what do you do with her cat?

[robkris8079]

After 10 years of knowing her and 3 years of marriage my wife left me. Very suddenly and while our daughter was sick in the hospital with an undiagnosed illness. She just said she didn't love me anymore. Yes, there is another man. A man from her childhood. Yes, she ended up having an affair but I won't bore you people with a post that is just like all the rest. My real question is what do I do with her 17 year old cat. She left me, our 1 year old child (2 weeks after her birthday), our dog, and her cat. The cat refused to use the litter box and it is disgusting. We don't even use or furnish our family room because of this. My wife and I have talked about getting her checked out and put down if necassary in the past. I don't have the money now to get her checked out or put down. I have asked my wife to take the cat with her but she said she can't. She lives with her father right now and he always hated that cat and doesn't like pets in general. I honostly don't believe there is any chance for my wife and I but I don't want her to think I am doing anything spiteful. I do believe the cat is suffering. What are my options?

[norajane]

Veterinarians offer payment plans if you can't afford the entire fee for examination and services. She probably is having problems at that age and can't control herself...it's not her fault if she's disgusting, so please understand that.

 

And I'm terribly sorry about everything else you and your family are going through.

[robkris8079]

I don't think the cat is disgusting. Just what she does to my house. I know it's not her fault. But that still doen't help me. I have actually grown fond of the cat. Unfortunatly my wife wanted to take out an equity loan 2 months ago and because of this I am almost upside down on my investment. I would like to renovate the area she is in and get rid of the cat smell just incase I can't make ends meet. I really would hate to walk away from home ownership with nothing.

 

I guess I will contact some local vets and see about payment plans. Is there any way I can get them to bill her instead of me? Probably not the best plan though.

[KittenMoon]

If the cat is 17 and not eliminating properly, that's not a great sign. You should get the cat examined- it may be a treatable health thing, but the vet might also recommend putting the cat down. If you think the cat is suffering, consider putting it down. (How do you think it's suffering? Does it still eat and drink ok? Does it seem in physical pain? )

 

You could also consider a product called Feliway, a cat pheremone product. You can get it as a plug in or spray- they cat may have an anxiety issue (causing the poor elimination habits). Feliway could help calm it.

 

Talk to the vet- they will advise you on the best set of options for you. Most will do a payment plan as well.

 

Also- you can buy an enzyme cleaner at most pet stores to help get rid of the smell- regular cleaning products often won't do much with cat pee.

[dgiirl]

OMG, i feel so sorry for your cat (And your situation of course). But it's your wife's cat!! She should totally take responsbility for him I love my cat tremendously, and he was my cat before i ever met my exh. My exh was being an ass and he put it in our divorce papers as mine as if there was any doubt, but I'll always take care of my cat! Especially since this whole year he's totally been loyal to me and runs away from asshat lol

 

Do you want to keep the cat? If not, then I would simply be frank with your wife and tell her that she needs to take care of her cat and find a home for him, or atleast pay the expense of the cat while you take care of him. She cant just bail on a marriage and then expect everyone to accommodate to her wishes.

 

If you DO want to keep the cat, then I would tell her that either she pays for half the expenses of the cat, and you guys share custody, OR you will take care of it all, but that also means you're keeping the cat.

 

You dont sound like you are being spiteful. And asking someone to take care of their responsibilites is not being spiteful! Just tell her straight "I'm not being spiteful, but I cannot take care of your cat". Plus you have a daughter to take care off! And your daughter's health is more important. If the cat is not being sanitary, you have to get rid of him How is your daughter doing?

[robkris8079]

I believe the cat is suffering. She seems to eat and drink fine. She doesn't eat that much anymore but her drinking is either the same or increased. We use to call her FAT CAT because she was so plump. Now her skin seems to be hanging off of her. She always use to be really soft and clean and now she feels dirty. She moves very slowly and it takes her a long time to lay down or stand up. All she does is cry. I think the crying is from her being isolated down in the family room. The cat hasn't been to a vet in over 10 years and doesn't really like people other than the family at this point. I am even looking into getting rid of my dog because I just can't care for him the way he deserves. I can't afford the medical upkeep or anything for these animals.

 

I do not want to keep the cat. It was her cat from her childhood. I have told her several times to take the cat. I agreed to let her stay a little while but reassured my wife that she needs to find something to do with the cat. My wife always says " I have no where to put her and no money to bring her to the vet". I have thought about crating the cat and just bringing her to my wife but I don't really want any more agravation than I already have.

