Touche Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Grateful, you made some EXCELLENT points. But let me address a few of them. No, as far as I'm concerned it doesn't impact on the quality of my relationship advice at all. I've been with my husband for TWELVE YEARS. We have a very good relationship. So right there I have something to contribute. How many of us can say tht much? Secondly, I have a relationship, a good one at that, with my husband's ex-wife and with my stepson. Again, how many can claim that much? I have a relationship with my son and one with my mother (that one can be volatile at times though). So my point is that although I don't have friends all over the place, only acquaintances, I have quality relationships. Those are the MAIN relationships in my real life and all I could want or need. As far as friendships, now THAT'S what I was referring to. That's where I prefer my friendships to be on line. I SO agree with you that some things ARE better the old-fashioned way, most things in fact, but for me this isn't one area. It's just a preference...kind of like preferring chocolate over vanilla. It's still a flavor just a different kind of flavor. I accept my limitations and I'm willing to try to change and grow in some areas of my life...but this is just not one of them. I've tried and people do seem to want to be around me. But unfortunately, they want to be around me more than I want to be around them. And this causes hurt feelings. My neighbor is a perfect example of that. She invites over all the time and more often than not I don't accept. She's constantly asking me if I'm mad at her. I've tried to explain this to her. That it's nothing personal but I'm not social creature by nature. I can't change my nature and I don't want to either..not in this regard anyway. I'm too old to get out of my comfort zone in this matter anymore. The internet is a PERFECT social outlet for me.
filiasan Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I feel much the same way. My disabilities keep me from making friends when I can. Not that those opportunities come fast. Not having a job or any engagements outside of my home keeps me from getting in on it. I'm pretty lonely. While I do have friends IRL, I only see them once a month or less. They're more like acquiantances. I have ataxia and autism and a dissociative disorder, but if I could choose one thing I could change for the better it would be my social ineptitude. I don't know how to talk to people. But I know that a great deal of it comes from my social anxiety. I've always been this way. Even when I was a toddler, I was an anxious girl. I'm trying to improve myself but it's hard on my own. I wish my sister would help me more. But she spaces out so often. While she can moderately understand why I feel this way, she just can't understand the FEELINGS I have. What's worse is that she doesn't want to "deal with it". I know that I continue to be a burden. She wants me to improve my attitude, but I can't do it alone. I'm honestly falling apart, not only emotionally but MORESO mentally. I'm worried for my sanity--well, what's left of it anyway. If I had more courage, I could walk up to my neighbors' doors and start ringing those bells. But every time I try, I'm reminded of how all my first impressions turn out badly.
Touche Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Aww..Filia, your post touched me. I know how you feel. I too have self-diagnosed my problem as "social anxiety." I don't know what to advise you on this as I've never really overcome it. I can only manage it and just accept my limitations in this area. And I too, have always had this issue. If it means anything at all to hear that you're not alone, well know that you're not. I've made some really nice friends on here too. I know LS isn't a geared really towards that, but it's been a nice by-product. I see that this is your first post so let me be the first to welcome you here. And it's great to meet another "social scaredy cat." Maybe we can be friends!
filiasan Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 To Tatara: I'm kind of the same. Other than my own sister, I have no RL friends. Well, I suppose I do have acquaintances. I don't really count people I see less than once a month. My time of the year for friends is in early November, at Nekocon. But after that's over I am (generally) back to lonely, shy me. Oh, but you are a shoujo fan. I am too! I love Hana-Kimi, but now I'm starting to really get into new ones, like Beauty Pop, and Nana (that one, my sister hates, but I love). I guess I live in shoujo-land. It might be why I don't have friends. I'm a bit of an eccentric. People think of me as (either) interesting and/or irritating. To everyone, I'm just plain odd.
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