Wes Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 My gf of 1.5 years broke up with me about two weeks ago. She told me she loved me, cared about me, and said that I was the best boyfriend she had ever had, blah blah, but that she felt too tied down to only be 20 years old, and she felt we should date other people for a while while she "figured herself out." I handled it well, telling her that we could be friends one day, just not for a long time. I then deleted her from my myspace, deleted her phone number, and took every picture of us down. It was so hard to do those things because we both considered each other to be the other's best friend for so long. I was always there for her, and she for me. Well, for the past two weeks, we've been doing NC, and it's been pretty tough on me, but I was starting to feel better about things up until about two days ago.... When we were together, there was this guy named Eric that my gf was friends with. Just before her and I started dating, her and Eric had dated for about three weeks. He was a rich, spoiled kid, and he would always make fun of her. When they broke up, it was mutual, and they decided they would get along much better if they were just friends. I've never met the guy, but my gf told me all of that. Well, during the time that my gf and I dated, about every two to three weeks, he would make a comment on her myspace wall that would indirectly be making fun of me, her, or our relationship....and sometimes all three. Also, about once a month, he would randomly call her, sometimes late at night, to "catch up". They would start yelling at each other after about five minutes, but by the time they hung the phone up, they were cool again (He had a gf during all of this, too, btw) I continuously asked her why in the world she would want to remain friends with someone like that, and her response was that when he gets smart with her, she puts him back in his place, and they're fine again. So after a while, this guy became my arch enemy, mainly because of his ridicule of me, my gf, and our relationship, and he didn't even know me. She knew I didn't like him. None of her friends liked him, and neither did any of her family members, so it wasn't just me. He was a dick. And weird, too. One day, not too long before she broke up with me, actually, we got on the topic of exes. I asked, "If you could go back to any of your exes, who would it be? Eric?" and she said, "Oh my God, no! Trust me, if I was going to get back with anyone, it would definitely not be him. We're just friends." Actually, if she had left me for an ex, I would still be hurt, but I know all of them except him, and they're all good guys, so I know she would be taken care of.....unless she got back with Eric. So when she broke up with me, I was shocked and hurt because it was all so sudden. The day after she did it, she went back to her hometown for a few days (which had been planned all summer), which is also where Eric lives. Well, when she got back in town, a buddy of ours (I met her through my ex) told me to look at my ex's myspace page, and low and behold, Eric was on there on her main page. He had left comments talking about how he enjoys her kisses and how he adores her and stuff like that. Her friend told me that they hooked up for a couple of nights, but that was it. I know that we aren't together anymore, so I shouldn't be upset, but it just deeply hurts my feelings that they hooked up because she knows I can't stand the guy, and I'm pretty sure she knew I would find out. I mean, she didn't try to hide any of it. I swear to God, I wouldn't have cared had it have been any other guy but him. So now, not only are my feelings hurt, but I feel like my best friend has betrayed me. Also, it hurts my feelings that she could go out there and hook up with him one day after we broke up. I honestly have no hope of us getting back together, and I don't want to anymore. It just hurts that she was so incosiderate of my feelings. She still has some pics of us up on her profile, but I don't know why. I mean, she was the one that wanted to stay friends, and I told her that we could be good friends again....one day. So why would she go and do that to me??
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I honestly have no hope of us getting back together, and I don't want to anymore. It just hurts that she was so incosiderate of my feelings. She still has some pics of us up on her profile, but I don't know why. I mean, she was the one that wanted to stay friends, and I told her that we could be good friends again....one day. So why would she go and do that to me?? i dont know how my space works, can she control what peoples words are shown on her pages? if so then i agree that it was inconsiderate of her to put stuff up so soon, knowing that you would be able to see it. as for dating eric, sadly for you, thats her choice, and she is enititled to it, whether you approve or not. i know its hard. read some of the great advice there is on nc, and coping with breakups. theres so much wisdom in this forum if you read it and you will gain some hope for getting through this. my own advice when i am in relationship pain is to just go with it. its better to just allow yourself to go through the pain, and you can get throught it quite quickly if you do. dont resist, or look for signs that you will get back together (like she still has pics of you). she still has the pics up because you were a part of her life and she obviously values that, but its over as a relationship. dont try to be friends yet, not until it no longer hurts you. best of luck.
Author Wes Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 They're not really dating, they just "hooked up" a couple of times while she was in town, but either way, it hurt me. This girl was my first love, first serious, steady gf....first everything. I invested so much of myself into that relationship. We planned our future together, and I didn't have a worry in the world when we were together. As I said, although I may not seem like it from my posts, I have accepted the fact that our relationship is over and I'm assuming she fell out of love with me, which means there is no way she would want to come back to me. I have accepted all of this. But the hardest part about this break-up at this point is the fact that we were best friends. We went from being best friends and seeing each other all the time, to being non-existant to each other in one day. I don't know if she hooked up with Eric to make me jealous or mad, but I pray to God that's not why she did it. The two main things I miss the most at this point is the strong friendship we shared and the physical closeness of it all. I miss the intimacy, which I might add I've never experienced quite so deeply with anyone else in the past. My friends have told me to go hook up with random girls, but I'm not that type of person. First of all, kissing is something that's special to me, and is very intimate, so it should only be done with someone you care about and love. That's my view, at least. Secondly, I feel like hooking up or dating other girls at this point will only make me feel worse, as weird as that sounds. Damn, I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster.
SuddenlyISee Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Oh Wes, it sounds like your situation is very much like mine. My girlfriend asked for ''me time'' around 2 weeks ago cos she felt she didn't have time to get her head around stuff, and do stuff for her after she broke up with her ex. I said sure, okay... and I was planning to go with the ''No Contact'' rule to give her the space, but she initiated the contact with me a couple of times through text. So she had planned to go away with her family last Saturday since like last month. Now I was starting to get paranoid that she was with her ex during this time, so I went to the ex's Myspace and there was a picture of my girlfriend and her ex on there. So I didn't wanna bottle this all up til she got back to actually talk properly to her, so I left her a really angry voicemail, and she text me back about 10 minutes later explaining that her ex and her were together a long time and nthere's no problem with with the pic. So anyway, I text her the day before yesterday asking when we could talk about the whole thing properly and she said ''tomorrow'' meaning yesterday and I replied ''can we actually met up and talk then?'' and she was like ''After your voicemail, I'm not sure I'd want to see you just yet. We'll talk online''. See, I showed an angry side to me that I don't usually do... I show her a totally different life to what her ex did, her ex used to possess her like crazy to the point where she didn't have any friends, didn't take her anywhere, lied/cheated etc... yet if they want to go back to them so be it, eh?
newbby Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 thats the trouble with turning a friendship into something more, you run the risk of losing the friendship. i am sure that you can be friends, and if you want to, really close friends again, but you cannot do that until you have gotten over the relationship completely, to the point that it doesnt matter if she is with eric or any guy. you are doing well, just stick to nc, and i have to say that whoever told you to look at her my space wasnt really being a very good friend to you. stop looking at it, and make sure you have complete nc.
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