Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't think an OW could ever have been cheated on by a husband or fiancee or even a long-term significant boyfriend. I don't think OW's have any idea what that pain feels like. If they'd ever had their life and heart ripped apart like that, they couldn't possibly choose to get involved with a MM...could they? I hope every OW out there gets a chance feel it for herself. I hope every OW one day knows exactly what if feels like to be betrayed by her husband, the man she loves and trusts most deeply. I hope every OW gets to feel the deep, visceral scream that wells up from the depths of her soul and gets caught in her throat and chokes her when she thinks of what her husband did sexually with some other OW. I hope every OW has the opportunity to stand in the BS's shoes and feel all the betrayal, up close and personal, from the inside out, one day.
LakesideDream Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Wives cheat on husbands too. Do you wish the same for them?
Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Wives cheat on husbands too. Do you wish the same for them? Yes. Cheating wives, cheating husbands, OM's, OW's. All of them should know what it feels like to take what they dished out.
Adunaphel Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 If they'd ever had their life and heart ripped apart like that, they couldn't possibly choose to get involved with a MM...could they? It think it happens relatively often, and that patterns of thoughts along the line of "Nobody gave a damn about hurting me, why should I be the only one to renounce a few moments of happiness when no one cared about my feelings?" are quite common in such cases.
Ripples Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I'm guessing you're a recently BS? I hope you get the support you need.
stoopid_guy Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Guest, whe someone cheats, they know it's "wrong." The other woman knows it's "wrong" (assuming she knows he's married.) People do things they know is "wrong" all the time. Why? Because they think the rewards outweigh the risks/wrongness. I'd guess a former BS is as likely to be an OW (or OM) as anyone else is.
justice Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Thank you for posting this. I know those feelings you are talking about even though I've never been an OW. I wish spouses and other persons would just really sit down and think before they go full tilt into something that will destroy not only their lives but the lives of so many others.
Tatara Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I hope every OW gets to feel the deep, visceral scream that wells up from the depths of her soul and gets caught in her throat and chokes her. Have you read the OW/OM forums? they do. Then there are OW like saf who make all OW look vicious people who *want* these type of painful moments and heartbreaks. When I first started to read these forums, even as not being a BS I thought much like you about the OW/OM. I wonder if I just got a better look at things by reading or if reading these forums too much is desensitizing me to these things. Its the MM/MW that seem to be the ones causing the pain, they know it too, they feel guilt in the very much the same way you feel this pain. No matter what MM/MW tells you and feeds you that makes you want to beleive the fault is all on the OM/OW, normally that blame-shifting is just to save you the pain and steer your anger and hatred towards them instead of towards the spouse. They can get it off their chest that way and not hurt you to the fullest extent (they don't want to hurt their BS, no one is truely that evil). I'm sorry for the pain you have felt. I can tell by the description you used that it is quite intense. I don't mean to be rationalizing anyones actions in my post but I do hope that your anger subsides soon and you can heal the tears in your heart.
lilacmist Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 My husband's OW was the BS once... So was my H's OW. It think it happens relatively often, and that patterns of thoughts along the line of "Nobody gave a damn about hurting me, why should I be the only one to renounce a few moments of happiness when no one cared about my feelings?" are quite common in such cases. Hence why I fell into the role of OW, some years ago! For some reason or other, I've always been the victim of cheating men!! Men who have cheated on me and who have walked out on me for another woman. More recently, my ex husband betrayed me and walked out on me for the OW also. I have since been the OW of an old flame of mine who is married. Why did I do it this time around and knowing as a BS, of the heartache involved. Simple!! Because the woman my old flame married, took him away from me and she didn't give a thought to my feelings back then and the heartache I was going through!! So why should I give a hoot about her feelings?
