Ex wants to hang out together and date, but not steadily...

[Guest]

Well, I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible. My girlfriend of five monthes was living with me for a month this summer before school started up. We had fun a lot, but we fought a lot too. Eventually, she went out one night and didn't come home. She said she had the most fun she'd had in a long time without my "nagging" and "bitching". She said that we were done because I too jealous and insecure.

 

After thinking about it rationally, I realized I probably was. That was two weeks ago. I have since tried to remind her of our good times, and tell her that we can be "us" again. I tried to make her feel special by putting flowers in the room we shared and making a bunch of sweet signs for her and writing a letter asking for her back: she said no, i was only trying to get her back, not showing her that I would change. Anytime that I talk at all of the relationship or working things out, she says that I'm STILL nagging. I'm only "nagging" because I want to be with her. How can she see I'm going to change if she won't give it the chance? She told me she'd have an answer for whether or not we were getting back together when she got back from a visit home. I actually took her home, and we had a great time at the Jersey shore, laughing and playing around, and for the first time in that last week, she kissed me, hugged me, and told me she loved me. Yet, when I was here and she was there, she was cold-hearted. However, upon returning, she comes back to me as loving as she was up north and explains that we are back together.

 

Things are fine until I go shopping with my mom the next day. A girl that I had confided in after my girlfriend had broken up with me started running her mouth to her, telling her that I needed a better girl for the way she was treating me. My ex got mad, and dumped me, explaining that I should've taken up for her. This was the day before yesterday. But, when I go see her the next day, she's all warmed up to me again. Hell, we even have sex. Then she explains we can't get back together because she doesn't want to just "jump back into it" and have the same mistakes happen again. She explains to me she has no friends, and my idea of me hanging out with my friends, and her with hers, yet sharing a life together (to fix our old problems) can't work.

 

She says everything that she plans for the future falls apart, and she doesn't think we have much of a future right now. She keeps saying she wants to "feel it out" for a little while. She won't tell me she loves me now, and last night she wouldn't let me hold her. It's so hard to be sleeping right next to the girl u love more than anything and to not be able to touch her. She wants me to come see her this evening, tho she just got mad at me for not being there sooner. She left our AIM conversation because her tv show was back on. I'm getting tired of being treated like ****.

 

I don't understand why she wants to hang around with me, and half the time show me affection, if she doesn't want to get back together. I almost think she's afraid to do so because she thinks she'll make me into her only friend again and get wrapped up in us. That'd be bad because she'd be very vulnerable if something didn't go so well. I don't understand why she won't give us the chance to try it out again. When we're together, we have a great time talking and stuff, but her mood about affection changes constantly.

 

We used to be VERY close, and I don't understand what's happened. She says that this has been a long time coming. And, like I mentioned, I can't really talk to her about anything because she only gets upset and says I'm nagging. She says that "casually dating" is all she can do. I can either accept it or not...help?!?!?!

[Kengne]

She doesn't want the entaglement & hassle of a rel'ship, but she wants the goodies that come along with it i.e. being able to talk to you and knowing smo (i.e. YOU) loves her and is there. It's pretty clearcut. She's stringing you along for companionship, while simultaneously exploring her other options.

 

The minute she meets smo she's SERIOUSLY feeling and would like to SERIOUSLY date - she'll drop you like a bad habit. And you'll be left out in the cold, wondering why?

 

Don't do this to yourself man. You deserve smo who can give themselves fully to you - not half-assed like she's doing now.

 

K.

[Guest]

She doesn't want the entaglement & hassle of a rel'ship, but she wants the goodies that come along with it i.e. being able to talk to you and knowing smo (i.e. YOU) loves her and is there. It's pretty clearcut. She's stringing you along for companionship, while simultaneously exploring her other options.

 

The minute she meets smo she's SERIOUSLY feeling and would like to SERIOUSLY date - she'll drop you like a bad habit. And you'll be left out in the cold, wondering why?

 

Don't do this to yourself man. You deserve smo who can give themselves fully to you - not half-assed like she's doing now.

 

K.

Alright Kengne, get a load of this now: we're back together. We kiss, we hug, she tells me she loves me, etc. etc. She got mad yesterday because I tried to talk about the relationship. She realized the day before yesterday she got into her program here at school. She says that school is number one. I had tried to talk to her about how she's left our little "bubble" behind. She doesn't do the little things. She doesn't run over to me and kiss me unexpectedly. She doesn't worry about whether she's going to see me or not. She said I was nagging, so I told her if she was going to break up with me, just to get it over with, then I said goodbye and went home. I went back over there later because she called. We talked for a while about random ****, then went to bed and I held her. She said she loves me, was just mad earlier about the...you guessed it...nagging before. She doesn't want to be intimate with me AT ALL. She's not her usual, loving self. The only thing she seems to be concerned about is school now. Her mood changes everyday. I don't really feel important in her life at all. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Do you possibly think she is just taking the relationship slowly, trying to avoid the same mistakes we've made before, and then progress to the serious type of bond we had before? I don't really think she has the time to meet anyone else, so that's not the issue...maybe.