He Broke Contact With Me

[Mary3]

Hi Mary, thanks again for your reply,thank you very much for your nice compliments,i like to think im a nice person, i make friends with anyone and everyone, i guess im just a sensitive soul who take alot of things to heart, and yes i am young, only 21 and no doubt i will meet someone who will make me feel happy again, but at this moment in time this guy consumes me, i need to see him again,

 

i would imagine they had a fight or something along them lines, and he was somehow blaming me for what happened to them, i dont know basically and i need answers, but i know he has feelings for me, i wont belive anything else, all the tihngs he said to me..he couldnt MAKE THEM UP, and i need him back in my life, the more time goes on the more i miss him, and i really feel it helps talking about all of this this to you, i know you wont make him come back, but it helps to talk, the aONLY thing that would make me get over him would be to find somebody else but i havent gone back into chatrooms for a long long time and dont intend to either..to much painful memories, i just want him back in my arms and tell him how i feel,

 

i dont go out as much as i use to, i just find myself drinking by myself, smoking like crazy till im sick to my stomach, i know its not right and i wish i could change, and your right he never told me he loved me, but he said it in other ways, he said i was beautiful, said he would always be there for me, and the he didnt want me to go, he made me feel loved for the first time in my life. The 3 positive things that came out after breakign up with him ? good question..i learned i guess that things dont alwaysd go the way you want, and im more chattative to people lol ? im trying here hehe, im more confident at work, and socialising in general, but thats all shadowed over by the overwhelming feeling of loss,

 

i am willing to give it closure after i make this one last desperate attempt to get in touch, if only to answer some of the question i want to ask him, alot people say not to say stuff like "i missed you, i want you back, i think of you alot" etc so i dont know how to word it, i know u say im wasyting my life, but he is all i think of 24/7..sure work gets my mind of him, but as soon as i come home i think of him again, and its all the worse now because 8 months ago today i would have been with him watching a dvd, drinking,and relaxing, it all went horribly wrong, but i WILL give it one more last desperate attempt to get back in touch,

 

i will leave it for 2 more months, i know its sadbut seeing as i wasnt getting any reply from him i turned to the psychics/mediums or whatever, they said he will get back in touch before the end of october, so i will give him these 8 more weeks, thansk again for your kind words and advice, tho i would like to know what happened you to make you feel all down in the first place?

 

You ARE a good person and you make friends easily . That part is for sure

 

Being a warm sensitive soul is part of your nature. You want very much for an emotional connection to someone. Someone that cares and can love you. This is very true for all of us.

 

Of course this man consumes your every waking thought. ..But there is a time to let go of all you knew and look at where you are today. How many months has it been now since you have seen him ? You have him in the forefront of your mind because he stimulated a part of your brain that makes you yearn for what he made you feel like back then.

 

That is the * key * here, You want to LOVE yourself first , you really do and then needing someone to fill the rest by complimenting the great person you have become. Not the empty-I-will-never-meet-anyone-like-him-again-my-life-is-dead-without-him- thoughts. Your life is not dead. You have so much to give someone !

 

I strongly feel that if you get to live out your fantasy and meet up with him again that it will deflate like an empty balloon because you idolize and transfix on this man to the point that you keep stretching your boundaries ( and you NEED some boundaries here desperately ) and keep waiting like the abandoned pup at the roadside for your owner to come back.

 

If you can tell me 5 things he has done in the last 7 days that proves he is planning to spend his life with you , meet you again , fulfill all your dreams, I will back off , I promise. But I do care and I think you have so much to give someone who has TIME for you. Who respects you and your feelings. Who gives you the communication back.

 

He CAN make them up . ( what he said ) . Maybe (partly true) but if you put him way up there on a gold shrine and he told you so many wonderful things then its time for you to put your cards on the table NOW and deal with the hand the dealer just gave you.

 

What did he say that has you waiting ? How long ago did he say it ? How much of what he said is happening RIGHT NOW on this date 9-5-06 ? I am trying to see if this man is so worth waiting for. I still say : Prove it . ??

 

You definately DONT want to find somebody else right now because you are not going to be fair to the next guy UNLESS you have healed and fall in love with yourself and realize you dont need validation for who you are and what you stand for. You get validation from YOURSELF. Not from others. You are a good person . Own that. You are friendly. Word ! Now take what you ARE and be proud and go out there and start seeing dates as fun and get some experience and then meet the right guy !

 

What happened to me ? Well had a bf who never got over his ex. It was the deathblow because he picked her and didnot respect what we had. Thus you have alot of ppl carrying baggage and entering new relationships and HURTING the new person because you did not let go....and so it goes....

 

This internet thing becomes easy and convienant for you but let it be known alot of these guys are looking for sex. If they find easy prey they tell you whatever you want to hear...

 

I recommend if you can find a gay friendly hang out but does not sound like your town has that. You might want to still consider moving elsewhere. With your lifestyle you MUST find your own happiness and that might be living in another place

[Guest]

It has been 9 months today that I would have been with him, or 6 months since we last talked, he does consume my every thought, I wish I could just click my fingers and forget him, he was my first love basically, I had been with girls before but that was when I was just trying to fit in with my m8’s but I felt absolutely nothing with them lol no offence! I wish more than anything just to hug him again, a longing to just hold him again, I know it would be best to just let go but I cant do that until I get closure, I wish I could just have him face to face and tell him why the **** did you do this to me, but he was a cold hearted coward hiding behind his computer and the cheek of him to just block me on MSN after me travelling to another country to see him, I do love myself in a way I guess but when he did what he did to me my self esteem just crashed down and I’m back to square one again, now that I cant bear the thought of going back into chat rooms how the hell am I going to meet someone else, not that I think of that right now but still, being in the closet and living in rural Ireland is terrible, I yearn to get out of this country, my brothers and sisters have all moved out and I’m still living at home, alone, whilst everyone else is as happy and all have boyfriends, girlfriends, it seems that EVERYBODY else is all happy with not a care in the world, its like something doesn’t want me to be happy, I don’t know, all my brothers and my sister have a partner and I’m stuck here without anybody, I instantly fell in love with the city I went to meet this guy, I would love to live there, but I don’t know anybody over there and it would be daunting moving out on my own but I HAVE to do something before I crack up! I find myself having to other things to get my mind of him, i.e. going to the gym, doing anything to just get my mind of him, you clearly have more confidence than me, you got over your bf ok, but I just CANT, I have to try and contact him again, regardless of what anyone else thinks I know he has feelings for me, I’m not giving him up without a fight, I’m going to give it one last almighty attempt to get back in touch, I am going to tell him EXACTLY how I feel for him, I’m not going to side step anything, I’m just going to tell him how I feel nothing more nothing less, and if he shouldn’t reply to my message to let him know that ill always love him, and he gave me the best 3 days of my life, and if he doesn’t reply I will give it closure , have a good cry, wipe the tears and move on, I deleted all his pictures but one and I still have his emails he sent me, which I couldn’t face deleting, but come the end of October should he not reply I will delete everything of him, which will be the hardest thing in my life to do, but it must be done if I want to move on, he is the type of guy I would love to spend the rest of my with, that’s how much I care for him, he would confide in me things he wouldn’t tell anybody else and I would do the same, we connected SOO well, my god I must sound so depressing! I’m not usually this down, but I have been for this past 6 months! And one thing that drives me crazy is hearing songs on the radio that remind me when I was with him; songs are the worst for recalling memories! and to answer your question he said all luvy dubby stuff, said I was beautiful and that he would always be here for me, and even when we breaking up I asked him “ I though you said you would always be there for me” and he said that he is, he will always be here for me, and that he needed time to “cool off” he said that there is this underlying feeling that what is going on between us is making his boyfriend suspicious and that he doesn’t want to risk it all, his boyfriend rang a dozen times when I was there checking up on him, what he said is the ONLY thing that I know he still has feelings for me, I would KNOW if he didn’t have feelings for me, and his last words to me was “ your very demanding, I just cant go through with it at the moment, speak sometime soon” and that’s going on 6 months now, I’m a mess for months now, and I hope like you I either get over it, or get back with him..

[Mary3]

It has been 9 months today that I would have been with him, or 6 months since we last talked, he does consume my every thought, I wish I could just click my fingers and forget him, he was my first love basically, I had been with girls before but that was when I was just trying to fit in with my m8’s but I felt absolutely nothing with them lol no offence! I wish more than anything just to hug him again, a longing to just hold him again, I know it would be best to just let go but I cant do that until I get closure, I wish I could just have him face to face and tell him why the **** did you do this to me, but he was a cold hearted coward hiding behind his computer and the cheek of him to just block me on MSN after me travelling to another country to see him, I do love myself in a way I guess but when he did what he did to me my self esteem just crashed down and I’m back to square one again, now that I cant bear the thought of going back into chat rooms how the hell am I going to meet someone else, not that I think of that right now but still, being in the closet and living in rural Ireland is terrible, I yearn to get out of this country, my brothers and sisters have all moved out and I’m still living at home, alone, whilst everyone else is as happy and all have boyfriends, girlfriends, it seems that EVERYBODY else is all happy with not a care in the world, its like something doesn’t want me to be happy, I don’t know, all my brothers and my sister have a partner and I’m stuck here without anybody, I instantly fell in love with the city I went to meet this guy, I would love to live there, but I don’t know anybody over there and it would be daunting moving out on my own but I HAVE to do something before I crack up! I find myself having to other things to get my mind of him, i.e. going to the gym, doing anything to just get my mind of him, you clearly have more confidence than me, you got over your bf ok, but I just CANT, I have to try and contact him again, regardless of what anyone else thinks I know he has feelings for me, I’m not giving him up without a fight, I’m going to give it one last almighty attempt to get back in touch, I am going to tell him EXACTLY how I feel for him, I’m not going to side step anything, I’m just going to tell him how I feel nothing more nothing less, and if he shouldn’t reply to my message to let him know that ill always love him, and he gave me the best 3 days of my life, and if he doesn’t reply I will give it closure , have a good cry, wipe the tears and move on, I deleted all his pictures but one and I still have his emails he sent me, which I couldn’t face deleting, but come the end of October should he not reply I will delete everything of him, which will be the hardest thing in my life to do, but it must be done if I want to move on, he is the type of guy I would love to spend the rest of my with, that’s how much I care for him, he would confide in me things he wouldn’t tell anybody else and I would do the same, we connected SOO well, my god I must sound so depressing! I’m not usually this down, but I have been for this past 6 months! And one thing that drives me crazy is hearing songs on the radio that remind me when I was with him; songs are the worst for recalling memories! and to answer your question he said all luvy dubby stuff, said I was beautiful and that he would always be here for me, and even when we breaking up I asked him “ I though you said you would always be there for me” and he said that he is, he will always be here for me, and that he needed time to “cool off” he said that there is this underlying feeling that what is going on between us is making his boyfriend suspicious and that he doesn’t want to risk it all, his boyfriend rang a dozen times when I was there checking up on him, what he said is the ONLY thing that I know he still has feelings for me, I would KNOW if he didn’t have feelings for me, and his last words to me was “ your very demanding, I just cant go through with it at the moment, speak sometime soon” and that’s going on 6 months now, I’m a mess for months now, and I hope like you I either get over it, or get back with him..

 

I really feel for you here and will help you as long as you need it. Even if you don't need help for this I would like to have you stop in and keep touch with how things are going in your life

 

It has been 6 painful confusing months for you. I think you want the GTFOUTOFMYLIFE speech from him to get your closure. You are young and as you experience more relationships you will come to know that people do unexplainable cruel heartless things ..

