Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Ok some of you might find this odd that I did this, but I wanted to see for myself. There has been some questions in my marraige about wheather or not my husband has ever cheated. I have often wondered if he has. He belongs to a website/forum about things he is interested in. They also have fourums where you can chat or talk about whatever. I signed up to the site he is a memeber of. Its mostly guys. So I signed up as a guy. I did NOT do this on our home computer. I joined and hung out asking questions about things just like some of the others did. Well after about a week or so of being on there, I did a poll but in PMS, about cheating. I sent out some PMs to people about 8 maybe and asked the question how many men would admit to cheating or have thought about cheating on their wives or g/f's. I explained I PMed people with that question incase some felt embarrassed. They didn't seem to have a problem with it. I got responses from 7 people out of the 8. The one person who did not reply back was my husband. Now its possible he might know its me thats this "new guy" on there, but since I didn't sign up on our computer or check it from our home computer not sure how. Its been like 5 days since I sent that PM and he has been on there and checked his messages becasue I have seen it. So its not like he didn't get the PM or see it etc. He is just not answering the question. I'm not sure what this is telling me. Maybe he feels hey look dude its none of your business or what. Maybe thats it, but I didn't get a reply like that from anyone else, they all seeemed to copperate but for some reason my husband has yet to answer that question.
Ripples Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I can only assume that either you, your husband or both of you are unhappy in your relationship. Instead of trying to dig around for something that may or may not be true, and by dwelling on it, make it an issue, why don't you work on your marriage, express your fears to your husband, tell him how you'd like him to reassure you? Why don't you stay off the net dreaming up things that only serve to make you focus on negativity and thus bring negativity to your relationship.
bluechocolate Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 He is just not answering the question. And quite right too. I wouldn't anwer a question like that from a nameless faceless stranger trolling on the internet. Maybe the other guys answered because they sussed you out as a woman & think you're wanting to fool around with an attached guy. Jeez, if I was your husband & found out you'd done this I'd be royally pissed off! Why don't you stay off the net dreaming up things that only serve to make you focus on negativity and thus bring negativity to your relationship.
PandorasBox Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Personally I'm not going to flame you for the choice you made to PM him asking that question, because alot of times people will go to great lengths to find out what may or may not be going on when they can not get a clear cut answer for things. You PMing him and asking that question is no different really than anyone else on here or anywhere else that have gone about finding things out in a different way. However, not knowing your whole story here, I don't know how long you all have had problems, or how long you have suspected something etc. I don't know if he is giving you reason or not. So maybe if you could share some more insight on the reltionship as a whole I might be better equiped to answer. I'm not sure though why he hasn't answered you. I will say its odd that others answred your PM on that site but he was one of the ones who didn't. Maybe he thought it was odd or none of your business, or maybe he didn't want to share with a stranger what he may or may have not done.
JackJack Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Why don't you stay off the net dreaming up things that only serve to make you focus on negativity and thus bring negativity to your relationship. First off, this was probably uncalled and not helpful since she did come here for help and we don't know the whole situation. You have no clue if she is "dreaming" something up or not. I do agree it might not have been the best thing in the world to do, but as another said, people will do different things in different situations in order to get an answer. No one can tell you WHY your husband didn't answer your question. But I do think counseling might need to be checked out if it hasn't been already. Theres obvioulsy a reason for why you feel the way you do.
Ripples Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 First off, this was probably uncalled and not helpful since she did come here for help and we don't know the whole situation. You have no clue if she is "dreaming" something up or not. Hmmm, maybe. To the OP - sorry if it was. It does seem to be quite a common thing to do, however. To imagine the worst, to dream up stuff with no real evidence. I've done it myself Just seems, in cases like that, the best thing to do is stop looking for evidence and concentrate on the issue behind the supposed action. Know what I mean?
bluechocolate Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I think it good policy on an opinion based forum such as this to offer your own advice & opinion rather that critique someone else's. It is up to the OP to sift through & pick & choose whichever is appropriate to their situation. The OP only claimed her suspicions based on something as vague as, "I have often wondered if he has." That is all we have to go on. If more information is forth coming then opinions may change. btw - Ripples I agree with you, which is why I quoted you in my post.
JackJack Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Hmmm, maybe. To the OP - sorry if it was. It does seem to be quite a common thing to do, however. To imagine the worst, to dream up stuff with no real evidence. I've done it myself Just seems, in cases like that, the best thing to do is stop looking for evidence and concentrate on the issue behind the supposed action. Know what I mean? Yes I know what you mean. Thats my point though, we don't the whole story, she only gave bits and pieces. So while it might be human nature to assume we know what it is someone is doing/thinking/seeking etc, thats not always the case. So hopefully the OP will come back and explain more.
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Why don't you stay off the net dreaming up things that only serve to make you focus on negativity and thus bring negativity to your relationship. First off, this was probably uncalled and not helpful since she did come here for help and we don't know the whole situation. You have no clue if she is "dreaming" something up or not. I do agree it might not have been the best thing in the world to do, but as another said, people will do different things in different situations in order to get an answer. No one can tell you WHY your husband didn't answer your question. But I do think counseling might need to be checked out if it hasn't been already. Theres obvioulsy a reason for why you feel the way you do. I guess I was vague in my story and I'm sorry about that. LIttle more background info. We have been married for 15 years and have 2 kids. I will not go into full detail for it would take forever. But yes I have wondered, based on the fact over the years things have not added up. Phone calls from women, hang ups. Not knowing whose number was called or received. Drinking heavily, taking things out out on me. Accussing me of things I never did or said. Telling me to ell my b/f hello, when I don't even have a b/f.Sending a female co-worker dirty pics etc. Have we talked about this? Yes forever. Have we gone to counseling, I have, he hasn't, he says theres nothing wrong. He is one of these types it takes pulling his teeth just to get an answer and even then its not always reassuring, even he is not convinced his answer is truthful. I may have not gone about it the best way, I agree. I also agree with those of you who said sometimes people will do or try whatever it takes to get an answer if they seem to not be getting one. In my case, I wasn't getting a real answer. His actions did not match his words. Its no different than hiring a PI to get info or a woman meeting her suspected cheating husband in a motel to bust him etc. So I have no clue why he didn't answer that PM but its ok cuz maybe him not answering it, is all I need right now. Ripples, thanks for the input, but no I didn't dream anything up. But thanks for assuming. If my OP was vague or not, its not always good to assume anything.
Ripples Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Ripples, thanks for the input, but no I didn't dream anything up. But thanks for assuming. If my OP was vague or not, its not always good to assume anything. Ooo! You thought I was a mind reader, cool! I can see my apology didn't mean much either... hmmm, I guess I won't bother in future
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