soberminded Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Just out of curiousity if your boyfriend attempted or committed suicide would that be a dealbreaker for you women out there? Would you dump him immediately even if the two of you were planning to get married in 2 months?
DeeBrod83 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Well, obviously if he COMMITTED suicide, I don't think you really get a choice. But, in all seriousness, if he attempted suicide I would definitely postpone any and all plans for marriage until he goes to counselling, gets on meds, or both. I wouldn't say it's a dealbreaker, but it's definitely something that should be handled BEFORE you take the leap!!
alphamale Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I think a lot of people think about suicide at least once or twice in their life but if they actually attempt it that is a much different matter. I would think twice.
bluechocolate Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'm not a woman (nor do I think is alpha!), but I'll throw my two bits in anyway (& ignore the bit about committing suicide as that has already been covered ). It all depends on the circumstances of the attempt. You haven't given any history. Recent attempt? Reasons behind? How you/they feel about it now? What changed & why? etc. etc.
stoopid_guy Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Did he attempt it while you were dating? Definately think twice about the relationship. If he attempted it several years ago and seemed stable now, no biggy...
Author soberminded Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 Well, obviously if he COMMITTED suicide, I don't think you really get a choice. But, in all seriousness, if he attempted suicide I would definitely postpone any and all plans for marriage until he goes to counselling, gets on meds, or both. I wouldn't say it's a dealbreaker, but it's definitely something that should be handled BEFORE you take the leap!! Would you attend his funereal if he did succeed in suicide? I'm talking about if he attempted suicide while in the relationship. Let's say his reasons for the attempt was that he lost his job. Or let's say he attempted suicide because you guys had a bad argument and he feared losing you that he couldn't stand the idea of living without you??
bluechocolate Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Or let's say he attempted suicide because you guys had a bad argument and he feared losing you that he couldn't stand the idea of living without you?? That's emotional blackmail of the highest order & clearly the actions of a highly unstable person. Professional help should be sought immediately & I'd venture to say that most right minded people, male or female, would put any talk of marriage well on the back burner.
DeeBrod83 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Would I attend the funeral? Of course. But I think your guy SERIOUSLY needs help. He really needs to talk to someone. Lots of crazy stuff happens in your head when you're depressed, etc that may not define who he is, but what's wrong with him. I suffer from depression and for years I felt like I was possessed. Once I got help (including medication) all of the sudden I feel like the person I should have always been. That person before wasn't me, it was my chemical imbalance. But no one knows for sure until he gets help/gets better.
blind_otter Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 That's emotional blackmail of the highest order & clearly the actions of a highly unstable person. Professional help should be sought immediately & I'd venture to say that most right minded people, male or female, would put any talk of marriage well on the back burner. I agree with BC. Of course.
allina Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Huge dealbreaker! Though I also refuse to date anyone that is emotionally unstable or had major issues.
tinktronik Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 This would be a dealbreaker for me ,especially if it was after an argument .I would feel backed into a corner , thus I would leave. Honestly , suicide attempt is a sign of weakness, manipulation and a complete innability to deal ; none of these things work in a relationship.
Outcast Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I believe soberminded is a guy since he has spoken of rejecting women's proposals. Don't try this. As has been said, it would be emotional blackmail and a sign, to most people, of someone who is in need of help
RecordProducer Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Just out of curiousity if your boyfriend attempted or committed suicide would that be a dealbreaker for you women out there? Would you dump him immediately even if the two of you were planning to get married in 2 months?Why is it important what I or any woman in this forum would do? We are not your fiancée. Ask her! Planning to try a suicide is a VERY STUPID thing. If you cross the border, you may end up in comma forever or become permanently disabled (lose your ability to speak or walk or a part of your motor functions). Then it will really be a deal breaker. It's really not a joke. And if you think that you will soften her heart - not at all. You will just convince her that you're weak and unstable. If the woman doesn't want you - you have no job in her life. But if she loves you, give her some more time to decide whether she wants to marry you.
HokeyReligions Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Or let's say he attempted suicide because you guys had a bad argument and he feared losing you that he couldn't stand the idea of living without you?? That's emotional blackmail of the highest order & clearly the actions of a highly unstable person. Professional help should be sought immediately & I'd venture to say that most right minded people, male or female, would put any talk of marriage well on the back burner. This bears repeating. I am such a nurturer that I would drag his ass to the doctor and get him into counseling and rally his family and friends. I wouldn't marry him right away (maybe not at all) but I wouldn't just dump him and run. I also might have to face the fact that he is not ready for marriage and that I might not be the best person for him and would need to leave him for both our sakes at some time.
whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Just out of curiousity if your boyfriend attempted or committed suicide would that be a dealbreaker for you women out there? Would you dump him immediately even if the two of you were planning to get married in 2 months? To be honest it would probably make me feel abit uncomfortable - But if I was really inlove with a man who told me that he'd tried in the past to kill himself, I would want to know how long ago the attempt happened and also if he'd talked to a therapist. I don't think anybody really knows for sure unless you're in that situation.
whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Would you attend his funereal if he did succeed in suicide? I'm talking about if he attempted suicide while in the relationship. Let's say his reasons for the attempt was that he lost his job. Or let's say he attempted suicide because you guys had a bad argument and he feared losing you that he couldn't stand the idea of living without you?? Well, I guess I should have read the whole thread before replying to your other post. Seems the person who tried to commit suicide needs help. Anybody who tries to harm themselves after an argument has some coping issues that need to be fixed, and fast. Either it's a manipulative controlling game they're playing or they're seriously unbalanced in the head. The loss of a job isn't worth killing oneself over either. Which brings me back to how stable the person is...Obviously needs some therapy.
britchick Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 It would depend on the relationship and the circumstances. If my partner of 10 years tried to commit suicide I would be doing everything I could to help him (lol - no, no, I mean help him get better). If I had been dating someone for a couple of months and it was after an arguement, you wouldn't see me for dust.
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