Guest Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I met this man at the beginning of July through a friend. We established within 24 hours there was mutual attraction and our first date was the day after we met. We had so much in common in terms of the way we were raised and we are from the same city back on the other side of the world to where we are both living at the moment. We got along really well and in conversation realised our dads knew each other in the 1980s. He was so different to other men I have dated in the last few years but it was a refreshing change and I found him very entertaining. He seemed keen to see me again and a week later he called me. During that week I believe he was ending unfinished business with his ex girlfriend who had been nothing short of a psycho. She actually trashed his flat and slit her wrists when she heard about me. They dated for 16months and lived together. He and I met for lunch, 10 days after we met and the next night I was out meeting his friends and the night after that he tells me there is commitment there for a relationship if I want it. I told him there was no hurry and lets just see what happens. A day later he told me he thought I was 'the one'. He said at 29 and dating lots of girls, he just knows that I am 'the one.' I found it hard to believe he could know so quickly especially since he didnt really know me. We had only been out on 4 dates. But I didnt question it too much as it was feeling very different for me too. As the next month passed, he wanted me to meet all his friends and relatives and told me on a daily basis how great we were together, how we have a special magic between us. We spoke of the future as well and there seemed to be no doubt in his mind. I was the one who was slowly getting there and not as certain. I have been hurt before and I guess I was trying to protect myself too. In the last couple of weeks I had been more settled and everything had been going well. Everything just flowed and we got along like a house on fire without any major issues. Two weekends ago, it was his birthday and I met all the friends again and he said how proud he was of me talking to everyone and he told me again how he wants it to last forever with me and within 3 years we will be engaged and possibly married. I am almost 26 and he is 29. Out of the blue last Wed night, only a few days after his birthday, he told me he needed space to digest everything that has happened to him in the last 18months (being with the psycho to being with me with not much time in between). I know the ex has been in contact with him and has been trying to get his attention in any way she can. I have heard from his brother that she has even claimed she is pregnant but she has done it 3 times before and it is always a false alarm. I was stunned when he said he wanted to have a break - I cant understand how he could make so many big statements one day and within 3 days tell me it is over, at least for the time being. He spoke as though he would like to get back with me once he has sorted himself out but it really seems odd to me. He said I have done nothing wrong and I havent been putting any pressure on him. I have never been a big believe in having a break especially when we have been getting along so well and there doesnt appear to be any problem. I just dont know what to think? How can someone go from one extreme to another? I am not sure how to handle the 'lets go on a break topic'.
bluechocolate Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 How can someone go from one extreme to another? It has been my experience that people who are ready to jump right into a relationship in record time can jump right out of it just as quickly. Especially if there is unfinished business regarding an ex lurking in the background. Unfortunately it sounds like you were the rebound relationship. I have never been a big believer in having a break... Then don't start now. Make it final - end it. If you want to be available for a date sometime in the future then fine, but don't wait around for him.
Danamite Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 You have nothing invested in him. I would move on to less dramatic people. And that ex, please, I hear baggage....too much too soon...take it from me..I met a man similar to that, but no ex drama, way too fast, He took on the convincer role quickly after and I took on the resisting role...he had an agenda, and so does this guy. And he is using you as a rebound..move on girl! Be strong! Listen to your intuition
Outcast Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 It has been my experience that men who want to jump right into a relationship and start talking about commitment and marriage way too soon turn out to be unstable personalities. Be glad he's gone and RUN from the next one who does that.
sad-in-seattle Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 It sounds like fairy tale gone bad. It would had been romantic if all of it were true. That he did fall madly in-love with you within days. That he spoke of marriage within weeks to months. He is 29 years old - you would think that he knows what he's doing by then, but apparently not. His ex sounds like a pain in the arse. She slit her wrists??? That's pretty hardcore. You wonder why someone so sane would date someone so psycho for that long? He might have some attributes that would contribute to her mental instability. It all boils down to a couple main facts A) that he really does need time to figure things out and he doesn't want to ruin a good thing by him not really taking care of his unfinished business or B) somehow his ex did get to him (guilt, etc) or C) you were a rebound and he this was his way of making a break before thing got anymore serious. At any rate taking time apart sounds like the right move. Like the other people said.. don't take a "break" - just make a clean cut. Tell him to handle his business, but you aren't going to be on the back burner. Just let him know when he "figures" his life out to give you a call. That is if you still want to talk to him by then. I guess in this case you'll only find out what he has to offer in due time.
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