Guest Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 HI, im 21 years old and gay, i met this guy onlin ayearagoe got on great, we chatted online for months, almost every night, we couldnt know each other better, i went to England to see him, he gave me the best 3 days of my life, he was my best friend before anything else,but to cut a long story short 3 weeks after coming home, he broke contact with me, said he was sick of the situation, said he was mixed up and needed some time to cool off, its been 7 months since we last talked, i gave up texting,emailing him shorty after we broke contact because he wudnt reply, this person means soo much to me,i will never meet someone like him again, i dont go near chatrooms anymore because it reminds me too much of him, im lonely,heartbroken but more so CONFUSED as to why he done it,we had plans made for him to come see me, he made me feel genuine love that i never felt before, it doesnt make sense, i want answers, but more so i want him back,i miss him more than anything in this world,if he did get back in touch i would fly over to see him tommorow,its killing me, i always heard about being heartbroken but never really knew what it felt like until he left me, whats worse is im not out, and he knows this, how can someone be so cruel and heartless to do this, after getting on fantastic for months, has anyone ever been in the same situation? and if so what advice do you guys have because its been 7 months and i still feel as raw about it then as i do now, people say time is a healer, but if anything its getting worse, i want him back....i want him back so bad.
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 You really don't know this guy, even if you saw in him in person afew times. What you "know" about him is mostly through online contact and that isn't enough to keep a real live face to face friendship going. It seems he got something from you, then backed off. 7 months is a long time and you have to get over him. He isn't worth it!! He made you feel good, but I think you may have made him out to be someone he isn't. That is the problem about online romances...It's too fantasy like...Talking online you can fill in the blanks...You only see the good stuff, and what that person is showing you. You miss how he made you feel. You can and you will find that again one day with someone else who will love and respect you the way you deserve. Don't answer ANY of his emails anymore, go on with your life. Cry if you need to, make your own closure.
newbby Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 i always think most problems to do with break-ups are really to do with ourselves. perhaps the reason that you felt so good with this guy is the fact that you didnt have to lie with him. you said you arent out yet, and i should imagine you felt free with him in that way, but more than anything, you felt accepted for who you are. try to remember, that the resulting feelings of being left, are not usually the other persons fault but something in you that you already had problems with. perhaps you could use this pain in a much more positive way. for instance, why have you not come out yet. would coming out allow you to feel accepted as this guy made you feel? what is stopping you from coming out? as far as i am aware, there is not the stigma attached to being gay as there used to be, so perhaps it is only your perception of this that is limiting you in this way. it might be time to come out. you met this guy online, i am assuming you felt safer meeting people in this way. imagine if you stopped limiting your own life and could meet people in everyday life. its just the way i see it, but even if i am wrong, inability to deal with break-ups is always something to do with ourselves.
Guest Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 You really don't know this guy, even if you saw in him in person afew times. What you "know" about him is mostly through online contact and that isn't enough to keep a real live face to face friendship going. It seems he got something from you, then backed off. 7 months is a long time and you have to get over him. He isn't worth it!! He made you feel good, but I think you may have made him out to be someone he isn't. That is the problem about online romances...It's too fantasy like...Talking online you can fill in the blanks...You only see the good stuff, and what that person is showing you. You miss how he made you feel. You can and you will find that again one day with someone else who will love and respect you the way you deserve. Don't answer ANY of his emails anymore, go on with your life. Cry if you need to, make your own closure. I understand what your saying, and thanks for your advice, however i cannot get over him, days i try, things keep reminding me of him,and in relation to "not knowing him" i really did know this person, granted it was online contact mainly, but its like when somebody is drunk and act all stupid or say something insulting, thats showing their true personality, i mean alcohol shows through the REAL person, the same way that chatting online and "filling in the blanks" showed this person personality, i really did know him, u must belive me and i did meet this person and spent 3 days together, i miss him because we got on so great,we had the same taste in almost everything .music etc, this guy was my only real friend and like another comment posted not being out does make things worse, as i did feel comfortable around this guy, he said things to me that made me feel really loved, i would know or sense if he didnt like me, but why he would do this i will never know, i only hope that he will get back in contact or someday he will realise what a dick he has been and get back in touch, im sick of this attitude out there " get over him,move on with your life, you deserve better" etc, im not going to let this one go down the same road as other break ups, and i cant move on and find somebody else right now, i need time, and even if i wanted to, how would i ? im gay,not out and living in rural religious ireland, i cant just stroll down to the local gay bar or whatever, he means the world to me, all i have of him now is great memories, and when i think of the good times we had and then the situation i am in now, it kills me. I dont know what to do
InaPanic Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 guest, (I wish you had a name ) I can relate to what you are feeling very much. My situation is very different than yours but the facts remind me of my story. I am married and had an affair with a guy I met online. LIke you we talked a LOT online & on the phone. Our 'courting' time was only 2 months but we crammed a lot in that 2 months. I have also been told here that you cannot truly know someone online. I don't want to face that yet but perhaps it's true. I do believe, at least in mysituation, it was all fantasy based. He also told me the most wonderful, beautiful things. I've also been told on here that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could 'get into my pants'. Again, I don't want to believe this & I don't think I do. We spent very little time in person. One trip for 2 days & another trip for 3 days (like you). After the 3 day trip is when i broke down from guilt & fell apart & made the affair a nightmare for the both of us. Long story short, my OM also decided we needed to end it, or 'take a break' as he said. I do know that the distance & the fact we could probably never be a couple had a lot to do with his decision. I wasn't willing to accept that fact even though it's obvious. Maybe your lover thought the same thing. That because of the distance it was hopeless. It's hard to say what some people are thinking. I would have never thought OM could forget me as easily as he seems to have or to have moved on as easily as he has. Some people are able to come to a decision & just stick with it & go about their lives. Then there are people like us who have a hard time with it. I am worried about the fact it's been 7 months & you haven't moved on at all. This worries me about me. You seem to be addicted to this guy in the same way I am addicted to the OM in my life. I hope you find the strength to move on from this. After 7 months it doesn't look good. And as much as we want to chase after the person it doesn't do any good at all. Who knows what the future will bring. Maybe it will bring the two of you together again.
