silentcharon Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I went on a road trip to my parents cabin with a bunch of friends, my ex not included. In the car, I was talking to a friend of mine, Kyle- he is dating Jae, who is really good friends with my ex. Kyle told me how uncomfortable he felt about my ex being good friends with Jae. Jae spends the night at his house when she goes drinking at a bar not far from his house, and Kyle told her that he didn't feel comfortable with that. Jae and Kyle had a disagreement over this. My ex spends the night at her house as well sometimes. This sort of thing happened even when I was still with my ex, even though it did make me uncomfortable, I trusted him and let him do it anyway. It still makes me uncomfortable but I'm no longer his girlfriend, so I have no say in the matter anymore- this I told Kyle. I told kyle to let it go, because they both are good people and they aren't the type to cheat. Jae has dated several guys and never cheated on them. Kyle said that it wasn't that he didn't trust her or my ex, it just didn't seem right and if Jae was that into Kyle, she would stop. He told me that Jae said that they were only friends, it works like this: why spend ten bucks on a cab ride back to her house when she only has to walk for five minutes and spend the night at a friends house for free? I told Kyle that it would be different if it was a once a week type of thing, Jae sleeps over my ex's or vice versa once a month at most. I think Kyle is being paranoid. What do you think?
norajane Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I think Kyle should offer to give her the 10 bucks once a month, and she should be willing to give him the peace of mind by not sleeping at her friend's house. In a relationship, we sometimes have to do things to make the other person more comfortable. If there's nothing going on between Jae and your ex, Jae shouldn't have such a big problem with it.
Author silentcharon Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 That's a good idea. I can suggest Kyle give her the money, it isn't much and it will make him feel better. Though while I understand where Kyle is coming from, I don't think he should pay for her cab fares. I mean, if she won't pay for her rides, why should he? Besides, if Jae knew the reason why Kyle offered to pay for her cab fares, I don't think Jae would take the offer. Perhaps I could tell him not to say anything about the situation and just offer the cab money out of the goodness of his heart? Goodness.
norajane Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 No, I think he should tell her why he's offering the money. The problem isn't the $10. The problem is he's uncomfortable with something that she's doing, something she has no need to do, and something she ought to be willing to stop doing for his peace of mind. If the $10 is the ONLY thing that's stopping her from going home, then it really should be easy for her to stop sleeping at this guy's house. I don't think she should take the money, but perhaps by offering it, the truth will come out as to why she really won't stop sleeping over. If she has plenty of money to go drinking, I hardly think the $10 is that important to her. I'm not saying there's anything going on between Jae and your ex. But maybe she's got some fears of being controlled, or who knows what. She needs to examine why she's willing to upset her bf if it really isn't a big deal to her.
Author silentcharon Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 No, I think he should tell her why he's offering the money. The problem isn't the $10. The problem is he's uncomfortable with something that she's doing, something she has no need to do, and something she ought to be willing to stop doing for his peace of mind. If the $10 is the ONLY thing that's stopping her from going home, then it really should be easy for her to stop sleeping at this guy's house. I don't think she should take the money, but perhaps by offering it, the truth will come out as to why she really won't stop sleeping over. If she has plenty of money to go drinking, I hardly think the $10 is that important to her. I'm not saying there's anything going on between Jae and your ex. But maybe she's got some fears of being controlled, or who knows what. She needs to examine why she's willing to upset her bf if it really isn't a big deal to her. I honestly don't care if theres anything going on between them- even though it probably would hurt. You are exactly right, Jae hates being controlled, she was a big time rebel back in high school. Perhaps it's the push and pull theory in work. It's kinda hard because they both are my friends, and it's uncomfortable enough that kyle is coming to me for advice regarding his gf and my ex. I told Kyle I won't get involved, but that the least I can do, being his friend, is to offer advice for him. I disregard the fact that it's my ex that's involved, I just think of him as a friend when I talked to Kyle. I'll tell him of the solution, thanks NJ. I like to observe the problems other people have in their relationship and think about what kind of solutions I'd come up if I were in their shoes, which is why I asked here
Recommended Posts