veryupset Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Im feeling confused and not sure what to do next.... My Dh and I have been together for 13 years, out of that married for 5 years. Our marriage has had alot of challenges to deal with - I had depression for 2 years (unresolved grief from my fathers death) - My Dh supported me through this hard time and I will always hold in high regard for all this care, love and patience. I then got better, we started trying for a family, nothing happens and we then go for tests - have male infertililty diagnosis.. next 2 years go through 3 ivf cycles - miscarriage of twin pregnancy, failed cycle, another pregnancy loss. Things are very strained between me and DH - shut off in our own grief - throughout this time i have been in therapy and DH likes to deal with things on his own - he was getting more and more frustrated so went for a little therapy and he seemed happier again. During this time I knew things were not great in our relationship but I thought understandable because of what we going through with the ivf / infertility - inhindsight i was very distracted and obsessed with having a baby and dh and i stopped communicating.... 4 days after i lost the pregnancy (feb this year) dh drops the bombshell and says he hasnt been happy and he want to leave.... i was in such shock and he is my best friend - he said he would rather be on his own and i can find some-one else to get married to who will give me a child.... i was in a big state of shock - he agreed to go to counselling he said nothing in the few sessions we went to - he stopped half way and out of therapy he said he is no longer in love with me or attracted to me - he moved out of our home in april.... since we have been apart he has been telling me all the things he has been upset with in our marriage - i have said sorry (read the books - his needs and her needs, male infertiltiy, divorce busting etc etc...) we have meet up a few times - DH believes in stiff british upper lip and finds it a challenge to communicate and be assertive.... recently he has told me he is sorry he is taking so long to think about our marriage but he is working through things in his head....I would like to be patient as he was for me and dont want to question him and wait for him to come and talk to me when he is ready - he is happier to meet up once in a while - i suggest it - as long as we dont discuss ' issues'.... and he is happier being on his own for the moment - he says.... i guess my concern is how long do i wait? Also if we got back together im happy to meet his needs more - if he doesnt come to terms with his infertiltiy and bottles things up then there is the risk that he can walk out again again. i guess we havent got to that point yet - i guess my question is how long do i wait for - my dh is friendly if i contact him (friendly casual way) but doesnt iniatite contact with me? any tips...thanks
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