postpartum???

[Guest]

im worried my best friend my have post partum. ever since shes had the baby at the beg. of june, she is very uninterested in life... mainly her wedding in two weeks! she has no desire to to finish planning, most brides are CRAZY at this point pulling together all the last details. she never wants to leave the house, while her fiance goes out all the time.

 

the way she treats the baby worries me too. she is always calling him a bastard, saying hes a bad baby, but whenever ive watched him hes an angel. she breastfed for the first two weeks, then quit because he hadnt gained an ounce due to her milk not having nourishment (she was eating chips for breakfast). a week after she quit, she told me how she would just not feed him sometimes bc she didnt want to.

 

i thought maybe by now she would have bonded but she still doesnt seem to be happy about having a baby at all. her fiance is worthless, none of her friends like him, so i cant talk to him about it. ive considered calling her mom and seeing what she thought, but i dont know if its something i should wait 2 weeks til after her wedding or should i do it asap?

[Outcast]

Do it immediately! It sounds like your friend is postpartum or worse - on the verge of abusing the child. Calling a baby a bastard??? And

she would just not feed him sometimes bc she didnt want to.

 

You must call her mother and tell her mother that you will call the authorities if the mother doesn't do something. That child is in danger!!! Don't wait one more minute!!

[RecordProducer]

im worried my best friend my have post partum. ever since shes had the baby at the beg. of june, she is very uninterested in life... mainly her wedding in two weeks! she has no desire to to finish planning, most brides are CRAZY at this point pulling together all the last details. she never wants to leave the house, while her fiance goes out all the time.

 

the way she treats the baby worries me too. she is always calling him a bastard, saying hes a bad baby, but whenever ive watched him hes an angel. she breastfed for the first two weeks, then quit because he hadnt gained an ounce due to her milk not having nourishment (she was eating chips for breakfast). a week after she quit, she told me how she would just not feed him sometimes bc she didnt want to.

 

i thought maybe by now she would have bonded but she still doesnt seem to be happy about having a baby at all. her fiance is worthless, none of her friends like him, so i cant talk to him about it. ive considered calling her mom and seeing what she thought, but i dont know if its something i should wait 2 weeks til after her wedding or should i do it asap?

I think you're over-reacting. I also think you're more concerned about finding faults in your friend than you're concerned about the baby.

 

The chips have nothing to do with bad milk. It's not her fault that her milk was not enough nutritious for the baby. Of course she won't feed a baby that refuses to eat!

 

Calling him a bastard and a bad baby is probably a joke. She is overwhelmed wioth emotions due to her hormonal jumps after the labor. Y

 

You can talk to HER about it, not behind her back. If you can't then leave her alone.

[HeyYouGuys]

im worried my best friend my have post partum. ever since shes had the baby at the beg. of june, she is very uninterested in life... mainly her wedding in two weeks! she has no desire to to finish planning, most brides are CRAZY at this point pulling together all the last details. she never wants to leave the house, while her fiance goes out all the time.

 

the way she treats the baby worries me too. she is always calling him a bastard, saying hes a bad baby, but whenever ive watched him hes an angel. she breastfed for the first two weeks, then quit because he hadnt gained an ounce due to her milk not having nourishment (she was eating chips for breakfast). a week after she quit, she told me how she would just not feed him sometimes bc she didnt want to.

 

i thought maybe by now she would have bonded but she still doesnt seem to be happy about having a baby at all. her fiance is worthless, none of her friends like him, so i cant talk to him about it. ive considered calling her mom and seeing what she thought, but i dont know if its something i should wait 2 weeks til after her wedding or should i do it asap?

 

 

New mothers are generally exhausted and have massive hormonal fluctuations.

She may be struggling with this.

 

My friend's sister called her baby all kinds of unflattering names; 'Lump of Lard', 'The Alien' and 'Snotmeister' among others.

 

Look, having baby is a shock. It's a shock mentally and physically. Many mothers need to have ways to vent and calling the baby 'Poop Machine' is a soft way to vent. The baby doesn't care what it's called. It's not abusing the baby to call it names.

