quietintrovertgirl Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Am i the only person on this board who doesn't have any offline friends right now?Do you go from home,work and internet?
phyrespryte Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 i used to be like that. not fun. what's your story? how did you end up like that? i got addicted to icq and for a whole year i couldn't get away from my computer.
TheSilentType Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 This is the bad thing about the Internet. It allows people to develop these poor substitutes for real life friendships known as "online friendships." These people just sit behind their computer and type away, instead of building the social skills needed to interact with people in everyday life. You are probably a shy girl with little self confidence. You need to immerse yourself more in everyday activities and spend less time communicating with people on the Internet. Make a list of your hobbies or what you really enjoy doing, and try to join organizations that revolve around your interests. Find some good, sympathetic people to befriend, and they will help you break out of your introverted shell and feel better about yourself. If you don't make an effort, you will forever be condemned to online friends. You will become complacent with this type of friendship because it is easy and because you have more control over it. But in the end, you will have no one to go to the movies with you....no one to go the beach with you....no one to share a joke with and hear their laughter.
Author quietintrovertgirl Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 My story is i'm a 36 year old introvert female.I never had any true adult friends or a boyfriend. I don['t have low confidence.It's hard for me to create friendship and men aren't interested in me period.That's my story.
Tatara Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Am i the only person on this board who doesn't have any offline friends right now?Do you go from home,work and internet? Other then my husband I have no offline friends myself. I'm trying to work on it though. It isn't easy, as I have been this way for a long long time.
phyrespryte Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 My story is i'm a 36 year old introvert female.I never had any true adult friends or a boyfriend. I don['t have low confidence.It's hard for me to create friendship and men aren't interested in me period.That's my story. Wow. Have you tried online dating sites? One of my closest friends i met through there. And I know he's met a lot of other friends through there. Or you could try myspace. I know it might sound lame since mostly teenagers use it, but it's free and there are actually quite a few older people that use it. It's great for finding old friends and meeting new people in your area. And TheSilentType had some really good advice about joining clubs. That's worth a try. Well if you want to have offline friends. I'm just assuming that's what you're looking for.
Jizzosh Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Hmm, that's awkward. I didn't know there were people who had 'no' friends out there. You go to work, right? Since you mentioned it. Try striking up conversation there. If not, find another job. I know how hard it can be trying to talk more when you've been quiet all your life, it's kinda awkward. If that fails, then figure out your hobbies and look around where you live to see if there are any places where you can go for that sort of thing.
Guest Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 My story is i'm a 36 year old introvert female.I never had any true adult friends or a boyfriend. I don['t have low confidence.It's hard for me to create friendship and men aren't interested in me period.That's my story. I understand. I am a 40 year old introverted female who has a hard time making friends. I have not been blessed with great social skills, but what I was blessed with was curiosity. I took a bartending / waitressing job once, out of curiosity, and treated it as a social anthropology project. I got to know a lot of people who were quite different from me. It took me about two years of working there, but eventually everyone there grew to like me. I guess I am an 'aquired taste'! LOL The thing of it is, working in a job that forced me to interact with people, as uncomfortable as it was sometimes, did teach me a lot of things. I learned a lot of social cues and learned that even if I am an oddball, over time many many people will learn to like my personality. It gave me a real boost of confidence. I am not saying you have to go out and waitress. But maybe you can find an outlet (volunteering?) that will expose you to more people and more real life experiences.
Green Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Very interesting sounds a little tragic. Good news is theres tons of people out there to make friends with. heck I made friends with a guy who doesnt speek a lick of english at work. Any ways what the Bartender lady said is true if you put yourself in a situation where you have to be social with people such as voulenteering and you stick it out people just start to like you, you'll get invited to things heck try to throw the get togather yourself and invite them , tell them you have no friends if you feel like it might work to your favor.
norajane Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Volunteering is an excellent way to meet nice people who support the same causes that you do. I used to volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter - the only requirement is you have to be able be there on the days you say you'll be there. They are the nicest people (even though they prefer animals to people most of the time ). Another option is to get a dog - you meet tons of people while at the dog park, and it so easy to strike up conversations! Besides, dogs are all about love and they're always so damned happy to see you, so you'll be less lonely, too. If you're not a pet person, try something like Habitat for Humanity, or Friends of the Parks. There are a lot of great volunteering options out there and they all need more volunteers.
