is people capable of true love?

[Guest]

Just wondering if people are capable of true Love? I mean after the honey moon stage fade away, people are capable of loving another person, if without this other person you can live though, without craving his/her money, power, beauty.....? if the physical attraction is not there, then people still can love another as before? true love means even physical attraction is not there, you can still care him/her, it is action, right?

wondering how many people can have true love in a long term relationship....

[SoCalCatman72]

Do you want the Philisophical answer or the Scientific one?

[Guest]

Do you want the Philisophical answer or the Scientific one?

 

From your experience and real life observation?

I think I already knew what science would say. like "The road less traveled", "Love's art"....sounds beautiful, but how many can have it or can do it?

 

Also I am confused about self-love and love others. People who love self much more than love others is not true love; people who love others more than self is also not healthy, such as people would do anything to make their loved one happy even on the price of their own happyness, own needs and own self-esteem, in a long term sense these people would grow resentment.

 

Now I am thinking true love is quite contrary to what people think, true love is simple, boring, daily little care about the other...

[Outcast]

I is.

 

 

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[Roo]

I think to be capable of true love, etc you must posess self love, love for others, as with other things in life, BALANCE is key.

 

TRUE REAL LOVE isn't lasting because it's magic, it's lasting because the people who are experience it work for it.

[SoCalCatman72]

Also I am confused about self-love and love others. People who love self much more than love others is not true love; people who love others more than self is also not healthy, such as people would do anything to make their loved one happy even on the price of their own happyness, own needs and own self-esteem, in a long term sense these people would grow resentment.

 

Now I am thinking true love is quite contrary to what people think, true love is simple, boring, daily little care about the other...

 

Ok, that was a loaded question because science and philosophy tend to converge on this matter.

 

IMO, true love is possible. Scientists call the simple, boring, daily little care for another companionate love, what romantic love turns into, after the endorphins have worn off.

 

Philisophically, love is when you care about someone so much that their welfare, well being, and happiness become a priority in your life, to the extent that you would sacrifice your own well being or happiness (TEMPORARILY) to insure theirs.

 

Now the self-love matter. IMO a healthy individual must love themself to a certain degree. They have to be able to see and appreciate the qualities that make them attractive in order for them to be able to accept that someone else finds them attractive. However self-love to the point where it becomes the most important thing in your life is called narcissism.

 

To loving others too much, well psychologist call this "projection of need" from what I understand, people who love and care for others to the continued and constant detriment of self are trying to project onto others the attention and nurturing that they so desperately need themselves, also referred to as selfish unselfishness.

[lonelybird]

I is.

 

 

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Hehe, is this correct English?

Outcast, I saw many discussion of yours in thread of carryon's, and I tried to understand the reasoning of both sides. I understood his wife had difficult times and she needs companionship at the time, but one thing is beyond my understanding, (it is very little chance that carryon would look at this thread anyway) his wife even made a sex tape! seems she went extra miles for just companionship? and some people advised he stay with his wife, seems you want carryon to chanllenge his limits, well human limits, maybe few people can do it in this world. sometimes "the right thing" is just pure pressure and burden to people, not a road to love and freedom. don't know if this make sense, but hopefully you can explain.

 

Socalcatman

Thanks for clarifying, make more sense now. anyway True love is like HOPE, everybody want it secretly or not secretly.

Roo

I see. Chieving the balance is difficult though. maybe after I done something imbalance for quite a while, then one day "oops, I shouldn't do that"

[Outcast]

The wife did a stupid thing. She had sex with a friend. BUT SHE NEVER STOPPED LOVING HER HUSBAND. It's fascinating that men who keep claiming that it's easy to have sex without feelings and that that sort of sex is meaningless can't seem to think that women can do the same. He never lost her heart - he always had it and has it still. IMHO, that's what's important in a relationship. She told her husband that she couldn't replace him. What more do you want than that a person think you to be the only person that she can love?

 

seems you want carryon to chanllenge his limits, well human limits, maybe few people can do it in this world

 

And what about the wife's human limits? Seems everyone thinks she should have been superwoman and completely unaffected by the horrible situation. He's already said that to his knowledge she didn't spend much time unpartnered ever in her life. You don't know under what circumstances the video was made. Maybe he insisted. To me the point is moot because she never stopped loving him.

[SoCalCatman72]

It's fascinating that men who keep claiming that it's easy to have sex without feelings and that that sort of sex is meaningless can't seem to think that women can do the same.

 

I understand your point, however you have to remember that every website, self help book and magazine directed towards men are always talking about how for the female, sex is an "emotional" experience as opposed to being a physical experience for men.

 

I know it's a load of bunk to a certain degree, but this is what the media has conditioned us to believe.

[blind_otter]

I understand your point, however you have to remember that every website, self help book and magazine directed towards men are always talking about how for the female, sex is an "emotional" experience as opposed to being a physical experience for men.

 

I know it's a load of bunk to a certain degree, but this is what the media has conditioned us to believe.

 

nuh uh, that's a bogus cop out. The media may try, but only the intellectually lazy allow themselves to be conditioned by the media!

 

It's both, for both people, but the genders access and express their emotions differently, thus the illusion of a clearly delineated difference. It's all relative anyways.

[rina_r]

TRUE REAL LOVE isn't lasting because it's magic, it's lasting because the people who are experience it work for it.

 

True. Every relationship requires hard work.

[a4a]

I understand your point, however you have to remember that every website, self help book and magazine directed towards men are always talking about how for the female, sex is an "emotional" experience as opposed to being a physical experience for men.

 

I know it's a load of bunk to a certain degree, but this is what the media has conditioned us to believe.

 

Well ya just gotta learn to ignore it.

 

Some of the crap I read makes me wanna puke.... but then I think well how come I am so friggin different? what is wrong with me?

 

Good example was a recent article/study on how female students learn better from female teachers, and males students from male teachers.

 

Looking back it was very very much the opposite in my own experience..... so again my membership to the masses is not valid..... I am indeed a weirdo.

[lonelybird]

Thanks Outcast for your reply, point taken. Hope this world have more undertanding people