 

Oh and my friend's sister also used the word 'Bastard' when she was pregnant and the baby would kick her in the kidney.

 

She's not a bad mother for not wanting to breastfeed. Some women can't provide enough milk to sustain a baby. Eating chips does not affect your milk supply. Let her be if she wants to bottlefeed.

 

SHe sounds overwhelmed and really tired. Have you offerred to help babysit, rock the baby, change diapers, do her shopping? Have you sat and just listened to her talk about the challenges of new motherhood? Perhaps instead of criticizing, you should tell her, "Tell me how I can help you"

 

It can take time to bond with a baby. My BF's mother told me it took her over a year to feel close to her baby. One of my co-workers experienced terrible depression after having her baby. She'd rock the baby in her arms but fantasize about dropping her on the floor and running away.

 

Most of the time these mothers would NEVER truly hurt their infant. There are a very small percentage who do, so you need to ask your friend if she feels like there is any danger or her hurting the baby or herself.

 

She needs help, not critique.

[blind_otter]

New mothers are generally exhausted and have massive hormonal fluctuations.

She may be struggling with this.

 

My friend's sister called her baby all kinds of unflattering names; 'Lump of Lard', 'The Alien' and 'Snotmeister' among others.

 

Look, having baby is a shock. It's a shock mentally and physically. Many mothers need to have ways to vent and calling the baby 'Poop Machine' is a soft way to vent. The baby doesn't care what it's called. It's not abusing the baby to call it names.

 

Oh and my friend's sister also used the word 'Bastard' when she was pregnant and the baby would kick her in the kidney.

 

She's not a bad mother for not wanting to breastfeed. Some women can't provide enough milk to sustain a baby. Eating chips does not affect your milk supply. Let her be if she wants to bottlefeed.

 

SHe sounds overwhelmed and really tired. Have you offerred to help babysit, rock the baby, change diapers, do her shopping? Have you sat and just listened to her talk about the challenges of new motherhood? Perhaps instead of criticizing, you should tell her, "Tell me how I can help you"

 

It can take time to bond with a baby. My BF's mother told me it took her over a year to feel close to her baby. One of my co-workers experienced terrible depression after having her baby. She'd rock the baby in her arms but fantasize about dropping her on the floor and running away.

 

Most of the time these mothers would NEVER truly hurt their infant. There are a very small percentage who do, so you need to ask your friend if she feels like there is any danger or her hurting the baby or herself.

 

She needs help, not critique.

 

 

Word. I agree.

 

People think that by giving birth you somehow magically can handle everything, automatically feel maternal feelings, and it's odd how we hold mothers up to a standard of behavior when we have no idea how stressful the experience is. It's not all love and cuddles. It's a lot of bodily fluids and sleep deprivation, it's not being able to be alone, ever, it's not even owning your own body any more.

 

That's what friends and family should do during the first few months. Be there as a support system and create an open line of communication so that the new mother can focus on adjusting to her new lifestyle and role.

[Outcast]

Except this is her best friend. Which means she's noticing something very different about her friend. I think in every case, whether you find unusual blood coming from a body part or a lump or something that doesn't feel right, you're better safe than sorry.

 

If the OP calls the girl's mom and mom goes to check it out and it really is just the new baby blues, no harm no foul. If, however, it's a more serious case of PPD, then tragedy could be prevented. How many kids are dead now because people didn't want to think that the new moms were actually seriously in trouble?? IMHO it's not helping someone you care about to ignore their signs of distress.

[Roo]

Ughhh if I'm reading your post right and she's not saying sometimes I just don't feed the baby (ie breastfeeding) because I don't want to and (therefore giving the baby a bottle) and she's actually NOT FEEDING the child... you should at the VERY least talk to the baby's father and or her mother.

