lebowski24 Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 It's been a while since my last post on here, because I was doing completely fine. My ex-gf broke up with me a little over 3 months ago, and after being initially devastated, I realized I had some things I wanted to work out in my life for myself and took it as an opportunity to do just that. I started having a lot more fun, got back in shape, got a new job, etc. The last month or so has been great, and despite the fact that she still won't return my calls/emails to see how she is doing (I genuinely miss her because we haven't spoken for over 2 months, and don't want to lose touch with her completely), I've been doing ok. Fast forward to Saturday night where I went to a party, got wasted, and made out with some random girl. It was a fun night, everything was great, but then the next day I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about how my ex kisses better than everyone else, and about all the great things like how we had a perfect first date, we both love a lot of the same things, etc. This caused me to dream about her all night and to lose a lot of sleep. Bottom line, I miss and love her like crazy. How can I let her know that so that she'll let me back in her life, if nothing else as friends? Or should I just think of this as a small set-back in the healing process and keep doing what I was before?
Kengne Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Hey! Please view this as a small set-back in the healing process. It is NOT a sign from God for you to attempt re-kindling the friendship AGAIN (when she has clearly ignored all contact from you thus far). This is natural. We fall, then get back up. Then fall again. Just keep stepping. At this point - you really aren't ready to be her 'friend', because you still love her. You're not over her - yet. When you're truly over her, you won't even be fretting about not hearing from her. Because by then you just won't care and this 'friendship' you're dying to hold onto - won't seem that important. I'm not trying to be cold, it's just a fact of life. Maybe one day - months or years from now - you guys can be 'friends'. But not now, while you're still healing. K.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 i concur with Kengne, it is just a small set-back...... think of it as quitting any bad habit, be it smoking, drinking...... if you have ever quit either of those, you will know there are periods where you are totally fine.... and there are times when every night you dream about smoking or that you have been drinking. you are letting go, and staying strong is a must.
Author lebowski24 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Thanks for your replies! Be prepared though, my response may sound very cliche: Logically, I agree completely with both of you. It's over, I need to keep on movin' on, and this is just a setback resulting from my starting to meet girls I am not interested in and wishing that I could find the same spark that I found when I met her. Someday, maybe soon, maybe not, I'll find that again with somebody else, and until then, I just need to keep working on things for myself and stop worrying about her. However, my heart is in a different place, of course. For most of the relationship (16 months), everything seemed so perfect, and it wasn't for the last couple months that things seemed to stray off course. We both had personal items we needed to fix, and this time apart, whether I liked it or not, forced me to fix mine. Everything seems back in place now, except for the fact that she is still missing, and it feels like a piece of me is gone. I know that it is probably over for good. But part of me has to think that if we could meet face to face just one more time and talk about how we've both improved ourselves over the summer, maybe that spark will re-appear. Maybe she's waiting for the guy who comes along who fights for what he wants. After all, if nobody went after what he wanted, then nobody would be together in the first place. And if not, then we'd know it was truly over for good. Is it so wrong to think that we were meant to meet, but it is up to us to fight to stay (or get back) together? This is the first thing in my life that I have felt truly passionate about, and I feel like I can't just let her exit my life completely without grabbing her and letting her know exactly how I feel, exactly what I am typing to you right now. The worst that can happen, I feel, is that I end up alone and searching, just as I am now anyways. That being said, would it be completely uncalled for to send her flowers saying that I miss her and would give anything just for the chance to sit down together just one more time?
