Guest Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I am a SW involved with a MM, but with a different twist to the story. His wife had a massive stroke 3 years ago and is mentally and physically impaired. He has been coping with this without any assistance for the last 3 years and has become depressed as a result. He is now taking anti-depressants. We met a month ago on a chat site and connected because I am the legal guardian of a woman who has had multiple strokes. We started as friends and there was such a connection that it quickly became more. He is one of the nicest men I have ever met. I know that he won't and can't leave her due to the financial situation and the type of person he is. I realize that our relationship probably has no future, but I also don't feel as if I am the OW. He is emotionally and physically connected to me, in a way that he can't and won't ever be to his wife again. He is becoming more and more depressed, due to his financial situation and the weight of maintaining everything for his family. He also has two kids in college. I am not concerned about myself, because I know that if I feel that I can't handle the situation anymore I can walk away. On the other hand, at this point, I don't feel the need to make that decision. I really just want to be there for him as a friend and companion, with no expectation of our relationship ever being anything more. I just enjoy talking and being with him, but I am having a hard time watching him deal with the situation and his depression. I am the type of person who likes to help when someone is in need. I'm sure there will be those people who say I should just end it and move on, but at this point I don't feel I am ready to do that. I'm just looking for some advice from someone who may have been in this situation, on how to handle my role in his life.
newbby Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 look, i know people will disagree, but i think if you are both gaining from this the strength to deal with your situations, then its not such a bad thing. i guess all you can do for your mm is be there for him to talk to. can he get any financial aid for this situation?
blind_otter Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 My mother is caring for my terminally ill father. There's a book called "The 36 Hour Day" about the caregivers for disabled or elderly people, I'm not sure if it would help. For her, I try to be light and easy going. TO take some of the burden off of her. We talk about hair or I do her nails. I gave her a massage the other day. That's all I can really advise because I also help her out by looking after my Dad sometimes which you obviously cannot do. The best thing you can do to help is to not try to force anything. He is helpless to demands that are out of his control in his personal life.
silktricks Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I told my husband one time that if I became incapacitated as is this man's wife, that I would understand he's need to have emotional and physical support from another woman. I do understand, and have a sincere hope that the MM will be OK, as his wife will never be whole again. I do caution you, however, that your heart may become involved at a level that could bring you a great deal of pain. I hope you take good care of yourself.
whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 look, i know people will disagree, but i think if you are both gaining from this the strength to deal with your situations, then its not such a bad thing. i guess all you can do for your mm is be there for him to talk to. can he get any financial aid for this situation? Just be very careful because of his depression and emotions are bare, he's vunerable and can easily mistake feelings of friendship into something more... Be a friend but don't make it about "you" and "him". Meaning, don't cross the line or have dicussions about your feelings if either of you start feeling them.
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