 

I read an article and it said to have a sucessful relationship you needed 3 things :

 

1. Trust

2. Respect

3. Communication.

 

Assuming you were in this relationship and it were actively going on you would ask yourself the above. Knowing that you are not in the kind of relationship with him that you want , ask yourself ~ Is he communicating with you ? Does he respect you right now and your feelings and shows it by sending you little special cards, phone calls , do you have those special things ?

 

He consumes your every thought. I was there . I was exactly where you are , in terrible pain , and I promised myself after mine did what yours did that no-one would ever (completely) get my heart again , lest they run off with it and leave me an empty shell.

 

So with that experience I traveled a road of learning. Its been a great road. I can THANK him for what happened because it enabled me to learn about myself and ( well think about everything you feel / or felt right now ) thats me . Thats what happened. But now I am alot stronger.

 

I know you want to cry out to him and express your pain, the why did you do this to me ? The only one it will help is you. Many do not recommend it but I did it . Of course now I am more careful and to get to the level I was 2 years ago would take an enormanat amount of trust .

 

You see to him ( sadly ) you are the guy he has to block on MSN. WOW thats a pretty loud statement and your wakeup call. It happens everyday you know. People meet on the internet , get their sex and then delete you . Its a sad harsh reality. I know he meant much much more to you than the sex but what did you mean to him ? Take away the shades and get a good look.

 

No you need to get to a stronger point of self love for you to say that you did and do love yourself enough to sleep better , eat better , live life better. Thats the only body you have. Protect it ! From heartless men that might just want some of you. How many want to really love you ? Its out there for you to find out.

 

Give it your almighty one last attempt if you need to . Make that your closure , Please be aware he may feel guilt and keep you stung along even further.

 

You definately need to look into other places to live. If for your own sanity as you have accepted who you are and cannot live that lifestyle in rural Ireland,. Use your computer to guide you in research.

 

You said you don't want to do the chatrooms. There are some doozy people on those but there might just be another gay man looking for love too. Don't rule it out but just be more cautious.

 

I held on to the pictures and everything too until one day I asked myself could I delete this ? When the answer is Yes then you are ready. The songs...I knowwwwwww...Lol...the only way is to NOT listen to them while you are vulnerable and healing...

 

Now you know that people will say " I will love you forever " and not mean it because something changes inside them. It does not sound like love. It sounds like lust....on his part but lust with friendship. Well , what used to be friendship now is reduced to him fearing losing his bf ( which he likely loves ) and the risk of you being in the picture is too great. Why did he need to sleep with you and him ? Why did he go back ? I think he wanted you in a physical way and some emotional but you wanted him 100% emotional and the sex was prolly great , I bet .

 

I can only support whatever decisions you make. I just don't want you to have false impressions of a future when there might not be one with him.

 

Either way , I care alot So please stay safe and try to find your way.

 

Fellow Irish girl hehe

[Guest]

I really feel for you here and will help you as long as you need it. Even if you don't need help for this I would like to have you stop in and keep touch with how things are going in your life

 

It has been 6 painful confusing months for you. I think you want the GTFOUTOFMYLIFE speech from him to get your closure. You are young and as you experience more relationships you will come to know that people do unexplainable cruel heartless things ..

 

I read an article and it said to have a sucessful relationship you needed 3 things :

 

1. Trust

2. Respect

3. Communication.

 

Assuming you were in this relationship and it were actively going on you would ask yourself the above. Knowing that you are not in the kind of relationship with him that you want , ask yourself ~ Is he communicating with you ? Does he respect you right now and your feelings and shows it by sending you little special cards, phone calls , do you have those special things ?

 

He consumes your every thought. I was there . I was exactly where you are , in terrible pain , and I promised myself after mine did what yours did that no-one would ever (completely) get my heart again , lest they run off with it and leave me an empty shell.

 

So with that experience I traveled a road of learning. Its been a great road. I can THANK him for what happened because it enabled me to learn about myself and ( well think about everything you feel / or felt right now ) thats me . Thats what happened. But now I am alot stronger.

 

I know you want to cry out to him and express your pain, the why did you do this to me ? The only one it will help is you. Many do not recommend it but I did it . Of course now I am more careful and to get to the level I was 2 years ago would take an enormanat amount of trust .

 

You see to him ( sadly ) you are the guy he has to block on MSN. WOW thats a pretty loud statement and your wakeup call. It happens everyday you know. People meet on the internet , get their sex and then delete you . Its a sad harsh reality. I know he meant much much more to you than the sex but what did you mean to him ? Take away the shades and get a good look.

 

No you need to get to a stronger point of self love for you to say that you did and do love yourself enough to sleep better , eat better , live life better. Thats the only body you have. Protect it ! From heartless men that might just want some of you. How many want to really love you ? Its out there for you to find out.

 

Give it your almighty one last attempt if you need to . Make that your closure , Please be aware he may feel guilt and keep you stung along even further.

 

You definately need to look into other places to live. If for your own sanity as you have accepted who you are and cannot live that lifestyle in rural Ireland,. Use your computer to guide you in research.

 

You said you don't want to do the chatrooms. There are some doozy people on those but there might just be another gay man looking for love too. Don't rule it out but just be more cautious.

 

I held on to the pictures and everything too until one day I asked myself could I delete this ? When the answer is Yes then you are ready. The songs...I knowwwwwww...Lol...the only way is to NOT listen to them while you are vulnerable and healing...

 

Now you know that people will say " I will love you forever " and not mean it because something changes inside them. It does not sound like love. It sounds like lust....on his part but lust with friendship. Well , what used to be friendship now is reduced to him fearing losing his bf ( which he likely loves ) and the risk of you being in the picture is too great. Why did he need to sleep with you and him ? Why did he go back ? I think he wanted you in a physical way and some emotional but you wanted him 100% emotional and the sex was prolly great , I bet .

 

I can only support whatever decisions you make. I just don't want you to have false impressions of a future when there might not be one with him.

 

Either way , I care alot So please stay safe and try to find your way.

 

Fellow Irish girl hehe

 

Hi Mary, I will keep in touch and let you know how things are going, thanks again for your advice, them 3 things you mentioned, he showed me none of them, especially the communication bit,I know what your saying the best thing to do is move on with my life, but i cant do it,not until i get some clousre, if i ever do ! some days im OK and dont think of him much, and just when i think im getting over him something reminds me of him and i break down again, how could something so right go so terribly wrong i will NEVER know, he made me so happy it unreal, i wish i could just erase the memories of him because it hurts so much,he is on my mind 24/7 i cant shake the thought of him no matter how hard i try, and i often wonder does he ever think of me ? or once he clicked the block button was that him finished, and going about his life as happy as ever? and i think if he never had a bf in the first place would i be in the position i am in now ? Ohh mary im just a mess with the whole thing, I MISS him more than anything in this world, i mean to have so much planned and then for him to just GO? if he did get back in touch i would go see him tommorow, book the tickets tonight, and be there! but no, nothing ever works out the way you want it to, and in relation to meeting somebod new, i jsut CANNOT relate to gay irish guys, god knows i had my share, i just cant feel anything for them, i always get on better with guys from other countries god knows why, and this guy was my ticket out of here, i will give it one more last almighty attempt to get in touch, explain everything to him, and hope to god he gets back in touch, he would be the only thing that would make me genuinely happy again, the ONLY thing..

[Mary3]

Hi Mary, I will keep in touch and let you know how things are going, thanks again for your advice, them 3 things you mentioned, he showed me none of them, especially the communication bit,I know what your saying the best thing to do is move on with my life, but i cant do it,not until i get some clousre, if i ever do ! some days im OK and dont think of him much, and just when i think im getting over him something reminds me of him and i break down again, how could something so right go so terribly wrong i will NEVER know, he made me so happy it unreal, i wish i could just erase the memories of him because it hurts so much,he is on my mind 24/7 i cant shake the thought of him no matter how hard i try, and i often wonder does he ever think of me ? or once he clicked the block button was that him finished, and going about his life as happy as ever? and i think if he never had a bf in the first place would i be in the position i am in now ? Ohh mary im just a mess with the whole thing, I MISS him more than anything in this world, i mean to have so much planned and then for him to just GO? if he did get back in touch i would go see him tommorow, book the tickets tonight, and be there! but no, nothing ever works out the way you want it to, and in relation to meeting somebod new, i jsut CANNOT relate to gay irish guys, god knows i had my share, i just cant feel anything for them, i always get on better with guys from other countries god knows why, and this guy was my ticket out of here, i will give it one more last almighty attempt to get in touch, explain everything to him, and hope to god he gets back in touch, he would be the only thing that would make me genuinely happy again, the ONLY thing..

 

OMG I had a great letter for you and I hit a button and deleted itself ! Darn. Lets see if I can do this again :

 

I am glad you will keep in touch, thats most important. Hopefully by coming to LS you realize that you found this place and everything has a reason. You are talking to me and I hope somewhere in there I can jog your mind to help you get to a point of healing.

 

You need your closure. You want to do it in a way that you can have one final talk with this man. You should not be denied the type of closure you seek.

 

I had wrote you should see the movie : Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind " Its about a guy who breaks up with his gf and is in agony. There is a service where he can remove her memory so he can stop suffering. He enlists in the service. I won't tell you the rest , hehe. But its for people who are suffering and they can relate to this movie.

 

I wonder why you think about this man 24/7 ? I know thats normal over a breakup but your mind should be starting to think of other things. Its healthy and healing. To suffer like this is quite painful. I know you feel the thoughts won't stop but you CAN change your thoughts. YOU control your mind. Everytime you think about him I want you to shout NO ! I have my own form of visualtion techiniques that work for me,. When you see his face before you every waking hour you have to train your mind to diminish that image. ( I mean if you think about it HE controls his thoughts too and they are NOT about you ) He is thinking about him, their life.

 

You need to get ANGRY ! Get mad at this guy , that shows you are healing too. Pain Pain Pain is got to have its slow death and from that life comes out. It may not be the life you want or the sun may not shine as bright but one day you feel PEACE . Peace within yourself that this did not work out because maybe it was not meant to be at all. Maybe you think that it definately was meant to be because of the way he made you feel.

 

Did you know you can feel love again ? From the Right person ? We don't love just once and kapoot ! We can love again. Humans are designed to lick their wounds and move forward. Can you imagine everyone who had a breakup in this world and they are all laying down suffering in unison and no-one got better and we all feel doomed ? No , of course . many people go through what you went through and they eventually find the way out of their misery. They move forward and really Do love again.

 

What troubles me is that you will take back this man in 2 seconds after all he did to you. That is not self love. That is not self respect. You want this. You want this more than a fat kid who loves cake. You need to want something BETTER not something old and painful . Is HE feeling you ? I think not. Why has he not contacted you ?

 

You dont want an irish guy. Thats fine, There are millions of people in a different countries and you can belong in any one of them. This man was NOT your ticket out. Did he make you feel like it was ? How much power can you give another human being >?

 

He is NOT the only thing that can make you happy. There are OTHERS who are lonely and want love too....LOTS of people want love. You can be their light and bright part of the day. He is GONE . You are holding onto something that is not there.

 

If he took you back ( gawd ) how would your life be ? Maybe he is very happy where he is ? Maybe he has someone else now. The possibilities are endless.

 

Do what you need to do.

 

But show self pride in every step of the way

[Guest]

OMG I had a great letter for you and I hit a button and deleted itself ! Darn. Lets see if I can do this again :

 

I am glad you will keep in touch, thats most important. Hopefully by coming to LS you realize that you found this place and everything has a reason. You are talking to me and I hope somewhere in there I can jog your mind to help you get to a point of healing.

