So mixed up right now =/

[ZombieWolf]

Ok. I'll try to make this brief, even though it's a really long and confusing story. I'm sorry, it is kinda long. XD

 

I met this guy, not on a dating site or anything, but on a general forum where people sometimes become regs and of course, get quite pally and all. Everyone on there noticed how we were together in terms of flirting, and chatting and all.

 

Today, after a few months of generally getting to know this guy (he's 17, I'm 20, we're both rediculously inexperienced in terms of relationships, I'm also in college, he's in highschool o_O. He lives in the US, I live in the UK. Silly, but yeah) I've come to really like him. He confesed to liking me a while back, after writing in his online journal about how crushes were stupid and so is hiding them. So I told him that I liked him too, and for a while, things have been ok, we weren't "e-dating" but we were and are kinda close.

 

Recently, I feel like he's holding back with me, and he's aware of that. He says he'll cut back, and I think he does care, just from little things and some pretty neat things that he does.

So I messaged him, told him how much it hurts for him to be so casual and all when he's said all these things like that he likes me, that one day I'll go over there and he'll teach me bass and well you get the idea. He'd say things like "I'm holding you to that" when I mentioned going over there when I could get enough to do that.

 

So his response is a bit surprising. To cut it short, he's cynical of "online relationships" because of a failed one a year ago. On top of that, he doesn't think that it could work because of his family and future situation. His family are slowly breaking down, according to him, and they don't like outsiders or the idea of anyone (as in everyone) "corrupting" their son. He doesn't know where he's going in terms of the future. So he said me going over there would be pointless because of that.

We talked a bit, but no luck solving the issue. He said he couldn't think straight and needed to go play video games to stop thinking, said he was sorry but he couldn't handle anything at that time. So he's off playing computer games and I'm too confused to not think about all that's gone on these past few months.

It feels like he's done a U-turn. I figured that he wanted the same thing as me, for me to go over there and be with him. He's always said that he cares and all. =/

I can't help but think there's more to this.

I care about him, and if I had a chance, I'd go out there and meet him. That seems lame, but it's true. >_<

 

I keep telling him all I want is for him to cut the games.

I am angry, too. I don't see why he started all this if he's going to turn around and act like some kind of loser guy. My history with guys isn't that good, to be honest, I have yet to come across a guy who won't let me down or mislead me. =/

So of course, this is yet another kick in the teeth. I wasn't expecting this to happen. It's kind of hit me hard. I need to snap out of it because things like this send me right down, I can feel it happening again.

 

I'm hurting right now and I guess what I'm asking is for some kind of advice or input from people who can see this objectively. I'm cut up right now, and kind of wishing that I couldn't feel a thing. Emotions seem to cause more harm than good. -_-

 

p.s. No-one else knows about this, so I'm even more isolated and alone than usual right now. I'm kinda scared because there's no-one. I can feel the tears wanting to come, but I can't let go because I feel like I won't be able to stop. =(

A few months back, after a similar situation with a guy (not online, a college friend who turned out to be nothing but a stoner and a would-be user had I let him have his way, I actually loved this guy) I basically started self-harming. Not badly, but it was the only way to block out the pain and at the same time, punish myself for things that.. I dunno... I can't even name them.

I know it's stupid, but when you end up crying yourself to sleep every night, or laying there thinking "What's the point in all of this?" somehow that just stops me from thinking and centres the pain elsewhere. -_-

[Outcast]

You can't allow yourself to get all wrung out over the loss of someone you've never even met. You have to control your brain. We can get seduced by romances in popular media to the point that we imagine ourselves as the heroines in the love stories - and as the tragic figures in the stories of love lost.

 

It's not wise or good for you to allow yourself to do this. He was a stranger. You probably have never met someone from online life but they can be VERY different from the way you think they are. You probably would not have liked him at all. So this is not a great horrible tragedy and absolutely nothing to hurt yourself over.

 

You need to have a good lecture with yourself and tell yourself that the guy for you is still in your future and that he'll want a healthy gal and so you must not harm yourself or allow yourself to be overwhelmed with grief over something like this.

 

There is much more to life than just having a bf. I think maybe you should devote some time to hobbies, making new friends, and learning to live a healthy lifestyle so that a man won't be your whole focus to the point that you are crushed if you lose him. Life's too short for that kind of thing.

[Rikka]

Outcast is right. You sound like an intellegent girl, I am sure you have a great future ahead of you. You deserve someone who can appreciate you. From what you have written, it sounds like this guys (for what ever reason) has changed his mind/opinion whatever. And from the sounds of it, you deserve better than him. Listen to the words of Outcast, she has excellent advice.

[ZombieWolf]

Thank you. Both of you.

 

I know there's more to life, I've never had a boyfriend (I go for the wrong type, I realise that and explain further down)... but sometimes I can admittedly become besotted with guys, or "grief-stricken" when things go wrong. I seem to go for the type who mess me about and generally like to confuse me. I've known since I first started liking guys that this was the case, and now I suppose it's inevitable that this will be the type of guy I go for. The misleading, judgemental, manipulative user. =/

 

I think it's more a case of the guy doesn't know what he wants, and I know he likes me or at least likes the idea of me liking him and vice versa. I guess things will get easier. I just wish I could switch off my emotions somehow.

 

He told me a while back, several times, that me going over there or something would be cool. That he'd teach me bass, that I'd at least visit. Now he tells me that online relationships are tainted -in his mind- because of a failed one about a year ago that ended badly.

I suppose he's learnt what I'm going to learn sooner or later.

 

I'm still just wishing I could tear myself away. I just don't feel that strong right now. =/