Guest Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 guest, (I wish you had a name ) I can relate to what you are feeling very much. My situation is very different than yours but the facts remind me of my story. I am married and had an affair with a guy I met online. LIke you we talked a LOT online & on the phone. Our 'courting' time was only 2 months but we crammed a lot in that 2 months. I have also been told here that you cannot truly know someone online. I don't want to face that yet but perhaps it's true. I do believe, at least in mysituation, it was all fantasy based. He also told me the most wonderful, beautiful things. I've also been told on here that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could 'get into my pants'. Again, I don't want to believe this & I don't think I do. We spent very little time in person. One trip for 2 days & another trip for 3 days (like you). After the 3 day trip is when i broke down from guilt & fell apart & made the affair a nightmare for the both of us. Long story short, my OM also decided we needed to end it, or 'take a break' as he said. I do know that the distance & the fact we could probably never be a couple had a lot to do with his decision. I wasn't willing to accept that fact even though it's obvious. Maybe your lover thought the same thing. That because of the distance it was hopeless. It's hard to say what some people are thinking. I would have never thought OM could forget me as easily as he seems to have or to have moved on as easily as he has. Some people are able to come to a decision & just stick with it & go about their lives. Then there are people like us who have a hard time with it. I am worried about the fact it's been 7 months & you haven't moved on at all. This worries me about me. You seem to be addicted to this guy in the same way I am addicted to the OM in my life. I hope you find the strength to move on from this. After 7 months it doesn't look good. And as much as we want to chase after the person it doesn't do any good at all. Who knows what the future will bring. Maybe it will bring the two of you together again. Hi "Inapanic" , My name is Peter :-) thanks for your advice, it brought me to tears just reading ure words because i relate to the same thing u went through, tho very different,like you, people tell me that he was only after the one thing and when i was gone he didnt care about me, but i wont believe it, i mean we chatted for 6 months every night on yahoo before even considering meeting, i could just chat to him so freely, and time would fly in, one time we chatted for like 6 hours one night, right up till the sun came up! and the same again the next night, i used online chat for a few years now, and we met by him just messaging me "ASL"..but as we got chatting i knew this guy was different, we were just too alike, and now that he is gone I cant bear goign into chat again, even basic chatting to my m8's online i feel not the same, because i put so much effort and time into this guy that chatting online has lost what it once meant to me, in relation to the distance factor what i realised after we broke up was how much i was willing to give up to be with him, i wanted to move over there...maybe first for a few months and see how it goes, but he left and i didnt get time to say it to him, i was willing to give it all up, work, everything to start a new over there,what drives me crazy is the things he said to me like when i was leaving him, he said "Well its not like were not going to see each other again" and "when you come back over we can visit this place and that" and we would chat about him coming over to me, and the places i could show him, my parents asked me recently when he was coming over because when i came back from england i told them he would be coming over in march, then april,may went by and they asked me what was up..i had to lie of course, said he got college coming up so he cant afford it etc, and i wanted my parents and brother to see this guy that i was crazy about, now its all gone, in my experience happiness is always short lived,and yes 7 months have gone by and i still feel so raw about it, i wish i could just click my fingers and forget everything, but thats not going to happen, and i wonder does he ever think of me at times, or is he living his life as happy as ever not casting a 2nd thought, because we spent the most of 2005 jsut chatting online every night, so can he just forget about all them hours and months that we shared, and them 3 days over there, can he just forget it, i wish i could..
InaPanic Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Peter, i know what you mean about going online. That was one of the hardest things for me too. Because we spent so much time IM'ing each other I can't stand it now when someone IM's me because it reminds me of him. It was more painful in the beginning than it is now but it's still not easy. I was also willing to give up an incredible amount, or at least i was risking an incredible amount for this guy since I am married. In all honesty, in my situation I know I will look back & say 'thank god i didn't leave my family for this guy' but i was totally thinking irrationally. It's all he said he ever wanted, was to be with me, for us to be a couple. Then when I feel like it's what I want, he gets scared & starts thinking about it all. People should think before they speak & a lot of people don't. And they don't realize their words can have profound effects on people. His did on me & obviously your lovers words have profoundly affected you. I am so sorry you are still suffering, it breaks my heart for you. When it's a long distance relationship you also feel trapped. It's not like you or I can just drive to the other persons house & give them a piece of our mind. We are too far away. And i know for me that is a part of my frustration. I feel like I have things I still want to say to him, I don't feel like i have had closure & I know you feel the same. I also wish i could have some head trauma that would make me forget the last 4 months. Or i could go back in time & never do the idiotic thing i did that risked my family & my sanity as i speak. But we cannot. We can only try to move forward as best as we can. This is a bizarre question but are you sure he's ok? I mean have you heard anything at all from him to know that he is alright but he's just not responding to you? I would be wondering if he'd been in an accident or something. I hope not.
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 You really don't know this guy, even if you saw in him in person afew times. What you "know" about him is mostly through online contact and that isn't enough to keep a real live face to face friendship going. It seems he got something from you, then backed off. 7 months is a long time and you have to get over him. He isn't worth it!! He made you feel good, but I think you may have made him out to be someone he isn't. That is the problem about online romances...It's too fantasy like...Talking online you can fill in the blanks...You only see the good stuff, and what that person is showing you. You miss how he made you feel. You can and you will find that again one day with someone else who will love and respect you the way you deserve. Don't answer ANY of his emails anymore, go on with your life. Cry if you need to, make your own closure. I LOVE This response ! And LDR's can be a real bi*** and hard to keep strong. I dont advocate them at all.
