Maddy7777 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Hi, It's my first post here. Actually I've been looking for a place like this for a week and I just found it. Before I ask my questions I guess a back story would be necessary: I was dating my ex for 2 years and 2 months. I thought everything was going fine until one night at 1 in the morning when I woke up from a nap I saw there was something wrong. I asked what was wrong - which started the whole "I don't think we're going anywhere" line, to why it's not your fault but I'm going to list why anyways, to it's not you it's me, finally to I need time to think. I agree I was in an emotional state, but I must attest that I was tired, just woke up from a nap and I was suffering a hangover from a party the night before. Anyway, I went to visit my sick grandma on the weekend, not necessary to the story but it was the worst weekend in my life, and when I came back he broke up with me, on our anniversary. The entire break up felt like it was with someone else, and every response I got to my teary, emotional questions were rehearsed and lifeless. During the break up, he decided to finally notify me that he had stopped loving me and just wanted to be friends. Actually, this feeling has been going on for 5-6 months prior to the break up, and he couldn't do it because "he didn't want to hurt me and he liked me soooo much as a person". The entire conversation was "I decided it ended by myself and no even though you should have a say I'm not going to listen. Let her just get it out of her system and move on". There are so many questions I want answered and I know will never be answered, but perhaps all of you can give me some insight. None of my friends have gone through this so it is hard for them to comfort me. I have been NC for nine days... 1. How to trust again? During the five to six months he "didn't love me" he said he did and would actively talk about our "future" together. His reponse to this was "what was I suppose to say, I didn't see myself a part of it?" This man seemed to have done a Dr.Jekel and Mr.Hyde - it's not the same man I dated for those 2 years. When I called him a liar, he said he didn't and he meant what he said when we were dating. What do I believe in? 2. How can someone stop loving someone? I know this question must be asked a thousand of times. But I do not understand, especially when the person strings you on for so long. Obviously when he was breaking up with me he was completely over me...it is possible for some to string someone along just to get over them easier? Is this just an excuse for not having a legitimate reason for ending the relationship or does is actually exist? 3. He would say things like when I said "I'm the best girlfriend you will ever have" or "I'm throwing your things away" to get an emotional something out of him, instead of a reaction, I got a "good for you", or "you do that"...what to make of that? The only time he cried is when I said I couldn't be his friend... 4. He never seriously talked that there was something wrong with the relationship. Now all my friends were in shock and yes they did hang out together with us, apparently though, all his friends saw how unhappy he was...so I suppose I was blinded by love but to my defense no actual serious conversation was brought to light, he would ask questions during the last week like "does that really bother you?" but that is about it, I always reassured him I loved him... Am I suppose to pick on these little things, is it my fault to have suspected if something really bothered him he would sit me down and say, "sweetie this has bothered me for some time and I want to fix it"? 5. Any tips for coping? Thanks, and sorry it is so long... Also I didn't know whether this was to be in coping or breaking up category... Maddy
BatteredByLove Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t70200/ Sorry I don't have much time but the two threads above have helped me a lot. Good luck Maddy. -BBL
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