eddpad Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'll try to tell my story as concise and clear as possible. I have been friends with this girl now for about 2 months and a half; we get along great. She's very lively, social, intelligent, witty, etc. I'm very reserved, humble, sracastic and practical. For the past week there have been feelings for each other that have surfaced. We haven't made anything official but we have done stuff and we do talk to each quite a bit. And when I say that, I mean like those long conversations you have with someone over the phone for a couple of hours that remind you of high school. I thought I'd never talk to anyone like that ever again. There is definitely a certain innocense about the two of us that draws us together. Here's my deal. I'm feeling insecure or inadequate around her. I'm not the most social person, I'm pretty shy around her regular friends and even though I don't consider myself devoid of any intelligence, I feel so inadequate around her because I feel I can't relate to her sometimes. She tells me that she does like me a lot and I ask her from time to time why she even likes me because on the surface we are SO different. To which replies "Sometimes being different is good." I'm a very shy reserved person at first glance. Although very different, we share similar feelings on issues such as trust, honesty, morals, career and so on. I know I should just throw these insecurities to the wind and just go with it and say: "Hey, maybe I should just accept it that she does like me because I'm so different from her or any other guy she's been with and just go with it." I just realy like this girl and I just can't get crap like this out of my head. I'm sure there are those that may be with someone completely opposite from them right now, or may have been with at one point in their time. I would really appreciate any feedback possible. Am I being silly? What should I think/do? Do opposites really attract and work? P.S. I should prolly note too that we've known each other for much longer; 1 year to be exact. We never got to know each other simply because I was too shy and never really engaged in ny type of convo. with her. One night we finally broke the ice and REALLY got to know each other and since then we've just grown closer and closer and that's where we are now.
pseudofemme Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 In my experience, yes, opposites can and do attract (and work). The healthiest relationships are ones where both people can learn and grow from the other person. And for this to happen, the two people need to be different enough so that they have something to teach one another. I'll take my parents for example. They are polar opposites. My father is a very sensitive and optimistic; my mother is completely unemotional and the biggest pessimist you'll ever meet. Like you and this girl, they are completely different on the surface--but agree on big issues and have great communication. They have been married for decades and have one of the most stable relationships I've ever seen. Now, I'll take me and my ex boyfriend. We were like carbon copies of each other. Every aspect of our lifestyles, childhoods, personalities, attitudes, etc. were nearly identical. And you know what? I started to feel suffocated and bored in that relationship, because it was like dating myself... I had no opportunities to grow or improve myself. And of course, we broke up. It sounds like you have really great communication with this girl. Trust me--phone conversations like the ones you describe do NOT happen very often, only with someone you absolutely "click" with. It's rare to find a person like that. And from a girl's perspective, I'll tell you right now, it is such a turn-on to find a guy you can have long phone convos with and feel so connected to. The WORST thing is talking to a guy where 95% of the conversation is silence, and you just can't seem to find anything to talk about. It seems like the two of you have a lot to teach each other. She is probably drawn to your humbleness and practical nature--maybe that's something she lacks in her life. And since she is more outgoing, that helps draw you out of your shell. The only worries about your differences would be things like: your views on marriage, children, ethics, morals, education, religion, etc. because they play bigger roles in long term relationships. If the two of you strongly disagree on any of those things, there could be trouble down the road. But it sounds like your differences are mostly surface-level, and perhaps you do agree with each other on the "big issues." And since it's a new relationship, that stuff won't come up until much later anyway. I know it's hard to overcome insecurities, but from what you described, you certainly have a lot to offer her. Trust me on that. You might not be able to see it, but she does--that's why she's choosing you over all the other guys out there.
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