Guest Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Peter, i know what you mean about going online. That was one of the hardest things for me too. Because we spent so much time IM'ing each other I can't stand it now when someone IM's me because it reminds me of him. It was more painful in the beginning than it is now but it's still not easy. I was also willing to give up an incredible amount, or at least i was risking an incredible amount for this guy since I am married. In all honesty, in my situation I know I will look back & say 'thank god i didn't leave my family for this guy' but i was totally thinking irrationally. It's all he said he ever wanted, was to be with me, for us to be a couple. Then when I feel like it's what I want, he gets scared & starts thinking about it all. People should think before they speak & a lot of people don't. And they don't realize their words can have profound effects on people. His did on me & obviously your lovers words have profoundly affected you. I am so sorry you are still suffering, it breaks my heart for you. When it's a long distance relationship you also feel trapped. It's not like you or I can just drive to the other persons house & give them a piece of our mind. We are too far away. And i know for me that is a part of my frustration. I feel like I have things I still want to say to him, I don't feel like i have had closure & I know you feel the same. I also wish i could have some head trauma that would make me forget the last 4 months. Or i could go back in time & never do the idiotic thing i did that risked my family & my sanity as i speak. But we cannot. We can only try to move forward as best as we can. This is a bizarre question but are you sure he's ok? I mean have you heard anything at all from him to know that he is alright but he's just not responding to you? I would be wondering if he'd been in an accident or something. I hope not. I dont know if he is alive or dead, but in a way he is dead to me seeing as he never got in contact, the last thing he said to me was "your very demanding, i cant go through with it at the mo (coming to see me) chat sometime soon" he then went offline and that was the last thing he said to me..7 months ago, days i get mentally stressed and yes even sometimes physically sick over what he did to me, i mean how could something soo right go so terribly wrong, just when things were goign so good between us, so much planned etc, he was dead set on coming to see me,said he couldnt wait etc, i know some people out there will be saying to themselves "get over it, move on with your life etc" but i cant do it,like you i also have things i still want to tell him, but i know the best thing to do is not get in contact with him, the ball is in his court, its true what they say, the more you try and get back with them, the more they pull away, so i am just going to bide my time and let him think i dont give a **** anymore and perhaps he will get back in touch, that would be the only thing that would make me genuinely happy again, THE ONLY THING, i dont mean to be to personal, and im not being questionative, but why did you do what you did, i would imagine you love your husband which was why you married him, im young and i wouldnt know what married life is like etc, did you just bored of him or something ? please dont take this the wrong way im jsut curious, and did you decide to end the affair with the guy you were seeing ? because i would like to know because this guy i was seeing had a boyfriend, he had one ever since we first started chatting and he did make it clear to me,little did i know it would come back to bite me, i hate being the bad guy in all of this but in all hoenty i was there for him more than his bf ever was, yes not as in face to face but you know what i mean, and he ended it with me on valentines day this year, so it brings me to question did he and his bf fall out and maybe he was taking his anger out on me because of it ? he said really hurtful things that was not like him at all like " harsh and all as it sounds, you clearly like me more than i like you" did he mean it ? or he just want to hurt me to get rid of me, so many unansered questions..
InaPanic Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Peter, i am still trying to deal with what I did & why I did it so i cannot really answer you completely. I have no idea why I did it. I have been married many years & thought i was totally happy. I hate to use midlife crisis as an excuse but I seem like a poster girl for it right now. I think because it began online it seemed safe & fun & I thought I could stop whenever i wanted. I got sucked in. I did something I never should have done. It sounds like your ex & my OM both got scared when we got more aggressive in the relationship. When I got back from our second meeting I had a total breakdown over it all. And for some reason it came out as 'i have to be with him' (meaning the OM). I fell apart and the more i did the more he backed away which shows what strong character he has. He ended it with me which is part of my problem, the pride thing. he had always been the chaser, the pursuer & for him to be the one in the end to break it off with me stings badly! In a way it sounds like yours did the same thing. Maybe you became WAY more interested after your meeting & it scared him too so he began to back away. If he had another boyfriend, who knows, maybe they worked things out. And maybe that's why he's stayed away & is ignoring you. If so, i'm sure as soon as that falls out he'll probably be calling you again. Thing is you've waited so long, so very long. I feel so rotten right now & I cannot imagine 7 months from now still feeling like this, still pining over him. There has to be something you can do to move on. You talked about moving to be with him. Have you thought about moving just to start over? You don't seem to crazy about your city, maybe a move would do you good.
Mary3 Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Guest : You poured your entire life and well being into someone who already had a bf and met you IRL and had sex with you. When that was over he basically got rid of you. I really feel your pain. I hope you take this to realize people are not what they appear on-line. I hope you get strong and get back on life's track. I feel your hurt and this Tool has not contacted you in 7 months. Don't use NC as a way to win him back. You never had him. He was also messing around on his bf to mess with you. Can you honestly love and respect someone who is a cheater ? He is likely doing it over and over on-line ( you know ). Stay off the chats for awhile and get out there and meet people. You say there is no-one like him. Of course not ! We are all unique and individual. Use your strong positive attitude to get through this and find someone who REALLY appreciates you.
Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 Guest : You poured your entire life and well being into someone who already had a bf and met you IRL and had sex with you. When that was over he basically got rid of you. I really feel your pain. I hope you take this to realize people are not what they appear on-line. I hope you get strong and get back on life's track. I feel your hurt and this Tool has not contacted you in 7 months. Don't use NC as a way to win him back. You never had him. He was also messing around on his bf to mess with you. Can you honestly love and respect someone who is a cheater ? He is likely doing it over and over on-line ( you know ). Stay off the chats for awhile and get out there and meet people. You say there is no-one like him. Of course not ! We are all unique and individual. Use your strong positive attitude to get through this and find someone who REALLY appreciates you. Thanks again guys for your replys,i feel so bloody heartbroken, its been 7 months, and at times i do have a good cry to myself and i think well now that is done with it will help me get over him, but a couple of weeks later it all builds up again and i breakdown again, for 7 long months now, i just hate the way things have went between us, to get on so great, and all the plans we had made, then for him to just act all hostile to me and saying mean things, i know he didntt mean them, but still it hurts to hear what he said to me, it wasnt like him at all, was he taking his anger out on me because him and his bf werent getting on good or seomthing ? there is a massive hole in my life now ever since he left, he made me so happy, more than i ever was,so happy, he was my first love basically, i miss talking to him,laughing with him, being there for each other when he was down or i was down, i miss eating and drinking with him, going to the cinema, him showing me his city and talking about how i am goign to show him ireland and all the places we could go when he would come over,and one thing ill never forget was before i left for the airport he was saying he didnt want me to go,said he would always be here for me, said i was great etc, it hurts so much to think of it. just when my life couldnt be better it all came crashing down hard,if he doesnt come back i sure as hell wont forget him,and it wasnt until he broke contact with me did i realise how much i missed him and how much i was willing to sacrifice to be with him,i was going to up and leave home and be there with him, he was my friend before anything else,and now he is gone.
Mary3 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Don't you see how devastating it is to live and breathe someone only to have them leave ? We have all been deeply saddened and devastated at least once in our lives but hopefully WE and YOU learned a very valuable lesson. Of course you loved him and everything about him. But some people are fickle that way. They don't give a damn one day and they don't let you know and POOF GONE ! Because this happened to you the ONLY thing you can do is to learn to love yourself ! Man, thats hard I know but make it your NEW goal. Because when all is said and done the ONLY thing you really have is YOURSELF Bf / gf love can be so fleeting. You know your mom / dad / sis / brothers will always love you but bf's well....just like us girls ...you never know when someone loses interest and just moves on breaking your heart. It will take time but this won't hurt as much a month from now. 10 months from now , .....as time goes on it gets better. Think of him and get ANGRY. ! Wow he cheated on his bf to be with you. Then while with you he cheated on his boyfriend so he in effect cheated on YOU ! Does this sound like a good guy to you ???