 

As far as my daughter I don't really know how she is doing. Like I stated when all this started she was hospitalized. Her fever spiked to 104 and she turned blue and was shaking. They never found out what was wrong with her and now she is on antibiotics for 1-1/2 months and has several appointments with specialists. They seem to think it was a UTI and she may have some form of abnormality in her bladder or kidney. As for how she is doing currently...Physically she seems pretty good except for a little cough. Mentally, she does things that make me cry for hours. Such as crying for her mom. She also seemed to get very attached to her female daycare provider since all of this. One other thing she does when ever her mother and I are together is kiss us both. She will kiss her mom then she has to walk (which she learned how to do while her mom was away) through the house to find me and kiss me. If my wife and I are in the same room my daughter will go back and forth until you stop her. It's very cute but since she never did it when her mom and I lived under the same roof it makes me sad. I told her pediatrician about my seperation just incase there was something to look out for. But she said at 1 years old there really isn't much. Thank you everyone for your input. I greatly appreciate it.

[hotgurl]

The poor cat sounds like she is really sick. Esp to have lost a lot of weight and not groom herself. My cat was the same we found out she had stomach cancer. She did eventually lose control of her bowels.

 

We had her put down.

[a4a]

The cat sound like it needs to be put to rest.

 

Call the vets explain that the cat is very old and is ailing and you need to put it to sleep but your financial situation is not good.

 

most humane societies/ private shelters will do this for you as well for free.

[superconductor]

I'll be clear about my personal bias right up front:

 

I do not like cats. Not one bit. It's not a phobia or anything like that, I just find them disgusting little creatures.

 

With that said, if it were a dog I'd give the same advice: It's had a good life and prolonging it at this point is both futile and pointless.

 

Depending where you are, a4a is right; some shelters will put the animal down very inexpensively. There's a higher fee if you want the ashes back (apparently they are good in burgers or meatloaf) but the actual euthanasia is pretty inexpensive and entirely painless.

[Guest]

Frankly, to leave her one year old child and all the pets and bills with you is selfish and heartless as hell. I have no use for this woman at all, and I don't even know her. Sounds like my ex-wife.

 

The scary thing is, after years, my ex managed to get back custody. Primarily, because I failed to cover my butt to make things easy for her. Once the first custody agreement is reached, all past dirt is null and void. If you don't get the dirty details into your first divorce decree, you'll never be able to use it against her again. The slate is wiped clean. Only new information is allowed.

[Outcast]

17 is pretty old for a kitty. If she's lost a ton of weight, she's sick for sure. Please take her to a vet right away - I'm sure the vet will confirm that the cat's at the end of her good life and it'll be all downhill from here When they're old and sick they need their people even more so this loss of the main caregiver will also be bothering her. Do what's kind and have her put down.

[josie54]

Your cat could very well have kidney disease--this is common in older cats Mine is 15 and has the very initial stages, so he's on low-protein cat food to control it so ithat he stays healthy and it doesn't get to the point where he's losing weight and unable to eliminate properly. Well, he doesn't eliminate properly anyway, but that's not because he's sick...it's because he hates my other cat!

 

first thing: Take kitty to a vet SCHOOL. Vets in training will work on your cat for free, for the practice. If you have a vet school anywhere in the vicinity, you'll get a vet student and a supervisor looking at your cat, no charge.

 

second thing: Rip up the carpet where your cat has gone. Just get rid of it. That's what I've done on one occasion because of my own onery cat. It's already making the room unlivable, so you might as well just take it down to the subfloor, even if you can't afford new carpet or flooring at this time. Just throw a few throw rugs down and live on the subfloor for a while. At least the smell will be gone.

 

third thing: Buy an enzyme cleaner like Nature's Miracle and treat the subfloor. You can try treating the carpet, but you'll rarely get it all, so the smell will remain. You can also use a mixture of water and white vinegar as a cheaper alternative. It will smell like vinegar for a while, but it's also a capable alternative to neutralizing the odor. Once the area is COMPLETELY dry, sprinkle some baking soda over it and let it sit for a few hours, then sweep or vacuum it up.

 

fourth thing: Yes, she should take care of her own cat. But if she doesn't, and the cat lives, some proper vet care (ask a vet for some financial consideration or get student vets) AND proper treatment of places she has soiled should make your life easier and help keep the poor cat from suffering.

 

fifth thing: If you simply cannot take care of the cat, please call a no-kill shelter or cat network in your area. If the cat can be helped with medicine, they may be able to take it and care for the poor thing.

 

As others have said, this isn't your fault and shouldn't be your responsibility. But given that you've been left with the cat, you do have a few alternatives to try.

