Joelle Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 Just out of curiosity, I was wondering how many of you are engaged in a long term affair with a MM? How long has your affair lasted? Are you also married? Also, how did the affair start? Who initiated the affair? You or the MM?
lovernotafighter Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 I wouldn't have thought I'd ever be in a long term affair but here I am in sept/oct our EA stared..so a year in I suppose. I am also married and my MM is the catalyst for my impending and drawn out divorce and separation. me and my MM work together..I can't say who started what really..we were friends and both were very attracted to each other..we fought everything off for a year before this... I say he did..because he wanted to always talk about his problems and I dodged them for a long time before reviling any of my own..he invited me out for drinks first and he also was the one to ask to kiss me. we talked about crossing the line and that one can be blamed on me..I called him one day and asked him to meet me which he did and he asked" what do you want to do?" I said what ever we want and we did. we both are to blame for everything..no one is twisting our arms..no one.
Blind Illusion Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 We are both married and it has been going on for over 6 years.
ahotmess Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 A year and a half now. I am not married. I guess we both started it. It was one night of drunken sex...that turned into so much more. I truly wish I would have just left it at that....one drunk night. My life would be much less complicated right now. I'm so far into this, I don't even know which way is up now. We are truly best friends. Isn't that who you're supposed to marry? Your best friend? I always keep thinking maybe the timing is just bad on this. But bottom line, the situation is just wrong. Now I'm scared beyond words of letting him go. He's not even mine, but I can't "let him go". See how twisted this all is?
Author Joelle Posted August 26, 2006 Author Posted August 26, 2006 Thanks for posting, Everyone. You're gracious to share your stories and points-of-views.
stillhere Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 We've been together a year. He initiated it, and i was more than willing to go along with it. He was the forbidden fruit, the one who would never stray. I was, and guess technically still am, married, but i left my H. Not for my MM, for me. MM was there to support me through it all, but he was not the reason. Why i'm still doing this to myself and hanging on to him? Because i love him more than i have ever loved another man, we are perfect for each other, we have a connection we have never had with another person in our entire lives. He is the one i could and would spend the rest of my life with, but he's married, and unable to leave. Life goes on and some day we will go our separate ways, but for right now, he is what i want.
ahotmess Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 stillhere, I feel exactly the same way. he is all I've ever wanted. yet so much more than I can handle. I keep saying "He's married". But it doesn't take away my love.
Marielle Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 AHOTMESS, your words express exactly what I feel/am going through, and also started from a drunken night (on my part ) he doesn t drink...but we had "feelings" from a long time ago. The wine just broke the ice for me, but I think it would happen anyways. I have all the reasons to leave him, but I am crazy in love with him and will "die" if he's not in my life. I would feel so lonely, yet I AM lonely in the realtionship. I try to go NC everyday but as soon as I see his name on my cell, every negative feeling fades away and I wan t to see him. I wish I could just forget about him and have him suffer missing me.
stillhere Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 stillhere, I feel exactly the same way. he is all I've ever wanted. yet so much more than I can handle. I keep saying "He's married". But it doesn't take away my love. You know, i just talked to him, and the love we share is so true and amazing. He tells me everyday that he wishes this could all be different, that i was the one he was married to. How can someone you love so deeply cause so much pain? It's not intentional, but it hurts none the less. It's getting to the point where i now cry when he leaves. I could handle it before, but every day we get closer, and it's harder to pry us apart. You're right, it's way more than i can handle.
Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I am sure my grandmother holds the record for longest EMA. I was always aware that she had male friend. He even attended family functions. She was divorced for many years but now I know that the A began when they were both married. He stayed married. They were together for 26 years. He died suddenly and she couldnt go to his funeral.
Author Joelle Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Thank you for the new replies, Everyone. You're generous to share your input.
reneet Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 6 years we've been seeing each other & living together for 4 years & 8 months. I LOVE HIM TO ABSOLUTE DEATH!!!!!
TheWife Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 How can you find happiness at the expense of someone else's misery?
TheWife Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 YOu had a choice between a choosing a full time lover from a part-time lover. You chose the part-time lover. And you're not happy. Yet, you are complaining. You could've chosen someone who could give you his whole heart, but you chose to settle for scraps from a MM. This is usually the result of an A with a MM. You could've settled for reality of someone who will always be there for you in good times and bad times, but you settled for an illusion, a fantasy. Do you know the problems with illusions? They have no flaws. You allowed yourself get sucked in to an illusion of what what your MM could offer you but can't and can never will as long as part of his reality includes a wife, children, and a mortgage. You have a choice to either allow yourself to be loved by someone you can trust from the get go. OR you can continue living in this fantasy, then wake up one morning 40 years from now and wondered why you are still where you are.....dreaming....
Marielle Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 The WIfe, I find your comments are quite right... Some may feel attaked, but you actually put yourself in our shoes...all you say is right except "how can you be happy at expense of someone else misery" trust me I think a lot about her and put me in her place, but their Relationship was over BEFORE I was in the picture...It s not all that simple!
UnknowingOW Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 Wife, I am sorry to hear/feel your pain. Not all OW are has harsh was you state. The illusion goes in every direction. The MM, the majority of the time chases many of the OW, (as did mine). Some MM lie about their marriage (mine stated he was divorced 5-years ago when I met him). The Wife has no concept that her WS is having an A. And the OW only knows what the MM tells her. Only the MM knows his version of the truth given to each party. I had no choice as you stated. I thought/believed my xMM was divorced. There was no fantasy in my head. And I did fall in love with him and he with me, and expected a normal relationship to progress. With all of our flaws...his being 15 years old then I and we have a distance issue. But it all doesn't matter now Wife...I found out he is married and haven't seen him since. My point to this is, take a look at your marriage, your husband, and yourself. You need to ask him why he would do something like this. You need to figure out where the communication failed in your relationship to progress it to this stage where he has walked outside of your marriage. You also need to look at yourself and see if you were meeting his needs, listening to his voice and understanding what he was saying to you. And you need to evaluate your needs to see if your H was meeting them. I would strongly suggest counseling for the both you. Good Luck Wife. You have a lot of anger to deal with right now and I truly feel for you.
reneet Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 To The Wife: HE chose ME! HE left his wife before I came into the picture. Question HIM - Not ME! Oh & btw, his wife has been seeing someone also. I doubt SHE'S hurting. Any other questions???...
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