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How to get back an ex gf?


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Posted

How can I or anyone on this forum do to get back with an ex gf? For my situation, I've been with this woman for a year and half. Our relationship was really intense and we were both really serious. Almost got married, however, it didn't work out for us. I've learned my mistakes and I do admit I took her for granted. I didn't know how to work out a relationship bc she was my first real gf.

 

I am very serious on getting back together w her, as this is the one thing I know for sure that i want in my life. I would be VERRY HAPPY. She wants to remain friends and tells me that she is also dating someone. I need some suggestions and some help. Any comments are welcomed. I know its a risk, but what can I do if I know what I want. I can't tame my feelings if this is the way I feel. I hope everyone understands and can contribute a little advice for me please. Please help??? :lmao:

Posted

How long has it been since you broke up? That matters.

 

I would continue to be a good friend for now. Sounds like she needs to see that you are reliable and able to handle yourself. Try not to look desperate...that's always a turn off. Call her now and then just to check in. Keep it short and sweet. If you leave a message, tell her it's fine if she doesn't want to call back, you just wanted to check in. Don't stop by her house. Support her emotionally. Be relaxed. Talk about the good things you have going on in your life. Act like a good friend. Smile. Be happy for her. Show her you can have your own life and be immersed in it. After this has gone on for awhile, you might mention you miss her, but in a very nonchalant way. See how she reacts. BUT, it would be best if she kept in touch with you too now and then. Perhaps email instead of calling once in a while to keep her involved in the interaction (that is, providing she emails back). If nothing comes of it after awhile, I would talk with her, see what becomes of it, then decide whether to move on completely or what. But it would be best if she is single when you talk. You are at a disadvantage now because she's seeing someone else, but who knows that may not go anywhere. Tread lightly while she's seeing others....it is easier for her to resist you. Good luck.

Posted

No matter what we do, nobody will win back their ex, unless their ex wants to return. Resorting to NC or remaining friends, it really doesn't make one iota of a difference, if the ex doesn't want to come back.

 

It goes in your favour, that she wants to remain friends. And so I'd go along with the advice given by the above poster. All you can do at this point, is to be a good friend to her and see if anything evolves from that

Posted

The fact that she is not only dating someone already, after dating you for a 1.5 years, but openly informed you of it in the first place, then saying she wants to remain friends, doesnt sit well with me at all. Its almost like a concelation prize. Not only did she push you away, she announced that she is so over you already she has moved on to someone else.

 

I would totally up and walk away from her. I know your not going to do that. But what I really fear for you is that you will play this friend game with her, and just end up more hurt. I hope I am wrong. I hope you do win your Ex back, I really mean that. But I seriously doubt that she will want that. She will continue to enjoy the comfort of your company on a friendship level, while having still having all the benefits of someone to hold her at night. Only problem is it wont be you.

 

I know this sucks. DO what ya gotta do. Personally, I would hand back the friendship card she gave, and go find yourself your own new girlfriend to hold. Tell her your sorry it didnt work out and let it go.

 

Just my 2 cents

Posted

Remaining friends with your ex is not necessarily a bad idea as long as you understay your welcome when you are in contact with her. I would let her initiate most of the contact whether it be by phone calls, e-mails, IMs, visits. Has she initiated contact at all since she broke up with you?

 

You should not be initiating contact at all. I know it's hard by try to refrain from initiating as much as you can. If you can completely stop initiating then so much for the better. Otherwise space out your calls as much as you can. Don't call everyday or every week. Limit your calls to no more than once per month.

 

If and when she initiates contact just be civil with her and keep it short and sweet. Be sure to end the conversations first. By NOT staying on the line as long as you can you will show her that you are not desperately waiting for every crumb of attention she throws your way. It will show her that you are getting on with your life fine without her.

 

Responding to the ex is not a violation of NC as long as you understay your welcome. NC means none initiated from your side or rather no contact at all unless your ex is contacting you. As to her seeing somebody else it might just be a rebound for her. Rebounds typically last 90 days or less. But applying NC gives her a chance to miss what she has given up.

 

I was friends with one of my exes and she wanted to try again after 8 years of being broken up. I respectfully turned her down. So each situation is different. Remaining friends in my situation worked in my favor but even then I understayed my welcome.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for everyone's insight. My plan is to get her back. I believe you guys have contributed a lot of perspective. It is really helpful and thoughtful. This is the reason I love this website. People are so honest and caring. Can't thank everyone enough! :lmao::laugh::love::D

Posted

i think it takes a lot of patience. people tend to take things that come easily for granted. but r u gonna take her back after she has been with this other guy?

Posted
but r u gonna take her back after she has been with this other guy?

 

i think people make too big "hallo" when it comes to taking somebody who had relationship in between... i didnt have anybody after break up cause i didnt feel like having, my ex had one cause he thought that he needs a girl who has similar life experience as he has (now he knows he was wrong)... i feel better knowing that he found out that grass isnt greener, that differences are not something that necessarily works against relationship, and so on, so on...

 

if i'll come back to my ex it's different story, but for me him being with other girl is not a problem

Posted

Having gone through the e[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]xperience of my G/F's ex calling her. It creates lot's of problems on both sides. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My g/f liked staying in touch with him, but didn't want to go back to him. Otherwise I would have been history. She was with him for 5 years. I'm sure there were lots of good memories there. What he would do was. He'll call and say remember when... so that he would keep her on the phone for a long time. They do have the same circle of friends and he would call and say. Did you hear who's getting married... That should have been us. After a while my g/f gave it a good thought, and knew it was wrong to keep him hanging on. We were together for a year before they started speaking again. She just liked the memories, and not the person. She doesn't love him, and I also told her I wasn't having it. So cut the crap. it's just disrespectful.[/sIZE][/FONT]

People make the mistake of thinking of there past relationships for love. I don't think they miss the person persay. It's just the time we all miss.

So, before you go out and make the mistake of hurting 2 other people. (she has a b/f) make sure it's the person and not just the memory you miss. You broke up for a reason. Remember that.

  • Author
Posted

These will all be up to her choice. I can't make someone fall in love with me. I genuinely love this woman. I understand that it's not fair. I don't plan to wait for her. I really miss this girl and know our relationship can be better this time. I've learned a lot about our problems as I have analyzed it, they were things that could of been better. I just feel that i can't let her go in my life at this moment.

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