lover's rock Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Well you waited 4 years. What's another 4 years of your life?? Hell, what's another 10? You've already proven that you're willing to wait/stay in this situation. I'm pretty sure he won't expect any less of you than that.
newbby Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 i am not sure i agree with all the replies. his daughter is meeting you for the first time, this is quite a big step. in a way it makes him a better man for wanting to make sure you are only introduced into his childrens life when they are ready. as for his mother, i am sure she will come round too. even when parents split first it sometimes takes along time before children or even mothers accept the new partner. i should think your guy already feels guilty on his wife without rocking the boat more by filing for divorce, plus he has to be sure his kids really accept you first. it's a complicated situation. i think stop pushing him. i know many disagree with me, but he has arranged for you and his daughter to meet, thats a huge step.
newbby Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 try to put it out of your head until after you have met his daughter. all you are going to do is wind yourself up and make yourself even more nervous for meeting her. make no decision. go with the flow.
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Thanks for your thoughts!! I just feel it's way too long now to even want to meet his mother. She must think I'm a fool. I don't need to meet her! And I'm not looking to be a stepmom. It would've been nice to meet his whole family but too late now. I have no interest is meeting someone who thinks nothing of me. They don't know me. Nor will they ever. They don't seem to care that I have been the one to care for him for the last 6 years. I will have a lot to say if something should happen to T. If he gets sick or is hospitalized (God forbid) They will all hear from me. I just wish he would wize the he** up & divorce his wife. Then will everyone see that he is serious about me???
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Well Thank You Newbby! I get worked up when I think about it. Too many issues that I can not fix. He has to do the fixin" but draggs his butt too long. Ya know, if I get really disgusted, HE'LL BE THE ONE WHO LOSES. NOT ME!!
Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 No, I believe T has to get divorced from her therefore relieving HER stress & mine! SHE has a bf wich no one has met either. Hmmmmm
newbby Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 reneet, before getting too upset by responses you recieve, check out the background of the poster aswell as the type of advice they usually give. you will find there are alot of betrayed spouses who post here, who are understandably hurt themselves and sometimes venting their anger on the ow/om is a therapy of choice for them.
Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 There's a web site about.com for divorce support & other issues that these wives could go to for more support. All the posters there are in the same situation. This is the only one I could find for support/advice for my particular situation.
newbby Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 i agree with you there, but i dont agree to adding even more guilt to someone who is feeling very bad about themselves. "self inflicted" or not.
Author reneet Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 You can go to about.com for divorce support/advice. I don't feel that I'm second fiddle.
Author reneet Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 2long - what consequences would you be speaking of? Please advise.
newbby Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 If reneet feels any guilt, it's not my doing. It's the glimmer of the consequences she's hoping she won't have 2 face someday. -ol' 2long well what a predictable response that was. i am not going to argue with you. i am not quite sure what your intentions are, obviously you cannot possibly think you are helping anybody, therefore you must be using the forum to get over your situation. in that case, good, i hope it has helped you.
newbby Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 i take it back, it seems that maybe some people need that kind of advice.
Author reneet Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 There's no harm done. His so called W is seeing someone. Seems to be ok.
Author reneet Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 Neither of them have the $$ for an atty. He's lived together with me & my 2 children for over 4 years now. I didn't break up the marriage, He left her! He left the marriage...
Author reneet Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 I wouldn't offer a penny for their divorce. They don't make a move on the subject since their oldest son has been in & out of the hosp with leukemia. He's waiting for her to file & she's waiting for him to file. Life just goes on I guess...
serial muse Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 What's up with HER not filing for divorce?? Maybe staying married has it's financial benefits. I think that's all it is... reneet, come on now, this is ungracious. you don't need to figure out why she won't divorce him, because that's really not your problem (nor is it any of your business). and you know it. the question is why he won't do it, and you clearly recognize that his son's illness - while certainly tragic and difficult for everyone - is just the latest excuse. you've lived together for four years and he wasn't doing it then, either. his excuse that it will be too much for his wife is also just that - an excuse. there is no way of knowing, short of doing her the courtesy of actually asking her directly, why his wife hasn't filed herself, but it's entirely possible that she's respecting his wishes. who knows what sort of stuff he's said to her? anyway, staying married clearly has its financial benefits for him, at least - i'm sure he's not eager to divvy up the marital property. so perhaps you should consider it that way. seriously. you posted elsewhere that people harass the OW and not the MM here, which is patently untrue but i can see how, with mostly OW here, people would come to feel persecuted. it certainly happens, and it sucks. but i've seen plenty of MM-bashing on here, too, and deservedly so. but i can't see why you'd bash the wife in this situation. i don't see how she's hurting you. he's the one doing that. so, take your own advice, and give him the hard time, rather than her. she's NOT your problem. oy. i'm not saying you ought to add to his troubles when i'm sure he's devastated about his son. but i certainly wouldn't buy that as the reason he hasn't filed for divorce. sure, it could be he is waiting for her to do it. lots of lazy people do that sort of thing rather than confront directly. but i wonder if he's told her so? because i suspect not. no MM wants to be the bad guy. and money is obviously a factor - not for her, but for him - and reneet, please note that i'm not talking about the attorney costs, because come on - after 4 YEARS, he couldn't scrape up the dough for an attorney??? that's utter nonsense. unless you're expecting a verrrrry prolonged legal battle, i don't see it. and why would there be one? his kids are nearly grown, his wife is apparently dating someone...so he must be scared he'll lose his financial assets to her. either that, or he's full of *****. i have no idea which. possibly both. here's my take: he hasn't gotten a divorce yet because: 1. he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" 2. he's scared about losing his financial assets 3. every big change, no matter how foregone a conclusion, is emotionally difficult. therefore, he's in full-on avoidance mode and shows no signs of leaving it and, possibly, 4. he's holding onto her as a backup, in case you break up (that whole, "would you marry me if i divorced her" business looks like the classic MM move of covering his bases) i'm sorry if this sounds like i'm bashing you, reneet, because really, i'm bashing him. what a prize. i feel like i've read a gazillion of these stories on here today, about people who are too lazy and selfish to care about how they hurt others, and only want to protect themselves from unpleasantness. it's maddening. i know you won't do it, but i wish you'd DTMFA.
Author reneet Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 WTF is DTMFA??? Oh & Thankx for your 2 cents. That's all it's worth!
serial muse Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 WTF is DTMFA??? Oh & Thankx for your 2 cents. That's all it's worth! DTMFA = dump the m_____f_____ already. good luck to you, hon.
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