Mz. Pixie Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't think an OW could ever have been cheated on by a husband or fiancee or even a long-term significant boyfriend. I don't think OW's have any idea what that pain feels like. If they'd ever had their life and heart ripped apart like that, they couldn't possibly choose to get involved with a MM...could they? I hope every OW out there gets a chance feel it for herself. I hope every OW one day knows exactly what if feels like to be betrayed by her husband, the man she loves and trusts most deeply. I hope every OW gets to feel the deep, visceral scream that wells up from the depths of her soul and gets caught in her throat and chokes her when she thinks of what her husband did sexually with some other OW. I hope every OW has the opportunity to stand in the BS's shoes and feel all the betrayal, up close and personal, from the inside out, one day. You have alot of anger directed at the OW and I understand that. But, she didn't make vows to you- even though I'm sure she knows it was wrong. Your H is the one who made vows to you and he should be the one that's accountable to you. Sometimes the OW and the BS are both the victims- of the lying spouse. Because he or she is lying to both of them. He's telling the wife nothings going on and he's telling the OW that he's not having sex with his wife- he's not happy at home (which is true in some ways) and that he's thinking of leaving or he's just there for the kids. He's singing a sob story and the OW is wrong for falling for it, yes, but it's not all entirely her fault. Sometimes OW pursue the MM but sometimes he pursues them as well. He needs to step up and take responsibility for what he's done and quit blaming his actions on OW. I hope you're getting the counseling that you seriously need. I'm sorry you're in so much pain as well.
The slayer Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't think an OW could ever have been cheated on by a husband or fiancee or even a long-term significant boyfriend. I don't think OW's have any idea what that pain feels like. If they'd ever had their life and heart ripped apart like that, they couldn't possibly choose to get involved with a MM...could they? I hope every OW out there gets a chance feel it for herself. I hope every OW one day knows exactly what if feels like to be betrayed by her husband, the man she loves and trusts most deeply. I hope every OW gets to feel the deep, visceral scream that wells up from the depths of her soul and gets caught in her throat and chokes her when she thinks of what her husband did sexually with some other OW. I hope every OW has the opportunity to stand in the BS's shoes and feel all the betrayal, up close and personal, from the inside out, one day. I'm really sorry for your pain guest, I hope it starts to heal soon . I think if you did read some of the threads you discover that most of the OW do feel your pain and many have also walked in your shoes. I don't want to be disrespectful in anyway, but I have to say that reading your post makes me want to say, that I hope every BS who feels this level of anger and hostility towards an OW one day finds themselves deeply in love with a MM and then maybe they would understand
Mz. Pixie Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't want to be disrespectful in anyway, but I have to say that reading your post makes me want to say, that I hope every BS who feels this level of anger and hostility towards an OW one day finds themselves deeply in love with a MM and then maybe they would understand WOW slayer........
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 don't want to be disrespectful in anyway, but I have to say that reading your post makes me want to say, that I hope every BS who feels this level of anger and hostility towards an OW one day finds themselves deeply in love with a MM and then maybe they would understand But the difference is, the BS IS the BS - They are the ones who are married and being cheated upon. The OW/OM is the one who chooses to be the OW/OM in a MM/MWs life. (Excluding ofcourse if he/she didn't know he was married and then ended it.) But sadly most affairs are by choice. Noone holds a gun to someone's head and says "cheat!"
UnknowingOW Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't think an OW could ever have been cheated on by a husband or fiancee or even a long-term significant boyfriend. I don't think OW's have any idea what that pain feels like. If they'd ever had their life and heart ripped apart like that, they couldn't possibly choose to get involved with a MM...could they? I hope every OW out there gets a chance feel it for herself. I hope every OW one day knows exactly what if feels like to be betrayed by her husband, the man she loves and trusts most deeply. I hope every OW gets to feel the deep, visceral scream that wells up from the depths of her soul and gets caught in her throat and chokes her when she thinks of what her husband did sexually with some other OW. I hope every OW has the opportunity to stand in the BS's shoes and feel all the betrayal, up close and personal, from the inside out, one day. I was the BS and probably in a far worse situation then many of the typical BS's out there. But that was 8-years ago and I am divorced and doing fine on my own. As for becoming the OW; I became one unknowingly when my xMM; supposed friend for 5-years lied from the start and said he was divorced. Two men which I had loved deeply lied to me. So, you could say I've felt the pain and betrayal from men that lie. I've had my heart ripped out and gone through all the same emotions in both instances. I can tell you never live life blindly. Always trust your gut instinct. And when you make up your mind to leave, walk with your head high and start your life anew. It gets better with time. Good luck; Guest. I am sorry you are going through this, but not all OW's are what you think they are.
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