tlynn_35 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Hello Everybody! I am having problems with my boyfriend and need some objective, brutally honest advice. Setting other issues aside, my boyfriend is not romantic at all. I have never been in a relationship where a man treated me as I would like to be, but maybe my expectations are too high. No, I don't think so. I really feel that I need to be treated better, and am still not getting what I'm looking for. I am 23 and about six months ago and two weeks after I split with my boyfriend of over 4 years, I met a new man. I was jaded, weary and on the rebound, but like the fool I am, I allowed my heart to run freely into his arms. So, last weekend was our 6 months anniversary and he didn't plan anything or get me anything. I mean, a card or a "happy anniversary" would've sufficed, but I got nothing. I had to work a partial day, an when I got home, I had to coerce him for 2 hours to go somewhere with me. It's not like he didn't know since I had asked him several times if he wanted to do something on our anniversary-- and I wasn't being pushy. Money definately isn't an issue either. I just don't know. I am an independent, modern woman, and I understand that men shouldn't have to do these things, but just once I would like to be suprised, shown spontaneous affection, or told something that really feels genuine, besides "your beautiful or wonderful". O.K., I apologize, I'm done venting. So, my question is whether men that aren't romantic, someday WANT to be romantic? Do you think that I should initiate these tactics and maybe surprise him? I would like doing this, so that he would feel extra special, however, I fear that I just couldn't take it if I was shown nothing in return. I didn't get him a card or anything for our anniversary, because I figured I would hurt more if I had gotten something for him with no return, and that it would spark an argument. ANYWAY, please, I really need feedback. Feedback from anyone would be greeeeatly appreciated!
Sally00 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Uh oh. Watch out. Just thought I'd give you a warning: People are probably gonna start bashing you for being needy... But you aren't. My boyfriend didn't do anything for our "halfiversary" either. I didn't expect him to even remember anyways. But sure enough, he did. We were in different cities at the time, but before I left, I gave him a nice poem with our picture on it and other cute little things to show him just how much I love him. He loved it. He didn't do anything for me though... it didn't matter. Atleast he called and told me happy 6 months. He remembered hehe. Yeah, sometimes I want him to be very romantic. But I know how busy he is and he doesn't have much time for anything. So I don't set my expectations high in the romantic department. The little things like him calling me just to tell me he loves me, how he always has to have one hand available to hold mine, etc. Those count more to me. Go right ahead and surprise him. That's what I did with our halfiversary with the stuff I gave 'em. There's no rule saying a girlfriend can't surprise her boyfriend. So no worries. Do it and just have fun. Yeah, this might sound sooo cliche... but it's better to give than receive. Try not to expect so much from him. Trust me, it is enough just to see the smile on his face. You don't need to see some pricey gift in front of you to show how much he loves you.
norajane Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Most guys don't give a crap about 6 month anniversaries. A lot of them even forget the annual ones, especially if just dating (not married). Some married guys forget the annual ones, too. It's only as important as you think it is. If it's important to you, then plan a date ahead of time and do it. But getting mad because he doesn't care, well, if you did that every time a guy didn't care about a half-anniversary, you'd pretty much be mad every six months. Men are not women. They don't think the same way. There are some exceptions, but I've been dating for 20 years, and I don't remember one single guy who did anything for a half-anniversary.
Road Rage Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 he`s probably never even heard of a half anniversary. If it is under a year it doesn`t count. I`m serious here. Don`t let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Especially any of your gay friends if you have any.
nicki Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Never had a boyfriend notice a half-anniversary, either. I didn't notice them myself. Now, a one year may be special. Even then, I'd remind him a few weeks before it. It's not a wedding anniversary after all. Come to think of it, I only celebrated ONE single dating one year anniversaries. Not a big deal to me, really, except for that one guy. Anyway, some guys are more romantic than others. It comes down to whether or not he wants to do more of that stuff because it pleases you. So, you'll have to let him know what specifically you want him to do, and be positive about it. For instance, grab his hand while you are walking, smile and tell him how much you LOVE it when you hold hands. Or plant a big kiss on him sometime and say something similar. When he does anything resembling the behavior you want, respond very positively. If he wants to please you, he will be happy to know how to do that. If he doesn't, well, then at least you'll at know that.
destination_unknown Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Personally, I am a female and I would never have a clue when my anniversaries have been. But remember, its an anniversay, as in, the word is partially derived from annual. Yearly. Not weekly, monthly, bi-annually. If your boyfriend is an azz all the time and never does ANYTHING to show he loves you, like cooking breakfast, sweet text message or whatever it is he does then thats a problem. It sounds like he is already telling you verbally your beautiful and wonderful. So, count yourself lucky, his way of expressing affection is verbal. Just because he isnt a poet and doesnt say it in the most elequoent way does not mean that he is not genuine.
littlekitty Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Half anniversary? WTF? Sorry, sure as a teenager you might celebrate these things, but a 23 year old women? Come on! I don't mean to be harsh, but as an adult in an adult relationship, I've never celebrated monthly or 6 monthly. Your anniversary is yearly.... [Middle English anniversarie, from Medieval Latin (diēs) anniversāria, anniversary (day), from Latin, feminine of anniversārius, returning yearly : annus, year + versus, past participle of vertere, to turn.] See Latin for yearly! So please don't bash your man for not going all out for your half anniversary. He probably never heard of it before. With regards to doing romantic things... an un-romantic man is unlikely to change much. Men tend to either be romantics or not. If your man doesn't do romantic things then you have a choice: Leave him Live with it Make it clear what your expectations are and see if he can meet them You can let him know when/what you expect from him in terms of romantic gestures. But it might take away some of the romance when you've instructed him what to do!! Also, I think it's sad that you won't do anything for him, in case he doesn't return the favour and you're hurt? That sucks a little IMO. You don't do things to get something in return. You do things like that because you love the person and you want to show them how much.
a4a Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 half anniversary??? nope I would not expect anything for that either.... nope. But if you want a guy that marks his calendar like that go find one. And unless you say a week ahead.... . Guess what next week is our half anniversary (I think the majority of men would be clueless.... I am and I am a woman ) and he completely ignored you and you showed him that it would indeed make you happy to do something.... well then yeah he is a dick. If the anniversary of the death of your beloved pet is important and he is aware of it and ignores the importance of it to you..... kinda a dick... see what I mean....
rina_r Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Half anniversary? WTF? Sorry, sure as a teenager you might celebrate these things, but a 23 year old women? Come on! I don't mean to be harsh, but as an adult in an adult relationship, I've never celebrated monthly or 6 monthly. I completely agree.
sad-in-seattle Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Hehe.. 6 month anniversay =D I wish I got something. Anyways, I guess what I want to know is if you brought it up to him saying it was something that was important or would make you happy? Regardless if a 6 month anniversary is kinda silly.. if it makes you happy and if he cares about you.. what's the big deal? If you didn't say anything to him and just hoped for something then I gotta agree w/the rest of them and say he probably didn't even know to get you anything. The dumbest things make me happy, like hello kitty fruit snacks! I get suprised w/them occasionally. haha I'm lame. Anyways, I'm about your same age. I dated a guy for 3 years. He was 4-5 years older then me. He wasn't a romantic type of guy. I complained for years about how I never came home to candles and all that. He did it a couple times, but it'd be the next day after I nagged and then never agian. Some people just aren't romantics and if that is something that is really important to you then move on. Although I couldn't justify breaking up with a great bf just because he didn't have a romantic side to him. We broke up for different reasons, but boyfriends that I have had since then were romantic and it was such a treat!
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