hotgurl Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 So Sassy suggested I make this a post and get some male perspective. Why are guys so indecisive and procrastonate all the time. My BF is like this as well. It's drives me mad.
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I asked my H this last night......... why do you procrastinate and are unable to make decisions in a timely manner when you are aware they need to be made ASAP? His answer: "I don't know" :lmao:
Sassy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 So Sassy suggested I make this a post and get some male perspective. Why are guys so indecisive and procrastonate all the time. My BF is like this as well. It's drives me mad. I sure did because i have often wondered this question as well. I thought i would get bashed for making such a post and never did. My SO is like this as well HG! Thanks for making the post can't wait to see what all the guys say.
JackJack Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Maybe SOME but not ALL men who are indecisive or procrastinate, is maybe because they were babied as kids. Maybe everything was done for them, by their parent or a family member. If they always had someone to make up their minds for them and not let them feel they had choices or a choice to make on anything, then perhaps thats why they are indecisive? If they procrstinate or put things off, perhaps they were taught there was no real urgency in anything. Not only in things that needed to be done but in a relationship as well. Just a thought.
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Lack of a sense of urgency is a real pisser! But amazing how urgent it is to do what they want to do quickly..
westernxer Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Why are guys so indecisive and procrastonate all the time. I'm not sure... I'll come up with an answer tomorrow.
Sassy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Maybe SOME but not ALL men who are indecisive or procrastinate, is maybe because they were babied as kids. Maybe everything was done for them, by their parent or a family member. If they always had someone to make up their minds for them and not let them feel they had choices or a choice to make on anything, then perhaps thats why they are indecisive? If they procrstinate or put things off, perhaps they were taught there was no real urgency in anything. Not only in things that needed to be done but in a relationship as well. Just a thought. Great post Jack Jack ! Might be for other men but in my SO case it isn't about being babied his mother wasn't really around too much ! I think that it really is all in what the individual does and the fact that my SO thinks working a job 40 hrs a week and the rest is up to me. My SO will cook and go to the grocery store cause i hate to unless we go together,but when it comes to taking care of the bills and the responsibilites of being a parent he leaves it up to me!
JackJack Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Lack of a sense of urgency is a real pisser! But amazing how urgent it is to do what they want to do quickly.. True and it was perhaps the way they were taught. For example, maybe their parents taught them its no real urgency to mow the lawn, but it is a real urgency to go fishing! In other words, don't worrry about being responsible or putting priorities first. And when you have someone who was taught this way of thinking, I'm sure it can be hard to live with because its pretty much what they do in their everyday life with everything. We all can procrastinate sometimes or not make up our minds about things, but when its an all the time thing yeah theres a problem.
Asafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 What about women who procrastinate? What, they don't exist? Gimme a break. This is not gender specific. People procrastinate because they are either lazy, don't want to accept responsibility, think the problem will go away, etc. There are many reasons why people do it. You mean to tell me you NEVER put anything off?
JackJack Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Great post Jack Jack ! Might be for other men but in my SO case it isn't about being babied his mother wasn't really around too much ! I think that it really is all in what the individual does and the fact that my SO thinks working a job 40 hrs a week and the rest is up to me. My SO will cook and go to the grocery store cause i hate to unless we go together,but when it comes to taking care of the bills and the responsibilites of being a parent he leaves it up to me! "his mother wasn't really around much." "my SO thinks working a job 40 hours a week and the rest is up to me." Once again its all in what they were taught, learned/saw.
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 True and it was perhaps the way they were taught. For example, maybe their parents taught them its no real urgency to mow the lawn, but it is a real urgency to go fishing! In other words, don't worrry about being responsible or putting priorities first. And when you have someone who was taught this way of thinking, I'm sure it can be hard to live with because its pretty much what they do in their everyday life with everything. We all can procrastinate sometimes or not make up our minds about things, but when its an all the time thing yeah theres a problem. Well I am learning how to be more "laid back" This is my personal experiment and weeeeeeeee it is much easier not to worry about things and know that when I get to things...... I will get to them. Wonder how long we can survive off green beans and pasta here before there is a urgent need to go grocery shopping? toilet paper......... well I have my secret stash now...... Total lack of planning....... :mad: :mad: ME : Think I have to drive to _____________, is there anything else I need to take care of while I am in that area? HIM: I am going to the store, then I will come home........ ooopsy I forgot that the bank was right there, and I could have stopped and picked up the dry cleaning while I was there too........ doh...... silly me. Unable to multi task........
Sassy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Maybe SOME but not ALL men who are indecisive or procrastinate, is maybe because they were babied as kids. Maybe everything was done for them, by their parent or a family member. If they always had someone to make up their minds for them and not let them feel they had choices or a choice to make on anything, then perhaps thats why they are indecisive? If they procrstinate or put things off, perhaps they were taught there was no real urgency in anything. Not only in things that needed to be done but in a relationship as well. Just a thought. I think it is all in what the individual wants to do ! My SO leaves the disciplining up to me so he doesn't have to deal with it. He thinks because i am a stay at home mom he shouldn't have to handle the children. Unless it has to do with the computer and his band he not going to do it. I don't ask him to do anything anymore just wasting my breath and time ! If it it gets done it does if not oh well. Tired of stressing my self out cause he is too lazy to give any effort.
