beside myself Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. We hooked up when I was 16. Have lived together for 6 years. I can hardly stand living with him. He never cleans up after himself, leaves dishes on the table, etc. I ask for help around the house and he never helps out. He's pretty much a slob. I ask him to do things like change my oil and he takes my car to his uncle and pays him to do it. I've tried all kinds of things and have realized that he's not going to change. I know that he loves me, but I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life like this. What should I do?
JaneInVegas Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 You've been living with this guy for 6 years, and this is just now becoming an issue? Either he has recently changed, and you don't like it, or, he's always been this way (the more likely of the two) and you're just now getting to your saturation point with him. A lot of men are very lazy (in my personal experience, *most* are), and I find it hard to believe you have not noticed this annoying trait before in your 6 years of living together. If he's always been this way, and c'mon, be honest with yourself, has he? ... he's not going to change. You cannot change a man. You might as well ask Bush to become a Democrat. If this really is a NEW thing for him, you could sit his butt down and lay it on the line. Tell him to start putting his dirty socks into the laundry basket and taking care of business, or he could potentially lose you somewhere down the line. In the end, though, you have to ask yourself if all his positives outweigh his negatives, and conduct your life and actions accordingly. I haven't met a man yet that didn't expect his woman to do virtually everything for him ... but choose your battles wisely, and good luck!
sad-in-seattle Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 This happened to me too and I finally told him he had to move out. I was tired of his mess everywhere and being a housecleaner! He moved out and our relationship started to dwindle... It may be a sign that he doesn't respect you enough to help you when you ask.
ZICKAR Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 If you have been together for 8 years it's just part of the package that you start getting on each other nerves even for the smallest things like Cleaning dishes or changing the oil,etc...these are uaually things that aren't worth breaking uo for and you will eventually get used to that ... But maybe a little routine in the relation is where this is coming from
Author beside myself Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 During our time together we've had roommates in and out as well. Just this last year we've been alone. So I didn't realize that he was this bad. I've told him more than once that it bothers me and he still seems like he don't care. I'm just fed up with it. I cannot stand to live that way, but I don't know how to tell him that he needs to shape up or ship out. How can you tell someone that?
Author beside myself Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 How exactly did you tell him to move out? Did you have long realationship as well?
sad-in-seattle Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 We lived together for only a year. I couldn't stand it after the year though. I've always had roommates as well. After my roommate moved out (because of him) I was getting no help at all. My past roommates would help alot more then him. I think you have way more invested into your relationship then I did. I think we are the same age, 24.. right? I don't really know your relationship well enough to tell you what to say. I do know if he doesn't respect you enough to help.. that is a bad sign. He seems really dependent on you (for house chores atleast). I would say talk to him first - have a real heart to heart. Has it just been you kinda nagging/yelling (which I did at first) or was it a serious conversation?
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