Maria33 Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I am new to dating and I am having a huge problem. I get so attached to the guy I like. I think about him all the time. I e-mail him to much. And, I eventually scare him away. This has only happened two times but it was only two guys! I think I am obsessive compulsive and I don't know what to do about it. Is there any way to help it or make it go away? I'm never going to have someone in my life again if I continue the way I am going. I finally had a date with a guy I met 2 weeks ago. I really felt a connection to him and I felt he was the same way. We had a great time. Then the next day, didn't hear from him. The next day I get a note saying he was sorry about how he acted. We made out on my couch. Big deal? I didn't feel bad about it, I thought we had fun. He now regrets it and won't even talk to me anymore. I called and asked what was wrong but didn't really get an explanation. That was yesterday morning. Haven't heard from him since then. I am devastated. I have cryed and cryed. I feel like it's all my fault, I pushed him away. After our date I wrote to him telling him I had fun and some other things. He wrote back that he had a great time too. Of course, I e-mailed several times from then to the next day. Then he totally backs off. I do know that he is dating several different women also. This also makes me feel hurt. What can I do to break this cycle I have? I'm afraid I'll never have a relationship with anyone at this rate!
westernxer Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 What can I do to break this cycle I have? Don't ask for his e-mail address.
jgaz3124 Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't know what to tell you as far as stop doing that but the truth is, is that it would scare anyone away doing that. Call a friend if you have to but really just keep yourself from doing that.
magichands Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I am new to dating and I am having a huge problem. I get so attached to the guy I like. I think about him all the time. I e-mail him to much. And, I eventually scare him away. This has only happened two times but it was only two guys! I think I am obsessive compulsive and I don't know what to do about it. Is there any way to help it or make it go away? I'm never going to have someone in my life again if I continue the way I am going. You are aware of your "problem" - if there really is a problem. That's not an easy thing to do - to reflect on your own behaviour - so good for you! If you feel that you are getting "obsessed", then how about channeling that into a journal?? (For your eyes only.) Write it out of your system. It might give you some perspective on your thought patterns - when you re-read it some time later. I finally had a date with a guy I met 2 weeks ago. I really felt a connection to him and I felt he was the same way. We had a great time. Then the next day, didn't hear from him. The next day I get a note saying he was sorry about how he acted. Be careful not to read too much into this. One person. One situation. It's disappointing, but one would be hoping that the note said "Thank you for a wonderful time", and not "Whoops!". Not everything is going to work out, but you hang in there. I'm afraid I'll never have a relationship with anyone at this rate! It's an easy thing to say, but try to relax and just be yourself. A bit of patience can go a long way (so you're a passionate person - is there really anything wrong with that??!!).
daphne Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 It sounds like you're just inexperienced and codependent. Pick up a few self help books. You really need to learn to make these guys earn it. You see them and think instant thoughts that they could make you happy and then you cling. That's unattractive in men and women. If you learn to really like yourself and be a bit more (well, a whole lot more in your case) aloof you have a better chance at keeping someone interested. But you really need to work on yourself first. You don't need anyone but you're acting like you do.
Author Maria33 Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 Thanks for all of the great ideas. I have been using some of them I just don't seem to do enought of it. I have been keeping a journal and I do call a friend when I feel like doing something I shouldn't. I waited two days, didn't e-mail him and then got a note from him that said "where did you go?" That made me feel good, he missed me! I know that he is interested. I just need to back off and let him make some moves. westernxer - you're right, but, the e-mail is how we met so I didn't really ask him for it. I have been trying to not fill his box with messages though. magichands - thanks for the supportive comments. I do have trouble being patient. I want everything now. Including someone to go and do things with. I do go places with my friends too though. daphne - thanks too. You're right I definately need to work on making myself a better person. I don't need to feel like I have to have someone to be happy in life. You're right too, that will chase a person away because you look so needy. I have been reading books too. A book on self-esteem, "Surrendered Single", and "why men love bitches". That is a good book that talks about how being needy and always available doesn't make you look attractive to a man. He would rather have someone more exciting. Any more ideas?
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