Guest Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Don't you see how devastating it is to live and breathe someone only to have them leave ? We have all been deeply saddened and devastated at least once in our lives but hopefully WE and YOU learned a very valuable lesson. Of course you loved him and everything about him. But some people are fickle that way. They don't give a damn one day and they don't let you know and POOF GONE ! Because this happened to you the ONLY thing you can do is to learn to love yourself ! Man, thats hard I know but make it your NEW goal. Because when all is said and done the ONLY thing you really have is YOURSELF Bf / gf love can be so fleeting. You know your mom / dad / sis / brothers will always love you but bf's well....just like us girls ...you never know when someone loses interest and just moves on breaking your heart. It will take time but this won't hurt as much a month from now. 10 months from now , .....as time goes on it gets better. Think of him and get ANGRY. ! Wow he cheated on his bf to be with you. Then while with you he cheated on his boyfriend so he in effect cheated on YOU ! Does this sound like a good guy to you ??? Thanks Mary, there is nothign worse than being heartbroken, i could never do what he did to me and just ignore someone for no just reason, bits and pieces of memorys keep coming back to me on the few days before we broke up, we would alwyas chat on yahoo messenger, and one night i waited for like hours for him to come on, turns out he would be on msn knowing i would be on yahoo, because thats where we wud always chat for months before that,then he would give me the usual "were just m8's" and "your idea of m8's and my idea of m8'2 seem to be different" I honestly think he was in denial, he felt rotten for what he done on his bf and didnt want to risk losing him, but his stupid going ons with me left me the victim in all of this, he was the one that changed, not me, and i let him know this, and your right at times when i think of him i just get angry, at times i hate him,but then the good memorys we had outweigh the bad so i always get down again,and when i look back i think what if we met online and he never had a bf, would i be in the same situation now, probably not, but who knows, i am going to wait until the end of october for him to get in touch, then i if not, i think i will make one last desperate attempt to make contact,because i know he had feelings for me,i wont belive anything other than this, people will say he played you and when i went home he just didnt care, what do you guys think would be a good idea? get in touch or not ?
Mary3 Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Sorry but the image you have of him is what is in your mind. He does not sound Romantic or loving. He sounds opportunistic. He is NOT with you is he ? You will wait like the loyal hound at the side of the road for your owner to come back but this is going to hurt you MORE waiting for any little tid bits he might throw you way ( If in fact he is throwing any bones your way at all...or is it wishful thinking that he will * wake up * ?? Please don't humiliate yourself one more day by saying you will continue to let him know how you feel and * wait * . This chap was sexxing 2 guys at the same time ! What does that tell you ?? Open up your eyes. Because if you keep them closed and hold on to your own fantasy of what is as opposed to what REALLY is, you are going to get seriously hurt ! As wonderful as you are and caring there will be another man for you ! You dont need second rate decayed scraps of attention from this internet whore. Please work on YOU. I promise you , that one day , when you are healed and that means NC @ That you will love again and not some slithering snake who swallows hearts and spits them out. Please do NOT continue this painful path. You are going to get burned.
Guest Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Sorry but the image you have of him is what is in your mind. He does not sound Romantic or loving. He sounds opportunistic. He is NOT with you is he ? You will wait like the loyal hound at the side of the road for your owner to come back but this is going to hurt you MORE waiting for any little tid bits he might throw you way ( If in fact he is throwing any bones your way at all...or is it wishful thinking that he will * wake up * ?? Please don't humiliate yourself one more day by saying you will continue to let him know how you feel and * wait * . This chap was sexxing 2 guys at the same time ! What does that tell you ?? Open up your eyes. Because if you keep them closed and hold on to your own fantasy of what is as opposed to what REALLY is, you are going to get seriously hurt ! As wonderful as you are and caring there will be another man for you ! You dont need second rate decayed scraps of attention from this internet whore. Please work on YOU. I promise you , that one day , when you are healed and that means NC @ That you will love again and not some slithering snake who swallows hearts and spits them out. Please do NOT continue this painful path. You are going to get burned. It hurts Mary, im 21 years old living in rural religous Ireland, and im not out, and if i was to come out, it would be the talk of the town for ages, i almost wish i was straight at times, i see all my m8's and relatives, they all have somebody and are happy, where i have to resort to the interent to find people, it shouldnt be this way, true being gay doesnt have the stigma attached to it as it once had, but Ireland is all catholic and holy as u probably know and not as accepting of gays, this guy made me so happy for the first time in my life, to have somebody in my life is all i want, sure if i was straight i could have a gf and nobody would cast a 2nd thought but its tough, unlike America and the UK which are more acceptant of gays than this backward old fashioned country, if somebody could just tell me why he done what he done to me, he was the best and yet worse thing to ever happen me, and i dont go near chatrooms anymore because chatrooms are slowly but surely being taken over by pervs,its not what it once was, i just dont want to meet anybody yet, i need time, alot of time, i dont think ill ever get over him, and i dont believe he is an "internet whore" we chatted as best m8's for months online for hours on end every night, i do know him, i spent 3 days with him, i know everything about him, if i somehow knew i was going to see him again i would be able to go on with my life as i once did, but not knowing is heartwrenching..thanks again for your replys..keep em coming.
