reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 My 1st time here. Seeing a married man now for 6 years & living together for 4 years. What a headache!!!! Anyone else want to chime in here? HELP!!
Adunaphel Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Sorry, I am not sure I get it... are you living together with MM (if so, how? is he separated and/or his wife knows about you? is his W okay with it or you can call it an "affair"? does his wife live in a different city/country/state and he's literally having a double life?), or are you living with your SO, and you have been cheating on him with a MM for the last 6 years since before you moved in together?
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 I have been divorced now for 7 years. He left his wife to live with me 4 years ago. Still with me. He's not divorced or legally seperated.
lover's rock Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Yeah give us the whole story. How you met, when he moved in, any children, what his kids think or know if there are any kids, has he divorced his wife or separated or something??? The more info the better There are many people on this forum who are in a situation with an MM and they can be very supportive and informative in nature. Enjoy the wealth of words from these people.
lover's rock Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 So he's still married? What's the situation with him and his wife? What do you expect? What type of headaches are you speaking of?
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 He has 3 kids. 21, 25 (boys) & a 13 year old daughter. I have not met any of his children. This sunday, I will meet his daughter though for a day @ Dorney Park. His mom doesn't want to meet me even after all these years. It hurts, but I'm dealing...
Adunaphel Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I have been divorced now for 7 years. He left his wife to live with me 4 years ago. Still with me. He's not divorced or legally seperated. Did you just wanted to share your story/experiences with other posters (you'll certainly find some that shared similar experiences), or is there something about the situation that is expecially worrying you, and that you'd like to talk about to get advice?
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Headaches: His kids & mom haven't wanted to meet me Can't go to family functions with him Holidays suck most of the time He hasn't filed for divorce, I threw him out 3x, he begs to come back, I take him back, he promises to get divorced, over & over again. Now his 25 year old sun has Leukemia. That's the excuse he uses for not filing for divorce. SHE can't handle any more stress. WTF
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 It's really confusing trying to reply here. Too much back & forth... Can you help me??
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Yes his wife knows about me. She knows where I live too. I guess she's ok with this?? Who more of a dummy? Her or Me?? (Don't answer that OK)
lover's rock Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Sorry about that. Obviously we're replying at the same time. It seems like he doesn't know what he wants. There are alot of people on this board who will attest to that.
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 HE Doesn't know what he wants I guess. What's up with HER not filing for divorce?? Maybe staying married has it's financial benefits. I think that's all it is...
whichwayisup Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Why are you putting up with this crap? He's kind of living with you, but really hasn't included you in ALL of his life. He's not legally separated, or getting a divorce, yet he lives with you? Either he's been lying to you and still seeing his wife (and being intimate) or he really is messed up. Either way, he is really screwing up his kids by his choices here. If I were you, I'd kick him out, end it all and THEN start dating him once his divorce is final. If you stay in this situation it will just mess YOU up even more.
lover's rock Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Well, how much does she really know? Maybe he's lying to her? Saying he's working alot and going on business trips alot? If she knew what you knew than of course she would file (I would like to think). Maybe she's gone alot and so busy that she doesn't realize he's gone? I'm not really sure. Either way this thing reeks of him not being truthful to either of you. If you can't go to family functions with him and his kids and mom haven't wanted to meet you, then he's telling them something and not telling them something. You are being hidden. If he's lived with you for 4 years, and you haven't met his family then there's some serious deception going on here. I know you love him and trust him but it's obvious that he's not worthy of that trust.
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 He's never with her.No intimacy there!! He works all day & comes home. The only time he's seen her is at the hosp. when his son is in for chemo. Maybe I'M the one messed up?? He's all I've known for 6 years. (And I feel rotten when I throw him out, he has no where to go)She doesn't want him back. We are both miserable when we're not together
lover's rock Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 How do you know? Do you go to his job? Are you able to call him whenever you want at his job and on his cell? If she doesn't want him back then why isn't she filing for divorce? Something doesn't add up because he's not filing either.
whichwayisup Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Well, you have to decide what you want. Living with a man who isn't divorced yet and he has tons of family obligations to someone else must suck for you. Not being part of his WHOLE life. You're selling yourself short by sticking with him. 6 years is a long time and not actually "have" all of him in your life. Do you want kids? Is he open to that idea? does he plan on marrying you? Or he is just passing time.....
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 We call each other all day long. He tells me that he doesn't have the $$ to hire an atty. There's the marital property, a house at the shore, a boat & 60,0000 of debt. I guess that's why she hasn't filed. Maybe staying married has it's perks.
Adunaphel Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 What's up with HER not filing for divorce?? Maybe staying married has it's financial benefits. I think that's all it is... It could be that she would not file for divorce to make his life a little more complicated - if someone has hurt you, and you cannot get back at them, you try at least to make the situation less easy to them. Or it is possible that she is still hoping he'll change his mind. Do you know if she is currently seeing someone steadily?
whichwayisup Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Yeah for him, but not for you. How long are you willing to put up with this? I mean, don't your feelings count in this? Do you expect one day that his kids will accept you as their stepmom and his mom will welcome you into his family? Can you deal with his family not including you in THEIR lives in the future?
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 I have a son 12 & a daughter 17 from my 1st marriage. No more for me & he doesn't want any more. He asked me if I would marry him & I said no. He said "When all is said & done, He's going to ask me again & he hopes I say Yes"
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 After 6 years, I now DO NOT want to meet his mother. If she wasn't able to accept me as the one whose been taking care of her son for all this time, I don't care to meet her!!! As far as the kids, I am meeting his daughter for the 1st time this Sunday. She knows I will be there & agreed to come with. I am a little nervous.
whichwayisup Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 How long are you willing to put up with this? Are you happy enough how things are? Please read my post above yours about his family and kids. Don't you want to be accepted into his family?
Author reneet Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 His wife is seeing someone steady. I asked him if the kids knew of her boyfriend but he said he doesn't know that. I get worried because God forbid if he gets sick or hurt, I won't be able to visit him. That really bothers me. Until he gets divorced, all these issues will never be resolved. I can't push him, I can't file for him. I just don't know what else to do here. I'm sorry for rambling on. I do appreciate your input!! Thank You!! I feel as if I can't bring these issues up to him AGAIN since his son is going to be admitted for a month of chemo & he doesn't want to start anything. (As in an argument with me) Oh, God!! I NEED MAJOR HELP
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