daterhater Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 i've been dating this guy for a year and a half and he still hasn't met my parents. though i suppose he has a good reason since my parents live 3 hours away and never get up here. i've met and hung out with his family and even gone to family reunions with him. he doesn't even know what my parents look like. yesterday afternoon i found out my parents would be in town for a few hours. i immediately invited my boyfriend to come eat with us so he could finally meet them. he declined because his roommate and sister planned on making a meal at home that night with wine. i asked him if he could postpone. meeting my parents is more important. he wouldn't do it. i was pissed. he doesn't understand why i'd get mad. what pisses me off is he doesn't seem to care about meeting my family or doesn't understand how much it would mean to me if he showed the slightest interest in seeing them or even acted like he'd try to make it to dinner. also, when i went on a family reunion trip with him and his dad, he talked about himself the whole ride up. all he could talk about was his business, how funny he is, and this new website he was making that was totally awesome. i'm really humble and modest (saying that probably makes me not humble and modest. haha) i don't like to talk about myself. we're pretty much opposites in this reguard. where do i go from here? should i dump him?
SmoochieFace Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 It seems that you two have opposite sets of values. Not taking sides or anything but the incompatability here is glaringly obvious. If you're willing to be with someone who is self-absorbed and a bit narcissistic then you should stay. If the idea of being with someone who shares your values and is willing to be part of a 'team' with you sounds more appealing then you should consider terminating the relationship.
tanbark813 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 It's weird that he's never met your parents after a year and a half, but this: he declined because his roommate and sister planned on making a meal at home that night with wine. i asked him if he could postpone. meeting my parents is more important. ...sounds really demanding. You can't really expect him to change plans at the last minute if he already had something going on. Your parents may be more important to you, but I'm guessing his sister is more important to him. Why not just invite him along with you to go visit your parents some weekend?
DeeBrod83 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 You think it's too demanding to say, 'hey there's people in town that are NEVER here, do you think a normal everyday plan can wait a day or two?'! I don't think she was in the wrong at all, except maybe in the way she approached it. DH: Depending on how you two mix sometimes a person like and a person like him match well. But if you're not comfortable with your role in the relationship as it stands now, than you should bring it up in a very non-confrontational kind of way. Use "we"s and "I"s, never "you"s. And see how he responds. If he has no desire to make you feel more comfortable in the relationship, than maybe you need to rethink it.
bluechocolate Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 It might have been a last minute thing, but seeing as he has never met your parents it shouldn't have been a big deal for him to postpone his meal. The fact that he can't understand why you'd be upset about this speaks volumes.
tanbark813 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Asking is fine. Getting pissed that he won't change set plans at the last minute is demanding. She can't expect him to be at her every beck and call.
DeeBrod83 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'd have to say I'd get upset too. It's all about what you're placing your importance in. And I'd take it personally that he felt that something that was very important to me wasn't worth his time. I think it all depends on the severity of the situation if getting upset is justified.
SmoochieFace Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Asking is fine. Getting pissed that he won't change set plans at the last minute is demanding. She can't expect him to be at her every beck and call. Let's move away from the one incident and look at the whole picture here. Does the fact that this guy hasn't met her family at all seem odd? After a year and a half? The 'three hour' thing is an excuse... a weak one at best.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 what pisses me off is he doesn't seem to care about meeting my family I usually do this when I'm not interested in taking the relationship to the next level or making it more serious.
Author daterhater Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 It's weird that he's never met your parents after a year and a half, but this: ...sounds really demanding. You can't really expect him to change plans at the last minute if he already had something going on. Your parents may be more important to you, but I'm guessing his sister is more important to him. Why not just invite him along with you to go visit your parents some weekend? The thing is, I'm a really easygoing girl. I don't ask much unless what I'm asking is really important to me. Because I ask so little of him, when he denies a request that would mean so much to me, it's really hard for me to not get upset. If I were in his sitaution, I would have met his parents. There'd be no question about it. So yeah, it may sound demanding to you knowing nothing about me, but not to me
Author daterhater Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 And I'd take it personally that he felt that something that was very important to me wasn't worth his time. QUOTE] yes! this is exactly what upset me so. perhaps if he said, "i'm really sorry, i want to meet your parents. maybe we can visit them sometime this month instead? i just promised my sister i would be here tonight when she and my roommate made this meal." he would have showed me that my parents were at least worth his time...eventually.
