Deeko Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Okay, someone out there please help me and make this all make sense and help me with advice so I can move in the right direction and gain all this back. I feel like this is the most confusing thing I've ever been faced with. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. About a month ago, I don't know what happened, but doubts seemed to overtake my mind when in reality, things were going GREAT! I started wondering if he'd break up with me and how long we'd last and I basically got scared. So, in return I put up a huge wall and started telling myself I didn't need him and I tried acting like he was already gone just to avoid the hurt. I think I tricked my mind into believing that! I lost so much sleep, got sick, had panic attacks and up until yesterday realized thats not what I wanted. I even went as far as feeling distant when talking on the phone to him. I used to basically live with him (I was there more than at home) and have recently pulled away. I feel somewhat guilty for feeling this way, but today I've really worked on feeling better and more positive toward him. At one point of all this depression I thought I didn't love him but I know that's not it or I wouldn't be going through this. I do love him. How can I go about getting that feeling of love and hope back? I'd like some positive advice and to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. I have talked to him and told him basically what I'm going through and how I put this wall up so I don't get hurt and he reassures me that it'll all be fine and how he wants to have a life with me and can see a future for us. I don't know why I'm so insecure! Ahh!
Sally00 Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I can't say I know what it's like. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we're so happy and in love. I've been so hurt in the past... many times. And for once, I'm not pessimistic about this relationship at all. But I'm realistic at the same time. It's good that you realized that you can't be too optimistic about things. Anything can happen... Then again, don't be so pessimistic at the same time. Enjoy the moments... what you have. Be realistic. It was good that you told your boyfriend how you felt. It seems like there's a lot of love between you two. Don't stop the love from growing.. because apparently things were going great till you had a panic attack outta nowhere. Your boyfriend has reassured you things will be fine. So just know he's there for you. And remember... whatever happens, happens for a reason.
norajane Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Sounds like fear of intimacy. You did things to push him away when you guys were close, maybe getting closer, because you are afraid... It could be any number of things you're afraid of, like that he would leave you if he REALLY knew you, or maybe you were afraid of opening up even further to him (and ultimately getting hurt), maybe there's something you haven't told him about yourself and are afraid what would happen if you did, or you've had relationships that have ended when you became close?
lovestrucksweetie Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 You know what hun.....I think I may be doing the same thing you are.......but then again maybe not... I have a post today it's called What's it all mean? I am just as confused as you may be so I won't try to give you advice but good post..............
Author Deeko Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 You guys all have valid points and thanks for the advice! As for the one who said that she and her BF of 6 months (Sally 00 )have been doing well, that sounds exactly how I was until I had my moment of panic and then suddenly everything in my head changed. I hope you never have to go through what I have been going through because it's weird!! Also, all my other relationships have ended w/o me wanting so. I've always been told "Oh, lets be friends" or "I don't feel a connection anymore" and I guess that adds to the negativity when I don't know I should let the past control my future but it's hard when that's what I'm used to. I think I'm so used to hearing that, that out of fear I'll try and feel that toward him before he can feel it toward me, if that makes sense. He is such a great guy though and I can tell he's different from the other guys (plus, this is my longest relationship) in many different ways. It's just weird....maybe I'm just scared of getting TOO close although a month and a half ago, I didn't think I was!
brickaney Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I know exactly what you mean! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. I've encountered those feelings several times and at one point I forgot who I was completely. I'd just sit at home and watch t.v. and wait for him to come to my house or call me. I'd tell myself everyday all day that I was doing something wrong that made him not want to be with me. I finally got up the guts to talk to my friends and tell them everything. I was too scared to in the first place because I thought they'd tell me my relationship was unhealthy and that I would need to break up with him. Instead they reassured me that he was pushing away because he's a guy and they do that sometimes. My neediness and self-consciousness made me look very unattractive and annoying to him. I was just pushing him away even further. So I took my chances and started spending everyday I could with my friends, giving him space, and he started coming over, calling, and acting loving and close again. Those feelings still come up, I just talk to my girl friends about my fears, get reassurance and I'm fine again. You really just need encouragement from friends. If you feel like talking to someone about how insecure you are about the relationship then talk to a girl friend about it. It may freak your boyfriend out to hear you saying some things. It's necessary to be open in a relationship but it's not a crime to confront your fears with a friend instead. Just remember that men and women are different and your worries might not make sense to him so find a close woman friend that you can vent to until you're confident and secure enough for him to start showing you more and more how much he loves you.
Author Deeko Posted August 24, 2006 Author Posted August 24, 2006 Thanks for the advice, we sound alot alike! It's like I got tired of feeling insecure and worrying so much, so in turn, I just backed off so I didn't have to wonder or worry and tried changing my feelings. It's weird! It's starting to get better, but it's a long process! Thanks for the good advice though, good luck to you girl
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