I'm Over It...?

[spinnelli]

3 months after the break up and I'm over it...I think. I still think about him but I no longer long for him. I feel as if he's a stranger to me now.That jabbing pain in my heart is no longer there. The thought of him with other women doesn't bother me anymore. I don't care what he's doing or who he's with. I no longer care that he doesn't call me and I don't feel the urge to call him. The fact that he rejected me doesn't bother me anymore, I'm now of the mind set that he doesn't want me...so what? Please tell me I'm over it and this is not an illusion.

 

We dated for a year and a half, and I'm over it in 3 months...does this mean I never really loved him? When we broke up, I cried and begged for a little while. I hibernated at home and did the whole "woe is me" routine, ignored my friends. But I snapped out of it recently, went out, met new people, started talking to my friends again, even got a new job. I feel ok, excited even. Better looking and more interesting men notice me and I'm flattered by the attention.

 

Is this it? is it over???? please somebody tell me that I'm indeed home free at last.

[LaraV]

Spinnelli - I sure hope you are over it, because if you are, I want your recipe for being where you're at right now!

 

But I guess that if all you're saying is true, then it does sound like you are over it. Indifference is what sets you free. Do you think if you ran into him you'd be OK? That's another crucial test.

[swirly27]

It definitely sounds like you are well on your way to being over it. There is no time frame to when you should or could be over someone, depending on how long you were with them, everyone is different. Alot of the time, we still want someone else because we can't have them or its our egos tricking us......most of the time the guy or girl we want back wasn't treating us properly or we weren't treating them properly and that means something was wrong....but our minds and hearts trick us to think we want them still.

 

So, if you grieved and woe'd and picked yourself up and feel this way now, then that is wonderful. And its ok to accept that you still think of him from time to time, that is natural too. I still think of every single ex from time to time still, its natural......but getting out of your funk and living your life for yourself is great. But, if you do run into him, how do you think you'd feel. If its weird or awkward or even hurts a little, that is ok too, it doesn't mean it has to set you back.....but maybe prepare for it or make sure to just stay clear of him if thats possible so there is not setback. Looks like you're out of the clear though!!

[spinnelli]

Thanks guys, I hope so too. If I run into him...which I will actually soon, we booked a show before we broke up and neither one of us wants to miss it so we are going together. I don't think I'd feel anything. Because towards the end of our relationship, he really acted like he wanted out, he just could never bring himself to say it. The affection dropped, conversation waned, he became more defensive, and a few months before the break up, I just stopped feeling important to him. I felt more like an obligation than a girlfriend.

And then after the break up, when I cried and begged and tried to show him that I was in pain, he acted frustrated, like I was an inconvenience to him. He didn't come right out and tell me to get lost but out of his sympathy, I could detect the frustration. So, all of this has just made me realize CLEARLY that he just doesn't want me anymore. Even if I morphed into the most beautiful, awesomest girl on earth, he wouldn't want me. There is a finality to that that gives me a weird sense of peace and calm. I stopped trying to make him see me, I stopped trying to please him, I stopped jumping through hoops to make him remember us and maybe want to be with me again. Now I can just be me and not care. When you already know that someone doesn't want you, you don't try to convince them. That's like trying to make a man who prefers blondes to fall for a redhed. I'm just not his type so why even bother to change his mind? that's the way I think of it.

 

If I run into him and he's been extra nice or even flirtatous, I know it's really out of guilty and pity for "my plight" than anything, so I won't fall for that.

 

LaraV, there is not sure recipe because I wallowed, I really did. I would come home everyday, get into bed at 8pm and cry myself to sleep, for like 2 weeks straight..I had no idea that my tear ducts could generate so much tears, lol. I walked around all day with such a heavy heart. But then after a while, I called my friends again who I had ignored for a while. I started going out more, met some new people. I changed jobs and I just got busy, when you are busy, you don't have time to think about someone. I feel like I turned the page and my life with him was my past. It also helped that I met new guys, who I'm not really dating, but who are interested in me. The flattery goes a long way in boosting that ego that the ex crushed.

 

And also there was something else, I'm not going to sit here and lie that I was a saint while I dated my ex, i.e, I wasn't exactly the perfect girlfriend, we both made our mistakes during the relationship and all our issues together led to the relationship not working out. But it helps now that I am able to look back and see the things I could have done differently and learn from that to apply to my next relationship. I feel good because I feel like I am working on myself as a person so that when I do meet someone new, I would have worked through some of my issues.

I feel like I would be a different, more mature and more sane when I am ready to date again and that is something that my ex would miss out on, oh well, his loss, blah..