mazy3 Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 My boyfriend of 5 and a half years sent me a text message this morning saying that he is with someone else now but he still wants to be friends. He lives 80 miles away from me and so it has been impossible to keep this from happening. We have a 2 year old son together and now i just dont know what to do. I dont really have any friends as all my spare time was spent taking my little boy to see his dad. It has been abit strange for the past few weeks for example 3 weeks ago he finished with me but then called me back up saying his head was screwed up over his brother dying (which happened 6 years ago) then we took our son out for the day and had a great time then the following weekend he turned his phone off and then this weekend he was supposed to come and see our son but instead texted me that he thought we should go our own ways. Now i am so scared that i am destined to be on my own i am 28 years old with a child ......also how do i cope with it if he wants to come and see his son with his new girlfriend? I feel really down at the moment have no clue what to do .... i know there is no point waiting for him ...does that ever happen anyway where they come back when they have gone off with someone else? And i know he was not really any good for me (couldnt keep a job, went to prision etc) just really need some advice. i am pretending everything is ok but inside i feel like giving up ...i know id be worse without my little boy but doesnt that make it worse knowing that i have to deal with him(thats if he does get in touch about him ...he hasnt wanted to see him the past few weeks. PLEASE HELP ME ANY ADVICE GRATEFUL.
bluechocolate Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 ....also how do i cope with it if he wants to come and see his son with his new girlfriend? ...thats if he does get in touch about him ...he hasnt wanted to see him the past few weeks. First thing I think you should do is get some legal advice regarding visitation rights your b/f does & doesn't have. Is he paying child support?
Author mazy3 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Well in the 5 years of us being together he has only worked for about 20 weeks and then he paid £25 a week but it was due again this weekend and he hasnt paid. In all his texts over the past few weeks he has not once metioned about arranging visits with our son.
britchick Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 You must be feeling terrible at the moment, I really feel for you. I can't believe he broke up with you by text! Obviously you feel bad now, but 28 is not too old to meet someone else who deserves you and will help you to take care of your son. What has he ever really done for you, you have been coping on your own anyway. Although I agree with the child support issue, living in the UK myself and having been on my own with kids, it is pretty unlikely that you will get any money out of him unless he gives it willingly. Concentrate on your life and your son, try to think of this as a fresh start for you both.
Author mazy3 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 Thanks for your advice everyone who has replied ....there is a twist in the tale now though yesterday i recieved another 40 or so text messages saying that he loves he, he doesnt like this girl and hasnt even slept with her, that he wants to move here and be a family and that he doesnt care what his mates think (please bear in mind that our problems have begun since he started hanging around with them) i basically said you either be a father to your son and want a family or you want a single life and that it is now up to him but that i am not waiting around for him anymore. The main thing that annoys me is that his mates tell him not to even see his son and just to go boozing instead i dont know whether i have done the right thing saying that too him but i cant go on like this i need to know one way or the other.
Walk Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't think you should give him another chance. He's swayed so easily by his mates into abandoning his own flesh and blood. Anyway.. I don't really get the feeling that you love this man anymore. It's more a fear of being on your own then a desire to be with this guy. If the guy isn't working, then why can't he move closer to you? If what he really wanted was to be with you and his son, why isn't he the one moving closer? Unless he's on tether or something? I think you're really going to get burned if you move to where your bf is. Its too much. You are still putting forth 190% of the effort to keep the relationship, and he hasn't had to do an ounce of work. You have to pack, find transportation, arrange a new job, find new friends, stress, the additional monetary costs of moving and the time it takes to find a new job and get that first pay check.... Not to mention the strain it's going to cause on your son. Leaving any friends he has, or just the stress of moving to a new place in an unfamiliar environment. Stand your ground on this one. If you don't see a tremendous amount of effort by your bf to move to where you are then don't believe him. His actions will speak far louder than any words he'll tell you. I don't see him showing you he wants you.. only telling you, and then letting you know you can do a ton of work in order to see him. Please stand your ground.
Author mazy3 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 Thanks for that i agree with that is it too much for me to tell him either move too me or dont bother anymore do you think. He has no family where he is just his friends and he has a job that he could transfer here .....do you think he will just do a runner or do you think he may realise i mean it and this is last chance. I cant stand the not knowing whats going on.
Recommended Posts