jazzychazz Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I met this man who was kind nice sweet and satisfied ever need in my life. He exceeded every idea of and ideal man i ever had in my life. After 3 months of dating he asked me to marry him on christmas day , i said yes. 3 months after our engagement things starting going down hill. We live in a small town that i always have hated , so i left as soon as i could , went to college up state landed a great job and felt the ultimate happiness at 23. Happiness i never imagined. Then that is when the unthinkable happened my father was killed by a drunk driver on Valentines day. It took my life to a total point of saddness. At that point felt pain in my heart that would not go away. My father was my best friend in the world everything in my life i did was for him , to make him proud of me , and he was. After his death my mom asked me to move back home and help her. My father had left behind my mother and my mentally retarded sister and she really needed my help . and of course i said yes. So i was back in this little country town, where i was raised but have not been in for 6 years. It felt like i was in another country. Will people treated me a little different, i wore hills eceryday , i drove a cadillac escalade, i had a degree in computer science and graduted with honors. That acted like i was a alien. I wanted to feel like i belonged so i started working at the local hospital meeting people , going to some of the local clubs. And after a while i felt like this place was home. Not long afterwards i started having pains in me neck went to the doctor and was told i had a tumor the size of a golf ball growing in my neck. So nit long after that it was removed and i started chemo. . Thankgod i found really good friends and i had my family that stood by me through everything.Well about 6 months of absolute hell, i was in remission. Then my very good friend felt it would be great for me to meet her brother. So we talked on the phone a few times . And then we met it was like love a first sight he was so different then the men i had met around there. He had so many hopes and dreams and wanted so much out of life and on top of that he was fun and romantic just to good to be true.... And so he was.. Now we are engaged we have been engaged for a year and 3 months and everything has changed i love him and i no he loves me but he dose not want anything out of life. he tells me he loves me everyday but he dose show it i get absolutely no real affection like i use to get . we have not been intimate in about 4 months. i love him but i'm starting to hate him. because i feel like i was lied to that he saw everything i had in my life great education , great family , money, and beautiful. Something you could never find all in one person in this town. Everyone told him how lucky he was. so many men are absolutely jealous of him.. i feel like i was was lied to .. And let me state the first thing that came in my mind was he must be cheating , but no he is not , and sometimes i wish he was that would be easy , then i would just leave him. To have a man in your life that you love so much that never touch you are tell you that you look nice today . If i ask him for some money he never has anything. and he makes good money and i no he helps his mom . But what about me , i want to move back up state since my mom and sister is doing really good now and he is suck=h a moma;s boy. i feel like he will not go.. I mad as hell because i feel like i have gave up my life and after the heartache and pain almost dying of cancer losing my father. I should be so happy just to be alive and i have never felt so much pain , loneliness and misery in my life... i hate who i'am.. i feel like a loser... Please help i need advice... really bad:( :(
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