agoodone Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'm panicking. Last week I ending things with the OW of one year and now she is making threats to tell my wife. She wants me to pay her an amount of money that I just don't have right now. What can I do to stop her? Is this illegal? Is there anything that I can do?
Tony T Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'm panicking. Last week I ending things with the OW of one year and now she is making threats to tell my wife. She wants me to pay her an amount of money that I just don't have right now. What can I do to stop her? Is this illegal? Is there anything that I can do? Call the police immediately. They will most likely have you make an appointment to get with her and give her money...and will wire you with a microphone. Of course, she will be arrested for extortion. Anyway you slice this, you can bet your wife is going to find out so you may as well get an arrest out of it. Anyway you slice it, adulterous affairs are a dead end and always end in pain, fear, mental anguish and sometimes death. There is no good thing to be gained by them but people love the thrill. There's no free ride in this world. At some point, you have to pay bigtime. Call the police now and get this over with. Putting it off is only going to prolong your agony and likely expose your wife to your ex lover who will spill her guts and make a LOT more problems for you.
Author agoodone Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 The only problem is that she's not goming right out and threatening, just suggesting. She keeps saying that it's so hard to meet her bills and she is struggling financially. Then she changes topics, says that she's very depressed and that she wants to become friends with my wife because they will have lots to talk about. That's what's so hard about this, how can I tell that to the police, it's not a direct threat. I don't think they'll take me seriously. PLUS, I have been giving her money all along during the affair.
bluechocolate Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I can only echo what Tony has already written.
a4a Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 If this is for real You can do what Tony said...... or point blank tell her...... and record your conversation, email, or whatever you can to document your conversations with her stating the extortion plan and let her know if she does one thing you will call the police. She may back down...... but I would not be surprised if you ended up with slashed tires, broken windows and other things........ hey I give her credit though. If you are going to be a bunny boiler OW you may as well try to cash in on it. What did each sex session end up costing you anyway?..... how much is she asking for? Really curious.....
Pink Amulet Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 That's my question.... just out of curiosity, what does she think this is worth to you?
Ripples Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 There is one other thing you could do. Tell your wife, yourself. And yeah, I'm curious too!
Adunaphel Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I was going to second Tony's advice as well... but then I had a second thought... Could you please give us a little more background? Did you see this coming, or was this blackmailing out of the blue? Were you in love with each other? was she in love with you? were you in love with her? did you buy things for her, take her to expensive places? did you act like a sugar daddy? Was money *ever* important in your relationship? Was it more a "love affair" or a "you get me expensive stuff, you get sex" deal? If she is basically a gold digger and was after money/expensive presents/expensive lifestyle you could offer her who is not willing to let go of her "golden eggs chicken"(you), then I certainly second Tony's advice, and I invite you to skip the rest of the post. But if money has *never* been a factor, chances are high that you are only dealing with a hurt woman who wants to get back at you in any way she can. If such is the case, please tell us more about the situation. Did you lie to her while seeing her -did you promise you'd leave your wife? Did you accept any money from *her* without returning it? How did you tell her the affair was over? Were you nice to her when ending the affair? Anyway, if she has never been interested in your money before, and you -intentionally or not- hurt her in some way, please *talk* to her before calling the police. In some cases an apology, some explanations, some kindness and giving someone the chance to get closure can save you from a lot of unwanted trouble.
superconductor Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 It's called extortion, and it's against the law. Tell your wife what happened, then tell the cops.
stoopid_guy Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 What everyone else said/asked... And we hope you've learned something: NEVER tell the OW your real name!
Adunaphel Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 What everyone else said/asked... And we hope you've learned something: NEVER tell the OW your real name! I know you said it playfully, but just in case you give someone weird ideas... giving people a false name will likely land you in trouble.
Author agoodone Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 Yeah this is a real situation and I don't want to discuss the amounts of money. I live in a big city with a busy police force. What proof will I need to have for them to pay any attention to this? I've been paying her expenses for a year and she wants a couple of more months worth. I cant let my wife find out. It's a terrible marriage and I will divorce her soon but she cant know about this until I'm ready to get out. Since the girl isnt directly linking the money to contacting my wife how can I prove this to the cops? This is horrible. Has anyone ever been through this.
justice Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'd lay you ten to one odds your wife does know about the OW even if it is a past thing. You really do need to tell her everything because this is illegal and your OW sounds alot like the one we have. The most important thing is letting your wife know, this will take all of the wind out of the OW's sails and she won't be able to extort you anymore. I'd also report her to the local law enforcement and take out a restraining order.
Adunaphel Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 The only problem is that she's not goming right out and threatening, just suggesting. She keeps saying that it's so hard to meet her bills and she is struggling financially. Then she changes topics, says that she's very depressed and that she wants to become friends with my wife because they will have lots to talk about. That's what's so hard about this, how can I tell that to the police, it's not a direct threat. I don't think they'll take me seriously. PLUS, I have been giving her money all along during the affair. I read your post only after I first replied to you. (when you post as a guest, your posts take a little longer to be visible). Ouch, that's a bad situation. She sounds like she jumped out of a noir novel from the fifties - she really reminds me of characters from Cornell Woolrich's books (incidentally, such characters get killed within the first three chapters). I am not sure they would *not* take you seriously, my guess is that they have seen quite a lot of this stuff already. I am clueless about whether they could do anything about it. My advice at this point is to tell your wife about the affair before anyone else does. I would have suggested that you tell her anyway, if nobody had been blackmailing you and you had asked advice about whether telling her or not. The sooner you tell her, the better. If you tell her soon enough, and the OW will actually carry out her blackmailing plan, at least it might look like you came clean on your own because you wanted to be honest with her, and not because the OW is blackmailing you. You could hope the OW is just threatening but won't actually do anything. You could play the "she is lunatic, I barely know her" card if the situation blows up - there is someone who manages to once in a while - but it would take a considerable amount of luck. Again, I'd suggest you come clean with your W as soon as possible.