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Did you know I am Irish too ? hehe. Yup red hair ,green eyes...fair skin.. I always wondered what it would be like to visit Ireland ...Is it very green like Scotland ? I can understand the ramifications of coming out in rural Ireland. I think the internet provides for you a way to meet gay men. Did you know there are alot of gay men who are sexually promiscious ? Only saying that so you know to be careful. I hope you and him used protection is all... Your letter could change and be like mine. Met someone who was everything I wanted and your letter mimics mine 2 years ago. Since that time I learned ( as I hope you will ) that totally depending on * someone * to make you happy will enevitably fail . Why ? Because you MUST BE HAPPY first before you can be happy with someone. Your letter cries out that you feel alone ( as did I ) and you wanted someone to fill the void. I still feel alone but in a different way. I am learning to love myself, take care of myself and NOW I am ready ( finally ) to accept someone in my life not to COMPLETE me but to enhance the wonderful person that I have become. The same wonderful person that you are and will become moreso when you start working on yourself. Why he did it ? You will ask yourself that forever . But is HE asking WHY ? NO...because he has not the same mindset or life goals or needs that YOU do. The best and worst...oh how I relate to that. But OUT of the WORST comes the BEST in YOU. You take what he did and you LEARN from it. I cannot stress that enough through your pain right now. You will get over him. It will take months for you . It took me 8 months . 8 lonnnnnnnng months . The chatrooms are filled with thousands of people looking for sexual conquests. There are some good loving people getting burned by the conquerers. So you must understand that NOW after being on the internet chats that there are some disturbed people there. You just got burned by one. You said he is not a whore. Perhaps but he does have a name if he slept with you and him . And you REALLY don't know what he does , You ONLY know what he TELLS you. He could be doing this again. THINK : He had a bf....why did he meet you and cheat ? THINK ! Please open your eyes.
InaPanic Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Peter I know you DO NOT want to believe he is a bad person but you may have to. I just found out details about my OM that have opened my eyes to the person he is. A predator. He did the same thing to another woman, mearly months before meeting me online. He ruined her life but much worse than mine. And i'm stil not saying my OM did it on purpose but the thing is he's messed up, he has problems, issues. He did this to me & left me in pieces to deal with the fall out. Some people just have no consious, they can do this & go on about their lives. It's not something i wanted to accept. I wanted to think the OM was pining away for me like i was him but in reality he most likely isn't. It's a hard fact to swallow & it hurts like hell. I suggested in another post you think about moving out & somewhere else. You didn't respond to that. You're 21 which is young but old enough to be on your own. Maybe go to school somewhere else. Get out & focus on YOU & your life & maybe go somewhere you can be yourself & not have to hide. I know it's scary but you are so miserable it breaks my heart.
Guest Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Did you know I am Irish too ? hehe. Yup red hair ,green eyes...fair skin.. I always wondered what it would be like to visit Ireland ...Is it very green like Scotland ? I can understand the ramifications of coming out in rural Ireland. I think the internet provides for you a way to meet gay men. Did you know there are alot of gay men who are sexually promiscious ? Only saying that so you know to be careful. I hope you and him used protection is all... Your letter could change and be like mine. Met someone who was everything I wanted and your letter mimics mine 2 years ago. Since that time I learned ( as I hope you will ) that totally depending on * someone * to make you happy will enevitably fail . Why ? Because you MUST BE HAPPY first before you can be happy with someone. Your letter cries out that you feel alone ( as did I ) and you wanted someone to fill the void. I still feel alone but in a different way. I am learning to love myself, take care of myself and NOW I am ready ( finally ) to accept someone in my life not to COMPLETE me but to enhance the wonderful person that I have become. The same wonderful person that you are and will become moreso when you start working on yourself. Why he did it ? You will ask yourself that forever . But is HE asking WHY ? NO...because he has not the same mindset or life goals or needs that YOU do. The best and worst...oh how I relate to that. But OUT of the WORST comes the BEST in YOU. You take what he did and you LEARN from it. I cannot stress that enough through your pain right now. You will get over him. It will take months for you . It took me 8 months . 8 lonnnnnnnng months . The chatrooms are filled with thousands of people looking for sexual conquests. There are some good loving people getting burned by the conquerers. So you must understand that NOW after being on the internet chats that there are some disturbed people there. You just got burned by one. You said he is not a whore. Perhaps but he does have a name if he slept with you and him . And you REALLY don't know what he does , You ONLY know what he TELLS you. He could be doing this again. THINK : He had a bf....why did he meet you and cheat ? THINK ! Please open your eyes. Thanks guys, it does me good to just read your responses,I didnt knwo you were irish Mary lol, very irish with the whole red hair thing goign there ! and yes ireland is much like scotland tho less mountainess, you ever listen "Ireland" by Garth Brooks, he rules ! or well when he was going that is, whats he up to now ?? lol anyway im getting of the track , i know their alot of guys out there on the net that are sexually promiscious, i have using yahoo chat for about 2 years before this and was jsut getting sick of the kind of people on it, but when we started talking, i knew he was different, he was just very similar to me in every way, he was the needle in the haystack out of all the freaks on yahoo chat, which is now closed in Ireland and the Uk...i wonder why ? (sarcasm), he was different, i wish i had your strenght mary in getting over these things, im just very sensitive to all this,and i hope like you i move on with my life and i hope to find somebody, i wish i could jsut fast forward in time and look back and say to myself "why was i so bothered about him in the first place" but as of now im just very mixed up, you say it took you 8 long months, it will be coming up on 8 months with me now next month and i cant see myself getting over him by then, i was 21 this year, and i had a miserable 21st because of what he did, i couldnt enjoy myself because it was only 3 weeks before my birthday he did it to me,i understand your comment on why he had a bf yet cheated on him,but when we first met, we had no intentions of meeting, i was totally against online meeting because of the stories i heard, but i grew to like him and he was so nice to me, he paid for all the bits and pieces for me over there, going to and fro in the city, trains,buses,trams, etc meals, he was too kind, and he would all to often remind me of his boyfriend, but wouldnt mention him anymore to me because well i didnt like hearing about him ..understandably, you all must believe me, i really did know him, he was my best m8,i really did know him so well,he was just a typical working student living with his parents, so dont go getting any "whore" images in your mind lol, i felt for him and he felt for me so much, he clearly wasnt happy with his existing relationship and was confused, i use to think, why wud he cheat on his bf but never questioned it,tho it obviously hit him hard, he had a major guilt trip and he said to me that there wud always be this underlying feeling that what im doing is wrong and i cant keep it up, he didnt want to risk losing his bf,because his bf quizzed him alot on where i slept etc, and yes we did use protection, tho when i think of him i dont think of the sex AT ALL, i just miss being in his company, being with him, im sure you guys know the feeling, you guys are both older and wiser than me, call it hormones or whatever and im sure ill get pass this stage,and i always have these different emotional stages...sadness,then anger,then depressed. A continuing cycle i cant rid of tho i hope so in time, though all i know regardless of what you guys think if he did get back in touch i would leap at the oppurtunity but i would tell him how much i hurted etc, in response to "Inapanics" comment, i do want out of this country, a few months ago i was dead set on moving to England to get out of this hell hole, he was my ticket to there, now that he is gone i dont no anybody over there and would not move over by myself, it woulds alienate me,strange place etc,tho a fantastic city, instantly fell in love with the place,but i do believe everything happens for a reason, and i will learn from this, tho i hope and pray he suffers the same hurt i did, he has to, surely he cant jsut rub it off and go on.someday it will come back to bite him and i hope it does so much, i will give him until the end of october andi will make one last depserate attempt to get in contact, i cant stand this waiting game.