[Gunny376]

After 10 years of knowing her and 3 years of marriage my wife left me. Very suddenly and while our daughter was sick in the hospital with an undiagnosed illness. She just said she didn't love me anymore. Yes, there is another man. A man from her childhood. Yes, she ended up having an affair

 

My real question is what do I do with her 17 year old cat. She left me, our 1 year old child (2 weeks after her birthday), our dog, and her cat. The cat refused to use the litter box and it is disgusting. We don't even use or furnish our family room because of this. [quote]

 

 

1. You're not from Alabama

2. You've never been in the Marines?

 

"What to do with her cat?"

 

That's just way too funny! :lmao: :lmao:

[robkris8079]

Well I decided even after everything my wife did to me I can't just get rid of the cat. I think I have more feelings for the cat now than she does. I asked my wife to buy food and kitty litter because the cat is all out. She was suppose to give it to me yesterday when she dropped the baby off. Well she came dropped the baby off and didn't have the cat stuff. I didn't bring it up because I really didn't want any arguments. I am going to contact a vet today and see what my options are. Hopefully they will work out a payment plan. If they do then somehow I will let my wife know the arrangements and try and get her to pay. I will also look into the vet school but I don't think there is one around here. My wife wanted to be a vet or vet tech since born. I am sure if there was a school close by she would have enrolled.

 

I don't know if ripping up the carpet is the best idea. It is a concrete subfloor so I would think it would be better to leave the carpet until the cat is gone. I don't want the urine soaking into the concrete (even though I'm sure it already is).

 

Thanks for all the input! I will update as to what the vet says. My uncles ex-wife works there so maybe I can get some assistance.

 

I don't understand the above post about marine's or alabama. Please explain to me what it means.

[Adunaphel]

I have no advice so sorry if this is a useless post,

I just wanted to wish you good luck with your situation, I'm sorry that you are going through all of this.

It struck me as very sweet that you are worrying about the cat even if you are in such a situation.

I hope your daughter is going to be okay.

[robkris8079]

Thank you. My daughter goes for a VCUG on 9/6 then has an appointment with a eurologist on 9/12. By then I should know what's going on. She is as happy as ever right now and is the only reason I am so strong through this rough time.

 

You can't be with a living creature for 10 years and just not have any feelings for it. Or maybe you can....I should ask my wife how she did it:lmao:

Sorry just a little humor to get my day started.

[dgiirl]

You can't be with a living creature for 10 years and just not have any feelings for it. Or maybe you can....I should ask my wife how she did it:lmao:

Sorry just a little humor to get my day started.

 

lol, it's great that you still have your sense of humor It'll help you tremendously

[DeeBrod83]

I would definitely have to agree that the cat probably has a terminal condition and it's probably your best bet to have her put to sleep. Especially if she's crying and not holding her weight. As for your daughter: I wish you (and her) the best of luck and I hope it's nothing too serious!

And having a sense of humor sometimes is the only thing we have to keep ourselves together! When you have no control over a situation, than what more can you do? Laughing about it may be the only way to keep sane.

And just as an obvious statement: you're wife is totally selfish and I can't believe she'd do that to you, but more so her own daughter. Obviously it's for the best for you, as she must not be the person you married.

[robkris8079]

As everyday passes I realize that Kristen now is definately not the Kristen I married. She was sweet, quiet, caring, and loving. She is completely different now. I found out that she's been smoking. She hated smoking with a passion before. Another thing is she might have started to drink. A few days ago when I was still in the "I have to check and see what she's doing phase" on her myspace she had a poll that said "Alcohol or Beer". Her answer use to be neither. Now it's alcohal? This is not a wise choice for her due to plenty of alcoholism in her family. Plus if she is drinking to mask any sort of pain, guilt, or depression then she is in for a world of hurt. Also she told me that her boyfriend smokes marijuana. No offense to anyone who uses it for recreational purposes. I am not here to judge you. I have tried it in the past. And even asked my wife to try it but that was a long time ago. The Kristen I knew wouldn't dare do drugs, drink, or smoke. Also the Kristen I knew was totally in love with me and would never hurt me. So this new Kristen is definately not the same person. I can't help but be concerned for her.

 

Thanks to everyone for all the words of concern and care for my daughter. I appreciate it.

[robkris8079]

UPDATE: well I just got off the phone with my aunt at the vet clinic. She suggested I bring the cat in for a check up and have blood work done. She also said they can do a urine analysis. I have an appointment this saturday. The check up is $58, blood work is $185 and urine test is $40. So that's $283 so far. If the cat needs to be put down or still has a few good years left the money will just keep climbing. I am extremely broke right now but that is no reason to make the animal suffer. She has been neglected enough as it is. My aunt is willing to take about half up front and I will have to leave her two post dated checks for the remainder. That is the best she can do.