DeeBrod83 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 .....unfortunately I think Alpha may have hit the nail on the head.....
Author daterhater Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 Also, there are other things that kind of deal with this that have been bothering me. When one of my friends got married, I wanted my boyfriend to be there with me. It was extremely important that he was. But my boyfriend when it comes to me attending his things, it's "you can come if you want." I want him to really, really want me there and be even just a little sad if I'm not there with him. he's more like "whatever, come if you want. if you don't, that's okay. i'll be fine either way." if he doesn't really want me to be at his friends wedding, why should i bother going?
Author daterhater Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 .....unfortunately I think Alpha may have hit the nail on the head..... this is quite possible, but then i don't know what to think of him making me eat dinner with his dad the first week we met. he wanted me to come with him to a family reunion and stay in his family's cabin a week. he made me meet his grandma and makes me drink with his male cousins. he invites me to all of his family functions. he never goes alone anymore. i think he's more selfish if anything.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 this is quite possible, but then i don't know what to think of him making me eat dinner with his dad the first week we met. he wanted me to come with him to a family reunion and stay in his family's cabin a week. he made me meet his grandma and makes me drink with his male cousins. he invites me to all of his family functions. he never goes alone anymore. i think he's more selfish if anything. I've never minded a woman i'm dating to meet my family as long as its more than a casual thing. I generally won't meet her's until I'm ready to make it really serious (which rarely happens anyways). Usually I dump them after 3 to 6 months.
tanbark813 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I know it sounds like a crazy idea but you might want to invite him to go visit your parents.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I know it sounds like a crazy idea but you might want to invite him to go visit your parents. i believe she's already done that a number of time Einstein
Author daterhater Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 I know it sounds like a crazy idea but you might want to invite him to go visit your parents. he pretty much always has something going on that makes it possible to get him to leave town when i want to go visit my parents
norajane Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 A three hour drive is hardly the other side of the world. Tell him you'd like him to meet your parents, pull out a calendar, and ask him what weekend would be good for the two of you to go. Then schedule it on the calendar, even if it's two or three months down the line because of other commitments you have If he won't do that, he doesn't want to meet them and everything else is just an excuse.
Road Rage Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Well, he has lasted a year and a half. Maybe you two fit together like peas in a pod:rolleyes:
sad-in-seattle Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Ok, I feel yah on this one. To start off that dude that keeps saying your too demanding is retarded... I wonder how long his relationships last... Now on your problem. That was a total jerk move of your boyfriend. I'm guessing he sees his sister and roommate like almost everyday? Yet he has never met your parents in the year and half you were dating? A) he is either really selfish and inconsiderate B) he isn't into you as much as he should be after 1 yr 1/2 like the other people were saying... The worst part of it is that you have gone above and beyond doing stuff w/his family. Like going to a family reunion.. (those are always akward when your not apart of the family) =P You must be a really nice gal. If you explain how you feel (why you were mad, etc) and he still doesn't get it... I'd have to reevaluate the relationship.
tanbark813 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 To start off that dude that keeps saying your too demanding is retarded... I wonder how long his relationships last... Judging by your posts about your own situation I'm guessing longer than yours.
Yamaha Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I usually do this when I'm not interested in taking the relationship to the next level or making it more serious. Exactly, Alpha. If he doesn't want to meet your parents I would question his real intent to your relationship.
sad-in-seattle Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Judging by your posts about your own situation I'm guessing longer than yours. Exactly. I'm trying to get out of a relationship with a jerk like you.
Guest.Gurl Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Why dont you get your parents to come to his side of town and meet him. Just say they happen to pass by visiting a friend or to shop for something. If he still wont meet your parents, then alpha is right.
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