Guest Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I am 31 and have a 30 year old girlfriend which I have been with for the past 5 years. We have had an amazing relationship and could be referred to as soul mates. Our love for each other has always been unquestionable. About 7 months ago I had to leave the country for business reasons and was only supposed to be away for a month, financial matters changed in the company and I was forced to extend my trip month to month until finally it had been seven months I had been away. My girlfriend had a highly sort after job at a private school and while I was away all she wanted to do was quit and come be with me. I would spend all my time trying to convince her to stay as I didn’t want her to loose the perfect job just so she could be with me for a couple of weeks and then move back home together again. She had sacrificed allot to be with me, she moved to a foreign country, away from her family and friends just so we could be together. All she asked in return was love, which I gave to her unconditionally Well those weeks turned into months, my girlfriend has now given up and moved back home 7000 miles away from our home. I am lost without her; she means the world to me. She now has allot of built up anger and resentment towards me for leaving her for 7 months in a foreign country. She also has abandonment issues because of her Dad leaving when she was a child which really doesn’t help our situation. Every day that she spends at home with family and friends she convinces herself that she is better off there. In one way I think she may be right but in the other our love was so strong that we could never be apart. She cries herself to sleep and every time I talk to her she says how could I leave her "if you loved me you wouldn’t have done that”. I love her to bits but I was not given a choice of whether I could stay or not. We were on a fine line between making millions and loosing our house car everything. I try to reason with her but she is still just so hurt by me leaving her that she can’t see it. I know that you can’t always reason with feelings of love but sometimes you have to be realistic about life. Everything that I did was with our future in mind. There were no other options but I now fear that I have caused irreparable damage to our relationship by only trying for the best. What should I do, chase after my soul mate and try convince her to forgive me, or leave her and let her heart heal and finally get over me and live with her friends and family? I truly feel that we are both happiest when we are together but I fear that those days are gone.
Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 If you want to be with her, I think you should do everything you can to keep her. It sounds like she doesn't care about the money she wants to be with you. How long are you or she going to be away? Is there a possibility that you can break this down - see each other every 3 months or so... at least that is something to look forward to. and a manageable amount. You need to help her get past the 'leaving her' thing - it doesn't sound like it was a personal decision on your part but she is taking it personally. I think you should tell her that you're lost without her. All I can recommend is do stuff like post things every day - like a letter (not gifts more personal stuff), or get her friend to leave messages in her house so she can find them and know that you are thinking about her (especially if you are busy in business then this stuff can help and give a sense of you being there). What about sending her something personal like a shirt you sleep in so she can have it with her. And enlist her friends and family to help support you in staying together and not drive you apart. You need to let them know how much you love this woman. Also I think that she is feeling she has no control over the situation... you are the only dealing with the making millions or losing the house... you need to work out ways that you can help her feel she has some input into the situation. Ask her advice for example. This might help dissapiate some of the anger and restentment.
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