Mary3 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Thanks guys, it does me good to just read your responses,I didnt knwo you were irish Mary lol, very irish with the whole red hair thing goign there ! and yes ireland is much like scotland tho less mountainess, you ever listen "Ireland" by Garth Brooks, he rules ! or well when he was going that is, whats he up to now ?? lol anyway im getting of the track , i know their alot of guys out there on the net that are sexually promiscious, i have using yahoo chat for about 2 years before this and was jsut getting sick of the kind of people on it, but when we started talking, i knew he was different, he was just very similar to me in every way, he was the needle in the haystack out of all the freaks on yahoo chat, which is now closed in Ireland and the Uk...i wonder why ? (sarcasm), he was different, i wish i had your strenght mary in getting over these things, im just very sensitive to all this,and i hope like you i move on with my life and i hope to find somebody, i wish i could jsut fast forward in time and look back and say to myself "why was i so bothered about him in the first place" but as of now im just very mixed up, you say it took you 8 long months, it will be coming up on 8 months with me now next month and i cant see myself getting over him by then, i was 21 this year, and i had a miserable 21st because of what he did, i couldnt enjoy myself because it was only 3 weeks before my birthday he did it to me,i understand your comment on why he had a bf yet cheated on him,but when we first met, we had no intentions of meeting, i was totally against online meeting because of the stories i heard, but i grew to like him and he was so nice to me, he paid for all the bits and pieces for me over there, going to and fro in the city, trains,buses,trams, etc meals, he was too kind, and he would all to often remind me of his boyfriend, but wouldnt mention him anymore to me because well i didnt like hearing about him ..understandably, you all must believe me, i really did know him, he was my best m8,i really did know him so well,he was just a typical working student living with his parents, so dont go getting any "whore" images in your mind lol, i felt for him and he felt for me so much, he clearly wasnt happy with his existing relationship and was confused, i use to think, why wud he cheat on his bf but never questioned it,tho it obviously hit him hard, he had a major guilt trip and he said to me that there wud always be this underlying feeling that what im doing is wrong and i cant keep it up, he didnt want to risk losing his bf,because his bf quizzed him alot on where i slept etc, and yes we did use protection, tho when i think of him i dont think of the sex AT ALL, i just miss being in his company, being with him, im sure you guys know the feeling, you guys are both older and wiser than me, call it hormones or whatever and im sure ill get pass this stage,and i always have these different emotional stages...sadness,then anger,then depressed. A continuing cycle i cant rid of tho i hope so in time, though all i know regardless of what you guys think if he did get back in touch i would leap at the oppurtunity but i would tell him how much i hurted etc, in response to "Inapanics" comment, i do want out of this country, a few months ago i was dead set on moving to England to get out of this hell hole, he was my ticket to there, now that he is gone i dont no anybody over there and would not move over by myself, it woulds alienate me,strange place etc,tho a fantastic city, instantly fell in love with the place,but i do believe everything happens for a reason, and i will learn from this, tho i hope and pray he suffers the same hurt i did, he has to, surely he cant jsut rub it off and go on.someday it will come back to bite him and i hope it does so much, i will give him until the end of october andi will make one last depserate attempt to get in contact, i cant stand this waiting game. Yup I've got Irish in my wee bones ! lol Glad you like our posts because we sure want to help you . We know you are suffering and you came here to see if any advice might make it easier . I love LS /this place and if anything I say helps someone then all the better. I don't listen to Garth Brooks but I can google the song . I am more into Metal Bands but am open minded to listen to all kinds of music. I own over 200 CD's hehe... You know I think alot of people get sick of the Dating Personals on the Internet. It just does not turn out what they tout it to be. Alot of dissapointed people paying monthly fees as much as $ 20-50 a month . A better majority of the people on there are miserable f***s who take an ad and try to infiltrate your panties...well in your case...boxers , lol. Or perhaps Boxer Briefs ? Anyway I found that over 90 % of men who ran ads for women were looking for quick sex and only 10 % really wanted a relationship . Of that 10% / 5 % were damaged from previous relationships and should not have been on a dating site at all. The other 5 % were aimlessly shifting about looking but not finding the right person . I understand better now when you say he was not an internet whore but rather a young guy like you who was a bit confused about his own boyfriend and he and you had similar interests and attraction. The fact that he chose to act on that attraction, well , I won't cast stones. Because its in the past and if he felt guilt ( rightly so ) for cheating on his boyfriend by cheating with you then so be it. Your cycles are normal . You will get older and wiser. Have you thought about living in a Gay Friendly City ? Can you do research instead of the rural irish area which would chastise you for outing yourself... It sounds like you truly fell deeply for him and I am very sorry for your pain, If you can get past what he did to you and he really loves you and their relationship ends , then ( usually I dont suggest this ) then if you want to persue him then PLEASE wait until he is single |Thanks for keeping your great sense of humor !