 

You need your closure. You want to do it in a way that you can have one final talk with this man. You should not be denied the type of closure you seek.

 

I had wrote you should see the movie : Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind " Its about a guy who breaks up with his gf and is in agony. There is a service where he can remove her memory so he can stop suffering. He enlists in the service. I won't tell you the rest , hehe. But its for people who are suffering and they can relate to this movie.

 

I wonder why you think about this man 24/7 ? I know thats normal over a breakup but your mind should be starting to think of other things. Its healthy and healing. To suffer like this is quite painful. I know you feel the thoughts won't stop but you CAN change your thoughts. YOU control your mind. Everytime you think about him I want you to shout NO ! I have my own form of visualtion techiniques that work for me,. When you see his face before you every waking hour you have to train your mind to diminish that image. ( I mean if you think about it HE controls his thoughts too and they are NOT about you ) He is thinking about him, their life.

 

You need to get ANGRY ! Get mad at this guy , that shows you are healing too. Pain Pain Pain is got to have its slow death and from that life comes out. It may not be the life you want or the sun may not shine as bright but one day you feel PEACE . Peace within yourself that this did not work out because maybe it was not meant to be at all. Maybe you think that it definately was meant to be because of the way he made you feel.

 

Did you know you can feel love again ? From the Right person ? We don't love just once and kapoot ! We can love again. Humans are designed to lick their wounds and move forward. Can you imagine everyone who had a breakup in this world and they are all laying down suffering in unison and no-one got better and we all feel doomed ? No , of course . many people go through what you went through and they eventually find the way out of their misery. They move forward and really Do love again.

 

What troubles me is that you will take back this man in 2 seconds after all he did to you. That is not self love. That is not self respect. You want this. You want this more than a fat kid who loves cake. You need to want something BETTER not something old and painful . Is HE feeling you ? I think not. Why has he not contacted you ?

 

You dont want an irish guy. Thats fine, There are millions of people in a different countries and you can belong in any one of them. This man was NOT your ticket out. Did he make you feel like it was ? How much power can you give another human being >?

 

He is NOT the only thing that can make you happy. There are OTHERS who are lonely and want love too....LOTS of people want love. You can be their light and bright part of the day. He is GONE . You are holding onto something that is not there.

 

If he took you back ( gawd ) how would your life be ? Maybe he is very happy where he is ? Maybe he has someone else now. The possibilities are endless.

 

Do what you need to do.

 

But show self pride in every step of the way

 

HI Mary, there is nothing worse than after writing a long letter for it to be deleted ! i know! Funny you should mention "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" this was this guys favoruite movie, i have yet to see it, im sure ill probably be in tears at the end of it, i.e. Titanic done it for me ! Your are right when i think of him at times i do get angry thinking about it, but mainly its good memories then to think of situation i am in now, but granted the memories i have of him are all good and thats what matters, we did have good times, i wish like that film i could erase everything to with him and anything that reminds me of him, the gifts he gave me,cd's etc, but i will be forever clueless as to why he done what he done to me,

 

i will write one long ass email when the time comes to write it, and if he doesnt respond , which wouldnt suprise me, i will give it closure and try to start again, even now im trying to chat to new guys but my whole energy and love went into this guy, that i just cant chat to guys anymore and i come across as rather boring, its like something that just died and i cant do it again, i know there is somebody out there for me but i just cant go through with it at the moment, i mean i told my parents asked me when he was coming over and i said march because that was when he was supposed to come over, now they will never see him and in their eyes i went to england to see some stranger i met online, which wasnt the case, but u know what i mean,

 

i was actually looking forward for him coming over here and for my family to see him,we had planned to go all around ireland and we would joke about him trying some irish stew and guiness! do you see where im coming from? we got on so great, without a doubt, then for him to just vanish overnight? i want to ask him what did i do wrong? at time i think of calling him as i know he only a click on the phone to get in contact but im afraid of what he might say or may not anser the phone at all, which is why i think email is the best option, so for the next 2 months all i can do is wait and hope he gets back in touch and if he doesnt ill give it one last almighty attempt, and if after that he doesnt respons ill move on, i WILL delete everything on my PC related to him. I am so glad that LS is here for people that are hurting, if i couldnt express myself on here i wouldnt have anywhere else to do it, and i would jump at a chance of him getting back with me, but i WOULD let him know how he hurt me and i wont be the same person he will hope to get back, he affected me bad and i will let him know this,

 

i know it sound sad but shortly after him not responding to my emails,texts, i had to speak to somebody about it, so i rang the premium rate medium lines,they told me he will get back in touch before the end of the 3 months, which is why i have my deadline, i know its stupid but i have to hope unto something, all i have to do now is burn the next phone bill that comes in so the parents dont see it !! hehe,, but i feel more and more that i have to come out to my parents and friends, its like this big weight on my chest wearing me down,if i did come out it would help a great deal, and im pretty sure they know im gay already, i.e. never having a GF,Going to another country to see some guy i met online etc, so it wouldn't come to a big shock for them i would imagine, all i can hope now is that the dam medium is right !

[Mary3]

HI Mary, there is nothing worse than after writing a long letter for it to be deleted ! i know! Funny you should mention "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" this was this guys favoruite movie, i have yet to see it, im sure ill probably be in tears at the end of it, i.e. Titanic done it for me ! Your are right when i think of him at times i do get angry thinking about it, but mainly its good memories then to think of situation i am in now, but granted the memories i have of him are all good and thats what matters, we did have good times, i wish like that film i could erase everything to with him and anything that reminds me of him, the gifts he gave me,cd's etc, but i will be forever clueless as to why he done what he done to me,

 

i will write one long ass email when the time comes to write it, and if he doesnt respond , which wouldnt suprise me, i will give it closure and try to start again, even now im trying to chat to new guys but my whole energy and love went into this guy, that i just cant chat to guys anymore and i come across as rather boring, its like something that just died and i cant do it again, i know there is somebody out there for me but i just cant go through with it at the moment, i mean i told my parents asked me when he was coming over and i said march because that was when he was supposed to come over, now they will never see him and in their eyes i went to england to see some stranger i met online, which wasnt the case, but u know what i mean,

 

i was actually looking forward for him coming over here and for my family to see him,we had planned to go all around ireland and we would joke about him trying some irish stew and guiness! do you see where im coming from? we got on so great, without a doubt, then for him to just vanish overnight? i want to ask him what did i do wrong? at time i think of calling him as i know he only a click on the phone to get in contact but im afraid of what he might say or may not anser the phone at all, which is why i think email is the best option, so for the next 2 months all i can do is wait and hope he gets back in touch and if he doesnt ill give it one last almighty attempt, and if after that he doesnt respons ill move on, i WILL delete everything on my PC related to him. I am so glad that LS is here for people that are hurting, if i couldnt express myself on here i wouldnt have anywhere else to do it, and i would jump at a chance of him getting back with me, but i WOULD let him know how he hurt me and i wont be the same person he will hope to get back, he affected me bad and i will let him know this,

 

i know it sound sad but shortly after him not responding to my emails,texts, i had to speak to somebody about it, so i rang the premium rate medium lines,they told me he will get back in touch before the end of the 3 months, which is why i have my deadline, i know its stupid but i have to hope unto something, all i have to do now is burn the next phone bill that comes in so the parents dont see it !! hehe,, but i feel more and more that i have to come out to my parents and friends, its like this big weight on my chest wearing me down,if i did come out it would help a great deal, and im pretty sure they know im gay already, i.e. never having a GF,Going to another country to see some guy i met online etc, so it wouldn't come to a big shock for them i would imagine, all i can hope now is that the dam medium is right !

 

Hey I know its so irritating to write and then poof !

 

I really liked the Titanic. Alot of ppl weren't even going in the theatres initially.... I went for the historical significance of Titanic itself . It was only AFTER Leonardo Decaprio was starring in it did it become suddenly popular! . Then everyone wanted to see it ...lol.

 

I am glad you have chosen to keep your positive memories. I did too. I kept the things that reminded me of a time when I was very happy.

 

If you need one long ass letter then you should send it. I hope you seek the answers as to *why*he did what he did to you. Sometimes there are not answers , only vacant empty spots of your heart , and sometimes you never get a * why *

 

Some part of you has died. It can be revived. Your new friends online sense you are sad. Thats why you should look at a date as MANY dates and lots of fun , dont take it too seriously right now. You will find you become seasoned and an expert at detecting frauds, losers, chasers, players and the like...

 

People meet strangers on line in the millions. There are over 8 million members on Match.com alone. So yes strangers meet strangers every day ! So the fact that you flew to England and was hanging out with someone is not all that unusual . Happens everyday

 

I wonder if he knows you have been sitting here waiting all this time ? I wonder if he gets a big ego boost from that ? You need to wait 2 more months ? Who says ? Him ? Pfffttt !

 

I know you want to wait but at least I kindly told you so many times to please not wait for this man. But i respect that you are going to...and that he is highest in the world and no-one can top him. How sad...but I will be here if you need to let out your rants , hehe.

 

Oh no, you consulted a Psychic Phone line ? I wont bash all of them but many are full of BS. I hope you didn't pay very much for that call....In the US they have them for $ 3.00 a minute. Not sure your dollar ( I mean pound rate ) is there. Is it pound ? Or ? Either way , I would not consult anyone on there as its very expensive and could be fraud.

 

You are very vulnerable right now. Please be careful with phone lines and men who promise you something. This man promised you that you could leave Ireland and live with him in England ?

 

How convienant for him that YOU flew and not Him...Who paid for the plane ticket ? I know you said he paid for some expenses. ..

 

Just want you to realize....that it may not all be what it seems...

 

Talk soon

[Guest]

I to went to see titanic for the historical aspect of the film, i cried more when titanic sank beneath the waves, but then again when leo died it was sad 2, tho not as much! I am already starting to hate this guy, thanks to your advice, when i think of him i try to think angry thoughts and im getting the "who the **** did he think he was" attitude, which is great, gives me more confidence or whatever that there IS better people out there and granted he did give me the best 3 days of my life but he ****ed me over and just threw me aside when he was done with me, hard and all as it is to accept that is exactly what he did, it will all end badly for him and i hope to god he hurts like hell, the ****ing *******, i deserve much better than him,i honestly do, he can keep his little ego boost i dont give a **** about him, god im getting 2 emotions here, one is anger, the other is despair, i dont know which end is up, but i know to hate him is the ONLY way to move on, but i still want answers from him, i hate the fact that he was the one to finish it as if he is gods gift, but i am a better person than him,i could never do what he did to anybody, he cant be right in the head to do this to someone, a screw lose or something, but i cant play the good guy here, he had a bf so what did i expect, i ****ed around with him knowing he had a bf, so maybe thats what i get for playing with somebody else's man,...somebody elses ahhhh how i hate saying that, but he will never be loved the way that i loved him ..bf or not, i loved him but he ****ed me over so ill just have to grind my teeth and move on, i guess everybody has their first love and have a hard time gettingover it, but pity my first love had to be tainted with the "other guy" in the picture, **** knows maybe he doesnt even have a bf and is sleeping around with everyone, i will never know this but i have to move on, still have to get my closure, but i have to move on. Yes it was one of them 2 EURO lol premium lines, this person said that its destiny that we will be back together, and that him and his bf will fall out and he will try to get back in touch, because we had much more in common, wishful thinking but come the end of october if he doesnt get in touch i will make one last attempt and see how it goes after that, thanks again mary.