Author quietintrovertgirl Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 I'm getting ready to try board game events later this month.
the_alchemyst Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 It allows people to develop these poor substitutes for real life friendships known as "online friendships." I disagree. Online friendships are different from "real life" friendships, but just because they are different doesn't make them "poor substitutes." They both have different things to offer, and you just have to know where to go when you're looking for something specific. My story is i'm a 36 year old introvert female.I never had any true adult friends or a boyfriend. I don['t have low confidence.It's hard for me to create friendship and men aren't interested in me period.That's my story. Come a few years, I'll be posting the same thing. Anyway, I have "friends"--I know a bunch of people, some from back in the HS days and some from college. They call every now and then for whatever reason, and sometimes, though not often, I'll go hang out with them. As far as real friends, erm, I'm not sure right now. I don't think I have any. Maybe two, but it's all really iffy at the moment. So, I come home from school to an empty and tiny studio, take a nap, eat, clean up whatever's messy, do HW, shower, and go back to sleep. WOW. Oh, I have wireless internet, thanks to the exbf, so my laptop is always online, hence why I seem to post all the time. But your locations . . . surely you can find someone to talk to and befriend around here. There's all you need. You just have to want to do it. Unless you're me.
TheSilentType Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I disagree. Online friendships are different from "real life" friendships, but just because they are different doesn't make them "poor substitutes." They both have different things to offer, and you just have to know where to go when you're looking for something specific. Yes they are different...obviously. But there's no doubt they are poor substitutes. You can't possibly tell me that sitting behind a stupid monitor "talking" (i.e. typing) with some stranger beats a night out with friends. Only introverted people would prefer to have human interaction mediated by way of a computer than in person.... Your second paragraph is vague....what do you mean they both have something to offer? IRL friendships offer everything that an online friendship can, if not substantially more.
Touche Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I have to disagree there. As an introvert myself, I actually PREFER on line friendships. Friendships IRL require too much of me. I like a friendship that's on MY terms and you just can't have that IRL..you piss people off that way. On line friendships are much more geared towards my style of "when I'm in the mood." But that's just me. Not saying that's healthy but I just don't need a lot of people in my real life. I have all I need with my husband and son and, to a lesser extent, my mother. I find that in real life, other people demand more than I'm willing to give.
TheSilentType Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I'm an introverted person myself, but I'll always prefer real life friendship to online "friendship." I'd rather make the effort to build up my social skills and make friends in everyday life because the rewards are more...I have no memories of what I do online, but I distinctly remember outings with my friends. In the end, that kind of stuff matters more to me...
RecordProducer Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 This is the bad thing about the Internet. This is the GOOD thing about internet. We have more friends that we like thanks to it. My story is: I don't click with women too often. If I met someone I thought could be my friend, the circumstances were such that we didn't develop anything further than an interesting conversation once or here and there. Although I am always kind and nice with people, sometimes open, sometimes reserved, they just don't seem to be much interested in associating with ME. I also can't say I've met too many women I would associate with. As for men, it always starts and ends up in the same way. We become friends and after one week or one conversation they make advances, I let them know in a nice way that I am not interested or they figure it out themselves, and they start ignoring me. ALWAYS the same story. They even get mad at me for no reeason. I just moved to the US 7 months ago so I still don't have any friends IRL, except my mother-in-law who is 70. My sister-in-law and I started a friendship at the beginning, just for me to discover that she's a great hypocrite and gossiped against me everywhere. And I wondered why all of her friends demonstratively ignored me! Now we're enemies. How cute, I have no fiends yet, but I have enemies. My father-in-law's wife also doesn't speak to me because of the SIL. I personally find the information we get to hear from the source directly here on Loveshack much more valuable than gossips between friends. I don't need to hear about somebody's co-worker who gives her child junk food when I can hear the most amazing true life stories on this web site. And I get to comment and help and ask for details. Internet is a blessing, if you ask me.
Touche Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I know what you're saying Silent Type but at this age, I'm not at all interested in developing any further whatever social skills I DO have. They are what they are and I accept myself the way I am. Outings I guess are nice but I'm just not that interested. I do however, remember my on line times, great conversations, etc. And RP, I totally agree with you. And funny but like you, I've always had trouble making friends with women. I can count on ONE hand the female friends I've had/have in real life. For me, like you, the internet IS a blessing (most of the time anyway).
