Ladywithafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I picked up my bf's cell phone Sat night & found a text message from "some big fat black woman in Miami who he's never even spoken to on the phone" ...his words...cruel as they may be...but I could not understand the need for this kind of playing around...anyone experience this with their boyfriends? he says he thinks it's comical...we've been together for almost seven years...I don't find it comical at all....I knew there was something going on with the text message but I wasn't able to get a handle on it till now... I told him he has a sickness...his mind is diseased..I don't remember, I was basically in shock...I don't know how to handle this...is this infidelity?
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 was it out of the blue? I mean he really cannot be into this can he? side note: some woman named Thelma called my house at 12:30 am on Sat
2sunny Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Knowing the history on the OP - it could be a code word (picture) for a drug deal... just a thought... May want to run a check on the number it was sent from to see if the origin was a closer number than he says... or could be Miami - (supplier/dealing?)
blind_otter Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I would think that, even if he was only joking, it qualifies as infidelity. IMO you try to behave ina manner that would be acceptible whether you're partner is with you or not.
Author Ladywithafan Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 I saw the area code, it was a miami #....he's just terribly weird like this....It's like some need to be "out there"...he used to frequent the porn web sites, you know that whole bit...not touching but still, I found it disturbing...it's like his way of feeling that he can be dirty without getting his hands filthy....but I felt very deceived....I knew there was something going on with the phone & him... Our instincts are always right...is what I find...I think the drug behaviour has lead to other types of behavior...I think in some fashion it's his way of getting off?
Author Ladywithafan Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 was it out of the blue? I mean he really cannot be into this can he? side note: some woman named Thelma called my house at 12:30 am on Sat He says he's never talked just texted...out of the blue...well I found he had been dialing free chat lines about two weeks ago...in the middle of the night...I just find it strange...
Author Ladywithafan Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 I just find the whole issue shady...I think it goes much deeper to some kind of level where he can feel in control of something because everything in his life is so screwed up because of his cocaine use....but this is treading a fine line...I'm no unattractive, our sex life is fine, this is giving me a complex in a way, but I know that for whatever reason he's playing this little game, it's like a sick diversion ... and has nothing to do with me or what I may or may not be doing for him?
blind_otter Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Honestly, Lw/F, I know you dabbled in drugs, but a person who is really into the lifestyle doesn't do them for the same reasons you did. IME people with longterm drug habits, who continue to use in the face of serious consequences regarding their life, their relationships, and their own bodies -- have a grab bag of psychological issues beyond just the addiction. The addiction is an easy distraction, a quick thing to blame everything on. The addict is a liar. End of story. So much so that they lie to themselves. That's a dangerous game. When you lie to yourself -- you lose track of what really is the truth. You start to believe your own lies and get lost inside your head. Until he's sober. Really sober. You'll continue to deal with random things like this. Things that will hurt you and injure your heart, things that he probably won't even remember in a few weeks that will hurt your self esteem for long after his memory of the incident has faded away.
Author Ladywithafan Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Honestly, Lw/F, I know you dabbled in drugs, but a person who is really into the lifestyle doesn't do them for the same reasons you did. absolutely true...I was just stupidly swayed! IME people with longterm drug habits, who continue to use in the face of serious consequences regarding their life, their relationships, and their own bodies -- have a grab bag of psychological issues beyond just the addiction. The addiction is an easy distraction, a quick thing to blame everything on. Oh, don't I know! He's told me this...I just have no idea whatsoever of why or how he got so addicted...which actually I don't know if it even matters...he doesn't even know how to say no... The addict is a liar. End of story. So much so that they lie to themselves. That's a dangerous game. When you lie to yourself -- you lose track of what really is the truth. You start to believe your own lies and get lost inside your head. Until he's sober. Really sober. You'll continue to deal with random things like this. Things that will hurt you and injure your heart, things that he probably won't even remember in a few weeks that will hurt your self esteem for long after his memory of the incident has faded away. And, you know...you are so right on...to him these things that I consider a deviation just come & go with him like you were blowing your nose...whil I sit & stew & think WTF is my problem???
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