[Mary3]

I to went to see titanic for the historical aspect of the film, i cried more when titanic sank beneath the waves, but then again when leo died it was sad 2, tho not as much! I am already starting to hate this guy, thanks to your advice, when i think of him i try to think angry thoughts and im getting the "who the **** did he think he was" attitude, which is great, gives me more confidence or whatever that there IS better people out there and granted he did give me the best 3 days of my life but he ****ed me over and just threw me aside when he was done with me, hard and all as it is to accept that is exactly what he did, it will all end badly for him and i hope to god he hurts like hell, the ****ing *******, i deserve much better than him,i honestly do, he can keep his little ego boost i dont give a **** about him, god im getting 2 emotions here, one is anger, the other is despair, i dont know which end is up, but i know to hate him is the ONLY way to move on, but i still want answers from him, i hate the fact that he was the one to finish it as if he is gods gift, but i am a better person than him,i could never do what he did to anybody, he cant be right in the head to do this to someone, a screw lose or something, but i cant play the good guy here, he had a bf so what did i expect, i ****ed around with him knowing he had a bf, so maybe thats what i get for playing with somebody else's man,...somebody elses ahhhh how i hate saying that, but he will never be loved the way that i loved him ..bf or not, i loved him but he ****ed me over so ill just have to grind my teeth and move on, i guess everybody has their first love and have a hard time gettingover it, but pity my first love had to be tainted with the "other guy" in the picture, **** knows maybe he doesnt even have a bf and is sleeping around with everyone, i will never know this but i have to move on, still have to get my closure, but i have to move on. Yes it was one of them 2 EURO lol premium lines, this person said that its destiny that we will be back together, and that him and his bf will fall out and he will try to get back in touch, because we had much more in common, wishful thinking but come the end of october if he doesnt get in touch i will make one last attempt and see how it goes after that, thanks again mary.

 

I re-read your orginal first post. If I can ask a few questions I think it will help you to see things clearer and help me to understand .

 

This date-line(?) / chat line ( which was it ) ? If it were a personals site where guys meet guys or was it a chatroom like Music ? ( on IRC ? )

 

When you started writing eachother obviously you thought he was attractive and I am sure he thought you were too. When did he tell you in your conversations that he had a bf ? Right away ? Or much later .

 

When did your conversations progress to the phone ? How soon after talking did you guys decide to meet ? Did he promise you alot of things to get you down there ? When you were down there did he initiate sex right away ?

 

Did he make you feel like he loved you ? I know you were wanting love and we are all sometimes vulnerable to someone telling us things we want to hear. ...

 

You SHOULD finally be saying " who the f*** does he think he is " ? Because now he is brought down a notch or two to the real person he was .

 

You might have to hate him to get past these feelings which are hurting you. The more anger the better. Not advocating anger but it speeds the process of saying * F*** him.

 

He may have not had a bf at all. He may have had many. Its hard to say. You might have found yourself a smooth talking Player,. Trust me there alot of men here in my city who are players. Their game is TALK, But nothing matches with their actions so you will get wiser...

 

When you say he was your first love.....was he your first time ? Or was he your first man you fell in love with ?

 

You know now that he could not possibly have loved ...it takes ALOT of time spent together to know someone when love feelings develop. He might have felt lust for you and some emotional caring ( or not ) but its highly likley it was not love.

 

So now you can erase him and find someone to REALLY love you ! Just tell your mind you went to England . Had fun. Came back home. Learned a lesson and now you are ready to get healed and possibly find someone to really love you

 

I wonder if you are going to still give this guy 2 months....he does not deserve 2 more minutes in your thoughts...

[Guest]

I re-read your orginal first post. If I can ask a few questions I think it will help you to see things clearer and help me to understand .

 

This date-line(?) / chat line ( which was it ) ? If it were a personals site where guys meet guys or was it a chatroom like Music ? ( on IRC ? )

 

When you started writing eachother obviously you thought he was attractive and I am sure he thought you were too. When did he tell you in your conversations that he had a bf ? Right away ? Or much later .

 

When did your conversations progress to the phone ? How soon after talking did you guys decide to meet ? Did he promise you alot of things to get you down there ? When you were down there did he initiate sex right away ?

 

Did he make you feel like he loved you ? I know you were wanting love and we are all sometimes vulnerable to someone telling us things we want to hear. ...

 

You SHOULD finally be saying " who the f*** does he think he is " ? Because now he is brought down a notch or two to the real person he was .

 

You might have to hate him to get past these feelings which are hurting you. The more anger the better. Not advocating anger but it speeds the process of saying * F*** him.

 

He may have not had a bf at all. He may have had many. Its hard to say. You might have found yourself a smooth talking Player,. Trust me there alot of men here in my city who are players. Their game is TALK, But nothing matches with their actions so you will get wiser...

 

When you say he was your first love.....was he your first time ? Or was he your first man you fell in love with ?

 

You know now that he could not possibly have loved ...it takes ALOT of time spent together to know someone when love feelings develop. He might have felt lust for you and some emotional caring ( or not ) but its highly likley it was not love.

 

So now you can erase him and find someone to REALLY love you ! Just tell your mind you went to England . Had fun. Came back home. Learned a lesson and now you are ready to get healed and possibly find someone to really love you

 

I wonder if you are going to still give this guy 2 months....he does not deserve 2 more minutes in your thoughts...

 

 

Hi Mary, the advice your giving me is already helping ! im thinking of him more now out of anger, and im getting this "your an *******" attitude when i think of him, thanks very much, just to chat about it helps, i dont even know you and will never meet you but we all share the same thing in common, being "heartbroken" at some point in time in our lives and to have LS is a great resource for venting your frustrations and looking for advice, but to answer your questions..here we go...We met quite randomly on Yahoo chat, in a gay chat room obviously hehe, he was no more than another guy just messaging me, little did i know a few months down the road i would be meeting this person and to actually be in the same room that i wud be camming with him for months was really weird, like stepping into a movie set ! when we first started chatting i clearly was attracted by his looks first and foremost, and he 2 was attracted to me, but then as we got chatting i jsut felt like i already knew this person we had so much in common, and as far as i can remember he told me had a boyfriend maybe the 2nd night we chatted ? the online chatting progrssed to the phone ONCE for like 3 minutes maybe 2 months after we knew each other, but obviously we chatted more as it came up to me meeting him, like he would ring me when i was leaving the airport etc, it would have been 3 months after chatting almost every night that i mentioned i would love to come over, at first it was like yeh wishful thinking, but as the weeks went on i took a major jump and booked the tickets, he was of course delighted texting me saying he cudnt wait, and that we could visit this place and that, he knew what i was interested in and did go out of his way to make me happy, he would take me to football stadiums,historical places of interest etc, war museums etc, he bought online beer,pizza,doritos, everything for when i came, he was GREAT to me

, and no when we met we just didnt go for sex right away, that night it just happened, both were ok with it, and he really did make me feel loved, regardless of whatever people may think , i felt genuine love, hate thinking about it cus it gets me down,and right now i should be thinkign angry thoughts ! He was my first love,and the first guy i was ever with, he was both of them, last time i was actually "with" a girl would have been 4 years ago ! I did have a great time with him, like i said the happiest 3 days of my life, being away from home, being myself in a comfortable surrounding, with a fantastic friend, he was my best if not only FRIEND before anything else, its just like losing your best friend, as if he just died, im thinking now shouldi give him the more months, or just move on, i really want to give it one more chance, put my whole body and soul into this email, thanks again mary, your great! i dont know you but your great :-)

[Mary3]

Hi Mary, the advice your giving me is already helping ! im thinking of him more now out of anger, and im getting this "your an *******" attitude when i think of him, thanks very much, just to chat about it helps, i dont even know you and will never meet you but we all share the same thing in common, being "heartbroken" at some point in time in our lives and to have LS is a great resource for venting your frustrations and looking for advice, but to answer your questions..here we go...We met quite randomly on Yahoo chat, in a gay chat room obviously hehe, he was no more than another guy just messaging me, little did i know a few months down the road i would be meeting this person and to actually be in the same room that i wud be camming with him for months was really weird, like stepping into a movie set ! when we first started chatting i clearly was attracted by his looks first and foremost, and he 2 was attracted to me, but then as we got chatting i jsut felt like i already knew this person we had so much in common, and as far as i can remember he told me had a boyfriend maybe the 2nd night we chatted ? the online chatting progrssed to the phone ONCE for like 3 minutes maybe 2 months after we knew each other, but obviously we chatted more as it came up to me meeting him, like he would ring me when i was leaving the airport etc, it would have been 3 months after chatting almost every night that i mentioned i would love to come over, at first it was like yeh wishful thinking, but as the weeks went on i took a major jump and booked the tickets, he was of course delighted texting me saying he cudnt wait, and that we could visit this place and that, he knew what i was interested in and did go out of his way to make me happy, he would take me to football stadiums,historical places of interest etc, war museums etc, he bought online beer,pizza,doritos, everything for when i came, he was GREAT to me

, and no when we met we just didnt go for sex right away, that night it just happened, both were ok with it, and he really did make me feel loved, regardless of whatever people may think , i felt genuine love, hate thinking about it cus it gets me down,and right now i should be thinkign angry thoughts ! He was my first love,and the first guy i was ever with, he was both of them, last time i was actually "with" a girl would have been 4 years ago ! I did have a great time with him, like i said the happiest 3 days of my life, being away from home, being myself in a comfortable surrounding, with a fantastic friend, he was my best if not only FRIEND before anything else, its just like losing your best friend, as if he just died, im thinking now shouldi give him the more months, or just move on, i really want to give it one more chance, put my whole body and soul into this email, thanks again mary, your great! i dont know you but your great :-)

 

You know when I first came on here I was hurting and like 8 people responded and told me I had a right to be upset because my bf was hanging out with his ex ! I wanted to know if I were being petty, selfish or _______ and everyone told me NO I wasnt being any of those things and I had a right to be suspicious, You know he really loved her and she dumped him and hung onto him like a souvenier and kept him dangling . I decided one day this is a 3 some I and dont want it ! ( not a sexual 3 some , just a here she is again 3 some ).

So it was painful because we were going to be married. But he went out with me still having feelings for her....so there ya go...

So once I got help here I would read other posts and some that were really striking my attention I had to respond to....and there came the LOVe Shack Addiction , LOL. But the information here is priceless ! I post sometimes still but mostly just read and if I think I can add my 2 cents I do.

 

Okay I am not sure what Yahoo chat is....I even have Yahoo email account ( I dont use it ) but was it like Yahoo Personals or something different ? I guess I should go on there someday and check that out... but I used to go on IRC in Music chat and that was like 4 years ago.

 

So let me ask. He had a web cam ? You had one ? Did he do sexual things on the web cam ? ( I wont ask any further until I get your reply )

 

So basically he had a bf. He went on Yahoo chat. He chatted you up. I think you had web cams..? He might have suggested some things ( my speculation ) Did he know you were a virgin ??

 

Of course you felt something for him. I will never try to take that away from you. He made you feel so wonderful inside. This I can relate to as well...

 

OF course he was attracted to you . He wanted to meet you. The sex part just happened. ( Who knew it would be so great ? ) I won't bash your love for him. I won't. I know you need to feel this and don't want anyone to take it away. I am trying to get you to the * mechanics * of this so we can help you not to repeat this experience. With me so far ?

 

You should do whats right for you. No-one else.

 

But opening up helps you to figure out what happened here.........