THX2000 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'm panicking. Last week I ending things with the OW of one year and now she is making threats to tell my wife. She wants me to pay her an amount of money that I just don't have right now. What can I do to stop her? Is this illegal? Is there anything that I can do? ROFLMFAO! Self ownage to the highest degree! Looks like you are getting what you deserve for ****ing around on your wife.......ass......
newbby Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 i think you are being paranoid. its a normal consequence of having an affair to get paranoid. saying she needs money, is not the same as demanding it AND saying she is depressed and wants to be friends with your wife and she is sure they will have alot to talk about is just a little guilt trip for putting her through this, and a bit of jealousy toward your wife. i believe you are blowing it out of proprtion... tell her sorry for being an ass**** and then get out of her life.
UnknowingOW Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 If this is for real You can do what Tony said...... or point blank tell her...... and record your conversation, email, or whatever you can to document your conversations with her stating the extortion plan and let her know if she does one thing you will call the police. She may back down...... but I would not be surprised if you ended up with slashed tires, broken windows and other things........ hey I give her credit though. If you are going to be a bunny boiler OW you may as well try to cash in on it. What did each sex session end up costing you anyway?..... how much is she asking for? Really curious..... Again you KILL ME!!!! :lmao: :lmao:
silktricks Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Tell your wife yourself, which is what you should do anyway. Then what does the OW have to threaten you with?
tinktronik Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Threatining you in any way ,like "OH well I may need to have a talk with your wife", is not a normal relationship responce , if you were single and the girl was going for cheap shots then you would still be dealing with someone a bit unballanced . If you really think the girl may tell your wife , the only thing to do is tell her yourself first. If you do pay out the money, this girl will just extend it for a longer or larger sum , so actually paying her will do no good . If she does in fact harass you , call the cops.
Outcast Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 i think you are being paranoid. its a normal consequence of having an affair to get paranoid. saying she needs money, is not the same as demanding it AND saying she is depressed and wants to be friends with your wife and she is sure they will have alot to talk about is just a little guilt trip for putting her through this, and a bit of jealousy toward your wife. i believe you are blowing it out of proprtion... tell her sorry for being an ass**** and then get out of her life. I really don't agree. People of either gender can get unreasonably angry when they are thwarted. We've seen it before with posters here wanting to get back at dumpers.
RecordProducer Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Yeah this is a real situation and I don't want to discuss the amounts of money. I live in a big city with a busy police force. What proof will I need to have for them to pay any attention to this? I've been paying her expenses for a year and she wants a couple of more months worth. I cant let my wife find out. It's a terrible marriage and I will divorce her soon but she cant know about this until I'm ready to get out. Since the girl isnt directly linking the money to contacting my wife how can I prove this to the cops? This is horrible. Has anyone ever been through this. I don't think the police is a good idea. However, you may want to make her spill it out and record what she said. Then YOU can blackmail her! "You tell my wife, go ahead, I don't care! But I will report you to the police with this tape and you'll end up in jail for a few years. You're engaging yourself in a serious crime. Next thing you'll tell me that you'll murder me!" You can also ask her if she's seen this movie where the OW woman is threatening adn the MM kills her. If I were you, I would tell her that I just don't have the money now and if she tells my wife... oh well. You can also hook up with her again until the divorce is final.
newbby Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I really don't agree. People of either gender can get unreasonably angry when they are thwarted. We've seen it before with posters here wanting to get back at dumpers. this is true, but mm also get unreasonably paranoid. i do not think she will tell his wife and i do not think she is blackmailing him. people are getting this way out of perspective. she might have said about talking to the wife in anger. it sounds to me partly being upset because she is lonely "i need some friends, maybe i should get to know your wife" partly joking but angry too "we would certainly have alot to talk about" as for the saying she needs money, well she is obviously trying to make hints, but it is not the equivalent of blackmailing. to the op, does the ow know your wife at all, as in just to say hello to, has she ever met her etc? because the context would be some help. i do not think the police should be called for something so obscure. my exmm used to literally run whenever he saw me coming, and i dont know whether anybody has noticed it from my posts or not, but i am an extremely reasonable fair minded person. if i got the slightest bit angry with him about anything he would run away and hide for weeks on end. men who have affairs with no intention of leaving their wives, get paranoid.
magda Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Threaten to sue her for damages if she does. I have no idea if you actually can, but she probably won't know either.
stillafool Posted August 29, 2006 Posted August 29, 2006 You have but two choices here: 1. Tell your wife then contact the police. I know you don't want to tell her because you feel it will be over but now you are backed into a corner and have no other choice because she will find out. or; 2. Keep paying the other woman the money she wants. I guarantee you it will go on longer than 2 months. It will go on as long as she knows your wife doesn't know about her. She is using you and I hope you realize this OW obviously never cared about you other than money or she wouldn't stoop to something like this.
catgirl1927 Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 If you're going to divorce your wife anyway, why do you care if she finds out?
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