PuppyDogEyes Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Some of my closest friends are those that I met on a local bulletin board system back in the early 1990's - yes, pre-Internet. In other words... online. Those friendships persist to this day. I go out and see them, yes, but I talk to them, and of course to other people - where else, online. Online friendships are not by any means "poor substitutes" for in-the-real. Without that bulletin board system where I met them, several relationships that I have (now dating back 15+ years) wouldn't exist. My life is all the richer for knowing them. I'm with Touche and RP on this. I'm not a natural extrovert by any means, and I've had a great deal of difficulty in making "real" friendships because of my background and my own situation. "Meeting" people online suits me. I can pick and choose whom I speak with, I can end things at any time with no hassle if it "goes bad", and often I have a much closer bond with people who have taken the time to know what's in my *head*, instead of what they think they see. If I meet them in the real, all well and good, I'd love that. If not, I'm content to leave it as it is.
Touche Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Puppy, VERY well articulated. Exactly my thoughts too. And yes, I remember the pre-internet days too (god, I'm SUCH a nerd!)
blind_otter Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I'm not trying to argue or make anyone else look "wrong", OK? Online friendships are not by any means "poor substitutes" for in-the-real. It seems like this system has worked out well for you, but I would disagree with this statement because there are individuals out there with severe social anxiety who use the internet as a crutch to avoid interacting with people IRL. In which case, yes, their online relationships are poor substitutes and are used much in the same way an addict might use any drug to ignore their very real and persistent personal emotional issues that need attending-to. The issue, as always, is whether practicing this type of interaction consistently causes some sort of emotional discomfort, or results in difficulties in the individual's life. If not, hooray. If so, stop and think.
TheSilentType Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I know what you're saying Silent Type but at this age, I'm not at all interested in developing any further whatever social skills I DO have. They are what they are and I accept myself the way I am. I can understand your stance Touche. But personally, its important for me to build up my social skills and interact with people on a direct, personal level. Plus, I feel making friends in real life has a somewhat affirmating effect, and can help build-up self confidence and how you deal with people in general. So though the Internet does provide a means to fraterenize with others that may be satisfying to some, it will never be my primary mode of interaction with other people.
Touche Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I can understand your stance Touche. But personally, its important for me to build up my social skills and interact with people on a direct, personal level. Plus, I feel making friends in real life has a somewhat affirmating effect, and can help build-up self confidence and how you deal with people in general. So though the Internet does provide a means to fraterenize with others that may be satisfying to some, it will never be my primary mode of interaction with other people. Believe me I understand. Your way I'm sure is a healthier approach. I just can't help the way I am. I actually WISH I were more like you are but I'm not and I never will be and I don't even try to be anymore.
RecordProducer Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 IRL friendships offer everything that an online friendship can, if not substantially more.You will never be so open and discover so much about the IRL friends as you can with your online friends. None of my RL friends knows so many things about me. And they never will. Only my parents and husband know all. The negative side is that you don't get to hang out in person, go places together, play games, party, etc.
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 It is hard now-a-days. So much of our contact both at work and at home is over the phone and internet.
grateful Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Friendships IRL require too much of me. I like a friendship that's on MY terms and you just can't have that IRL..you piss people off that way. On line friendships are much more geared towards my style of "when I'm in the mood." I'm not trying to pick on you, Touche, and I've seen that this conversation has moved past this quote however I think it sums up exactly what I see as the danger of having online friendships in place of real life friendships. By your description, real life friendships challenge us, force us into being in the mood even if we are not, and require us to give a part of ourselves. These seem to me to be important aspects of being human and living in a social world. We don't always get to have it on our terms. That's an important lesson for our children as well - - they should learn to negotiate, compromise, and wait their turn. The internet is like any other media; it caters to the human tendency to want things quicker and easier. Not only can you order a set of china for your house without leaving your kitchen, you can create friendships without the hard work of meeting people IRL. Some things are still better the old fashioned way. And on an ironic side note - - if most or many of the people on LS don't have platonic relationships IRL, does that lessen the quality of the relationship advice on this relationship-focused website?
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