swirly27 Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Oh Lebowski - feel for you - because this is the dilemma we all face when we feel so passiontely about someone. The answer is you need to do what works for you....and only you. Everyone handles and reads things differently. I don't know the whole story, but objectively, if she already knows how you feel and still isn't interested in getting back together, I would say to start moving on. But I also know what it feels like to think maybe she doesn't know and maybe you need to grab her and tell her, cause what if??? In my experience, like you said, whats the worst that can happen? You'll be alone anyway but at least you'll know you told her how you felt and you tried. Then you'll never have that WHAT IF question in your head. But you also may feel worse if you pour your heart out and she refuses still....but thats for you to decide. I have always been very passionate and in my breakups, I always tell the guy how I feel if there is any doubt he may not have known, but only when its been worth it....then I know I tried. So if you try one last time, then you know. I would just recommend thinking it out and expecting the worst......then if that happens, you'll be more prepared for it and if it doesn't, then wonderful for you both!! Love is worth fighting for, just not worth losing yourself for.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I know that it is probably over for good. But part of me has to think that if we could meet face to face just one more time and talk about how we've both improved ourselves over the summer, maybe that spark will re-appear. Maybe she's waiting for the guy who comes along who fights for what he wants. After all, if nobody went after what he wanted, then nobody would be together in the first place. And if not, then we'd know it was truly over for good. Is it so wrong to think that we were meant to meet, but it is up to us to fight to stay (or get back) together? This is the first thing in my life that I have felt truly passionate about, and I feel like I can't just let her exit my life completely without grabbing her and letting her know exactly how I feel, exactly what I am typing to you right now. The worst that can happen, I feel, is that I end up alone and searching, just as I am now anyways. That being said, would it be completely uncalled for to send her flowers saying that I miss her and would give anything just for the chance to sit down together just one more time? this is the dreamy part that CAN bite your arse into reality........ especially since she is not returning your calls..... do you think she will even meet up with you, much less talk with you? YOU are at a better place, and she may not be.... she could be the same girl you broke up with, not a better person.. who has betterd themself.... like have. let it be....if you two are meant to "re-collide" in life..... fate will steer you there.
Author lebowski24 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Posted August 23, 2006 Probably the stupidest thing I will ever do, but I decided to send flowers to her this weekend with a note saying that I want her back in my life even if we have to be friends (although clearly I wish for more). Not expecting to hear back from her after this, but I wanted to let her know how much I still care. I don't know if I will try to contact her after that to see if she got them or if I'll just wait and see what happens, but I'm not about to feel like I did something wrong by letting her know that I want her back in my life. Like I said before, at the very worst, I end up in the same position I was in anyways, she ends up with a huge vase full of her favorite flowers (unless they go straight in the dumpster), and I feel like I did all I can to make things right. Hey, I have enough beer (and mary jane, haha) to learn to cope with that being the case. Either way, hopefully I'll find SOMEONE soon to enjoy taking to all the nice restaurants and other places I've been itchin' to go!
KNE10 Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Dear Lebowski, you know that are stories had many similarities. I warn you that contacting her will DEFINITELY be a setback for you and that you will regret it. If you must do it, avoid personal contact if you are wishing for more. My story... after 2 weeks of NC, she sent me a message wishing that i was well. I replied that i wished the same for her. About 10 days after this message i called her pretended that everything was ok and asked her out for lunch. She accepted gladly. We had a nice casual conversation. After this i called her a few times and we talked casually. I was initiating all contact until she told me twice that she will call me back and never did. To cut a long story short, communication with her made it certain for me that she is perfectly happy without me, that she dosn't give a s..t about me feelings, and without actually telling me i realised that she is with someone else who flirted with her before we broke up. I decided not to contact her again. On my birthday(08/8), she called me 4 times and sent a message first thing in the morning. I did the mistake to finally reply and she was pissed off because i wasn't answering. I thanked her for her wishes and 2 days later i called her and asked her to have coffee with me. She lied to me that she was going out of town and a few hours later i saw her with her new guy shopping. She never admitted she had someone else and chose to ignore me rather than telling me the truth why we broke up. This was a setback in the healing process but at least i gave it a last shot and got all the answers to why we broke up and what caused her to behave like that. However i didn't like the answers i got and maybe it would have been better to have stayed with the why. Knowing more after the breakup does not make the pain to go away. PLEASE my friend, DO NOT try to be friends. You are not ready for it as i wasn't. I was thinking the same way as you that i had nothing to lose, but i put myself to go through great pain again. Be warned!
Recommended Posts