[Guest]

You know when I first came on here I was hurting and like 8 people responded and told me I had a right to be upset because my bf was hanging out with his ex ! I wanted to know if I were being petty, selfish or _______ and everyone told me NO I wasnt being any of those things and I had a right to be suspicious, You know he really loved her and she dumped him and hung onto him like a souvenier and kept him dangling . I decided one day this is a 3 some I and dont want it ! ( not a sexual 3 some , just a here she is again 3 some ).

So it was painful because we were going to be married. But he went out with me still having feelings for her....so there ya go...

So once I got help here I would read other posts and some that were really striking my attention I had to respond to....and there came the LOVe Shack Addiction , LOL. But the information here is priceless ! I post sometimes still but mostly just read and if I think I can add my 2 cents I do.

 

Okay I am not sure what Yahoo chat is....I even have Yahoo email account ( I dont use it ) but was it like Yahoo Personals or something different ? I guess I should go on there someday and check that out... but I used to go on IRC in Music chat and that was like 4 years ago.

 

So let me ask. He had a web cam ? You had one ? Did he do sexual things on the web cam ? ( I wont ask any further until I get your reply )

 

So basically he had a bf. He went on Yahoo chat. He chatted you up. I think you had web cams..? He might have suggested some things ( my speculation ) Did he know you were a virgin ??

 

Of course you felt something for him. I will never try to take that away from you. He made you feel so wonderful inside. This I can relate to as well...

 

OF course he was attracted to you . He wanted to meet you. The sex part just happened. ( Who knew it would be so great ? ) I won't bash your love for him. I won't. I know you need to feel this and don't want anyone to take it away. I am trying to get you to the * mechanics * of this so we can help you not to repeat this experience. With me so far ?

 

You should do whats right for you. No-one else.

 

But opening up helps you to figure out what happened here.........

 

Hi Mary, Yahoo for the UK and Ireland had a chat room for a long time, and i only found out recently that the chatroom had been closed down, because it was flooded with perves etc, but we met on there, and yes we both had webcams, and no thir was no sexual things done on cam, maybe a little flirty references but nothing serious, and it was like this right up until the day we met, we could jsut chat for hours and hours online, really interested in each other, little did i know how long it would last, yes he knew i was a GAY virgin, but he knew i was with girls before, we would fall out online a few times because i would get upset about him chatting baout his boyfriend, i didnt want to hear his name mentioned at all ! but we would always make up again and be chatting like goodo again, but why was it AFTER i met him he wanted to break contact? what did i do different than before ? but one thing is for sure, ever since getting advice on here its helping me get over him alot, of course i think of him alot, but not as much as i use to, and im seriosuly considering NOT sending this email, though im still a little uncertain, as i would like answers,i heard an interesting discussion on the radio a few days ago, they were talking about breaking up and hurting etc, and one person said even if you so suffer a terrible loss, its never really over, because part of this person is always with you, that is very true for me, ever since meeting him im a different person, its like part of him is still with me, i dont know, its hard to explain,but its reassuring to know that yes we did break contact, but i will always remember him and he changed me for the better,good things always come out after suffering a loss,im such a different person now compared to when i first posted on here, all thanks to your advice.

[Mary3]

Hi Mary, Yahoo for the UK and Ireland had a chat room for a long time, and i only found out recently that the chatroom had been closed down, because it was flooded with perves etc, but we met on there, and yes we both had webcams, and no thir was no sexual things done on cam, maybe a little flirty references but nothing serious, and it was like this right up until the day we met, we could jsut chat for hours and hours online, really interested in each other, little did i know how long it would last, yes he knew i was a GAY virgin, but he knew i was with girls before, we would fall out online a few times because i would get upset about him chatting baout his boyfriend, i didnt want to hear his name mentioned at all ! but we would always make up again and be chatting like goodo again, but why was it AFTER i met him he wanted to break contact? what did i do different than before ? but one thing is for sure, ever since getting advice on here its helping me get over him alot, of course i think of him alot, but not as much as i use to, and im seriosuly considering NOT sending this email, though im still a little uncertain, as i would like answers,i heard an interesting discussion on the radio a few days ago, they were talking about breaking up and hurting etc, and one person said even if you so suffer a terrible loss, its never really over, because part of this person is always with you, that is very true for me, ever since meeting him im a different person, its like part of him is still with me, i dont know, its hard to explain,but its reassuring to know that yes we did break contact, but i will always remember him and he changed me for the better,good things always come out after suffering a loss,im such a different person now compared to when i first posted on here, all thanks to your advice.

 

Thanks for clarifying what kind of chatroom it was that you spoke.

 

It seems pretty normal ( minus the boyfriend he had ) he didn't seem to do sexual things. But he was aware you were a virgin and to many that is the Grand Prize of things..It seems on face value that he genuinely cared about you. He was attracted to you. He wanted something different and he chose to spend alot of time talking to you.

 

Why did he want to break contact AFTER you met ? Quite simply he was not interested in persuing it further. He did not make further plans for you to move down there and be with him. He basically went away. Why ? Well it could be alot of factors involved. Maybe sexually for him you were not what he wanted ( no matter what he said ) because if he wanted to love you, be a part of your life, be further intimate with you , then I think those steps would have taken place.

 

Another factor : Long distance rarely works. It can work for the with the tenacity to weather long periods of not seeing eachother. But then you suggested that you were ( going ) to be together but when you both met he stopped contact.

 

I can only assume he still thought his boyfriend was more important and by being with you it was his wake up call not to risk ending his relationship with his boyfriend.

 

I do not agree that its " never really over " . I think as you heal you realize it IS OVER and you make conscious effort to remove that person from your mind. Its not emotionally healthy to let this linger into months and years. So the person who said the pain is never really over and the gist of what you had is never really over : well its what you make it. You can keep him on your mind forever and suffer into 2007 because its a choice you are making. let this be a better time for you moving forward and setting yourself free.

[Guest]

Thanks for clarifying what kind of chatroom it was that you spoke.

 

It seems pretty normal ( minus the boyfriend he had ) he didn't seem to do sexual things. But he was aware you were a virgin and to many that is the Grand Prize of things..It seems on face value that he genuinely cared about you. He was attracted to you. He wanted something different and he chose to spend alot of time talking to you.

 

Why did he want to break contact AFTER you met ? Quite simply he was not interested in persuing it further. He did not make further plans for you to move down there and be with him. He basically went away. Why ? Well it could be alot of factors involved. Maybe sexually for him you were not what he wanted ( no matter what he said ) because if he wanted to love you, be a part of your life, be further intimate with you , then I think those steps would have taken place.

 

Another factor : Long distance rarely works. It can work for the with the tenacity to weather long periods of not seeing eachother. But then you suggested that you were ( going ) to be together but when you both met he stopped contact.

 

I can only assume he still thought his boyfriend was more important and by being with you it was his wake up call not to risk ending his relationship with his boyfriend.

 

I do not agree that its " never really over " . I think as you heal you realize it IS OVER and you make conscious effort to remove that person from your mind. Its not emotionally healthy to let this linger into months and years. So the person who said the pain is never really over and the gist of what you had is never really over : well its what you make it. You can keep him on your mind forever and suffer into 2007 because its a choice you are making. let this be a better time for you moving forward and setting yourself free.

 

Thanks again for ure advice, i tend only to post on this thing when im down, and this past few days ive been ok, and for once i thought i was getting over him, but that didnt last too long, even months after we met i stil lrecall things we shared that i never though of before, and it gets me down even more, i loved him with all my heart, nobody in this life will ever love him the way i did, boyfriend or not i cared about so much more, and i think over and over again what if i said something different to him when i was there would it have turned out different, i was nervous when i was there, and didnt open to him as much as i wanted to, i knew this guy so well and u are right it was his wakeup call not to risk losing his boyfirend, he told me this, said he had a reality check, but how could someone be so cruel to jsut end it like that, not even having a second thought about me and how i suffered from it and the things he siad to me like "you clearly like me more than i like you" it was like a knife to the heart, it wasnt like him to say these things,he was harsh on me, after all i did for him, he was my life for all the time i know him and now that he is gone, part of me has died, im drinking more and smoking more now, dont go out as much as i use to,its affected mywhole life in general,but i have to be strong i guess and weather this ****ty storm,its all a ****in disastrous mess...

[Mary3]

Thanks again for ure advice, i tend only to post on this thing when im down, and this past few days ive been ok, and for once i thought i was getting over him, but that didnt last too long, even months after we met i stil lrecall things we shared that i never though of before, and it gets me down even more, i loved him with all my heart, nobody in this life will ever love him the way i did, boyfriend or not i cared about so much more, and i think over and over again what if i said something different to him when i was there would it have turned out different, i was nervous when i was there, and didnt open to him as much as i wanted to, i knew this guy so well and u are right it was his wakeup call not to risk losing his boyfirend, he told me this, said he had a reality check, but how could someone be so cruel to jsut end it like that, not even having a second thought about me and how i suffered from it and the things he siad to me like "you clearly like me more than i like you" it was like a knife to the heart, it wasnt like him to say these things,he was harsh on me, after all i did for him, he was my life for all the time i know him and now that he is gone, part of me has died, im drinking more and smoking more now, dont go out as much as i use to,its affected mywhole life in general,but i have to be strong i guess and weather this ****ty storm,its all a ****in disastrous mess...

 

Sweetie as you suffer immensely over someone/// you DO realize he is NOT suffering right ?? You will ask and ask yourself over and over what you could have done differenly. The answer is : Nothing. You can't control his love for you *( or lack of it ) You can't control how he feels about his guy. You can't wave a magic wand and make things magically happen.

You are all consumed with this guy who gave you the very thing your entire being craved : Love . Trust me 1.000 % I understand when something like that is taken away and you wanted it SO much. Its absolutley devastating, I actually drank lots of tequila ( and I don't drink and don't now ) but then I thought I HAVE to numb this pain. And well the liquor only numbed it and then you woke up WORSE alone , depressed and with a hangover....yeowuch !

While you think at ( 21 ) that NO-ONE could ever love you and know you and touch you and make you feel like he did and no-one could EVER replace him. Well being 21 you have about 60 good years left and TRUST me that someone very special is out there waiting for you ! Get healed , take as long as you need, and then happiness will find YOU.

Time...it takes TIME for this to progress to the point of feeling emotionally healthy again.

Please dont make your entire being * exist * for someone else. You see what happens when they go away, right ?

[Guest]

Sweetie as you suffer immensely over someone/// you DO realize he is NOT suffering right ?? You will ask and ask yourself over and over what you could have done differenly. The answer is : Nothing. You can't control his love for you *( or lack of it ) You can't control how he feels about his guy. You can't wave a magic wand and make things magically happen.

 

You are all consumed with this guy who gave you the very thing your entire being craved : Love . Trust me 1.000 % I understand when something like that is taken away and you wanted it SO much. Its absolutley devastating, I actually drank lots of tequila ( and I don't drink and don't now ) but then I thought I HAVE to numb this pain. And well the liquor only numbed it and then you woke up WORSE alone , depressed and with a hangover....yeowuch !

 

While you think at ( 21 ) that NO-ONE could ever love you and know you and touch you and make you feel like he did and no-one could EVER replace him. Well being 21 you have about 60 good years left and TRUST me that someone very special is out there waiting for you ! Get healed , take as long as you need, and then happiness will find YOU.

Time...it takes TIME for this to progress to the point of feeling emotionally healthy again.

 

Please dont make your entire being * exist * for someone else. You see what happens when they go away, right ?