 

Anyone have any suggestions as to how to handle the wife with this? Do I tell her I'm taking the cat or not? Do I ask for money from her or not?

[Outcast]

It's worth a try. After all, SHE wanted and cared for the cat when it was fine - the least she can do is help it out now. Does your daughter care about the cat at all? That might be a bargaining chip if she does.

[robkris8079]

The cat stays in the family room because of her urinating problem. I don't let my daughter ever go down there because I don't think it's a good idea health wise. My daughter has maybe seen the cat a dozen times in her whole life. When she does see the cat she says "kit-tee". It's the cutest dam thing. The pause she has between the two syllables is priceless. My daughter is also at that pulling hair stage. So we can't really let her interact with the cat too much.

 

I guess I will just bring the cat to the vet to be checked out. If the vet insists on running tests I guess I will have them done. I will ask my wife for the money nicely of course but I can't even get her to pay me for last months bills from when she was in the house. Including a phone bill with calls to her boyfriend. He lives out of state so they are long distance calls. I am curious as to what she is going to do financially. She brings home only $408 a week. $205 comes to me for the baby (daycare, insurance, etc...). $100 goes to gas for her to get to work. She has an suv and we don't live that close to our jobs. Then she has car insurance ($100 month), cell phone bill ($100 a month, $250 this month even after $100 credit:p ). In other words I don't think I will see the money for last months bills or the vet any time soon if ever.

[a4a]

I am going to call it as I see it.

 

The wife is never going to give you money for the cat. The cat is now your cat.... actually legally as well. You could attempt to bring her up on animal cruelty charges for unlawful abandonment of the animal but doubtful it will help or will happen. If you have fed and cared for it for whatever time amount is written into the law in your area you are now responsible for it.

 

Options are the following with the cat:

 

1. euthanize the cat

2. go with the deal the vet offered

3. call your local private shelters or rescues and ask for help, many will provide food, litter, and at time will help out with small amounts of money to help with vet bills.

4. give the cat to a no kill rescue.... that does not mean the cat won't be euthanized health reasons or aggressions issues.

 

 

Wishful thinking that the wife will pay will not solve this problem. You sound like a nice guy that is in a really tough spot and has a big heart.....but with this cat and with the other things right now in your life you need to stop looking back to your wife for any answers or help. Start focusing on just how to move forward and solve your problems.

 

You could TELL your wife that you expect her to include extra money for the cat..... don't ask.... TELL.

 

I deal with very similar cases often... mostly the animal is brought to a county facility and is euthanized. A cat of that age certainly would be and would never make it to the adoption floor even if it appeared to be in good health.

[dgiirl]

I wouldnt depend on your wife. If you can afford it on your own, then do it. I would still ask your wife, but I wouldnt expect it. Also, if you two have any joint bank accounts or credit cards, NOW is the time to cancel them and draw up some separation papers. Otherwise you'll also be responsible for any debt she creates NOW, even when she's not living with you. So it's really really important for you and your daughter to get that done!

 

edited : a4a posted right before i did... i totally agree with everything she just wrote

[robkris8079]

Within two days after the seperation where I moved into the house and she left I changed the locks, cancelled our joint account, got all bills in her name changed over to me, and wrapped up all her clothes and gave them to her. I asked her for the money for the back bills but I know it's not going to happen. I will ask her for money towards the cat's stuff too but again I won't get anything. At least after this there isn't anything else she can do to rack up any bills. As long as she continue's to give me the $205 a week that she promised I will not push anything. After she promised that amount she tried to tell me it was too much. I asked her what she thought was fair and that maybe we can compramise. She said $100 a week. A month ago it took her whole check to keep things going and give the baby everything she needed. What the hell is she thinking $100. I told her at that point it would be in the best interest of the baby to relinquish her rights so that way I can get state assistance at least. She didn't like that and gave me the $205. Well it's friday again so we'll see how the money situation goes tomorrow. That's when she pays me. I am not filing for anything because my lawyer said as long as she is paying and I don't plan on getting married right away to just sit back and see how things go. If we can make this seperation work and iron out all details before the actual divo it will go alot smoother and cheaper. Plus If I file there is like $500 in fees for filing, serving and other stuff. He said why the hell should I have to pay that. Let her pay it if she wants the divorce.

 

Thanks for reading my posts everyone. I really appreciate it.

 

At 17 years old I might just have the cat checked and euthanized. She had a good long life and the extra money for the tests might not be needed. I really think this is the best idea. I don't want to just drop it off at a shelter. I would feel like I abandoned her (the cat). I know they will just put her down anyway. So at least if I do it I can feel better about myself.