Guest Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Yup I've got Irish in my wee bones ! lol Glad you like our posts because we sure want to help you . We know you are suffering and you came here to see if any advice might make it easier . I love LS /this place and if anything I say helps someone then all the better. I don't listen to Garth Brooks but I can google the song . I am more into Metal Bands but am open minded to listen to all kinds of music. I own over 200 CD's hehe... You know I think alot of people get sick of the Dating Personals on the Internet. It just does not turn out what they tout it to be. Alot of dissapointed people paying monthly fees as much as $ 20-50 a month . A better majority of the people on there are miserable f***s who take an ad and try to infiltrate your panties...well in your case...boxers , lol. Or perhaps Boxer Briefs ? Anyway I found that over 90 % of men who ran ads for women were looking for quick sex and only 10 % really wanted a relationship . Of that 10% / 5 % were damaged from previous relationships and should not have been on a dating site at all. The other 5 % were aimlessly shifting about looking but not finding the right person . I understand better now when you say he was not an internet whore but rather a young guy like you who was a bit confused about his own boyfriend and he and you had similar interests and attraction. The fact that he chose to act on that attraction, well , I won't cast stones. Because its in the past and if he felt guilt ( rightly so ) for cheating on his boyfriend by cheating with you then so be it. Your cycles are normal . You will get older and wiser. Have you thought about living in a Gay Friendly City ? Can you do research instead of the rural irish area which would chastise you for outing yourself... It sounds like you truly fell deeply for him and I am very sorry for your pain, If you can get past what he did to you and he really loves you and their relationship ends , then ( usually I dont suggest this ) then if you want to persue him then PLEASE wait until he is single |Thanks for keeping your great sense of humor ! I am having yet another passing phase recently, i want to contact him, he said he needed time to cool off,i am going to leave it until the end of october, i am so demanding, i wont settle until i see him again, i had a dream about him last night, was so great, i dreamt i seen him again said i missed him so dam much etc,and i was just hugging him for ages and was crying! and when i woke up i actually had been crying as my face was all wet from tears :-(felt so real that was until i woke up and faced the dreading reality of it all! i loved it, i was actually there with him in my dreams :-( I have to see him again, and i need to contact him, but there is 2 things i want your guys opinion of: 1: should i contact him again because he means the world to me and 2: what should i say in this email, i dont want to say something that will push him further away from me, and i wouldnt try to contact him if i knew he didnt have feelings for me, i know e does, but he doesnt want o risk losing hisbf, he is mixed up, i would give up so much to be with him. I DO want to moveld be "Gay friendly" which would be anywhere but ireland, and the cityi went to meet him was very gay friendly, it was the first time i was in a gay club, i felt comfortable and myself for the first time ever, im in such a mess, but all i do know is i want to see him again its just how to go about doing it? please help me out guys.And to answer your question mary , BOXERS lol :-)
Guest Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Yup I've got Irish in my wee bones ! lol Glad you like our posts because we sure want to help you . We know you are suffering and you came here to see if any advice might make it easier . I love LS /this place and if anything I say helps someone then all the better. I don't listen to Garth Brooks but I can google the song . I am more into Metal Bands but am open minded to listen to all kinds of music. I own over 200 CD's hehe... You know I think alot of people get sick of the Dating Personals on the Internet. It just does not turn out what they tout it to be. Alot of dissapointed people paying monthly fees as much as $ 20-50 a month . A better majority of the people on there are miserable f***s who take an ad and try to infiltrate your panties...well in your case...boxers , lol. Or perhaps Boxer Briefs ? Anyway I found that over 90 % of men who ran ads for women were looking for quick sex and only 10 % really wanted a relationship . Of that 10% / 5 % were damaged from previous relationships and should not have been on a dating site at all. The other 5 % were aimlessly shifting about looking but not finding the right person . I understand better now when you say he was not an internet whore but rather a young guy like you who was a bit confused about his own boyfriend and he and you had similar interests and attraction. The fact that he chose to act on that attraction, well , I won't cast stones. Because its in the past and if he felt guilt ( rightly so ) for cheating on his boyfriend by cheating with you then so be it. Your cycles are normal . You will get older and wiser. Have you thought about living in a Gay Friendly City ? Can you do research instead of the rural irish area which would chastise you for outing yourself... It sounds like you truly fell deeply for him and I am very sorry for your pain, If you can get past what he did to you and he really loves you and their relationship ends , then ( usually I dont suggest this ) then if you want to persue him then PLEASE wait until he is single |Thanks for keeping your great sense of humor ! Hi Mary, i am beginning to like LS too, its a great place to express your feelings, especially being gay and having nobody else to chat to about these matters, my whole family are totally unaware about me and the relationship i had with this guy, i have thought countlesstime about moving out of this country and going to place where i can eb myself, the city i went to meet this guy was one of them places ! it was the first time i was ever in a gay nightclub, i felt myself for the first time in my life, now that he is gone my whole life just has gone back to square one, he is gone, that kind of likfe i had over there is gone, he gave me the best 3 days of my life, i didnt realise this until we broke up, and as time goes on i miss him more and more, but then i think to myself i dont know anybody over there and i wouldnt over by myself, being in a strange place and not knowing anybody can be a bit daunting! he was my ticket to that place,i mean how could something so good go soterribly wrong, the only thing i ever done wrong was like him, but the BIG thing on my mind now is trying to get back on touch with him,i have to try, i am going to give him another 2 months, then i will make one last almighty attempt to get back in touch with him, but im a fraid what i might say may push him further away,what do you think ?
Mary3 Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I am having yet another passing phase recently, i want to contact him, he said he needed time to cool off,i am going to leave it until the end of october, i am so demanding, i wont settle until i see him again, i had a dream about him last night, was so great, i dreamt i seen him again said i missed him so dam much etc,and i was just hugging him for ages and was crying! and when i woke up i actually had been crying as my face was all wet from tears :-(felt so real that was until i woke up and faced the dreading reality of it all! i loved it, i was actually there with him in my dreams :-( I have to see him again, and i need to contact him, but there is 2 things i want your guys opinion of: 1: should i contact him again because he means the world to me and 2: what should i say in this email, i dont want to say something that will push him further away from me, and i wouldnt try to contact him if i knew he didnt have feelings for me, i know e does, but he doesnt want o risk losing hisbf, he is mixed up, i would give up so much to be with him. I DO want to moveld be "Gay friendly" which would be anywhere but ireland, and the cityi went to meet him was very gay friendly, it was the first time i was in a gay club, i felt comfortable and myself for the first time ever, im in such a mess, but all i do know is i want to see him again its just how to go about doing it? please help me out guys.And to answer your question mary , BOXERS lol :-) Okay you said he cares. He needs time. You love him. He has another bf . You feel this strong need to contact him because of your feelings. Where will that get you ? Well , that depends on how he REALLY feels about you,. How come he is so concerned about his other boyfriend ? Are his feelings stronger for his bf than they are for you ? I don't want you to idolize or imagine what you * think * he feels. Use your true gut instinct. He has a bf , He wants to work on their relationship. He is not with you. He needs more time. And does he expect you to WAIT ? Well I hope you are going out and having fun because if you wallow and consume in your pity then you are losing out on life. Dont let him dangle you with " Oh I don't know, I need time . I need some space . I am confused . I still care about my bf " ALL of these mean : He is NOT with you. He may have you * think * you need to wait for him. You are very young. I believe you said 20 or 21 ? Please I know he was the BOMB . The living breathing consuming life being that you pedastalized him upon where he can be nothing but wonderful and ( I am sure he is super friend and nice to you ) but he is not with you. Please dont let stall tactics cloud your mind. You are a spectacular person. If he does not see it because he is not with you then you need to get out and try to live your life. I say AGAIN please do not wait for him, He has gone back to his bf....okay ? Tell me 3 positive things you have done to heal from this and move forward ? You are here for help right ? Help me help you by getting stronger from this which happened to you.
