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life love and masterbation


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Posted

I am new here so hello to everyone.

I am very confused. My fiancee and I have been together for seven months.

we live together and when we first met we had sex alot. now we may only do it once a week and sometimes not even that much. I don't know what to do.

he says that he is very attracted to me. tonight I found out that he masterbates. the reason that i'm so confused is that when we talk about the lack of intimacy he says his body must be too tired. then why does he masterbate?

thanks in advance

Posted

Masturbation is often just tension release.

 

I feel there could be more to this. Have you thought about couples counsellng?

 

You guys are engaged! Isn't this suppose to be the time when all you want to do is f*ck eachother?!?!

  • Author
Posted

yeah you would think so. I want him all the time and there is nothing i won't do for him. I'm clueless. never thought about counseling. we don't argue or anything so it never crossed my mind.

Posted

Have you actually sat down and talked with him about it?

 

Make sure if you do, you do it in an unthreatening, understanding way.

  • Author
Posted

yes we have talked about it. He says that his body just gets tired. but for months he hasn't worked so there is really nothing for him to be tired from. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I guess I just worry that he is getting bored with me.

Posted

You know... I am going to be completely honest and say you worries may have some validation behind them.

 

Perhaps he is not sexually attracted to you at this time... This may not be for any physical reason, and it may not at all triggered by anything you have done.

 

If it isn't and there is no physical, emotional, or behavioural change in you... is there any in him?

 

Perhaps his self esteem has plummeted because "he hasn't worked in months". This is often very detrimental to a mans self worth. If he feels like a failure for what ever reason, he will not be feeling too sexual!

  • Author
Posted

well I don't think it has to do with his work. He took some time off because we had the money and could afford it and we liked spending time together. nothing has changed that i can think of. he is still affectionate. on my side I don't see what i can be doing to turn him off. if anything my body is getting better. I was never overweight i am 4"11 and 110 lbs. but i've wanted to tone up. I dont keep him from his friends. in fact he goes out with them every weekend. I let him know all the time how sexy he is to me. ughhh so frustrating lol.

Posted

Then I suggest some sexy lingerie and toys to spice things up! :p

 

You say he goes out "every weekend". Does he drink? Alchohol can be disasterous for a mans libido.

Posted

well he dosn't drink very often.. almost never at home. i think we have done everything there is to do sexually. i have lingerie ...lots of it lol and i've mentioned toys but he dosn't like that idea

  • Author
Posted

well he only drinks when he goes out..i have lots of lingerie...i've brought up the subject of toys but he dosn't like the idea..oh and by the way thank you

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Posted

i'm going to try to get some sleep. thank you for your time..i'll be checking back later today.

Posted

Men will always masterbate. And for the main part, it is generally not a huge reflection on your sex life. It CAN be, but isn't always.

 

Masterbation is a different type of release, and is something men often to do just to relieve stress. Also sometimes you just want the release, without all the other stuff!! ;)

 

However, there is still an issue with your sex life. :(

 

Provided he's not furiously masterbating 10 times a day and ignoring you, then I wouldn't think that's part of the problem. But something is obviously causing a problem.

 

You need to speak to him again. How often is he masterbating? Ask him to expand on what he means by his body is tired? What from? Too much masterbation? Not work from what you're saying!

  • Author
Posted

thank you very much

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