robkris8079 Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Well my wife woke up one morning and decided to just throw her whole life away. Long story short she got feelings for someone else. Told me she didn't have feelings for me. Acted on her feelings for the someone else. And then she left. By the way all this went on while our daughter was in the hospital with an undiagnosed illness. Now I live in the house alone with our daughter who just turned 1. In our relationship my wife always did more with the baby and I did everything else (cook, clean, etc...). That's not to say I didn't help with the baby. We always gave her a bath as a family. I always got her ready for bed and my wife always got her ready for daycare in the morning. My wife isn't totally neglecting the baby. I am not saying that. She see's her on wednesday and weekends. But she definately isn't going to win any mother of the year awards the way she acts now. She was definately deserving of that award the first 11 months of our daughters life though. My wife gets three days a week and she is always trying to bring her back home early. When I suggested giving her the weekends her first words to me was "not every weekend". I am so frustrated!!! She says she wants more time with the baby then brings her back earlier than we discussed. I suggested the visitation schedule because I felt it was better for the baby to be on a routine. I don't want to change her life around any more than it has. But my real reason for this post is do I know what the hell I am doing? I am 25 years old and raising a 1 year old daughter. I get help from family and friends but I need to be sure I can do it. Is there any pointers anyone can give me? Any help is appreciated. Thanks!
bluechocolate Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Have you two decided that this marriage is definitely over? If so, you should look into formalising issues of custody & contact. But my real reason for this post is do I know what the hell I am doing? Probably as much as most first time parents do. Sorry, I can't help on the raising a kid bit, but my parents by the time they were 23 had 3 boys & both worked full-time. They seemed to do alright (though I can't really speak for my brothers!).
quankanne Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 RK, just being this concerned about your little one helps us see that you're a good daddy, even if you feel the need for good advice in raising her. Talk to other parents at her daycare, at your church, at work, among your friends and your parents friends – really, anyone who you admire for doing a good job with their own kids. A lot of it will prolly be common sense, but it's like finding a treasure trove coming from people you respect. In the meantime, maybe check to see if your community has a Parents Anonymous program to help you with tricks of the trade, so to speak. It's also a good resource in getting you connected with other folks going through similar situations and you don't have to feel so alone. hugs, quank
Author robkris8079 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 I didn't decide anything was over. She did that. Before she had an affair I asked her if she wanted to talk to someone (psychiatrist). I also asked her to talk to me. When that didn't work and she asked for time alone for her and the baby, I gracefully left. Then she moved her girlfriend into our house a day later. This girl friend left her house because her boy friend beat her. I don't need any man coming to my house where my daughter lives with a temper like that. Don't feel to bad for this friend either because she has a child and man at home but is constantly meeting people on the internet and spending weekends away with them. I also found out that she has been trying to get my wife to cheat on me for months. Though no one deserves to be beaten if you had to pick one it would be her. So I drove back up to my house and calmly explained to my wife that her friend can not stay there. She agreed with me. Then my wife proceeds to tell me she needs a break. So bacically she needs a break from being on a break already. This time she left the house and since I was there with the baby she drove 3 hours away to meet the other guy. She slept with him that night. I asked her again that day if she wanted to work on things. I even asked her not to leave that day. Some good that did. Sorry to go on about other stuff. The real reason for this post is my daughter. Thanks for all the info and I am sure I will use most of it. As well as continue to seek advice here..
Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 She's done with you brother. Accept it quickly so you can use her affair to your advantage. Give her enough rope to hang herself. Don't make her take care of the baby. Let her be as neglectful and irresponsible as her twisted mind will take her. You just keep written notes. Take your opportunity to get custody, child support, and drive her cheating a$$ into the dirt. Use a lawyer to make sure everything is well written and in your favor. If you don't and make the same mistake's I did, you will regret it years down the road. Namely, trying to be nicey-nice and get the estranged spouse to take responsibility. That, and trying not to make any waves. Even if you get custody to begin with, mothers have a good chance of getting it back, especially if they're married again and you aren't. As a father, you need to stack the deck in your favor from the start. Unless you LIKE getting walked on for a few years only to have custody taken away when you start making demands for adequate support or want to get remarried and move.
audmc911 Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Go to therapy and bring your daughter to play therapy. It will be quite helpful. You sound very strong and will do a bang up job as a single dad. As a single mother of a 15 year old since she was 2, I find your wife's behaviour unacceptable and incomprehensible. There is something missing there for her to behave that way toward her daughter. Accept that you cannot change someone and focus on yourself and your daughter. They don't come with instruction manuals, but I can tell you that 1 hour a day of playing with her with a doll house, kitchen, etc., putting her in the tub, reading her a bedtime story - is all you need to do now and she will be fine. As an aside, your wife may be suffering from depression.
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