Mary3 Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Hi Mary, i am beginning to like LS too, its a great place to express your feelings, especially being gay and having nobody else to chat to about these matters, my whole family are totally unaware about me and the relationship i had with this guy, i have thought countlesstime about moving out of this country and going to place where i can eb myself, the city i went to meet this guy was one of them places ! it was the first time i was ever in a gay nightclub, i felt myself for the first time in my life, now that he is gone my whole life just has gone back to square one, he is gone, that kind of likfe i had over there is gone, he gave me the best 3 days of my life, i didnt realise this until we broke up, and as time goes on i miss him more and more, but then i think to myself i dont know anybody over there and i wouldnt over by myself, being in a strange place and not knowing anybody can be a bit daunting! he was my ticket to that place,i mean how could something so good go soterribly wrong, the only thing i ever done wrong was like him, but the BIG thing on my mind now is trying to get back on touch with him,i have to try, i am going to give him another 2 months, then i will make one last almighty attempt to get back in touch with him, but im a fraid what i might say may push him further away,what do you think ? I am glad you like LS. I found this place at a time when I really needed it. Helped me to not lose my dignity and to move forward alot faster ,. I am glad you feel comfortable here talking about your life situation and living a gay lifestyle and feeling like you can't talk to many people about it. I am sure it would be confusing to some of your family members so here on LS you can vent out whatever you can and see if someone here can help. The city to which you visited would you be willing to move there ? It sounds like your lifestyle would be accepted and HIGHLY likely you might meet someone who is also gay / happy and shares your ideas in life. I can also suggest Las Vegas where everything goes ! hehe. But the city you mentioned is likely a better option,. I think you once again have put this guy on a pedastal he can't climb off ...He was the highlight of your life for 3 days. I do not feel he is thinking quite in the same way. Is it likely they had a fight ? Or he was bored ? Or he was attracted to you ? ( obviously was ) hehe. But what I mean is. Just because he made life feel like Heaven for you what did all this REALLY mean to him ? Some great different sex ? Some one to have fun with ? I know he didn't tell you he loved you. I mean had u just met him ? ( I think right~ ? ) For that we call infatuation/lust and if you both were heady with excitement and then he was gone you still want the rush ! And of course you feel something for him. But what does he REALLY feel about you ? Why dont you find out ? OF course that will drive him away. Just like your October deadline. Thats why you need to STOP and get out and try to have some fun , join some things. Unless you can come up with concrete proof that he wants to be with you, I am going to tell you kindly that you are wasting your time...and your life.
Guest Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I am glad you like LS. I found this place at a time when I really needed it. Helped me to not lose my dignity and to move forward alot faster ,. I am glad you feel comfortable here talking about your life situation and living a gay lifestyle and feeling like you can't talk to many people about it. I am sure it would be confusing to some of your family members so here on LS you can vent out whatever you can and see if someone here can help. The city to which you visited would you be willing to move there ? It sounds like your lifestyle would be accepted and HIGHLY likely you might meet someone who is also gay / happy and shares your ideas in life. I can also suggest Las Vegas where everything goes ! hehe. But the city you mentioned is likely a better option,. I think you once again have put this guy on a pedastal he can't climb off ...He was the highlight of your life for 3 days. I do not feel he is thinking quite in the same way. Is it likely they had a fight ? Or he was bored ? Or he was attracted to you ? ( obviously was ) hehe. But what I mean is. Just because he made life feel like Heaven for you what did all this REALLY mean to him ? Some great different sex ? Some one to have fun with ? I know he didn't tell you he loved you. I mean had u just met him ? ( I think right~ ? ) For that we call infatuation/lust and if you both were heady with excitement and then he was gone you still want the rush ! And of course you feel something for him. But what does he REALLY feel about you ? Why dont you find out ? OF course that will drive him away. Just like your October deadline. Thats why you need to STOP and get out and try to have some fun , join some things. Unless you can come up with concrete proof that he wants to be with you, I am going to tell you kindly that you are wasting your time...and your life. Hi Mary, thanks again for your reply,thank you very much for your nice compliments,i like to think im a nice person, i make friends with anyone and everyone, i guess im just a sensitive soul who take alot of things to heart, and yes i am young, only 21 and no doubt i will meet someone who will make me feel happy again, but at this moment in time this guy consumes me, i need to see him again, i would imagine they had a fight or something along them lines, and he was somehow blaming me for what happened to them, i dont know basically and i need answers, but i know he has feelings for me, i wont belive anything else, all the tihngs he said to me..he couldnt MAKE THEM UP, and i need him back in my life, the more time goes on the more i miss him, and i really feel it helps talking about all of this this to you, i know you wont make him come back, but it helps to talk, the aONLY thing that would make me get over him would be to find somebody else but i havent gone back into chatrooms for a long long time and dont intend to either..to much painful memories, i just want him back in my arms and tell him how i feel, i dont go out as much as i use to, i just find myself drinking by myself, smoking like crazy till im sick to my stomach, i know its not right and i wish i could change, and your right he never told me he loved me, but he said it in other ways, he said i was beautiful, said he would always be there for me, and the he didnt want me to go, he made me feel loved for the first time in my life. The 3 positive things that came out after breakign up with him ? good question..i learned i guess that things dont alwaysd go the way you want, and im more chattative to people lol ? im trying here hehe, im more confident at work, and socialising in general, but thats all shadowed over by the overwhelming feeling of loss, i am willing to give it closure after i make this one last desperate attempt to get in touch, if only to answer some of the question i want to ask him, alot people say not to say stuff like "i missed you, i want you back, i think of you alot" etc so i dont know how to word it, i know u say im wasyting my life, but he is all i think of 24/7..sure work gets my mind of him, but as soon as i come home i think of him again, and its all the worse now because 8 months ago today i would have been with him watching a dvd, drinking,and relaxing, it all went horribly wrong, but i WILL give it one more last desperate attempt to get back in touch, i will leave it for 2 more months, i know its sadbut seeing as i wasnt getting any reply from him i turned to the psychics/mediums or whatever, they said he will get back in touch before the end of october, so i will give him these 8 more weeks, thansk again for your kind words and advice, tho i would like to know what happened you to make you feel all down in the first place?
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