Baileykeg Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Ok. Here's the update from my last post ("I am in so much pain"). I took everyone's advice and have made it 72 hours with NC. It's been a minute by minute struggle some times but I know I don't have any options if I want him to come back to me free and clear. So I'm sitting at my desk today just getting over my morning meltdown and he sends me an email to say "I don't want to make things harder on you but I wanted you to know that I miss you". That's it. I haven't responded and I don't know what to do next. I miss him so much and I so desperately want to know if he's filed for divorce yet or what is going on. I feel like if I knew whether he had done anything then it would be helpful to me to know how to process things....i.e. if he hasn't filed is it because he's still waivering or if he has filed then how is he feeling, etc. I'm struggling so much right now with what to do. Advice please.....
BenThereDunThat Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 If he had filed, he would have rushed to tell you. I understand what you're going through. Mine use to do that to me. I'm sure he's not intentionally being manipulative, but that is what he's doing. Of course it's making it harder on you that he told you that! Look how long you've made it without contacting him! Stay strong, you can do it!
9Lives Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Ok. Here's the update from my last post ("I am in so much pain"). I took everyone's advice and have made it 72 hours with NC. It's been a minute by minute struggle some times but I know I don't have any options if I want him to come back to me free and clear. So I'm sitting at my desk today just getting over my morning meltdown and he sends me an email to say "I don't want to make things harder on you but I wanted you to know that I miss you". That's it. I haven't responded and I don't know what to do next. I miss him so much and I so desperately want to know if he's filed for divorce yet or what is going on. I feel like if I knew whether he had done anything then it would be helpful to me to know how to process things....i.e. if he hasn't filed is it because he's still waivering or if he has filed then how is he feeling, etc. I'm struggling so much right now with what to do. Advice please..... So your situation is exactly like mines? How are you doing now? I will tell you this...he is not telling you everything. There are some things he is not telling you...he is not lying to you...he is just not telling you everything going on. I have not talked to him for 3 days and I dont want to either. It is all too painful. I have no choice but to close the door. No choice
Jane Doe Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 It's nothing more than mind games and manipulation. He wants to keep you hanging on.
Jessie61 Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 It's nothing more than mind games and manipulation. He wants to keep you hanging on. I agree... If he had any REAL news, he would have told you.
plexus Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 absolutely......he wants to drop hints that he is filing and he missesd you def. to keep you wanting and thinking about him. I agree, he may even tell you the papers are being drawn...etc. but until you see them and see them signed hang on and NC..... It's really amazing after reading all theses posts how these MM are soooo alike. I truly think that they fantasize and wish they can be with us, but the truth of the matter is, it is a fantasy and one they cannot play out..... The short of my situation is that I am a MW who has been in an A for two plus years....My situation at home has been steady where his has gone up and down and he overreacts to everything and so everyday I would get...I'm leaving, I'm staying, shes's leaving, it's over blah blah so I constantly questioned his integrity when it came to anything he said about everything. He would say, if I was out there, he would leave in a heartbeat but you know what, he wont, regardless of how bad his marriage he claims to be is. I have been struggling with ending this time and time again for my own sanity and went through numerous bouts of NC only to break it. I guess at this point, he feels I will come back if he gives me some time. but the question remains, what am I coming back to??? a few hours a week looking over my shoulder, hoping that my H doesn't find out. I dont want to leave my marriage although I have been so "hooked" on this OM that I cant let it go.......fear....why I dont know....... it does take time I guess to get past it, and I have almost gotten there to having a moment of weakness and go back. I actually just had a long talk face to face with him and I realized driving home that even if i were out there.........he would not be there for me. With that, I KNEW i had to let go and move on. I guess I will take one day at a time b/c that's all I can do.... Of course he probably thinks this is another NC episode but it doesnt matter b/c I am going to do everything in my power to stay strong and finally cut the tie........ one day at a time! If I were single and wanted this person, I'm not sure how I would go about it however I do believe that it's very rare that they leave and everyone deserves more than that and to be number one......
9Lives Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 bailey, You will know if he is serious when he is out the door. Until then you have to go thru the pain. There is no other door....Pain is the out door. You are going to go now or you are going to go later but you are going that way. For whatever reason, he is not ready girlfriend. He may not do it at all. I am not saying he has lied but having the guts to do it is another thing. They get scared, confused, and all that. It is very hard. Take it from someone who is going thru it now, you need to let go. My mm has told me he was sorry and all that for alot of things. I dont know what that really means right now. I just dont have anything to say to him. There is alot of pain between us. We just shut down. He wanted to try to fix things between us but I declined. You can do it, just take baby steps. He is not going to leave right now or maybe never. So give up on that hope. Not to be mean but give up
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