I Survived Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 It's been a long time since I've posted anything on this site. Loveshack was a godsend back when I first found out about my husband having an EA with a girl back in his hometown that he dated in high school. It really helped me sort things out - kind of a lifeline to reality, allowed me to share annonymously knowing that there were others in the same distress. Long story-short. The EA started October 2004, ended May 2005 (for him). Short time after he ended it and would not return her phone calls or emails, she (the OW) contacted me. Even though he told me not to respond, I did. I really wanted to know what made her tick. Silly me, I even thought at one time, I could help her get through the pain of loosing the relationship. Our marriage counselor said, "You're the LAST person in the world that she wants to hear that from". So it went on for a while. We would leave messages for each other on Classmates, and now MySpace. Chances are, she didn't get everything I wrote, and I didn't get all of her comments. There is no way of knowing. Fact is...I'm tired of the game and really don't have the time or energy to "communicate" with her. I'd like to just stop, but something in me still wants to tell her that my husband and I have reconciled and he doesn't love her anymore. She claims that he will always hold her in his heart and that someday they will be together. He realizes that the 6 month "affair" they had was just him trying to relive his teenage years. We are very, very happy now. He tells me that he loves me everyday, more than once. He is sorry for what happened, ashamed that he was such a fool, and realizes that he almost lost the best thing that ever happened to him...ME. I love him and it's taken a long time for me to be able to trust him. He put it all out on the table and told me everything. He answered all my questions. He says he never wants to go back to his hometown because of her. That's sad because he has family there. We are good now. That should be enough for me to stop "talking" to her. You have all given me great advice before. What do you say?? Blue Chocolate...are you still out there?
silktricks Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I'm not Blue Chocolate (obviously - but what a great handle that is). What you should do is let go. The woman wants to believe that she has a "forever" connection to your husband. If you read much on the OW/OM forum, you can see that is often the thought of the OW. Let her go away with that. It's obviously only in her mind, and will hurt neither you nor your husband. If she needs to believe it, then in the long run, if it harms anyone, it is herself. Delusions don't hurt the object of the delusion, but only the person being deluded, and she is the person deluding herself. Walk away from it. Focus on you and your husband. Keep the two of you together with no interference in any way from the OW. You have allowed - even encouraged - her to stay involved with the two of you. It's time to let that go. Best of luck to you and yours.
Guest Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I can totally sympathise. Keeping some form of contact is a way of maintaining control over the situation, but as I have learned, the contact is unhealthy and pointless. Resign her to history, where she deserves to be. Good luck and best wishes. So happy things have worked out for you. Your capacity for love and forgiveness are inspiring.
bluechocolate Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Blue Chocolate...are you still out there? Raises hand. Been away for a while now back again - I tend to come & go with LS.
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