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 It is a matter of priorities to the individual regardless of male or female. The thing is to figure out how to commuicate with your SO to help them realize that you do have different priorities and you need to support eachother in reaching goals and dealing with situations in a timely manner. Painting the bedroom is on the list, but to him not as important as getting to the store for a new garage door opener as the old one is indeed old. So how do you get a SO to feel the need to support you in things that you find to be of more urgency? (stabbing in head with fork does not work)
blind_otter Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I dunno. I've sort of lost the sense of urgency I once had. I try to be confident that as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to, there's no need to worry about anything. Because God knows I spent my life worrying, wringing my hands, and nagging. You know how they say that when you praise children, you should be specific? It's a BIG no-no to just say "Good Job". It's too vague. Maybe it works the same with adults, too. You want to encourage a behavior, point in out and specifically reward it. Even with just verbal praise (as long as it's specifically directed, as in, Good Job helping me with {insert specific incident here}). When you complain about the fact that the behavior is NOT occuring, there isn't as much of a chance that it will just naturally increase.
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I dunno. I've sort of lost the sense of urgency I once had. I try to be confident that as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to, there's no need to worry about anything. Because God knows I spent my life worrying, wringing my hands, and nagging. You know how they say that when you praise children, you should be specific? It's a BIG no-no to just say "Good Job". It's too vague. Maybe it works the same with adults, too. You want to encourage a behavior, point in out and specifically reward it. Even with just verbal praise (as long as it's specifically directed, as in, Good Job helping me with {insert specific incident here}). When you complain about the fact that the behavior is NOT occuring, there isn't as much of a chance that it will just naturally increase. good boy praise does not work in my case.... nothing seems to work. Thus the frustration regarding the OPs original post topic. my eye is still twitching though......... .... when he calls my eye has spasms...... I am currently on strike as a last resort....... I am doing nothing.... NOTHING.
Author hotgurl Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 good boy praise does not work in my case.... nothing seems to work. Thus the frustration regarding the OPs original post topic. my eye is still twitching though......... .... when he calls my eye has spasms...... I am currently on strike as a last resort....... I am doing nothing.... NOTHING. a4a I tried that once I was afriad if child cervices saw my house during that period they would have taken my daugther away. It was that bad. good luck to you! I finally caved and spent two days cleaning.
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 a4a I tried that once I was afriad if child cervices saw my house during that period they would have taken my daugther away. It was that bad. good luck to you! I finally caved and spent two days cleaning. oh not being that bad...... just taking care of my needs.......not his.. I forced him to have sex with me late late last night..... that man bitch needs to learn his role in this household. :p made him do it twice yesterday....... and prepare my dinner whilst taking verbal beating for about 6 hours straight....... today I found him a new job........ I think my truck needs to be waxed. This evening he will go to my home and mow my lawn.
Outcast Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Go read up on your Myers-Briggs. There's a whole chunk of people who are ultra-mega-(*coughanalcough*)-organized and there's a whole chunk who are less so and that's how they are. It's not 'laziness' or another character flaw. It's that people are DIFFERENT and that the ultra-mega-etc. people want to rule the world as part of their ultra-mega-organizedness and therefore want to force the less-so people to FLY STRAIGHT OR ELSE. Life will be a LOT easier if both halves of this equation understand the differences, don't decide that THEIR way is THE way, and negotiate compromises both can live with. And try to not sweat the small stuff.
a4a Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 so how does one change from ultra organized into a sot? Lets see met my current H..... his house was tidy, neat, lawn always mowed, never a dish in the sink.... bills paid on time, even had a neat way of hanging up clothing. ummmmm move forward 1 year......still neat but getting messy. Now..... slob city..... won't even bother to change the light bulb on the front porch without me saying........"oh listen tall man.... could you change the bulb please"..... This is week 3 of the dark porch....... But I do not want to nag so guessing the bulb may get changed in the year 2010.
johan Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I don't feel like answering this question right now. Maybe later, depending how upset you get.
a4a Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I don't feel like answering this question right now. Maybe later, depending how upset you get. Yes we need to avoid confrontation at all costs! thus my reply when you ask me what is wrong and I quietly say "nothing".
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Not all men are laid back. I don't think CEOs get to procrastinate or postpone their jobs. BTW, I did have a Myer-Briggs test. I'm quite impressed.
a4a Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Not all men are laid back. I don't think CEOs get to procrastinate or postpone their jobs. BTW, I did have a Myer-Briggs test. I'm quite impressed. not all CEOs are men....... I don't think ALL MEN was the topic here.... just some and those that are owned by certain posters on this thread that share similar traits is all.
stoopid_guy Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Why are guys so indecisive and procrastonate all the time. My BF is like this as well. It's drives me mad. Simple, because you ladies are so cute when you're mad.
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