 

From what you say it does sound a bit alarming but it is hard to tell only from the information given. I have had several friends with ppd, and I BF and I know EXACTLY how difficult it can be, but there is something here that does seem to resonate with the ppd to me. Try not to judge her, be supportive look up some info on PPD and see if you can't try to ask her about how she's feeling to better decide if she needs help, she may be totally unaware of how gloomy she's really feeling, and she may also be ashamed.. Tready lightly but do try to let someone close to the situation know your concearns for the sake of the child.

[Becoming]

I had a friend tell me that he thought I might have post-partum depression. No one else ever mentioned it, including my dr. I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't just absolutely adore my baby. On one level I did, but on another, I didn't much care about anything, and I was in such shock I didn't know what was up. I thought it was sleep deprivation.

 

It is at about this time that true post-partum depression, a serious medical condition that can cause mothers to seriously wonk out and drown babies, really hits. Post-baby blues hits right after birth, but ppd sets in later.

 

PLEASE TALK TO HER! For everyone's sake. Don't judge, of course. But tell her you notice she just doesn't seem like herself and that you think she really needs to be evaluate for ppd. Offer to go to her ObGyn with her to tell the dr. what you see.

 

The second time I had ppd, my husband wrote the dr. a list of my symptoms because I wasn't even able to articulate what was wrong. That really helped. If you could do that for your friend, she could be evaluated and get the meds I suspect she might need. At the very least, get her to take 1-3 GRAMS (not mg) of Omega 3 oil each day--the baby strips Mama's brain of these essential oils to lay down its own fat stores at the end of pregnancy, and our brains need those oils to function properly.

 

Having a baby is, as someone rightly said, a huge shock. Add a wedding on top of that to a guy she may know deep down in is not really a stand-up kinda guy, and she may feel like life is simply spinning out of control and need someone to talk to who can prompt her to talk. I was such a mess I couldn't even articulate what was going on with me, and I really needed to.

 

Thanks for being a concerned friend. Blessings to you!

[RecordProducer]

New mothers are generally exhausted and have massive hormonal fluctuations.

She may be struggling with this.

 

My friend's sister called her baby all kinds of unflattering names; 'Lump of Lard', 'The Alien' and 'Snotmeister' among others.

 

Look, having baby is a shock. It's a shock mentally and physically. Many mothers need to have ways to vent and calling the baby 'Poop Machine' is a soft way to vent. The baby doesn't care what it's called. It's not abusing the baby to call it names.

 

Oh and my friend's sister also used the word 'Bastard' when she was pregnant and the baby would kick her in the kidney.

 

She's not a bad mother for not wanting to breastfeed. Some women can't provide enough milk to sustain a baby. Eating chips does not affect your milk supply. Let her be if she wants to bottlefeed.

 

SHe sounds overwhelmed and really tired. Have you offerred to help babysit, rock the baby, change diapers, do her shopping? Have you sat and just listened to her talk about the challenges of new motherhood? Perhaps instead of criticizing, you should tell her, "Tell me how I can help you"

Wonderful post!

 

It can take time to bond with a baby. My BF's mother told me it took her over a year to feel close to her baby. One of my co-workers experienced terrible depression after having her baby. She'd rock the baby in her arms but fantasize about dropping her on the floor and running away.

 

Most of the time these mothers would NEVER truly hurt their infant. There are a very small percentage who do, so you need to ask your friend if she feels like there is any danger or her hurting the baby or herself.

 

She needs help, not critique.

I was crazy about my babies from the very beginning and I was very protective. I didn't have any negative feelings whatsoever. I did however feel imprisoned (I had two at once), overwhelmed, plus I had problems with the ex-husband (he was leaving me) and had a chronic lack of sleep for 3-4 months. (Lack of sleep can cause depression and a lot of stress by itself). My mom lived with me and she was a great help.

 

But not all new mothers are the same and indeed very few of them really neglect or hurt their babies. My room mate in the hospital called her newborn baby a "scum" or something like that, but she said it in a joking way. She loved the baby very much and cried when they put it in an incubator cuz thedoctors decided he needed more strength. She was a simple, common woman with 4 others daughters on the farm and this was her first "scum." I guess if she had another girl, she would have called her a "whore."