 

Thanks Mary, you're an angel in disguise! At this point in time i am thinking i will never find someone like him again, he was one in a million,i just need a good cry,i can feel it coming on yet again, ill dry my tears, carry on for another few weeks, some days better than others, and then back to the crying again, its a vicious cycle, i cannot think of meeting someone new, i try, but most guys out there are uninteresting or else im boring, or are just after sex, he was my FRIEND and i miss him so dam much, he was the first person i ever genuionely loved, i know i need time, but time is a tool of pain, i want to know what he is up to,where he is working now, i want to chat to him again, but i always bad in the whole letting go thing,

 

one guy bullied the crap out of me when i was in school and made my life a living hell, and that took me years to get over, but then this guy came along and made me so happy, i will always remember the last time seeing him at the aiport, looking back as went through the terminal, wondering when i was going to see him again, little did i know only a month later he doesnt want to know me, was he lying all this time to me or did he have feelings for me, was all that stuff he said all just LIES ? i hated leaving him and that place i loved so much, to go back to ****ty backward ireland, i honestly wish i could jsut erase him from my memory, it would be the only thing to help me get over him, he raised me up so ****ing high and tore me down jsut when i couldnt be happier, my life has been a rollercoaster since him, been on the rebound, tried to replace the happiness he gave me, and now at this point in my life im just workign day in day out, with him on my mind all the time, same repetitive crap, im sick of it all,all because of this one person, im at a loss basically and can only keep my head up and move on hard and all as it is..

[Mary3]

Thanks Mary, you're an angel in disguise! At this point in time i am thinking i will never find someone like him again, he was one in a million,i just need a good cry,i can feel it coming on yet again, ill dry my tears, carry on for another few weeks, some days better than others, and then back to the crying again, its a vicious cycle, i cannot think of meeting someone new, i try, but most guys out there are uninteresting or else im boring, or are just after sex, he was my FRIEND and i miss him so dam much, he was the first person i ever genuionely loved, i know i need time, but time is a tool of pain, i want to know what he is up to,where he is working now, i want to chat to him again, but i always bad in the whole letting go thing,

 

one guy bullied the crap out of me when i was in school and made my life a living hell, and that took me years to get over, but then this guy came along and made me so happy, i will always remember the last time seeing him at the aiport, looking back as went through the terminal, wondering when i was going to see him again, little did i know only a month later he doesnt want to know me, was he lying all this time to me or did he have feelings for me, was all that stuff he said all just LIES ? i hated leaving him and that place i loved so much, to go back to ****ty backward ireland, i honestly wish i could jsut erase him from my memory, it would be the only thing to help me get over him, he raised me up so ****ing high and tore me down jsut when i couldnt be happier, my life has been a rollercoaster since him, been on the rebound, tried to replace the happiness he gave me, and now at this point in my life im just workign day in day out, with him on my mind all the time, same repetitive crap, im sick of it all,all because of this one person, im at a loss basically and can only keep my head up and move on hard and all as it is..

 

Sorry I didn't respond as quickly as I normally do but I was moving and the computer was idle while I had to set it up ( You know all the fun stuff about moving , lol )

 

It sounds like you really did love this man. I relate and feel ya when you say how you left him at the airport and it wrenched your heart out.

 

Of course you feel that you will never find anyone like him again. That part is true. You will find someone someday that is *unique* in their own way. They have a right to be with you and make you happy. When you are ready the door will open and you will find love again. Gauranteed ! Its the natural human element.

 

He was your friend. I wont minmize that except to say : Is he your friend now ? That shows me you are lonely and a target right now. How much did he invest lately in the friendship.? I really dont want to take away the love you felt or the friendship. YOU loved him . You considered him like one of the bestest friends you ever had ! And you keep those. But my concern is that you heal , you do move forward, you do realize that ppl can be cruel. Ppl can use you. You need to sort between the real and the unreal.

 

Keep your memories.

 

I think that he may have honed in on your lonliness. There is nothing wrong with admitting you feel lonely. I feel that too. I think we all do. (at times ) But we don't want to be sitting ducks for everyone that comes into our sites. Getting clear and strong is your MAIN goal. Then as you get stronger and read everything you can on why you felt as you do right now and how you can be stronger and not be a victim of someone ( and you were ) then you can be stronger and be more aware next time you give your heart to someone.

 

You MUST learn to do this. It is critical. You might want to get some therapy. If you cannot afford it then I would read everything you can on yourself.

 

Do you feel like no-one cares about you ? Do you feel loved by your family ? Do you have a good friend support system ? If the answer is NO to these do you feel any of this has to do with your sexual preference ? Do you feel you are treated differently by others ? Does your family accept that you are gay ? Do they know ?

 

In some extreme cases it really might be better for you to go to a city where you are fully accepted. Like the one place you went and felt happy ?

[Guest]

Sorry I didn't respond as quickly as I normally do but I was moving and the computer was idle while I had to set it up ( You know all the fun stuff about moving , lol )

 

It sounds like you really did love this man. I relate and feel ya when you say how you left him at the airport and it wrenched your heart out.

 

Of course you feel that you will never find anyone like him again. That part is true. You will find someone someday that is *unique* in their own way. They have a right to be with you and make you happy. When you are ready the door will open and you will find love again. Gauranteed ! Its the natural human element.

 

He was your friend. I wont minmize that except to say : Is he your friend now ? That shows me you are lonely and a target right now. How much did he invest lately in the friendship.? I really dont want to take away the love you felt or the friendship. YOU loved him . You considered him like one of the bestest friends you ever had ! And you keep those. But my concern is that you heal , you do move forward, you do realize that ppl can be cruel. Ppl can use you. You need to sort between the real and the unreal.

 

Keep your memories.

 

I think that he may have honed in on your lonliness. There is nothing wrong with admitting you feel lonely. I feel that too. I think we all do. (at times ) But we don't want to be sitting ducks for everyone that comes into our sites. Getting clear and strong is your MAIN goal. Then as you get stronger and read everything you can on why you felt as you do right now and how you can be stronger and not be a victim of someone ( and you were ) then you can be stronger and be more aware next time you give your heart to someone.

 

You MUST learn to do this. It is critical. You might want to get some therapy. If you cannot afford it then I would read everything you can on yourself.

 

Do you feel like no-one cares about you ? Do you feel loved by your family ? Do you have a good friend support system ? If the answer is NO to these do you feel any of this has to do with your sexual preference ? Do you feel you are treated differently by others ? Does your family accept that you are gay ? Do they know ?

 

In some extreme cases it really might be better for you to go to a city where you are fully accepted. Like the one place you went and felt happy ?

 

Thanks again Mary, I wouldnt know what its like to "move" tho i would like to ! in fact its all i would like to do at this point ! where in the US u from anyway ? i assume its america ure in right ?!the good ole US of A ! i been there a few times, New York,Chicago and Orlando ! loved it, though i dont like your bread,milk or bacon ! lol it tastes "weird" buthey could be worse! but on a more depressing note :-( yes he was my best friend, not my only one, i do have a a good circle of friends, mainly work friends though, and i do agree people learn from their mistakes and i do learn,

 

i learned an awful lot since him, people can be cruel but life moves on and people like us will turn out the better for it at the end, he is clearly not right in the head to do something like this and just move on, it HAS to take its toll on him SOMEDAY, to think that this time last year we would have been chatting right now as i speak and more than likely staying up till 3 - 4 am just chatting, but i am suffering and learning at the same time, in relation to the memory i have of him at the airport, it really did wrench my heart out, we spent the most of the time on the way to the airport not even speaking, i knew if i spoke or worse if i said " im gonna miss you" i would burst into tears so i bottled it up that was till i got into the plane and i couldt keep it in longer,

 

everybody must have thought "my god whats wrong with him" lol, and some stupid ass air hostess came down to let me know how to operate the emergency exit thing! i was like yeh i know (quickly wiping my tears) even though if the plane did crash down i would have been like "hmmm how to open this thing" hehe,but i do hope i will learn to love again seeing as that catastrophe ****ed me over big time. My family or friends dont know about me, and yes i do feel loved and cared for by parents and friends though there will always be this underlying feeling that keeping my sexuality in the closet will drive me crazy, which is why i want to move out to another country, away from home and be independant and be happpy within myself, because im not, there is this constant cloud hanging over my shoulders because of it, and when i old my parents i was going to england to meet some guy online 3 days before jetting off( delayed it as much as possible) my mum nearly had heart failure, and me dad quizzed me over it,

 

he basically asked my if i was gay and if i was he would be totally fine with it, i obviously denied it and said no im just going to see a friend i knew online for ages, so im pretty sure my family and friends "know" about me but i have yet to just confirm it, you understand i gave up so much and risked ALOT to meet this guy. I do take your advice in moving on and getting stronger, i am doing this, slowly but surely, I have a few new ventures in the next couple of months, starting a new course in sound engineering,started going to the gym, anything at all to just "help" and move on and be myself again , because i havent been myself for 8 Months now and its time to get on with my life, keep my memories, dam good memories,

 

but its in the past and i have to look for the future and look out for whats on my horizon, he did change me, i am thankful for him though in ways, he helped me open my eyes, though the hurt is still lingering, but i HAVE to move on,do things to get my mind of him, anything, i loved him and i know he felt the same but for his own reasons he had to end it, i do believe in fate though, fate brought us together and fate tore us apart, but its all part of this thing we call life i guess :-) thanks again for your input, much appreciated.

[gold26]

They are right,

you never knew this person. trust me i now.. i was in an online relationship for 6 years. met in person engaged 3 of them..

and i am just not starting to realise I never knew him.. only the person he wanted me to see..

look up my thread if you want..

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t99925/d4959e7fa51991bcf81a758211d0004f

 

all i can tell you is that its been 8 months for me getting over him. And i still hurt. I think for me its the betrayl that takes so long to heal from. Sometimes you are better off NOT knowing.. in a lot of ways i wish it for myself.

[Guest]

Thanks again Mary, I wouldnt know what its like to "move" tho i would like to ! in fact its all i would like to do at this point ! where in the US u from anyway ? i assume its america ure in right ?!the good ole US of A ! i been there a few times, New York,Chicago and Orlando ! loved it, though i dont like your bread,milk or bacon ! lol it tastes "weird" buthey could be worse! but on a more depressing note :-( yes he was my best friend, not my only one, i do have a a good circle of friends, mainly work friends though, and i do agree people learn from their mistakes and i do learn,

 

i learned an awful lot since him, people can be cruel but life moves on and people like us will turn out the better for it at the end, he is clearly not right in the head to do something like this and just move on, it HAS to take its toll on him SOMEDAY, to think that this time last year we would have been chatting right now as i speak and more than likely staying up till 3 - 4 am just chatting, but i am suffering and learning at the same time, in relation to the memory i have of him at the airport, it really did wrench my heart out, we spent the most of the time on the way to the airport not even speaking, i knew if i spoke or worse if i said " im gonna miss you" i would burst into tears so i bottled it up that was till i got into the plane and i couldt keep it in longer,

 

everybody must have thought "my god whats wrong with him" lol, and some stupid ass air hostess came down to let me know how to operate the emergency exit thing! i was like yeh i know (quickly wiping my tears) even though if the plane did crash down i would have been like "hmmm how to open this thing" hehe,but i do hope i will learn to love again seeing as that catastrophe ****ed me over big time. My family or friends dont know about me, and yes i do feel loved and cared for by parents and friends though there will always be this underlying feeling that keeping my sexuality in the closet will drive me crazy, which is why i want to move out to another country, away from home and be independant and be happpy within myself, because im not, there is this constant cloud hanging over my shoulders because of it, and when i old my parents i was going to england to meet some guy online 3 days before jetting off( delayed it as much as possible) my mum nearly had heart failure, and me dad quizzed me over it,

 

he basically asked my if i was gay and if i was he would be totally fine with it, i obviously denied it and said no im just going to see a friend i knew online for ages, so im pretty sure my family and friends "know" about me but i have yet to just confirm it, you understand i gave up so much and risked ALOT to meet this guy. I do take your advice in moving on and getting stronger, i am doing this, slowly but surely, I have a few new ventures in the next couple of months, starting a new course in sound engineering,started going to the gym, anything at all to just "help" and move on and be myself again , because i havent been myself for 8 Months now and its time to get on with my life, keep my memories, dam good memories,

 

but its in the past and i have to look for the future and look out for whats on my horizon, he did change me, i am thankful for him though in ways, he helped me open my eyes, though the hurt is still lingering, but i HAVE to move on,do things to get my mind of him, anything, i loved him and i know he felt the same but for his own reasons he had to end it, i do believe in fate though, fate brought us together and fate tore us apart, but its all part of this thing we call life i guess :-) thanks again for your input, much appreciated.

