inde4544 Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I just got out of my first LTR. She cheated then continued to string me along me being the dope in love sucker I was went along with it. Finally she met another and left me. This was like 6 months of really hard times. I have a bad temper which I need to work on and went off on her. Telling her I feel shes a piece of **** and other mean things. I finally told her I do not want to have contact with her anymore. This went on for 3 days then she started calling me saying she thinks about me everyday all this stuff but she is confused. Now keep in mind she is seeing some 30 yr old now. I told her i would give it another shot and to think about it until i got back to NY from FL. I came back shes still confused surprise haha. Im a damn fool. Anyways I tried to go the nice route but the hate and anger kept building and building until I finally blew up at her. Just laying into how horrible of a person she is for doing all this to someone. My temper completly ruined any future contact with ehr which is fine because I dont want any but what concerns me is that I can get this angry and I would liek to know any stories or advice on how to deal with this. Thank you.
KittenMoon Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Well, here's what I have been told: Anger turned inwards is very damaging- even though you're mad at HER I bet you're really mad at yourself quite a bit. Maybe because you got strung along, maybe just because you were in the situation at all. ANger can be fairly irrational. Find a way to express the anger constructively- like through exercise of recording your thoughts daily in a journal. Imagine you're telling the person what you really want to say to them (do not do this in real life) even if you end up screaming swears at the wall of your room pretending its them. Anger is hard to banish- I feel like I am drowning in it sometimes. And a lot of people might say "Why be angry it only hurts you!" Well, it's not that easy for many people once the anger is there, so you probably will need to exercise it in your own way over time. Good luck.
Yamaha Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 You must learn forgiveness to end your anger. It is easier said than done but it is the only way to give your soul peace. Anger will make you a hollow shell of a person that feels nothing. You let no one in and you let nothing out. You give her to much power by holding on to the anger. Let it go and don't let her control you.
KittenMoon Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 You give her to much power by holding on to the anger. Let it go and don't let her control you. Sorry Yamaha, I know what you're trying to say but I think anger needs to be worked out. I don't think it should be seen as someone's power over you, because it can become too easy to just push it down to prove they don't control you. Almost in spite. I think forgiveness, or even better, indifference, comes after confronting the anger and letting yourself feel it. Anger only comes from within. And IMO, saying "don't let her control you" is akin to a person blaming their anger on another.
RecordProducer Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 IMy temper completly ruined any future contact with ehr which is fine because I dont want any but what concerns me is that I can get this angry and I would liek to know any stories or advice on how to deal with this. Thank you.You sound fairly young. I have a feeling that you don't know why you get so angry. I would strongly suggest therapy to help you deal with your anger. Just to have someone talk to you and tell you what they know and you don't will be very helpful. Self-control might help at the beginning (fake it 'till you make it), but it won't help long-term. You need to get rid of the habit to work yourself up against people. To forgive and forget, to detach yourself, to not let things shake you so hard. You need to learn to let it go when you have no power over something. Everyone would be angry upon discovering infidelity, but different people react in different ways. In any case, try to keep your mouth shut when you're angry, because you will make things even worse. Tell yourself that nothing is worth you losing control and going ballistic. Stay away from alcohol, too! Alcohol is a strong depressant and evokes all the anger issues; they surface and cause destructive behavior.
Author inde4544 Posted August 25, 2006 Author Posted August 25, 2006 Thanks everyone, I cut off all contact and do not plan on having any contact with her in the future. I am contemplating going to see someone such as a counselor to deal with the rage. I do not want to let this situation effect me for the rest of my life. I actually do not drink heavily and have just been putting my energy back into lifting weights and I do mixed martial arts so that helps redirect the anger. It just sucks to think someone you've put so much into and cared about so much will not be there anymore but I am sure it will workout for the best. I will use this as a chance to see my faults and improve upon them. Thanks again for the responses. Sometimes you just want to hear something from someone you know what I mean.
In Sync Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 I am beginning to see that though I feel angry about something there is a difference between acting on it...and if I choose not to act on it is basically pointless to nurture it. It a dangerous emotion that all to often people feel the need to stay with. Personally I think that when you are feeling angry you feel powerless, so instead of being using rational common sense to resolve a situation we resorted to feeling angry. I felt angry at my ex but now I see it was own sense of powerlessness at my situation, had I not gotten involved with a bad apple and had walked away when I saw things were going bad I would have spared myself the feelings of resentment blame and then anger. But my own ego and refusal to accept that it wasn't working kept me in a place of dissatisfaction. If you are feeling any form of anger the first place to look is yourself. You are in a situation that you feel powerless, so stop fighting it and walk away from it.
Recommended Posts