (In a "we'll have to spend more time together over the summer"/"I'll see you soon" and "I'm looking forward to this summer" kind of way.) 6- Sometime between the last time I see him and when I get back into town (about one month) he meets someone else and begins a serious relationship. Seems like he's pretty in love with her. Key point: he didn't tell me. I found out from one of his online community profiles. 7- I call him on it in an email, telling him that I'm hurt and totally expected more honesty, etc. 8- He writes back with a bunch of excuses. I haven't written/spoken to/seen him since. I haven't "checked up on" him. I actively avoid the neighborhood where he lives. He hasn't either. Yes, painful. Highly. Basically, I'm not at all ready for a relationship right now (too ouchy) and I certainly don't want him to dump his g/f, nor do I expect him to. However, I would like to maybe try again sometime in the future, when he's single again. H's obviously not at all interested right now and I'm too hurt and afraid. However, I know we got along really well and so we probably could again sometime. I don't need to hear "move on" or "he's just not that into you" as both are quite obvious, hurtful, and utterly useless to me. I have heard them a thousand times from a thousand people, tried it, etc. I won't make the same mistakes in the future, but for now, with this relationship, I've accepted that I can't have him now, but I still would like to keep the possibility open for the future. Question is: how? How do I try to re-initiate contact? He probably thinks I hate his guts. How do I get back into his life enough that I'm there, but not so much that I need to constantly see him and his girlfriend together and happy? How much of this (I love him despite abc, xyz, and everything in between; I don't want anything NOW, but want to be a contender in the future, maybe) do I disclose, if anything? He's in his late 30's, but is in many ways a hell of a lot younger (like he's stuck in high school/college). I don't know if this matters or not, but barring any unforseen, major changes, I'm moving to Seoul in less than a month.
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