 

 

I NEED IMMEDIATE HELP/INFO...HE HAS GOTTEN BACK ON TOUCH !?! he text me saying "hey long time no speak,sorry i not speak to you,hope your doing ok, xxxx from xxxxxxxxxx" what the hell will i do, im shocked he has gotten back in touch ?!? i cant believe this, what should i do ?!

[Mary3]

I NEED IMMEDIATE HELP/INFO...HE HAS GOTTEN BACK ON TOUCH !?! he text me saying "hey long time no speak,sorry i not speak to you,hope your doing ok, xxxx from xxxxxxxxxx" what the hell will i do, im shocked he has gotten back in touch ?!? i cant believe this, what should i do ?!

 

I'm very sorry but my email did not alert me of your last two letters. With the moving its been so hectic and some computer related problems as well.

But here I am ! Back to help. Apparently this occured the 26th of September Your contact.. I had not received anything so I thought I would go back into my old emails and found that you have replied.

Texting means he is fishing. I hope you did not reply back. Its BS really. If he wanted to hear your voice or hold you in his arms he would do so. Trust me.

 

Did you respond ? If you did what happened ?

[Mary3]

Thanks again Mary, I wouldnt know what its like to "move" tho i would like to ! in fact its all i would like to do at this point ! where in the US u from anyway ? i assume its america ure in right ?!the good ole US of A ! i been there a few times, New York,Chicago and Orlando ! loved it, though i dont like your bread,milk or bacon ! lol it tastes "weird" buthey could be worse! but on a more depressing note :-( yes he was my best friend, not my only one, i do have a a good circle of friends, mainly work friends though, and i do agree people learn from their mistakes and i do learn,

 

i learned an awful lot since him, people can be cruel but life moves on and people like us will turn out the better for it at the end, he is clearly not right in the head to do something like this and just move on, it HAS to take its toll on him SOMEDAY, to think that this time last year we would have been chatting right now as i speak and more than likely staying up till 3 - 4 am just chatting, but i am suffering and learning at the same time, in relation to the memory i have of him at the airport, it really did wrench my heart out, we spent the most of the time on the way to the airport not even speaking, i knew if i spoke or worse if i said " im gonna miss you" i would burst into tears so i bottled it up that was till i got into the plane and i couldt keep it in longer,

 

everybody must have thought "my god whats wrong with him" lol, and some stupid ass air hostess came down to let me know how to operate the emergency exit thing! i was like yeh i know (quickly wiping my tears) even though if the plane did crash down i would have been like "hmmm how to open this thing" hehe,but i do hope i will learn to love again seeing as that catastrophe ****ed me over big time. My family or friends dont know about me, and yes i do feel loved and cared for by parents and friends though there will always be this underlying feeling that keeping my sexuality in the closet will drive me crazy, which is why i want to move out to another country, away from home and be independant and be happpy within myself, because im not, there is this constant cloud hanging over my shoulders because of it, and when i old my parents i was going to england to meet some guy online 3 days before jetting off( delayed it as much as possible) my mum nearly had heart failure, and me dad quizzed me over it,

 

he basically asked my if i was gay and if i was he would be totally fine with it, i obviously denied it and said no im just going to see a friend i knew online for ages, so im pretty sure my family and friends "know" about me but i have yet to just confirm it, you understand i gave up so much and risked ALOT to meet this guy. I do take your advice in moving on and getting stronger, i am doing this, slowly but surely, I have a few new ventures in the next couple of months, starting a new course in sound engineering,started going to the gym, anything at all to just "help" and move on and be myself again , because i havent been myself for 8 Months now and its time to get on with my life, keep my memories, dam good memories,

 

but its in the past and i have to look for the future and look out for whats on my horizon, he did change me, i am thankful for him though in ways, he helped me open my eyes, though the hurt is still lingering, but i HAVE to move on,do things to get my mind of him, anything, i loved him and i know he felt the same but for his own reasons he had to end it, i do believe in fate though, fate brought us together and fate tore us apart, but its all part of this thing we call life i guess :-) thanks again for your input, much appreciated.

 

Moving is something I know about ( Oh just a footnote ) I apologize again for not knowing you sent two posts here as I was not alerted by email so you have 2 from me here ) I think it would be GREAT if you could move to a place where you felt accepted. Would you be okay being away from family and friends ?

 

I live in Las Vegas . Vegas baby yea ! Well I don't love it here though. I like the very scenic green places and someday I am going to find my special place where the people are friendlier....kinda like a small town environment.

 

Hey what was NY like ? I am going there soon. I have been to 25 states roughly and to Mexico and the Bahamas.

 

I think we pasturize our milk ...I dunno , LOL !

 

If you think he will have a WHAM lightbulb moment you are wishful thinking. At 8 months he is likely gotten on and you were someone now he will try to toy with. Please dont let him do that to you. If he wanted you YOU would be there living with him right now. ALL of this is the power you give it. The power to NOT give it what you are feeding into your mind. If he said he was sorry and wanted you to come back , would you ? If your answer is YES then you are still vulnerable . Your response to someone who texts you after 8 months should be what a lump and put it behind you.

 

Only you will know when and if its ever okay to tell your family that you are gay. It seems they already know. And are fine with it. Do whats right for you

 

You had what we refer to as a learning experience . You will grow from it. You will survive it. And you will move on.

 

Hope all is well. I didnt forget about you

[Guest]

Moving is something I know about ( Oh just a footnote ) I apologize again for not knowing you sent two posts here as I was not alerted by email so you have 2 from me here ) I think it would be GREAT if you could move to a place where you felt accepted. Would you be okay being away from family and friends ?

 

I live in Las Vegas . Vegas baby yea ! Well I don't love it here though. I like the very scenic green places and someday I am going to find my special place where the people are friendlier....kinda like a small town environment.

 

Hey what was NY like ? I am going there soon. I have been to 25 states roughly and to Mexico and the Bahamas.

 

I think we pasteurize our milk ...I dunno , LOL !

 

If you think he will have a WHAM light bulb moment you are wishful thinking. At 8 months he is likely gotten on and you were someone now he will try to toy with. Please don't let him do that to you. If he wanted you YOU would be there living with him right now. ALL of this is the power you give it. The power to NOT give it what you are feeding into your mind. If he said he was sorry and wanted you to come back , would you ? If your answer is YES then you are still vulnerable . Your response to someone who texts you after 8 months should be what a lump and put it behind you.

 

Only you will know when and if its ever okay to tell your family that you are gay. It seems they already know. And are fine with it. Do whats right for you

 

You had what we refer to as a learning experience . You will grow from it. You will survive it. And you will move on.

 

Hope all is well. I didn't forget about you

 

 

Hi Mary ! Thanks for replying, i dont mind for the "long" response, i figured u would have been moving and what have you so its all cool,Vegas eh? nice nice, my sister is going there for her honeymoon next year, the city of lights i think they call it ?! WELL to update you on the current situation, here we go, bare with me lol, he texted me on the 26th saying "hi it xxxx, long time no speak,sorry i not spoke to you,hope your ok,xxxx from Manchester" at first i was in shock for like 15 minutes,contemplating everything, i texted back saying "hey thought i was not going to hear from you again", he texted back "i have been through alot this past few months,ill email you when im home on Friday" and so he emailed me, (i would have copied and pasted his email though i didn't save it) but basically, it was a very friendly,welcoming email, saying he was sorry for not contacting me, then went on to tell me what he was up to this past few months,

 

he is starting a new job, won some money on the lottery,and broke up with his bf in july, said he would like to chat on MSN sometime. At this point i was on a high thinking he was coming back to me etc, how that has changed since lol as you will see, i emailed him back telling him what i was up to etc, said i would like to chat on MSN again,it was jsut like a friend to friend email, i avoided the whole love thing, anywho, anywho we chatted on MSN a few days later, the first night we chatted like we always did, just like before, as though nothing had changed, though the next time we chatted he was his ole self, he didn't IM message me first, gave me short answers etc, i told him i wanted to see him again etc, and he would shy away from all that talk, and quickly talk about something else, he was just like the mark i knew days before we broke up, something had died between us and all this "not talking" even after he contacts me after 8 months drove me mad,

 

so i messaged him saying " ok if i call you sometime" he was like "yeh sure thing" so a couple of days later i called him, i just let myself loose on him, all the 8 months of "not knowing" i told him that night! i called him and he was like "hey how are you" and i just got straight to the point, i said "well i could be better, You don't give a **** about me anymore do you?, he was like "what? where is all this coming from, i do care for you, but just not the same way you do for me" I wouldn't have anymore of his ****ing lies, i said to him "you know i have feelings for you, you promised after i left that you would come to see me,you changed,your like a different person to me now,i said to him "why contact me after 8 months and do this all to me again, im back to square one, just when i thought i was getting over you,you don't do that to people" i got all emotional, whimpering on the phone, told him "how would you feel if you cared about someone sooo much and they do this to you,

 

i traveled 300 miles by plane to see you and you give me the cold shoulder" told him i had a hell of a few months, he was mainly silent on the phone just saying "i know" at times, i told him that i cant even chat to you online anymore because you changed,and to know that we once chatted for hours on end and got on sooo great to end up like this i just CANT do it anymore, he was like "well i dont have a problem chatting to you online" i was like "well i do all the talking, you just give me short answers"etc, a few minutes past where none of us talked, and he said "well its your call, but if me speaking to you brings you back to square 1 again i wont contact you again" i was mixed up and didnt know what to say so i said "ill call you tomorrow,i need time to think" and so ended the phone call, a week past and i couldn't call him so i emailed him, i saved the email so this is the last contact i will ever have of him again, here it is :

 

Hi Mark

I was meant to call you a few days back, i just didn't know what to say but here it goes, Iv'e realised that you didnt have the feelings for me like you once did, why you say "were just m8's" puzzles the hell out of me but im willing to let that go,in fact i think its best for me that i never hear from you again, cause it hurts me too much just ****ing thinking of you throws me into depression and i dont need that anymore, i mean to get on so great then 3 weeks after coming home after broken promises you break contact with me, leaving me for months,confused,what did i do wrong etc etc i could go on and on, at first i thought hmm ok you had a bf which was why u broke contact with me but after the phone call last week i realized you just don't have feelings for me the way i do to you, or did. It's a shame you changed,and ****ed things up, which you did no matter what way you look at it,your not the Mark i use to know, like a different person but hey thats life,

 

some things people like myself will never understand, and ive realized i dont need all this grief anymore, time to move on and be myself again, i thought the world of you but you obviously had different views. I don't use yahoo chat or go into chat rooms anymore cause well basically what happened between us is a good enough result of online chat, i still have the pics of manchester, something i WILL keep, cause it was a good time we had and nothing can take that away, but for my own sake i think its best i not hear from you again, anyways guess this will be the last time i will ever write to you, so good luck with your new job and for the future, i wish you all the best.