[Outcast]

I think somebody's best friend would be able to tell whether she was joking or not.

[Mary3]

im worried my best friend my have post partum. ever since shes had the baby at the beg. of june, she is very uninterested in life... mainly her wedding in two weeks! she has no desire to to finish planning, most brides are CRAZY at this point pulling together all the last details. she never wants to leave the house, while her fiance goes out all the time.

 

the way she treats the baby worries me too. she is always calling him a bastard, saying hes a bad baby, but whenever ive watched him hes an angel. she breastfed for the first two weeks, then quit because he hadnt gained an ounce due to her milk not having nourishment (she was eating chips for breakfast). a week after she quit, she told me how she would just not feed him sometimes bc she didnt want to.

 

i thought maybe by now she would have bonded but she still doesnt seem to be happy about having a baby at all. her fiance is worthless, none of her friends like him, so i cant talk to him about it. ive considered calling her mom and seeing what she thought, but i dont know if its something i should wait 2 weeks til after her wedding or should i do it asap?

 

 

I strongly disagree that this is a passing phase. There are certain degrees of depression that can follow a birth. From slight depression to psychosis PPD. When things get so bad the mother , who is not thinking clearly run by hormoes and deep confusing thoughts CAN harm her baby.

 

I do not think we as Love Shackers can tell the mom to calm down and don't worry about all this because WE are not the one caring for that baby she calls a bastard and sometimes refuses to feed.

 

A medical opinion needs to be sought ASAP because fleeting thoughts can turn into full blown psychosis and I for one will advise OP to seek medical attention ASAP . I feel I have done my part. It troubles me because I went through this with my daughter. Almost despising her and not knowing why until the hormones calmed down. Anything left on its own can be a sure disasterous result as we are not medical professionals.

 

Please seek help. At least you can ease your mind and find out if any medications can regulate your fluctuations in mood and apathy towards the baby.

[Becoming]

I strongly disagree that this is a passing phase. There are certain degrees of depression that can follow a birth. From slight depression to psychosis PPD. When things get so bad the mother , who is not thinking clearly run by hormoes and deep confusing thoughts CAN harm her baby.

 

I do not think we as Love Shackers can tell the mom to calm down and don't worry about all this because WE are not the one caring for that baby she calls a bastard and sometimes refuses to feed.

 

A medical opinion needs to be sought ASAP because fleeting thoughts can turn into full blown psychosis and I for one will advise OP to seek medical attention ASAP . I feel I have done my part. It troubles me because I went through this with my daughter. Almost despising her and not knowing why until the hormones calmed down. Anything left on its own can be a sure disasterous result as we are not medical professionals.

 

Please seek help. At least you can ease your mind and find out if any medications can regulate your fluctuations in mood and apathy towards the baby.

 

I LOUDLY second this WISDOM. Right on, Mary3!

[Mary3]

I LOUDLY second this WISDOM. Right on, Mary3!

 

 

Thanks becoming I hope the mom is getting some help now.

[Guest]

I think you're over-reacting. I also think you're more concerned about finding faults in your friend than you're concerned about the baby.

 

The chips have nothing to do with bad milk. It's not her fault that her milk was not enough nutritious for the baby. Of course she won't feed a baby that refuses to eat!

 

Calling him a bastard and a bad baby is probably a joke. She is overwhelmed wioth emotions due to her hormonal jumps after the labor. Y

 

You can talk to HER about it, not behind her back. If you can't then leave her alone.

 

ive had a child myself, so i know what its like. it pretty much sucks the life out of you, but not in the way she is acting. i breastfed. and the things you eat when doing that do have an effect on the quality of milk. you have to eat the same as if you were still pregnant, it is still your body supporting another persons life.

 

i have talked to her. several times. when she calls him a bastard, i say no hes not, and she says yes she is.

 

she was also depressed before she had the baby, her dad died young and unexpectedly a few years back.

 

and a true friend wouldnt just "leave her alone", if someone recognizes something very wrong in their closest friend, and does something about it theres nothing wrong.