 

 

I sent that email a week ago, and im convinced i wont hear from him again, i deleted him from MSN, (BIG SIGH OF RELIEF) i FINALLY have my closure, i realized what u have been telling me all along that time does heal wounds, and i don't think of him the way i did before, he is not worth the grief,the depression etc, i have had 8 months of it, and i HAVE to move on, in fact i have moved on, i have been chatting to a really nice guy this past few weeks, he calls me most days, texts me, we chat online, this guy CARES for me, and like me this guy has been through a break up, so were both in the same boat, but mark ain't worth one second of my thought anymore,

 

he is nothing but hurt and depression for me, and i have had enough of it, GOD HELP whatever guy comes his way, good riddance to bad rubbish as they say, so he is now out of my mind at last, however i still have the pics of Manchester, something i wont delete, we did have a good time but things were not meant to be between us, good memories is all i have left, its not all true that time heals all wounds, there are some wounds that you dont want to heal, the memories are something great.

 

But thats my story, i have learned so much this past few months, i never would have thought that i would be telling him i dont want to hear from him again, but here i am, the better for it,Thanks again Mary for all your advice and guidance, you were telling me all along that he doenst care for me, i was jsut blind to see it.anyways my fingers are getting sore from typing and its late ! i better hit the hay, thanks again :-)

[Mary3]

Hi Mary ! Thanks for replying, i dont mind for the "long" response, i figured u would have been moving and what have you so its all cool,Vegas eh? nice nice, my sister is going there for her honeymoon next year, the city of lights i think they call it ?! WELL to update you on the current situation, here we go, bare with me lol, he texted me on the 26th saying "hi it xxxx, long time no speak,sorry i not spoke to you,hope your ok,xxxx from Manchester" at first i was in shock for like 15 minutes,contemplating everything, i texted back saying "hey thought i was not going to hear from you again", he texted back "i have been through alot this past few months,ill email you when im home on Friday" and so he emailed me, (i would have copied and pasted his email though i didn't save it) but basically, it was a very friendly,welcoming email, saying he was sorry for not contacting me, then went on to tell me what he was up to this past few months,

 

he is starting a new job, won some money on the lottery,and broke up with his bf in july, said he would like to chat on MSN sometime. At this point i was on a high thinking he was coming back to me etc, how that has changed since lol as you will see, i emailed him back telling him what i was up to etc, said i would like to chat on MSN again,it was jsut like a friend to friend email, i avoided the whole love thing, anywho, anywho we chatted on MSN a few days later, the first night we chatted like we always did, just like before, as though nothing had changed, though the next time we chatted he was his ole self, he didn't IM message me first, gave me short answers etc, i told him i wanted to see him again etc, and he would shy away from all that talk, and quickly talk about something else, he was just like the mark i knew days before we broke up, something had died between us and all this "not talking" even after he contacts me after 8 months drove me mad,

 

so i messaged him saying " ok if i call you sometime" he was like "yeh sure thing" so a couple of days later i called him, i just let myself loose on him, all the 8 months of "not knowing" i told him that night! i called him and he was like "hey how are you" and i just got straight to the point, i said "well i could be better, You don't give a **** about me anymore do you?, he was like "what? where is all this coming from, i do care for you, but just not the same way you do for me" I wouldn't have anymore of his ****ing lies, i said to him "you know i have feelings for you, you promised after i left that you would come to see me,you changed,your like a different person to me now,i said to him "why contact me after 8 months and do this all to me again, im back to square one, just when i thought i was getting over you,you don't do that to people" i got all emotional, whimpering on the phone, told him "how would you feel if you cared about someone sooo much and they do this to you,

 

i traveled 300 miles by plane to see you and you give me the cold shoulder" told him i had a hell of a few months, he was mainly silent on the phone just saying "i know" at times, i told him that i cant even chat to you online anymore because you changed,and to know that we once chatted for hours on end and got on sooo great to end up like this i just CANT do it anymore, he was like "well i dont have a problem chatting to you online" i was like "well i do all the talking, you just give me short answers"etc, a few minutes past where none of us talked, and he said "well its your call, but if me speaking to you brings you back to square 1 again i wont contact you again" i was mixed up and didnt know what to say so i said "ill call you tomorrow,i need time to think" and so ended the phone call, a week past and i couldn't call him so i emailed him, i saved the email so this is the last contact i will ever have of him again, here it is :

 

Hi Mark

I was meant to call you a few days back, i just didn't know what to say but here it goes, Iv'e realised that you didnt have the feelings for me like you once did, why you say "were just m8's" puzzles the hell out of me but im willing to let that go,in fact i think its best for me that i never hear from you again, cause it hurts me too much just ****ing thinking of you throws me into depression and i dont need that anymore, i mean to get on so great then 3 weeks after coming home after broken promises you break contact with me, leaving me for months,confused,what did i do wrong etc etc i could go on and on, at first i thought hmm ok you had a bf which was why u broke contact with me but after the phone call last week i realized you just don't have feelings for me the way i do to you, or did. It's a shame you changed,and ****ed things up, which you did no matter what way you look at it,your not the Mark i use to know, like a different person but hey thats life,

 

some things people like myself will never understand, and ive realized i dont need all this grief anymore, time to move on and be myself again, i thought the world of you but you obviously had different views. I don't use yahoo chat or go into chat rooms anymore cause well basically what happened between us is a good enough result of online chat, i still have the pics of manchester, something i WILL keep, cause it was a good time we had and nothing can take that away, but for my own sake i think its best i not hear from you again, anyways guess this will be the last time i will ever write to you, so good luck with your new job and for the future, i wish you all the best.

 

 

I sent that email a week ago, and im convinced i wont hear from him again, i deleted him from MSN, (BIG SIGH OF RELIEF) i FINALLY have my closure, i realized what u have been telling me all along that time does heal wounds, and i don't think of him the way i did before, he is not worth the grief,the depression etc, i have had 8 months of it, and i HAVE to move on, in fact i have moved on, i have been chatting to a really nice guy this past few weeks, he calls me most days, texts me, we chat online, this guy CARES for me, and like me this guy has been through a break up, so were both in the same boat, but mark ain't worth one second of my thought anymore,

 

he is nothing but hurt and depression for me, and i have had enough of it, GOD HELP whatever guy comes his way, good riddance to bad rubbish as they say, so he is now out of my mind at last, however i still have the pics of Manchester, something i wont delete, we did have a good time but things were not meant to be between us, good memories is all i have left, its not all true that time heals all wounds, there are some wounds that you dont want to heal, the memories are something great.

 

But thats my story, i have learned so much this past few months, i never would have thought that i would be telling him i dont want to hear from him again, but here i am, the better for it,Thanks again Mary for all your advice and guidance, you were telling me all along that he doenst care for me, i was jsut blind to see it.anyways my fingers are getting sore from typing and its late ! i better hit the hay, thanks again :-)

 

Wow what a great response !

 

You understand now he basically used you right ?

 

I am not trying to hurt you any further but we both know by now that this was mostly concieved in your head about how he must have felt about you. It was * anything * he could think of back then to get you to come down and to have sex with you.

 

Welcome to my female life. : Thats ALOT of what its like for me but I just have grown tired and got a new kitty and just ignore all the guys that want to " come over for a little while " Hell that ! Buy me dinner....LOL ! But anyway its grown quite tiring to have a parade of men willing to try and use me but I wont have it anymore. I am looking for Mr Right . lol. As if....well oh well....aren't we all hehe.

 

Yes I was moving and don't laugh might move again because I want to buy this time If things are more affordable...as the market is leveling now...good for me...bad for sellers who cant move their properties...

 

Yes the city of lights ! Millions of light bulbs in every sign

 

You had perfect right to * let it all out on him * it was really for you as you can see but he could give a sh** about you as you could see finally...

 

He broke up with his bf in July...hrmmm wonder why...Got tired of him ? Bf got tired of HIM ? Could be many things. I think he had that oh gee i should contact P**** ( I think I remember your real name hehe ) and it was more like he had nothing on his mind and thought he would touch base.

 

But see you are venting to man who is like " huh " ? He does not remember all the BS he told you back then to get u to come down. He does not remember or care how much you cared about him. He might vaguely remember the sex and that you were likely passionate and filled with emotions for him.

 

You see he sees you as a friend. Thats why he has NO problem talking to you now today . You see him as much more....

 

He didnt deserve to win the Lottery ! grrrr...

 

Well you are filled with emotions and need an emotional bond with someone and glad you found a new friend that cares about you. I too have those type of needs . Thats why I just sit back and observe bad behaviors , lol

 

Well do keep in touch and you know you can write me here and ask me anything about your old bf or questions about your new bf and what things might mean.

 

Keep in touch !

[Guest]

Wow what a great response !

 

You understand now he basically used you right ?

 

I am not trying to hurt you any further but we both know by now that this was mostly concieved in your head about how he must have felt about you. It was * anything * he could think of back then to get you to come down and to have sex with you.

 

Welcome to my female life. : Thats ALOT of what its like for me but I just have grown tired and got a new kitty and just ignore all the guys that want to " come over for a little while " Hell that ! Buy me dinner....LOL ! But anyway its grown quite tiring to have a parade of men willing to try and use me but I wont have it anymore. I am looking for Mr Right . lol. As if....well oh well....aren't we all hehe.

 

Yes I was moving and don't laugh might move again because I want to buy this time If things are more affordable...as the market is leveling now...good for me...bad for sellers who cant move their properties...

 

Yes the city of lights ! Millions of light bulbs in every sign

 

You had perfect right to * let it all out on him * it was really for you as you can see but he could give a sh** about you as you could see finally...

 

He broke up with his bf in July...hrmmm wonder why...Got tired of him ? Bf got tired of HIM ? Could be many things. I think he had that oh gee i should contact P**** ( I think I remember your real name hehe ) and it was more like he had nothing on his mind and thought he would touch base.

 

But see you are venting to man who is like " huh " ? He does not remember all the BS he told you back then to get u to come down. He does not remember or care how much you cared about him. He might vaguely remember the sex and that you were likely passionate and filled with emotions for him.

 

You see he sees you as a friend. Thats why he has NO problem talking to you now today . You see him as much more....

 

He didnt deserve to win the Lottery ! grrrr...

 

Well you are filled with emotions and need an emotional bond with someone and glad you found a new friend that cares about you. I too have those type of needs . Thats why I just sit back and observe bad behaviors , lol

 

Well do keep in touch and you know you can write me here and ask me anything about your old bf or questions about your new bf and what things might mean.

 

Keep in touch !

 

 

 

I HAVE TRIED TO READ ALL OF THIS BUT I CAN'T RIGHT NOW. SO I HAVE KEPT A COPY OF IT -

U KNOW AT TIMES LIKE THESE, IT IS SO MUCH EASY TO SIMPLY TALK WITH THE PERSON U KNOW BECAUSE USING DIFFERENT NAMES ETC. REALLY DOESN'T HELP....AND BTW, I HAVE A FUNNY ONLINE CHAT ROOM IRELANDE STORY AS WELL I MIGHT SHARE..

GM